Spry

Been slacking a bit the last 48 hours or so. I've really been noticing how much sleep effects my mood and productivity, and remembering why I've made a point to optimize that more. The other thing that needs a lot of my focus is to break things into very concrete, small tasks. The two major roadblocks I've encountered with productivity so far are a) making things feel too big and intimidating and b) making things too vague, which lets me off the hook and makes me not want to continue working. On the bright side, I've been meditating consistently and feeling really good/relaxed/happy.

Today so far -Woke up around 9 -Cleaned whole apartment -Worked out, went to sauna -Meditated briefly Goals for rest of day -Meditate a bit more Goals for Tomorrow -Wake up before 9 -Read job book + work on employer list first thing -Meditate -Go outside

Today so far -Woke up early -Read a few paragraphs of the job book, enough to get me started on the next step -Narrowed down ideas for areas in which to work. I filled out specific companies in one sector but still need to do specifics in the other sector I'll be applying in. -Meditated for 10 mins or so Goals for the rest of the day Meditate again, go for a run, and do a bunch of non-work-related stuff. *will update later with goals for tomorrow* *edit* didn't end up coming back and filling the goals out. -------------------------------------- It feels really good just to do small things. I'm still not winning any awards for work ethic, but I'm getting the ball rolling and it feels good.

Today so far So far so good today. I woke up half an hour late, but got everything else done. -Read some of the job book, enough to get ideas/inspiration -Spent almost an hour compiling a list of potential companies -Meditated briefly, I'd like to do more later today Goals for the rest of the day I'm gonna get outside for a brief walk, then eat something healthy, then go climbing for a bit. After that I'm going to spend the rest of the day with a girl I like a lot, so I won't get much else done. I'm happy to make that trade-off today. Goals for tomorrow 1. Wake up before 9 2. Read a paragraph of job book 3. Work on list of companies to research/apply to 4. Sit down to meditate 5. Go outside

12/16 Today so far: Whew! Being honest is gonna be tough if I keep this up. I woke up around 11 after staying up late last night, had coffee, then took a walk and listened to Principles by Ray Dalio (good book). I had a lot of resistance to doing anything job-related, partially because I don't have a clear vision of what I actually should do and partially for unknown subconscious reasons. This resistance and lack of enthusiasm seems to make me tired, so I took a several hour nap. I meditated halfheartedly for 15 minutes or so, took another walk and played some videogames. Goals for the rest of today: 1. Sit down to meditate and start, even if I don't stick with it very long. 2. Read a paragraph of a job book. It's funny, even as I finished up writing the first post and began this one, I could already feel myself wanting to just give in and do nothing for the rest of the evening. Writing can give a sense of a accomplishment, and finishing a post can make me feel like I'm already done and don't want to do anything else. It's also amazing the amount of resistance I can have to doing something as simple as sitting and watching my breath for a few minutes or spending a few minutes on job stuff, both of which make me feel good. Oh well, gonna do my best. *edit* -Meditated for a few minutes but didn't feel like continuing this time. -Read a few pages of job book. A few quick takeaways include 1) don't play against the odds by spamming online applications 2) 2/3 of jobs are at very small companies 3) Priority #1 is to make a list. Goals for Tomorrow: 1. Wake up before 10 2. Read a paragraph of job book 3. Start a list of companies, even if I only spend 2 minutes on it 4. Sit down to meditate 5. Go outside

Publicly journaling has always been helpful for me because of the accountability factor, so here we go. A little background: I'm 29 and over the last 7 or 8 years I've made a concerted effort to improve various aspects of my life. The areas in which I've put the most focus have turned out really well. I have an amazing friend group, a great dating life, I'm healthy and in great shape and I'm much more self-aware than I was. Other areas are more works in progress. I've been meditating for several years and I've noticed some major benefits, but there's still a lot of progress to be made. I'm also at a crossroads with career stuff and currently unemployed. My financial situation is still comfortable, but moving forward with my career is still top priority right now. And of course, I still have character work to do, namely overcoming subtle fears and insecurities, and being less focused on my own needs and more focused on helping other people. I'll start out by organizing this journal around my top priorities, from highest to lowest, and tracking my intentions and actions toward progressing in each of them. 1. Career The number one goal for now is finding a job. After that's done, this may become a second or third priority, but I plan to continue making a serious effort towards doing meaningful, important, helpful work that I love. 2. Meditation I've kept a practice of 20-90 minutes a day pretty consistently for quite some time now. Other than maintaining that, I intend to bring more enthusiasm and a stronger intention to the practice. I don't want to force it and try too hard, but I don't want to simply go through the motions. Strong intention + acceptance and patience. 3. Giving/Helping I want to bring more attention to how I can help other people and make their lives better. In some ways this comes easily to me, like giving advice or teaching someone about something I know a lot about, but in other ways it doesn't come easily at all. I tend to avoid things like volunteering to clean or take care of extra tedious work, or spending money on people (like buying someone's lunch), or being a good listener if I'm not really that interested. I'd like to make a serious effort to look for opportunities to do these things, and take them. 4. Health/Exercise I'm pretty good about this, which is why it's such a low priority. Still, I'd like to continue exercising 5 or 6 times a week, avoid some of my lazier eating habits. ----------------------------------------------------- My number one goal with this journal, other than working towards the goals I've set, is to be honest and humble. It's been tempting in the past, especially when I really start to succeed at something, to emphasize the successes rather than the whole process. I want to do my best to keep my ego out of this and honestly share my experience. Sometimes that may be triumphant and other times it may be embarrassing, but I think being completely authentic is going to be a big part of the solution for me. So here we go

