UDT

Dear @Sevi, thank you very much for your post. I was contemplating much about your thoughts so apologise my delayed reply. I see that now, it is what happened. Im trying to play down the situation, give her potential solutions and show her new ways instead of agreeing on how bad the situation is. I fear, if I say "Yes you are right, yes it is completely devastating" she´d break down and it would get worse. Furthermore I could forgive my father and now have some sort of relationship with him which she is supporting on the surface but I know that she deep down hates it. If I know start to support her on how bad it is, I feel even worse having this "forgiving and lets restart this whole thing for the sake of being" mentality. I definately see me in that role. Part of the reason why I turn a blind eye is that 1) Its all past 2) I cant really determine the objective truth because everyone tells complete different stories 3) The things I personally witnessed, I had to forgive to move on, what else could I have done, live in hatred and contempt for ever? When it comes to the current situation, I see her pain and victim mentality, her directionless state of being but again I feel that she is not strong enough to have me coming and confront her with this "truth". I feel her bubble protects her shaky mental health. Purposeless, full of distraction (TV etc.), not happy with her social circle, her working situation, turning more sick with the time, no goal, no vision, she has that "my life is ruined, I will die soon, Im to old to change" frame of mind. Spends most of her time A) at home or B) at work. Shes clinging onto me, making her happiness dependend upon my "success" in life. Her primary goal is not to fix herself (she sees it as unfixable). While this is very noble and loving, she turns overly protective and has a false vision of reality, constantly concerned about my health etc. When it comes to money, last hope means that I have to take care of her retirement, If I fail to do so she will become poor. This all puts a lot of pressure on me. Without her I wouldnt care much about chasing money, would rather focus on my passion and live less business focused. Thank you very much for your time. unitydualitytrinity

Thank you for your input Joseph. Its very true what you say that everbody has a set of reasons justifying their actions and beliefs. She has aswell, trapping herself in a victim mentality. I feel like I could accept it if she would be authentic in her current situation. If shed be ok with her state now not wanting anything else. If she would find her true love and live in a freakin trailerpark searching for alien life on the moon I would be fine with it. How can I be happy knowing that she is suffering? It feels very wrong even trying this. I feel like no matter how high I can climb the mountain of personal development, I will never be fullfilled knowing she is left behind. I understand that there is no controlling people. I know that and I let go trying to force my view of improvement upon anyone. Life just wasnt fair for her and I am basically her last hope. I can not let go of this obligation.