Charlotte

@DrewNows ❤️❤️ so true. Couldn't update as I lost my reading glasses and couldn't see the phone Yesterday - day of rest. Aching all upper body from the gym. I took the dogs out for a beautiful walk though. This morning I woke up at 04:30am I badly wanted to see the lunar eclipse/blood moon. I searched and waited but the cloud cover was too thick. Gutted. I went back to sleep at 0700-0900 I was cream crackered (knackered). Woke up feeling incredibly lazy and just a bit meh. No idea why. I don't usually. Definitely had a low energy type day. Felt lazy all day. Even though I so didn't want to go to Pilates class I knew I should so I went and I'm glad I did because I got the chance the save a lady bug from death The poor dude was crawling around the floor with a broken shell and wing so I picked him up at the end of class and brought him home to rest in the house plant. Besides saving the insect from imminent death I'm glad I went regardless. About to sit for evening meditation. Then I'm off to bed for an early night. ❤️ Thank you breath ❤️

@TheAvatarState Oh! Highly recommend. Don't think twice. Buy it immediately.

@Leo Gura Cheers Leo. (Sorry about late reply lost my reading glasses ?) Yes a lot to stomach indeed. I've been observing as of yesterday and I've noticed that I actually do create meaning to everything. Hit me when a song was on and I cried... I realised the song wasn't doing anything at all, it's sound... I was. This set off a snowballing pattern of observation to everything. Not gonna lie, I've felt pretty shit today because I've realised nothing has meaning, the self projects it all. Exactly what it felt like. @Vinnie Oh I'll take a look... Thank you! Thank you everyone that replied ❤️

The other night I had a dream. In the dream was a friend's father. He was dying in front of me. He told me to let go and I replied how? He said love. That was it. I've just been sat with said friend and we spontaneously got onto the topic of her past. She can't let go, she can't forgive etc. I explained how much I see her love within. She is pure love... I explained. Half way through saying this it hit me in the face. I threw my hands up lent back and covered my eyes in realisation. I cried deeply in the middle of the coffee shop. I don't know why. It felt like a breakthrough. I honestly believe that this message in the dream was given to me by her father as a guide for her. The thing that's confusing me is the way it's left me feeling. You know if you have a breakthrough say... In counseling and you feel that type of 'raw' feeling. I feel like that and I have absolutely no idea why. It might be deep empathy I'm not sure. I'm quite confused. Shine any light please? ❤️

@TheAvatarState which one dude?

@Leo Gura Incredibly interesting reply Leo thank you. I'll get started on the questions today. Yes. I feel the resistance. Your reply leo has left me feeling vulnerable (after some introspection). Everything I know and love is egoic... Nature Animals Yoga Spirituality and personal development... All egoic survival mechanism's? Fuck @Enlightened thank you for your reply

@Key Elements Thank you ❤️

@pluto ❤️

@Leo Gura fuck. How? How can I contemplate this? (As in what specific questions can I ask)

I've just sat through fear. Completely surrendered my entire self. What was waiting on the other side is something I cannot communicate. Fear is the fear of the unknown, of ...love, of completely letting go. I'm no longer afraid.

@now is forever aaaaaaaaaaah I understand what you mean now. Yes as in being TOO empathetic. I've experienced this often... More so with animal death. The thing that did baffle me though was I have heard her stories of her past a million times before and it never effected me like this. What's interesting is I didn't feel this deep emotional trigger within until after the realisation of the dream. I mean I'm a very empathetic type of person I've gone through many empathy emotions in the past but it was nothing like this.

@Serotoninluv ??

Spat my brew out ?

@Nahm ?

@Charlotte ((tagged myself like a douch)) @Nahm Myself ? @SOUL very true. Thank you

So today I went to the gym. Had a lovely 2 hour sesh. A lot I cannot do for the time being that I usually do but I'm okay with it. I'm in a different place now. After the gym i went for coffee with a friend when this happened I honestly don't know whether it was a guidance for me or for my friend. I don't know. I've stopped questioning. It will show either way. I trust. I was very confused for an hour after it happened but now I am at peace. Went for a lovely dog walk after the gym and spoke to my mum about the fear of psychosis that's arising. She's a good egg Mum. I also came to the realisation that the. 'But what if thinking about it triggers it' is actually just another meta level of fear. It's the same original thought but just a different version. I know what to do. I've been here many times. I know I must go into this fear otherwise a vicious cycle will arise; being afraid of fear, being afraid of being afraid of fear and so on. Tonight if these thoughts arise I know what to do. Just like panic attacks which I have mastered, I can master this. Fear itself is unbelievably miracle like... the mechanics of it. It's so intelligent.

@cetus56 Thank you ❤️

@Zigzag Idiot thank you for this. I do actually agree with the second perspective of empathy. @now is forever I actually agree with you. How would it make one vulnerable? @Nahm Nahm I actually haven't lost anybody close to me. I did lose 2 dogs over the Christmas period but I didn't feel resentment or unfairness in the slightest. I felt relief for them.

@now is forever @pluto Cheers guys for your replies ❤️

I made my first ever hemp milk I sourced the organic hulled seeds from a reliable source in Lithuania and popped some filtered spring water in the blender and hey presto... You have hemp milk. I was paying a fortune for 4 carton's of this a week. Highly recommend this if your vegan or enjoy nutrition. Last night I went to a reformer Pilates class. Waste of time and money. I have so much energy lately and I can't use it up because I can't do any high intensity exercise. I got back from the class and cracked on with my exercise routine. Back of my legs are aching today but it's my own fault for not stretching off ? With regards to the meditation last night I woke this morning feeling mint! I think I'm going to centre meditation from now on around fear. Bringing up these fearful thoughts on purpose, sitting through them etc with regards to this psychosis shit I need to witness it for what it is. Anyway I fancy gym this morning, I got some new lifting gloves so I don't tear up my hands. Looking forward to giving them a whirl. Not been back into the gym in around a month so it's well needed. Can't use treadmill or rowing machine so I'm going into this session with a blank mind. Funny how we unconsciously create even a gym routine every time we walk in. P.s Still buzzing from the plant milk

@pluto I've been experimenting with binaural beats over the past month and find yes 100% they definitely do work. Quick question... Why do some of them leave a crackly sound in the head after I've removed earphones? Lasts around 15 minutes after finishing. Thank you so so much for posting this by the way ❤️

@Aaron p Awesomesauce dude!

Meditation this evening has left me feeling shite. Fucking fear man. Why does my fear always involve psychosis? I'm terrified of becoming psychotic. I observed the thoughts up until a point where I saw an image of me grabbing the wall behind me screaming and then I broke my meditation for a second through fear. What if I think about psychosis that much that I trigger it? It's weird because at the same time I find the subject extremely interesting. I've got a pins and needles feeling all over the top of my skull. I listen to people's stories of psychosis because it intrigues me then I plant ideas into my head like an absolute daime bar. As soon as I've finished psychio I'm going back to the counsellor. This is probably ego stopping me from going deeper into meditation. Funny feeling.

@Aaron p could you explain further pleasure

I was actually incredibly delighted Micheal with the time frame. I thought it was going to be months and months. Thanking you ?