FrenchieKnight

for the purposes of gender inclusivity, I will be referring to the crushed on as 'them/their' and 'you' as the crusher. So, you know exactly who I am talking about. You have seen them at your local joint, sat at their table, and now you have an inflamed sense of desire to get to know better that cute server. Maybe it was just once, or maybe you have noticed them a few times, but either way, you'd like to take the opportunity to be more than just a client. No lie, it can be an awkward situation. Which is why you DON'T hit on them with some cheesy pick up line (that seems superficial and which they have herd multiple times before. Besides, it really seems like people who try like that know they will be rejected but do it anyway just because). DON'T leave your number on the receipt (its 99.99% guaranteed they wont call you back, even with a fat tip). Here is the right way to go about this situation: 1. Make sure you have been sat at their table at least once. Make this initial encounter very nonchalant, calm, relaxed and confident. Still make a good impression though through small talk connecting on a few points (don't forget they are working though so they wont be able to stop and talk for a long time) and a few nice friendly smiles (but don't over do it and seem super eager ). This way they know who you are, they have seen you interact, they have an idea that you could be normal/comfortable to be around. DO NOT ASK THEM OUT RIGHT THERE AND THEN! -this will seem too soon and will apply pressure, plus they are most likely to say no and it might make the next time you come to the restaurant/bar weird. AND ESP do not ask them out in front of a bunch of your friends- that seems like you were pressured to do it, or you are trying to look cool in front of your buds. If you are not trying to get a cheap thrill and really like them: 2. Instead, find out when they are working next. You can do this at the host's station or casually ask them. Something like, "you must be busy working here..." or "does it get pretty busy on weekends?..." or ballsy: "when is the next time you are working? ok Ill see you then" as you leave. This will give them something to obsess/fantasise about what you've said in the mean time, plus an indication they should keep that night free. 3. The next time they are working you should come in at a time when its slow. This makes the mood more relaxed, and you will have a proper time to talk. You will need to come alone if you are serious, because you are going to properly ask this person out. Don't stay for a meal, say your peace and then leave. WHAT TO DO/SAY option A: come in early on their shift, ask them what time they are getting off, then ask them to join you after for a drink when their shift is over. Say you will be casually grabbing a drink/waiting at a place nearby, and you'd like to buy them one. -This is the best option because 1. they have time to mentally prepare 2. they will be excited/have something to look forward to at the end of their shift 3. they have time to relax (its not so off guard) 4. they will mentally be envisioning the reward after Option B: You could wait to come in towards the very end of their shift and pull the same move, which could very well work! but chances are they could also be tired/feel like shit/feel like they look like shit or will have already made other plans. When you go to talk to them, don't give them your number and don't ask for theirs (they probably don't like to give out their number to strangers, they don't want to have another person trying to hit them up, this takes away the pressure/tension of who should call who and when). So...just say that you plan on having a drink (at place very very nearby... next door if possible), and you'd like to invite them for one too. if they'd like to come hang out then that would be cool, if not then its no big deal and that's fine as well. This approach has to seem very casual, relaxed, non threatening and like no matter what, will just be a fun time. This also gives them the power to come (or not) to you. By not exchanging numbers, this compels them to come. It seems mysterious, confident and is one less joker trying to blow up their phone. Then you say good bye and leave. Later, you arrive at the place/time you said you would, and you wait for them to show up. If they do, then cool. If not, then at least you tried and you treated them with respect. When you leave, you give them time to reflect. You are not pressuring them to make a decision immediately. Also, asking for their number at their place of work might put them in a position to feel unprofessional or feel embarrassing in front of coworkers or supervisors. ----side joke---- if they do not show up to the place/at the time they said, then you could always try for the server at new place haha,jk----- Anyway, they could say that they have a S.O. (thats fine, you'd be cool hanging out as friends), they could be busy that night (in that case, have your number already written down then hand it to them, have them give you a call if they are free another night), they could also invite their friend(s) to join (maybe you could also have a wing-person on standby) . If they don't drink alcohol (suggest a coffee shop/ smoothies/sodas). Also assure them that it is nothing more than one drink, and it'll be fun, no pressure... if at the time of said drink you'd like to invite this person out to a dinner (at a later time), that would be the optimal time to do it. If they still say no or don't show up, its no big deal. It is not a rejection...or maybe it is, who cares... but don't feel guilty/shy/pained about literally asking this person out in the most humane, confident, unique and cordial way possible. If you see them again, still act nice towards them. Who knows, maybe it wasn't the right time, however maybe it could be in the future. The key is to make them feel like they are not a prize to be won, but a human who is respected. Doing so in this manner displays your chivalrous attitude towards them, and if anything, will have ignited supreme curiosity + flattery! Good luck to you soldier, love is a battlefield

I am starting on the heros journey. Today I sat I learned how to be I faced the demons that came OF the many things that presented themselves Here is a foundational truth, or I should say lie, that I have been believing my whole life I grew up alone and isolated, always looking in from the outside Wanting to be loved, admired, adored, thought about, lusted after In total isolation, I had TV and movies to distract me from my loneliness As a young girl, I would see the beautiful people Their beautiful bodies and their flaunted sexuality I came to believe that in order to get the love or attention I wanted I had to look and act like that I have been trying to gain attention with physical appearance and sexuality Only, the attention I have merited is fleeting, unsatisfying, shallow and never ending So much emphasis has been put on the physical Girls, use your boobs, have nice long legs, have guys talk about your ass, dress like a slut but dont act like one wow, so much of our selves have been sexualised, and devalued Girls grow up to believe this is all we have to offer, this is how we get our mate, this is what we need to be/do/look like to feel validated, the problem is not only in trying to get that validation, but in the validation we are getting There is more to a human than their body, there is more to us then our sexuality This culture is hyper sexualised... its sickening

Ive hit rock bottom. Fantasies that have taken over my life. an obsessive twitch that controls me Im addicted to food Im addicted to validation and other people's approval Im addicted to rumination Ive been avoiding and distracting myself from my loneliness my entire life. Ive been lonely for a very very long time. Lonely to my core. Lonely and alone since I was young. Bullied into self hate and isolation. Ive stayed on isolation island, yet always trying to distract myself from the pain of it, of never getting off. I am afraid of loneliness, pain, I am afraid of rejection and intimacy I want to connect, but I disconnect myself first, giving myself the first out, before others can The pain of being alone and rejected has caused me to live in a false reality where I day dream senarios of approval, popularity, beauty, self worth and validation Only to create impossible standards and movie like scenes, which upon realising will never happen in real life and are certainly not happening now, are disappointing and which send me back into the world where I get my way and I can control, I can escape, I can live the life that makes me feel vindicated BUT NO MORE I choose pain, I choose reality I choose the loneliness and the boredom of not being special, or liked I am tired of chasing other people's dreams, or trying to be the dream I think they have for me, which is my own projection and agenda onto them I am sick of self defeating, of feeling low, unworthy, unloved I am on a journey to self actualize I have hit rock bottom in many other ways, in many other times, but I see this as a new way to fall up working towards living in the reality, no matter how much I dont like it, or dont get my way My way hasnt gotten me much so far- only disconnection and depression this is the path I choose to follow facing and releasing demons, bad habits, unhelpful thoughts, coming to reality coming home