Koyaanisqatsi

This is mostly a message of gratitude--to Leo. Leo's channel and videos came to me at a time of need and now for me liberation has happened. The illusion is completely seen through. Suffering is gone, the sense of doership/agency is gone, separation is gone, meaning is gone. Thank you Leo for having your videos and this web site. They were an integral part of the profound shift that has happened. I want to tell my story briefly in case it inspires or helps anyone here. Caveats: I'm not interested in playing non-dual word games. I'll use 'regular' language so it's easier to understand. So-called 'enlightenment' is not a certifiable event. I'm not interested in arguing about whether or not I am really 'liberated'. I know my experience, and I’m not asking anyone to believe me. It doesn't matter. These are just words and concepts--pointers, not the truth. This is my experience. There are many paths. Go with what resonates for you. It's only a story, told by a fool, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. The Story I first heard of enlightenment through zen in my early 20's - I somehow got an audio tape of 'The Way of Zen' by Alan Watts. I was intrigued, but thought liberation was out of reach for me, that it was only for monks or something. I did some zen and mindfulness reading in my 20's. Lots of Thich Nhat Hahn and some of the classics like Herrigel. Also some Taoism. Then more life happened and as I got older, my suffering increased. I realized that I was very anxious and had some anger management issues. I saw everyone in the world as an idiot if they didn't do things the way I thought they should. I found Leo's channel and his videos helped with anxiety, getting more positive, and increased my emotional intelligence and mental control. I started to meditate again, this time seriously and it stuck right away. I easily got up to 45-60 minutes a day. I loved it. Along the way, I re-discovered non-duality through Leo's videos.I read many books and watched countless videos on YouTube. I watched a lot of the 'big name' gurus like Mooji and Adyashanti, read some Peter Ralston. Then I found Rupert Spira from forums and Leo's book list. Rupert showed me my true nature. His pointers were so clear. I was looking for 'the answer' to "Who am I?" and somehow when he pointed it was immediately revealed. I did a couple of retreats with Rupert. They were beautiful experiences and the energy was intense. Rupert's teaching is close to Ramana Maharshi's and is sometimes called 'the direct path' because you go to your true nature and you stay there. That is, in essence, what I did. My daily meditation became this--abiding as awareness (it's also called things like 'resting in being' or 'going to the I am'--it's being in contact with your core/source). Rupert's yoga meditations helped dissolve tensions in the body and really helped deal with suffering (and there was a lot on the way). I discovered Roger Castillo, and though I originally dismissed him, he may have been one of the most helpful teachers for me. He has a practical, bottom-up approach and it helped me really really see that there is no doer in me or anyone--that this is all just happening. That may have been 'it' but it's hard to say. At some point a deep peace set in where there used to be self-referential thoughts (something left, nothing was gained). At another point, all the meaning dropped from the world. Neither were set points in time, I can't say exactly when they happened, but when I looked back I noticed them. There are still more insights and integration just seems to keep happening. For what it's worth, Jim Newman and Tony Parsons messages resonated well, but I was mostly just agreeing at that point. There is some energy there, though--they are to me like living koans. They are not for early on I don't think, but their message can stop thinking cold, revealing what can't be thought or known. So beautiful. These things may have helped (who knows): I always had a curious, exploring nature. Always seeking. For example, I have two bars from "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" tattooed on my arm. There was questioning of reality from an early age, and a feeling that something isn't right--that I am not of this world or am somehow different. I have always had the ability to see and be comfortable with paradox. I had a near-death experience as a teen. What I felt when I gave in to the 'fact' that I was going to die was the same way I feel now. It was a very early glimpse but I thought it was 'God' at the time (I was right in a way). Teachers that really affected me (or seemed to): Rupert Spira Roger Castillo Jim Newman Other teachers I resonated with at some point and at some level: Ramana Maharshi Tom Das Paul Smit Gautam Sachdeva Fred Davis (he may seem kind of kooky but something in his energy spoke to me--it's not all about words) Lisa Cairns Tony Parsons Gangaji Tips for seekers: Follow your heart, not your head Question all assumptions Believe nothing The only way out is through Expect shit to come up You may need to clear energies that help hold the idea of separation together. Rupert Spira's yoga meditations helped me a lot in dissolving the physical sense of being a body. You must explore. This actually can't be known. It is prior to thought. It could be thought of like this: There is awakening, which I would call having a peak experience or glimpse. You momentarily contact what is and wow! Is it amazing. These apparently can last from minutes to weeks or even months (for me it was days). Then there is realization, which is a visceral 'wow' or 'aha' moment of getting it, but it's not over. This seems to be a result of contemplation. It almost bubbles up from inside you and you see how it is so intellectually-ish. Then there is liberation, when this realization is taken into life and seen in enough cases that self-referential thoughts fall away and everything simply becomes the way it is. It is so simple in the end. So ordinary and obvious. There are 'awake' people who never take this step. It is important for suffering to fall away. Watch yourself like a hawk Towards the end especially, I did a lot of examining of what was going on. I would do quick 'rewinds' in my head of my experience and tried to determine if I actually did what I just 'did' or it just happened. This alone sparked awakenings/glimpses. Every thought is untrue. The core of it all is to investigate these beliefs and discover their untruth: I am a separate, individual entity in control of what I do. Actually, there is no doer in you or anyone. This is all just happening and it's aware of itself. I need circumstances to go the way I want them to in order to be happy and/or fulfilled. Actually, you do not need life to turn out a certain way to be happy. You are already complete, whole, and fulfilled at your core. Find your core (hint: it's the only thing that is always here). Thanks again Leo, and peace to all of you. Ken PS - Leo, you were so right. You are a strange loop.