I think I may be overdoing this. First, I don't think this complicated method is helping as much as I hoped. Setting intentions in this way doesn't seem to get my mind more focused on what I need to do, or make me more likely to do it. Second, I really need to commit to doing this stuff first thing in the morning. As the day goes on, I build momentum in whatever mood/state I'm in and if I'm just chilled out for the first half of the day, it's really hard to turn it around. Third, I really have a lot of cognitive dissonance and ambivalence because I'm overthinking things and doubting the efficacy of any given process. Because I know that you can't just go through the motions with things, and nothing you "do" will automatically change you, I begin to get this resistance to doing anything. I need to have a little more faith. Just do the work and I'll reap the rewards. New goals: Meditate first thing in the morning, no exceptions. Do most important task related to work right after, no exceptions. Then I can relax a little and do the fun stuff.

11/13 Motivation: Calm, happiness and unification of mind. Goals: Career - Read another chapter of job book. Meditation - 1 hour Giving/Helping - Look for opportunities to listen, and help with little things. Health/Exercise - Rock climbing + sauna Obstacles: I didn't do this first thing, so I'm a bit more distracted and already feeling ambivalent about doing some of these things. I'll most likely need to sit down and recommit later in the day to make sure I get the meditation and reading in. Expectations: Sitting down to meditate will be hard, reading may be easier now that I've started. I think if I meditate for half an hour in the sauna and get another half hour session in later, it'll be a lot easier. I'm going to try to do that. Resolve: I'll do my best do accomplish my goals today. What I'm doing next: Going climbing + meditating in the sauna How it went Career - Didn't read. I guess I partly got distracted and partly just chose not to. Meditation - Half an hour. Same as above, I just kinda chose not to. Giving/Helping - Did a good job listening even when I wasn't interested and not always having to say something. Health/Exercise - Sauna + Rock Climbing + Avoided unhealthy foods Actionable Changes -Find that sweet spot between frustration and happy-go-lucky apathy. Until tomorrow

11/12 Motivation: to be happier and less conflicted about how to spend my time. More unification of mind and purpose. Goals: -Meditate for an hour with strong intention to make progress -Read 10 pages of job book -Look for opportunities to give/help, and act on them. Look for chances to make other people happy. -Recover from strenuous week of exercise. Obstacles: becoming unfocused and/or conflicted and not wanting to follow through. Having something unexpected come up and not having time. Expectations: meditation will be difficult if my mind doesn't let go, but that's okay. Reading will be easy, but I'll have an aversion to doing it that I'll have to overcome. As far as giving/helping, I'll just have to remember to make it a focus. Resolve: I'll do my very best to complete my goals for today What I'm doing next: Meditating for an hour How it went Career - Check. Read the first chapter of a job-search book. As usual, getting over the hurdle of getting started seems to be the hardest part. So far it seems like the best use of my time will be focusing on getting internal referrals. Meditation - Check, one hour. Giving/Helping - Offered to pay for lunch; didn't have many other tangible opportunities come up. Health/Exercise - Great recovery day. Spent the afternoon and early evening with a girl I like a lot. Actionable Changes -Look for more opportunities to help/contribute, even in small ways -Let go of trying to intellectualize the meditation process Until tomorrow

11/11 *this space will typically be used for setting intentions for the day, but since it's already almost midnight, I'll just recap the first day and start with my daily intentions tomorrow* How it went Career - Made list of all potential options with pros and cons + talked with uncle at length Meditation - One 45 minute session and two 10 minute sessions. I felt calm and peaceful, but my mind wandered a lot. Giving/Helping - Helped a few friends out by explaining stuff I know a lot about Health/Exercise - An hour of rock climbing + healthy eating + sauna Actionable Changes -Listen more, inquire more, advise less -Set clearer intentions for tomorrow