Charlotte

@Jack River yes my eyes are closed. Yes the headlesness. I think this also happens when I look at particular objects but no where near for that amount of time. Usually for a split second or so. Wow. I have no words ?

@Jack River 100 milion percent no concentration. Concentration is hard work for me. @TheAvatarState yes! Just wandered round the front room scratching my head saying "eh?!" Around 35/45 minutes long.

I wasn't asleep. I had binural beats on in my ears and I remember continuously hearing them but that's it.

@Manjushri eating more = more illusory hunger. Also this sounds like a classic case of homeostasis. YouTube Leo's homeostasis vid if you haven't already.

Amazing @billytblack !! Keep at it brother ❤️ Observe the inner changes.

What an absolutely amazing day! Wow. I'm gutted it's over When I finished updating the journal I felt like doing Yoga so I rolled out my mat and got to it. I participated in a very slow vinyasa flow practice and my god did I cry some on the mat. It was that type of release where your chest lifts as your about to cry. So deep, so powerful. I then decided to grab the remainder of the carrots (for the rabbits) and take a walk up to the nearest reservoir with the dogs. What a walk. It was a peaceful breathtaking walk. I was so happy and content on the way back I popped some Depeche mode in my ears and literally skipped down lane I actually skipped! ... And then boogied in the middle of a field. To me, this is living. Nothing to be happy about, nothing imparticular, just happy with the actual moment. I've felt ALIVE all day. So unbelievably grateful, blessed and in love. The day followed the same theme. ❤️ Beautiful, thank you breath ❤️

@DoubleYou I didn't actually challenge it. Once I became aware of it I dropped it immediately. I was unconsciously doing it. Realising I was doing it was a lightbulb moment. Smack in the face so to speak. Massively helped.

I woke at 7am with around 6 hours sleep. I got up because an early morning routine is very important to me and I knew if I would of slept in I would of jeapordised this so I forced myself up. I looked out the window and the fog was so incredibly dense so early. It was still dark. I was pulled towards an early morning walk so I threw my gear on, filled up some bag's of peanuts and bird feed and made my way out. I left my phone at home but it was honestly incredibly beautiful and magical. ill definitely be doing this again tomorrow morning. I feel like being very productive today so I'm going to bag up lots of old clothes and fill the car with stuff for the tip to be recycled. I've also had a thought about what to do for new years eve. I'm seriously thinking about going somewhere with some of my mushrooms and taking a small dosage. Just to break me in. This could be the stupidest thing ever or the best thing ever but there's only one way to find out This trip calling has not left me since I grew them. I have to do this... But we'll see ?

@purerogue ❤️

@SaltyMeatballs I had planted this belief that I HAD to suffer to grow. I was unconsciously inviting suffering into my life everyday from this belief. I was unnecessary suffering. I am seeing a humanistic therapist who made me realise what I was doing was actually silly. She said. "Suffering will come Charlotte dont worry about that."

Yeah but don't do what I did and fall into the trap of inviting suffering in your life. I was doing this unconsciously and creating unnecessary suffering because I believed this was the only and true way of growing ?

@kingroboto I'm so sorry your experiencing this. Sleep is like oxygen. It is unbelievably underestimated. Have you tried following a routine before bed? All lights off? Screens off of all kind? You probably have I'm just throwing ideas out there. Have you tried popping in earphones and listening to something soothing? Such as ... My personal favourite ❤️ I use it whilst imagining I'm meditating in the forest. Have you tried Valarium root? I understand it's referred to as nature's valium. Helped me many times to just relax. I really hope you manage to sort this out. Lack of sleep can be mindfucking.

@DrewNows Good idea! I'm sure it will be beneficial to you in one way or another Life is beautiful your absolutely right brother ❤️

Best way to get probiotics naturally? (Vegan) I went to a small talk the other day on 'how to thrive on a Vegan diet' and they outlined the importance of probiotics. It blew my mind to realise that your gut if fed correctly, will release more serotonin than your brain. Mind blown. I'm wondering what are the best ways to consume probiotics as close to nature as possible? Also she mentioned the importance of Algae oil? It's hard to distinguish BS for legit advice as so many people can complicate nutrition if they delve to far down the rabbit hole with it but I am interested in providing the body with optimum nutrition.