The message will apply when one is ready for it. Or not. I see Jim and Tony as sort of living koans--the message they speak doesn't give one anything to do or to seek. It makes the mind sort of trip up on itself, and in doing so it may question the erroneous concepts at the core. Or just let go. The Truth can't be known or spoken. To speak at all is to enter duality. All teachers and teachings therefore have shortcomings because all they have to use is this clunky thing call language, which is inherently dual. Subject and object are required to speak, yet they don't exist. "The Tao that can be named is not the eternal Tao." Also, the sign posts are not the destination. Don't cling to pointers or teachings--instead, look to where they point and see for yourself.

There is no tree, nor anyone standing next to it. Nothing to begin, nothing to end.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make any sense. -- Rumi

Alan Watts is from a slightly different era, but he has great pointers and I find him easy to listen to. Feeling lost can be part of finding yourself, at least it was for me. Sounds like you're on to something. Who is it exactly who is lost?

While sometimes it's necessary to use a thorn (belief) to remove another thorn (belief), both should be discarded. I would recommend to all to not cling to any beliefs. They keep you in the dream. The thing is, they can be hard to notice. Many just feel like, "That's the way it is--it's not a belief." Sort of like you don't know what you don't know. If one is feeling stuck or frustrated, though, it could be because a belief is getting in the way. It can be seen that you don't actually know anything. No one does. That is the freedom (in a way). Nothing is real--it's all an illusion.

Any analogy, concept, teaching, word, etc. only goes so far. They all fail in the end. Interesting to play with, and they can point to the 'truth', but all will be discarded.

Here it is seen clearly that there is no one to die and no one was ever born. 'This' is all there is, and its everything and nothing. There may be memories in some people of so-called 'past lives'--some people seem to be born with 'leftover' talents, memories, etc. but to me that is a bit like considering that one 'wave' in the ocean (which is not separate from the ocean) is made up of water from past 'waves'. There is only ocean--waves are an illusion. One wave isn't 'reborn' as another wave, unless you just want to tell a story about that, which requires separation. It sounds like there are some beliefs still in the system about what 'this' is and how it works. Here it is seen that this is unknowable, without meaning, substance, intent, or 'reality'. It will be interesting to see what you have to say.

