Charlotte

@Arkandeus Thanks again for your input, I've enjoyed reading ? ❤️

@Etagnwo Don't know if you read but a while back I basically spiked with THC and this triggered a four hour panic attack. My first ever. (I'd not taken weed in years and years so I got majorly stoned but without expecting it because I had put trust in the person that sold me the CBD oil). Since that day I feared it because it was something I'd never experienced before. So fast forward to microdosing, it popped up again unexpectedly, I didn't imagine I'd trigger more. I did feel they were necessary though in order to overcome them. So basically, whenever I microdose I still get small bouts of anxiety. Like I said I've observed the fear and my fear lies in not being able to let go and go into the unknown, losing control. Thought of "am I going to trip" "did I take too much" "my mum had a schizophrenic episode am I going to trigger one" etc etc.

I appreciate your reply but I'm still unsure what you mean ?

Yes, my OCD I thought you were referring to panic attacks/anxiety attacks. I meant I don't suffer with anxiety/panic attacks outside of psychedelic use. It's only when I take psychoactive drugs that this panic occurs.

@Arkandeus Thanks so much for your reply. Very informative thank you. I think you've misunderstood me though, the reason I want to attend a Ayahuasca retreat not because I want it "right away" but because I feel I may be able to take the medicine in a controlled safe environment. I agree fears should be respected and compromised with. I believe I have been taking mushrooms in the way you mention because I do respect myself.

I do apologise, I misunderstood what your definition of potential was. I've observed my fear when it comes to Psychedelics and my problem lies within going to the unknown, losing control. I don't suffer with anxiety outside psychedelic use.

Depends what you by "potential"

What exactly do you mean by "Am I in my real life"? Pleasure

@Joseph Maynor Joseph, I'm mainly in green and I got to say, it isn't an easy ride (emotional labour MASSIVELY, draining almost).

Not about gender, it's about ego. A must listen. Hope it helps ??

@Ingit teach yourself acceptance for where you presently are and stop projecting yourself into the future. All you have is the present moment. Sounds like your striving towards a goal and then realising you aren't where you want to be and that's creating negative thinking? Solution? End the thought of the future and focus on the present. Also, practice self love and be grateful and proud of yourself for where you are RIGHT NOW.

@Etagnwo I find observing how the suffering comes about to begin with extremely beneficial, watching how it blossoms from a simple thought and then soon to be a massive problem we create.

I don't want to actualize my potential, I want to strip myself away and be more aware of the 'thought-self'. I'm more interested in the mechanics of the self rather than adding to the self. Yeah, I clearly haven't seen it holistically yet, but I've been quietly observing it in myself and others. More so fear. I haven't no, I don't want to put people out. That would be awesome thank you ❤️ Of course. Totally get what you mean and I'm not in this to solve anything, I'm in this out of sheer deep interest. Think of the self as an illusory magic trick, I want to become aware and learn the movements of the trick. This sounds amazing! Thank you so much for your time and patience ❤️?

Why the duck have I not come across this before? This is absolute pure GOLD! @Leo Gura wow! I'm using this video as a tool to transcend to yellow (as mentioned in green video) but I have a feeling this will do just more than that! Amazing, thank you! Highly recommended ❤️

Also as you know, I experience this often and your right it's beautiful ❤️

@Faceless Thank you for that beautiful response faceless, I agree with everything you said. I have been watching fear, I have been watching psychological suffering and desire seeking etc, I see it all as some kind of escape, I see it all feeding from each other and its self perpetuating but my only issue is I don't know how to take this further... To REALLY get into the nitty gritty of it and go even further. You said to thread... The only "learning" I get is from you, I've tried googling it all but it's given me nothing, it's not detailed enough. Could you point me in the right direction please faceless? Because honestly, hand on heart... I fully agree with this...

? It's horrible isn't it! Even people attending a 'birthday meal' on my behalf give's me quivers. "Let me be, on my own in a room and contemplate the next year of my life", that's exactly what I do.

@molosku ?? And bic's (shaving razor's)

(also just realised we both have tree's as avatars) ? lol!

I was brought up in a very green family but live in a very orange city/culture. I slipped into orange more and more the older I got (from teen to young adult) but always shown shades of green because of my upbringing. The shades of green I was brought up with demonstrated a lot of suffering through my life but I was able to transcend the unhealthy part's (eventually). As I've progressed in PD/consciousness work I'm now able to see I have slight shades of orange still, moved into green even deeper (but in some respects on a healthier level) and also little bits of yellow. I plan on researching lots of yellow/turquoise and delving into systems thinking in order to move onwards.

It will come to them when they are ready. Although I got my dad on to Leo and we now have regular laughs at his comedic side

This proper tickled me ? I love how honest you are. Ditto by the way...

@Faceless This really sparked my interest faceless. What's the alternative? Doing absolutely nothing? It's extremely paradoxical because when we self actualize, we are stripping away ego but your saying even self actualizing is still feeding ego?

I've often wondered this myself, can you TRULY ever transcend ego...COMPLETELY??

Another thread that's sparked my interest on your behalf sir @rounder