@Igor82 (ignore tag sorry) Okaaaaaaaaaaay... So the past couple of days have been interesting. Love and sadness is the theme. I feel they go hand in hand. I've felt such a deep and profound love for my parents over the past few days. I've literally not stopped holding them and loving them. I've been crying for the sadness of my parents and crying for their pain. I've also never felt so close to them in my entire life. I received a raw tourmaline crystal as a Christmas gift and as of yesterday it's been hanging around my neck. I've not been thinking at all about it there but today I realised the difference it's made. I was always a little bit skeptical about crystals but I have to say I've completely changed my mind. The initial grieving process I was going through was somewhat roller coaster like in the beginning but since I placed this on my body it's been a complete change. Definitely much more grounded, calmer and less erratic in thought. The grieving just became smoother. I mean literally that morning the grieving process was awful and after a few hours (when I placed it on my neck) I've come to realise, it literally changed within a matter of hours. I just feel like journalling a load of shit here tonight so that's what I'm going to do. This morning my dad called and asked if I fancied a walk, he needed it he said. So I jumped at the chance (obvs). As we were walking a thought popped into my head about a friend I've not seen in say 6 months. No shit, I walked up the hill and guess who's approaching us? Yep. The friend. Flabbergasted I was. This seems to be coming a frequent thing... I'm thinking things and people are actually saying them out loud. I'm like ? (shocked). So me and dad continued our walk after I petted my friend's dog to death for an hour and we had such a beautiful walk. It was a stunning day. Greyish white clouds, around 8°c, slight chill, dense air, no wind. Just stunning. The bird's around us seemed so grateful for the milder air. I was happy for them. We arrived at subway, had a deep chat about my dad's fears and why they occur and continued back home. Came back home, dogs waiting for their walk as per, took them out. Another beautiful walk. This time though I noticed the muscles in the front of my hips where starting to feel strained again. This has been an issue from my when I injured myself with groin strain. The groin strain is still there and it hinders my yoga practice. I know why it happened. I was doing to much yoga but like it still hasn't healed from like July. Thinking about going seeing a chiropractor because I'm unsure of how to heal the strain and continue yoga without causing futher injury. I know it's my own fault though so I'll deal with the consequences and learn from it which I have. After the dog walk I came in and cleaned up etc and fancied singing, I felt there was an underlying emotion I just couldn't identify that needed attention and singing seems to address this. I popped on my favourite track and sang my heart out. Thoughts of tripping came up again. Keep getting these frequent thought's of a mushroom trip that needs to happen. There sat waiting for me in the back of the cupboard ? I can actually feel the calling. It's like pestering me, poking me with a stick. I do for some reason though feel less fear around this compared to what I used to feel. In the past there was still this feeling of uncertainty but now I feel pulled to the calling with love. It feels like love is waiting for me. There's something waiting for me, something huge and unimaginable. This evening's meditation was also slightly interesting. I saw this hand on my shoulder (eyes closed) with big black claws, I saw a face turn to it and then in another part of awareness I saw this pattern starting to form, this like... Erm... How would I explain it... I can't think of anything to describe it. It was insanely clear but I can't think of words. Also this massive random image of a praying mantis's eye appeared. Like huuuuuge and so clear. Fear then arose for a short while but I surrendered to it. In a weird sort of way I feel I'm no longer being frightened by fear. It's starting to become a non issue. I feel so grounded and safe in the being that it's not frightening me anymore. Love will actually conquer all.

@Igor82 Aaaaaarw Igor I'm so glad to hear your using them and loving them. How sweet are you? ? Your such a kind loving being Igor. Thank you for your beautiful words ❤️

It's a dark morning, not only around me but internally to. The fog outside is low and dense and there's a lone bird singing. I can feel death, I can feel the heaviness, the stillness. I feel terribly numb but also terribly heavy and unable to move. My face feels frozen. Last night I had to put my childhood dog to sleep. 15 years he was in my life. 11:30pm he had died. By 12:30am my dad was out in front garden in the pitch black burying his own dogs grave. I've never seen my dad cry. My dad held him in his arms whilst they inserted the euthanasia. My mum and dad have looked after and took responsibility of that dog right to his last breath. He had diabetes, he went blind, he had a tumour, they took care of everything and did everything they could as human beings. I have the up most respect for my parents. I wish I could take the pain away for my mum. She's an absolute mess. I wish I could take it away for her. He was her best friend. Her company, her loyal dog. Seeing her in this state is killing me. Seeing my dad in this state is killing me. Although at the same time you have absolutely no idea how grateful I am he went so peacefully. Not a flinch. I cried with joy as his last moments was peaceful. I knew he was ready. 2 weeks ago yesterday I watched my grans dog die. That was traumatic. Even the nurse said last night the dogs response to what she went through was rare. It was fucking awful honestly. I've hardly slept. 2 hours maybe. I have to put on a fake smile today, that's going to be the hardest. I'll never forget this Christmas.