Beautiful, and it actually makes sense from my perspective. It's actually quite mundane, which is why it's overlooked. It's right here right now. It's everything. That which is constant is not noticed. It could also be easily said that everyone is already enlightened, but that isn't much help to a seeker. Glimpses and peak experiences can be filled with strong emotions, but liberation is not that way. It truly is the most ordinary extraordinary event. It is only by 'looking back' that one notices the change. I agree that our beliefs about what liberation is or will mean, and what is needed to 'get there' are maybe the biggest obstacle to dissolving the illusion of separation.

There are thoughts and feelings, but they don't belong to anyone. There is no thought that, "Oh, I just did that." It's more like, "Oh, that just happened." I don't know about sounding 'sweet', but it does soften language in a way because although 'non-sweet' things can still happen, there is no blame towards another. So no worry about why they did something, no thought that they could have chosen to do something else. It's all what is happening. I understand what you want to see. It would probably be necessary to follow me around for a few days, which would be dreadfully boring. It might also be necessary to have known me for a while in order to see any differences. To a large extent, nothing changes (but everything is different).

Yes, I had similar thoughts. It's a bit like a giant multiplayer game with one player. To make it interesting at all, the one player needs to forget that it is all players. Just a story, but it might be useful to think of it that way at some point.

I feel a strong impulse to share this. It is so spot on... (give it 10 minutes--the beginning alone is gold).

This was a tough concept for me--cause and effect. Alan Watts did a great job of explaining it in the video I posted recently. On one hand, it could be said that what's happening now is a result of what happened before it. The problem is, this goes all the way back to the 'big bang' and even before, and there is no beginning (what would have been before that?). Also, we are talking about infinity here. Any attempt to isolate a so-called 'event' is to draw an arbitrary line around an illusion. You can't get outside of everything to view it. There are no events. If this is looked at, it can be seen then that if one thing causes another, then everything that will ever happen is already determined--in a way the future has already happened. Life is happening, and no one is controlling it. Cause and effect needs a 'controller' but there is no control. This is a cosmic avalanche, of sorts, and it's going to go as it's going to go. Just sit down, buckle up, and enjoy the ride. On the other hand, it can be seen that everything is spontaneously happening in each so-called 'moment' (it's always now), with no cause for it, no reason, no intention. The real mind fuck is that it's both and neither. It's a strange loop. These are concepts too. All must be let go of. I can't overstate what 'All' means. As for choosing, there is no free will, and no one to make the choice. It can be seen that this is all just happening (don't believe--explore and discover). It's what is happening, and what has always been happening. You have never been in control of anything that has happened. No one has ever had a thought or action they were in control of. This can bring tremendous relief when it's seen clearly. Who is feeling trapped and powerless? The so-called 'ego' (or a mind with the illusion of separation) doesn't like it because it's so sure that it is in control, it knows what it needs (and it's not this--it's always something 'else'), and life will go to hell if it doesn't 'do' something. Maybe try this--for some time period (I did this on a vacation once), just let go. Let whatever happens, happen. You may find that nothing is any different, only it feels easier, smoother. It's really about attitude. If your attitude is in line with the flow of life, it's all good. Suffering is resisting what is, and seeking something 'else'. It's futile.

There is no one to be reborn, there is no one who was ever born or will ever die in the history of forever. That is illusion. There really really are no 'things'--no objects whatsoever. There appear to be, but they are emptiness appearing as 'others'. There is only 'this' and it's totally impersonal. But don't take my word for it, please. Just take it as a pointer. "I" is merely a thought--an idea. Find this "I" that claims it was born and has so many needs, wants to be perfect, and wants to be loved (etc.). You can't just believe others that there is no "I". Unless what is actually happening is seen enough, and clearly enough (not just once--an awakening alone is just a glimpse--it may take 1,000 times or more--who knows?), the belief in separation (that is so well ingrained) will remain. Keep looking, keep inquiring, until there is no need to any more.

