Oktillo

@Oliver Saavedra Thanks!

Well I really thought I could open my mind more to defeat some kind of fear or to face it, you recommendation was really tangible, but I really actually thought a book might come handy, I don’t actually have any expert material on any area but I’ve been close on how some things works and how make them better or extract the beauty of it, but I guess we come again to putting in to work and fail

Actually no long ago I admitted to myself that I was afraid of failure, very important that you mentioned cuz sometimes we forget about what certain fears feels like and we tend to ignore, so I’ll keep a note to kinda persue failure and olso see how could it be transform from failure to something actual without expecting anything, thanks for your advice.

Any books out there that would help me enhance my creativity or open my mind up to what it is that I can do to make use of my creative mind? I find myself having great ideas about art, and music or these two convine but I guess I’m just afraid of having to tap into them or lacking discipline, I’m 22 y/o and I know there’s something Greater calling me about how to express things, and I want to know how to let that out... pls help

I had a similar experience yesterday, but the only difference was that I been suffering or getting scared at the point where I have to understand that I have to surrender, and this time I was able to let go of my ego completely, and it was really painful and scary that I started crying (like tears when you suffer) during my meditation and I felt how my mind was desolving till there was nothing but just that... when I came back I noticed how ridiculous we humans are, and I was rejecting my body myself like I didn’t want to come back to this reality... there’s a lot learn.

I’ve long time without meditating trapped into monkey mind, as today was my second day starting again, i learn how you have to literally die in order to tap in to the universe (you can just call it ego death), it was so painful I started crying and then I would surrender, as this happen I disassociated with my body completely, i felt no shape on my awareness like I didn’t have to point to anything to know anything, i was just feeling this big energy and realized I’ve been always part of it but I conspired to ignore it.

Im struggling with egoistic actions, im in a constant battle with my head, few months ago i started self-help work, with philosophy and then teachings of leo. As a good student, i keep getting trapped by me ego, when ever i achieve certain constant time meditating, lets say one week or so, and i start feeling good, is there when i forget that i forgotten, and i get sabotage by me. This mean there is a period of time when i interrupt my meditation and get trapped by my ego again. Which leads me to the curiosity of my recents episodes of -i don't know what it is- but i think is kundalini (experience, sensation,etc). As a good student too, im on constant moderation of my sexual strives, masturbation so to say, and i also try to hold on to any distractions such as porn. Ever since i started to hold on to these distractions and started meditating, i've been feeling this strong force as they describe in kundalini, that comes from the bottom of your spine, and concentrates in my third eye, and the air on my skin feels like is burning, and sooner then later i feel these joy over my body, like im untouchable. it has happen to me during cannabis consumption, i discard the fact that is purely bc of cannabis, bc it just started as i begun meditating (the kundalini "sensation"). So i just want to know if any one could relate to this type of experience and tell me if im not crazy, or if its not kundalini at all, could it be enlightenment sensations?. Im just curious about these powerful sensation bc its really there. I hope i was able to explain myself.