Alenka

yeaaaah, haha I am trying to understand it so I know what I need to do to get that presence again, and more importantly maintain it. But I guess that's for me to figure out... Thank you

I have had a question on my mind for a couple months. I had an incredible experience back in April this year. I started doing Hatha Yoga (Surya Kriya to be more specific) through Sadhguru's foundation beginning of February. After doing it daily, twice daily when time permitted, for about two months, I woke up one morning and everything was fine. Everything seemed like a dream, soft, like moving in slow motion, it felt like I was immersed in a flashback. For the very first time as far as I can remember, I felt happy for no reason at all, I was not extatic but just very peacefully happy. There was no judging, no problems, things that would have usually gotten to me became neutral situations that I could charge positively at will. It's hard to describe. After about two weeks, I woke up and it was gone and it was back to the usual (and had the SHITTIEST day, I was so miserable haha !). The moment it stopped coincides with when my PMS kicked in, which is traditionally strong in my case. My guess is that the hormonal/chemical shift might have played a role in putting an end to this. My question is what was that ? I want to try and research it and understand what it was. I have looked at depersonalization/deralization articles but from what I am getting is there is strong anxiety linked to depersonalization, which was absolutely not the case. It felt like I was outside of myself but in a very peaceful way. Any thoughts on keywords I can use to research that?

You can replace Awareness with consciousness, or reality. Consciousness is reality. So what you are trying to be aware of, is awareness (reality itself), you get why it's so hard to grasp ?

I can also very well imagine some enlightened folks, who are caring and all-loving like you say, but still behave in an arrogant way like you say for exactly that purpose : create this unease, discomfort around them to confront people to just that, the discomfort, making them face a reality they will have to accept. If they are enlightened, they So they might choose this role, this way because it serves the purpose of whatever is happening. It might be their way to bring enlightenment. I know that when I feel resistance somewhere when having a conversation, I will very often keep pushing and walk a very fine line between "playing the asshole" (from the other person's perspective) and "playing around with the situation" (from my perspective) for the sake of dissolving that resistance in the other person, in a playful way (again, from my perspective, I am sure it's very often interpreted differently but that is not my concern). And I don't do that with the intention of fucking with them and hurting them but truly out of care with the intention to make them realize that they too can "play around with the situation", that it's not a big deal, but still letting them come into it on their own (because in my experience it is more powerful realizing things on my own than getting it laid down for me). I know I appreciate it when I am confronted to someone like that. You could also label it "tough love". Arrogance is just another label. Just another method

I have a question about where to look while meditating. I found that shifting my focus between my eyebrows and "pressing" on that spot while my eyes are closed is more conducive to my practice. Can you share what works for you ? Also what positioning of the head (tilted forwards or backwards, or keeping it straight) helps your practice ?

I actually already left the relationship for exactly those reasons. The relationship is just an example because it's a recent situation that I was confronted with, but I ask myself that question in general (I quit my sports team because I didn't know how to deal with the drama anymore and it was getting too distracting and other instances). I keep wondering about how strong my spiritual practice can get if I don't confront the situations that create resistance within me. Just like I am not gonna get stronger if I keep bench pressing 5LBS, I am not gonna get stronger "at life" if I keep bench pressing "5LBS situations" if you catch my drift @Vercingetorix I think the key factor in what you said is to have "the capability", (I would rather say available resources, emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual ?) to deal with those situations. That is why leaving the relationship was not so hard, because I didn't resist the fact that I am not whole enough, that I don't have the available resources.