I totally understand your desire (when the illusion of separation exists, the mind seems to always looking for 'something' it doesn't have), but it's not possible to tell if someone is liberated or not, despite the stories and beliefs around it. If anything, those stories need to be let go of. Liberation is not a certifiable event, and only you will know if it happens or not. There are already enough non-duality videos and books out there. Seeing me on video won't really help, I'm afraid. I don't float around in the lotus position or anything, nor have any magic shortcuts, nor any words that have not already been spoken. I can't put you in my position so that you can see it, but if you have had any awakenings, I can say that what was experienced in my awakenings are now seen as my direct reality, only now it's normal. The awakenings possibly were so profound because of the contrast between separation and non-separation. There is no concern at all if anyone 'believes' me or not. If anything, I say do NOT believe me or anyone--take the pointers, explore for yourself, and challenge everything you think is real. Drop all ideas about so-called 'enlightenment'. It's not what you think. You can't imagine no 'you'. You can only 'be' your true nature. The ideas of what it will look like or feel like will get in the way (and probably already are). This is basically the meaning of, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." It's also not about mind. It's psychosomatic. Finally, there is nothing to gain. It's more about a loss, except the only thing to lose is an illusion--like a mirage in the desert. You will lose the story of 'you', the story of 'others', the story of 'things' and 'events', and see that what is happening is just 'this'. 'This' is an utterly unknowable mystery that is already whole and complete--it needs nothing, and feels like unconditional love. And you are it. Peace, Ken

I like your questions. What does one do with their life? there is no doer. really. what happens is what happens Do you seek to find pleasure? There is still a preference for pleasure (it's pleasurable), but not an attachment to it. It just is what's happening. Do you work towards satisfying desires or accomplishments? Things still happen. I own a business and 'go to work' every day but it's just what is happening. I follow impulses, basically. Thoughts and motivations arise from nothing, and that is what happens. And yet, it's experienced as if it's chosen. Free will doesn't exist, but the feeling of free will does. It's both an active and passive experience. Do you even hang out with friends, knowing they are just you and illusionary? So there is no one 'me' who is then alone in a world of ghosts. I guess that sounds a bit like solipsism. There is no 'me' or 'others'. There is no one to be alone. Hanging out happens--no one 'does it' though. If there is no one to worry about, why not sit in a room for the next few decades? I think the answer above suffices for this. The question assumes a 'me' and 'no one else world'. That is probably as close as mind can get with language, but it's not far enough. Everything is this. This is everything. There is no 'me', no 'other'--there are no 'things' (though it appears as though there are). There is only this, which is nothing appearing as everything. Lets say you get diagnosed with cancer. Do you go through the extensive invasive treatments that the doctors recommend, or do you just ignore them as it doesn't matter, as you don't exist to begin with? It's known here that nothing is known, and trying to predict the future is part of the dream, but that probably doesn't help (maybe it does?). There is no fear of nor concern with death. It seems like only a separate 'me' is worried about it. When the wave knows that it is really the ocean, does it really care about crashing on the shore? Having said all that, what I imagine will happen in general is this body will try to live (as it does), and decisions will be made (by no one, but as they have been). In the end, no one will really die (no one was really born) and from a relative perspective I've had an experience of almost dying and it was not bad (after I let go). I imagine it will feel something like sleep and/or going home. Really, though, it's just not important because it isn't what's happening. I'll deal with it when it comes is the basic attitude. If it isn't right here, right now, it does not exist.

I'll answer #1 in private. #2 - do you mean existential fear? Yes. Some early inquiries it really felt like I was 'on to something' because I started thinking down lines of 'what is really going on here?' and trying out different reality models in my head. I hit on some big emptiness (which probably was what I now called 'home') and it scared me to the core. Or if you mean fear of death in general, yes there was a lot of that before. It seems silly now. Not even a thing to think about. And it wasn't overcome (though I know what you mean) it was more let go than anything. If it is seen clearly that you are nothing and everything, then you've already died and you've never been born. There is no one to worry about.