Yoga first thing this morning. Got to try out my new Mat. 12/10. I can see this being the beginning of a long lasting relationship. During parts of yoga practice I cried... again ? but I left feeling extremely chilled, grounded and mindful. Lasted all day. I was shopping in an extremely busy supermarket and everyone was running round stressed out of their heads, banging into people, the energy was fierce. I felt as if I was stood in the middle of a storm unbelievably calm watching it unfold all around me. My friend messaged me saying she had a small gift for me which was lovely so I went to meet her and we had a natter over a brew. Came home and made a plant based fry up. Oh my god it was amazing ?? Going to go and seal the evening with meditation and self inquiry. Another beautiful day ❤️

?? "The shit storm is coming" ? Will they not be too pleased?

Last night was beautiful. I got into bed and lit a couple of candles and meditated under the full moon, the sheer energy and light of the moon was very powerful majestic. I listened to Tibetan bowl singing again during the meditation but this one was slightly different from the last. It's as if I could feel the cells in my body vibrating. Things were randomly coming up during meditation also. My mind wanted to stop but it's a process of healing so I continued. Also for some odd reason, violent images of my niece arose, I didn't find them disturbing as there just thoughts but still ? In the middle of the night I woke up. There was thoughts going around my head of love. I miss the connection between myself and a man. This is something I feel I've been subconsciously thinking about also. I feel very peaceful this morning. Re-energised. Leo's released a video on self inquiry so I'm going to watch that then get ready for yoga.

??? ? Only joking bro ❤️

OH MY GOD!!!!!! I can finally breath!!! I've been so busy over the past few days I'm actually emosh to just sit down. (Been helping mum helping my grandma with Christmas presents) Been out shopping, driving and visiting relatives for 2 days. I really cannot be around people and in public for too long, it actually drains me. I need to sit on my own in silence to recharge. Sat here now in utter silence. It's like so fucking blissful ???? Dog's are asleep on the sofa, the gentle glow of the Christmas decorations in the background and I'm snuggled in a warm throw on my chair. I feel so lucky. No where to go, no where to be ❤️ Last night I got in bed at like 12pm and I was shattered. I was literally almost asleep when a random panic attack came. I was like. "Wow, now? Really!" ? I touched my dog who was lying next to me in bed and grounded myself and it passed. Really random though. Only got as far as a hit of adrenaline in my chest but still... Bit awkward when I'm trying to sleep ? Few days ago I watched a mini series on YouTube that Preetom posted in a thread. Game changer. I'm not even joking. It literally cuts out all the bullshit and gets straight to the point, very clearly. If you follow this series with an open mind, without thinking and remaining present it will definitely have some sort of impact. Since I watched that and went through the experiments I've noticed a change. E.g. This inner peace, stillness has been more forefront. No matter what situation I've been in. Usually... It would take me to do some deep breathing to get back to it but I'm now aware it's always there. Never left. It's just way more easily accessible now. It's very 'there' if you get what I mean. Like the hand at the end of the arm. It's just there. I'm going to go through the series again. Once weekly. Very powerful. Yesterday I took a beautiful walk. The dogs got out later than usual because I was busy but it was a blessing. It was one of them evening's where the bird's where getting ready for bed, slightly drizzling and just getting dark. The whole walk was a deep meditation. I've also noticed since I've 'changed' the dogs behaviours have to. Prior to starting PD/Consciousness 'work' there was definitely a massive miscommunication with myself and the dogs. I was asleep. Since beginning this our relationships have blossomed into something that fills me with tears. They are so much happier. As am I. Same with family relationships, so much more authentic. I believe it's all because of unconditional love. Unconditional love sets us free. Being open, understating and accepting of everyone and everything is true freedom. Yoga tomorrow morning and Mum let me have my new Yoga mat early because she's a gem. I chose cork because it's the closest material I could get to being as natural as possible. I rolled it out this morning, placed my feet firmly at the top of the Mat, forward folded and could feel this was going to be the beginning of a beautiful journey with this mat. Very grateful and appreciative of this beautiful material ?

@Shroomdoctor you know we always love you mate ?❤️

@kindayellow The Power of now - Eckhart Tolle ❤️

@Preetom @Preetom Yes! Incredibly accessible and direct. Yesterday off the back of his experiments I tried my own. When he dug his nail into his finger and said "the pain is in the hand, not in me." I did this myself (might sound mad to some people) but I nipped the back of my hand with my nail whilst realising the pain was in the hand not 'in me'. Carried on applying the pressure whilst realising the pain was in the hand and no shit, the pain actually numbed. As I was doing it I switched it from 'the pain IS me' to 'the pain is in the hand.' And the difference was remarkable. Truly. Literally mind blowing ? This little mini series she been a game changer Preetom. Thank you again ❤️