You say you are against violent people. As soon as you utter "I am against", you verbalize a resistance within you, a resistance to what is, a resistance to life. Do you recognize that ? Because fact is, those people are here and they do what they do the way they do it. That's fact, that's what is. Those people, as violent, as mean, as angry, as however you want to label them, that's all it is : your label on them. They are just as much a piece of life as you are. They might be resisting life in a different way. What you should be concerned about and focused on is the resistance that arises within you when being confronted to them. The resistance might come from you thinking that they should be more respectful, that they should educate themselves before talking, that they should not violently attack other faiths. But what you think should be, is a fantasy. What you think should be, is what you wish for reality, and by definition is NOT reality. When I am confronted to situations like this, I try and observe the resistance within me and I ask myself : Why am I resisting this? What is it that I am not accepting ? Can I accept it, can I choose to accept ? (spoiler alert, the answer is always yes) Once I accept the situation, the resistance vanishes and I can go on to the next step, which is decide how I want to act on it. There is no problem anymore, only a situation in which I can choose what I want to do. I might want to engage with that person and understand where they are coming from, explain my point of view in more detail, I might just take the high road, I might send them material so they can educate themselves, the options are limitless, you just have to pick. If they are interested in truth-seeking dialogue, they will be open to whatever you have to say, if they are not, they will keep resisting you, life. What they do is outside of your control, accept that. I highly recommend those two videos Leo did, they are very eye opening and talk about how our "shoulds and shouldn'ts" are a fantasy and very often confused with reality, what actually is. It might give you an insight on the fact that any type of adversity is our own construct.

Yes I agree, they are. How do you decide for yourself when it is time to let go ? To step away ?

Yes, I meditate and do yoga everyday, my spiritual practice has become my main priority in my life, which is why I am asking myself this question. I am conscious of the illusion even though I don't fully grasp it, that's why I call those things distractions because it drags me back into the illusion. My point is, there is no shitty relationship, my experience of the relationship is shitty. I can change my experience of the relationship by going inward. The mind is causing the pain, by going inward and dissociating from it, my experience becomes loving and graceful. But most of the time, the emotional charge is so high that I get too identified with the mind. I know the pain is not real. I see sticking around those distractions like working out a muscle and the pain that I am feeling is the muscle soreness from working out. If I stop working out, my muscle is going to grow weaker. I also ask the question because I have observed that since I started my spiritual journey, I have distanced myself from a lot of things, I have become much more solitary for example, so I wonder if I am not going out of way of life, of what is, by shielding myself from those distractions. edit: @Leo Gura Yes, I agree, but if I am not in a relationship, how can I practice applying consciousness to it ? That is exactly my point

I agree with @EndofMe I used to have the same issue, but then I decided to flip it around and since it was a fact that I was confused as to what meditation technique to use (because there are SOOOOOO many haha), I just accepted that I was confused and made finding the proper technique for me part of my spiritual journey. The process of trying out different techniques became part of my meditation and my spiritual practice. So trying out new techniques became fun. I did an online 5-week introduction class to meditation techniques (there was mindfull breathing, chakra mediation, loving kindness meditation, mantra mediation and just breathing exercises), each week one type of meditation, the point of that was to "sample" and see what works and what doesn't. And it was mind blowing to feel how each meditation would work completely differently but always towards the same thing Sampling the meditations was great, because throughout the week I grasped the technique a little more everyday and it gave me a glimpse at how it was working on me. I would say give it at least a week, two if you want to explore deeper, or three or four... With any kind of meditation, what is important is consistency, once you find one that resonates with you, stick with that and do it daily. No matter what technique, you have to throw yourself into it, do it with all your willingness, "like your head is on fire", and you'll see that you will go deeper and deeper automatically. Don't forget to have fun on your journey

It’s been a while that I have been asking myself, when should I decide to change or let go of external circumstances because they distract me from my spiritual practice? I keep telling myself that the pain and the struggle are a good challenge and help me deal with exactly those situations (I am talking about relationships, friendships and romantic ones, the city environment that I live in, anything that refers to our life situation as opposed to life itself etc.). How much pain and struggle is constructive, when is it time to let go? The most recent example I can think of: I keep having the same issues when I am in a romantic relationship with someone, I feel hurt a lot but I stick around to “practice” not to feel hurt, to stop resisting what is and to change my ways. But while trying to figure it out, it significantly disturbes my meditative state and spiritual practice that I would manage to maintain with more ease if I didn’t have this relationship that I was drained by. I have been asking myself the question about relationships, the city I live in (and the people in it), my job, my friends and more.