True, though I also was the one who gave myself credit, so it's a little awkward...

It's hard to say. That's all Ramana Maharshi would say. Just hold on to the feeling of "I am." For me, the neti neti process and similar inquiries seemed to help.

The only guided meditations I really did (other than some really early simple ones) were Rupert's. I'm sure there are other beautiful ones out there.

It has been realized that no one has control over anything. That is part of the illusion. There are no entities inside of body/minds 'deciding' or 'controlling' anything. It's all just happening to no one for no reason. This is not about changing anything, or becoming a better person. That too is part of the illusion--that happiness is derived from life showing up a certain way, by people liking me, by doing the 'right' thing. That is a trap. Let go of everything. EVERYTHING. Any ideas about what is are not what is. They are concepts. What seems to happen here is that thoughts that stem from being a separate individual don't arise. So anger might appear, but it wouldn't be based on a thought that "this should not be happening" and then when it's gone it's gone. There is no story, no guilt, nothing that cares about it or holds on to it. When it's not what's happening, it's not what's happening. The mind doesn't go looking for answers in time. There is only what is, and it's seen as already perfect, whole, and in balance. It does not seem that way from separation, though. There are also no "should's" and no "people" to be compared to. Comparison can only happen in separation (you need more than one 'thing' to do comparison). There are no 'things'.

This analogy came to me a while ago--it may be relevant. I remember doing something similar as a child... Imagine you are home alone, and bored. You decide to play a game, but you are bored of solitaire. You decide to play chess (or any multi-player game). At first, you are white. In order to make it 'real' and 'fun', you fully assume the persona/role of white. You need to forget that you are also black for a moment, so that you can have real fun at the game. You take white's turn, and wait for that black SOB to make their move. THEN… You assume the role of black. In order to make it 'real' and 'fun', you fully assume the persona/role of black. You need to forget that you are also white for a moment, so that you can have real fun at the game. You take black's turn, and wait for that white SOB to make their move. THEN… Get it?

Purpose is a dirty word. lol There is no purpose (though at early stages things like purpose may help get to a place where it can go full circle), and they just happened as part of what felt like an intense investigation. There was no control over when they happen or if they happen. But it did feel like it until it didn't. Ok, so this is just a story, but I have heard Rupert Spira speak of two paths: the path of the head, and the path of the heart. He said they both lead to the same place. Is that what you'd call integration? In my case, it felt like I was kind of doing both. Using intellect to question assumptions and explore my direct experience, and also opening up my heart and sort of dissolving the walls I'd built to protect me. Maybe it helped? It's so hard to say. I had some beautiful opportunities to experience great suffering in my heart along the way, and it seems like they were somehow helpful. Each one, when released, seemed to peel back a layer of the onion. If 'mind' is taken as 'that thing that tells me I should/shouldn't do ____', then that mind goes away. Those energies seem to just stop happening. Is there a different kind of 'mind' that you meant? There really is no 'mind' or 'heart' that could integrate. Those are stories. It's an illusion if they are (or anything is) seen as separate (don't worry--it's a very powerful illusion).

Thank you, @Nahm but of course I can't take any credit for anything. This is just happening...

@Mikael89 I have to admit, Jed never made much sense to me (I read almost all of his work) until recently. He didn't match my idea of an enlightened person. At this point, there is more understanding of his words--some form of 'truth' (tricky word) can be seen in all the teachings. If love is felt or not felt, who or what is aware of this? What is love? Maybe follow Jed's advice and try to prove anything you think is true? In my experience, in the end everything will be let go of. Everything. E v e r y t h i n g. There is nothing to actually hold on to. Nothing has any substance or meaning. I think this is very scary to one with the idea of a 'me' because a 'me' only exists in relation to other things. Without contrast, there is no 'me'--there is only nothing, which is everything.