YoYoYo

Oh man! Thank you all so much for your responses <3 @non_nothing Hmm well, preparing a porridge with berries. This is what I do every morning tho and feel happy about it for a moment. @Tom Grooffer True that! I've thought about becoming a yoga teacher, but I think to be a good teacher one should practice yoga routine every day (morning), but I spend morning and evening hours in meditation. I wouldn't have time to do daily yoga. Any yoga teacher, feel free to comment this.. I do love practicing yoga tho. I have severe social anxiety, so I fear people. I have no friends and zero social contacts. Because I'm so isolated it's hard to work on this fear. Right now I'm trying to find a suitable therapist. @bejapuskas I have heard about "The Work". Will research more! Thanks a lot @MsNobody PCOS is something I've been thinking about too. My body is ok otherwise but I'm often very tired, am anemic, have bloated lower abdomen all the time and grind my teeth intensely at nights (which I'm associating with suppressed anger). So yes like you said, calming & balancing is needed. And relaxation. (Good relaxation techniques anyone?) I really need to work on my emotions, which is why I'm finding a therapist and will read the book suggested above. & Thanks, all the best to you too <3 If anyone knows more books, techniques etc. for working with emotions, relaxation and social anxiety, do tell me!

@non_nothing Sure, just thankful to receive any help! I just can't feel happy when I have huge anxiety & physical pain. And I feel most anxiety and depression in the morning so I haven't yet figured a way how to wake up happy. I agree, it's up to me only to be happy, but I can't just force it?

@daniel695 Please do write a post about it! Would be so interested!! Edit: Oh, my tag was wrong, I meant @Jcent

@non_nothing My measure system is how good I feel. Despite of doing all this things listed, I still feel lazy, depressed, tired... I want to feel enthusiastic, passionate and have energy! I want even once wake up not feeling dead tired. For two days though I've been feeling pretty okay, because I start to like painting more and more every day. Maybe I get to build my life purpose/career out of this. I'd love it.

At the beginning, when the monkey mind is intense, it's good to have something to concentrate on. Otherwise your mind will be all over the place. So objectless meditation techniques are advanced imo, for them you need at least somewhat silenced and calm mind. But like Shin said, if your technique feels good & natural, absolutely continue! I'd also recommend researching about kriya yoga.

Ennio Nimis' book: http://www.kriyayogainfo.net/Eng_Downloads1.html SantataGamana's website has articles, some instructions and answers to questions: https://realyoga.info/

@bejapuskas Now I feel like a failure, but it's quite easy. I was too lazy and unmotivated to do any of that, even to research how to do it. Also I have so much painful traumas etc. which I'd rather not look into. I guess now I HAVE TO, if I wanna feel better. Do share your best techniques?

@Rebec Oh yes, that is so true. I've been focusing mostly on outer techniques and things because I've never known how to develop how I feel inside, which is even more important! Indeed my mind will follow me anywhere I go, be it my home or India or whatever place. It's so valuable that you made me see this. And now I know where to start: will order and read that book & check that yt channel. Thank you million times, much love! : )

I haven't watched this video yet but check it out: https://actualized.org/insights/understanding-psychosis

Hello! I'm 24. After graduating from high school ~5 years ago, I've been working at several jobs, usually 2 weeks to 2 months, because of tiredness and depression I've never been able to keep the job, I have been fired twice bc I was late for work. Also I've been very long times unemployed, just being at home and browsing internet mindlessly. Just wasting time. Then I got addicted to weed, but quit that a year ago. Some things I've been trying to do to improve my situation: - Meditation retreats: got basically nothing out of these, except one panic attack when I was very concentrated. I've done 5 retreats: 3x10 days, 2 weeks and 1,5 months. Also got Shaktipat from a real saint: no effect. - Psychedelics: ayahuasca retreats (2x2 days), LSD, mushrooms. Psychedelics don't work for me. I get some visuals but never any insights; ayahuasca didn't work even with 4 full shot glasses of it. I've tried high doses and all of these have been of good quality. This just baffles me; how come they don't have any effect on me? [edit: maybe 5 years ago I had a non-dual experience on LSD 125mcg. A few hours before the trip I took Xanax.. So, once, it worked.] - Excercise: ashtanga yoga, walking, stretching. These do improve my mood, so I do them regularly. - Psychotherapy; It was Gestalt-therapy for 1½ years, I had zero benefit from it. - Diet: I switched to very healthy vegan diet: fresh, good quality ingredients, home cooked meals, no sugar/junk food/caffeine/wheat. Though recently I've been eating sugar, wheat and caffeine since they are only things that give me enjoyment. Planning to quit these again. - Did a major change: moved to another city to study art (painting). It's nice but I'm not really enjoying it. - Reading: I read everyday, mostly 4-5 star rated books from Leo's amazing booklist which I recently bought. Also some fictional books. - Medication: I tried many different antidepressants and benzos with no help so I quit them about 2 years ago. Benzos do make me relaxed and give a good feeling, but I no longer use them because I would get addicted. But nothing seems to improve my issues. I'm very very tired everyday, I have no passion for anything and if I let myself just sleep, I'll sleep 12+ hours, because I see no point in waking up. Waking up to school is hell: I'm dead tired in the morning. I grind my teeth when sleeping; this makes the sleep quality worse. I do use mouthguard but my teeth are already worn out. My hormones seem to be very off balance. I'm a female and haven't had periods for a year and body hair has doubled it's lenght which is just weird. I have no idea what to do. Everything I try, fails. If you have any suggestions: what to do, something to read, anything? I'd like to hear your view of my situation. Thank you so much. And thank you if you managed to read this long post. <3 (One thing I've been thinking is to go to India and study yoga, because I like it and it would be good to get my physical health well (I have bad posture) before starting kriya yoga routine. Right now I can't do even maha mudra because my hips aren't flexible enough so I can't bend my leg to the side.)

This was really intriguing to read, thanks for sharing! : ) It seems to be rare to receive instructions in that manner, you are lucky. How has your meditations been going?

@Hellspeed My Muladhara is pulsating all the time. Do you have any advice for this? Why is this happening?

@Mirror of Confusion Oh!! Where are you going and for how long? Because I'm planning on going to Rishikesh Yog Peeth for 500hrs teacher training in December...! My 2nd option is to go to study art (starting from the very basics), more specifically painting. It's too hard to decide. But major life changes incoming!

Thank you for reply @Esoteric It sure takes time to build up concentration. Right now my meditation is based on do nothing technique where awareness is allowed to float freely but I've come to think if kriya yoga would suit me better. I'll have to think about this.

Has kriya yoga affected your concentration skills? I have had really much trouble with different meditation techniques because of concentration issues (basically self caused ADD; internet addiction). All of my vipassana retreats have been just a waste of time because I'm thinking ALL THE TIME. I think even ayahuasca didn't quite do anything to me because of this constant mind chatter which makes me uneasy, thus wasn't able to relax. So, do you think kriya yoga would be suitable for me?