Charlotte

Straight to level 10. No doubt about it. Love the vid.

@now is forever Arw bless you. I feel better already. Regular Pilates and a wholefoods plant based diet seem to be working a treat ?❤️

Thank you very much ?@now is forever

Just to add more perspective... I quit coffee/caffeine approx 6/7 months I went to my friend's house and she offered me a chai tea. After drinking it I asked if it contained caffeine as I could feel myself becoming ever more anxious for no reason. Palms sweating, leg rocking you know what I mean. She apologised massively and explained she didn't think... For about 9 hours I couldn't shut up. I tried over and over to ground myself but it wasn't having any effect. Emotions where everywhere. It wasn't pleasant. I was shattered by the end of it all. Just goes to show you what caffeine actually does. People become blind to it. Also I know it latches onto something/something's in the brain to actually prevent tiredness so your sleeping routine would be skew-whiff. Not worth it. Awesome your asking this question by the way.

@Mu_ That hoodie looks like comfy level 9

@Zigzag Idiot interesting... I'll have to look this up. Thank you.

There's some sort of shirt occuring but I won't label. All I'm going to say is I am truly seeing that I give meaning to everything. Ever-yth-ing. Actually... Fuck it. I'm gonna spill my guts out all over this journal. That's what it's here for. Okay.. I'm walking into my mum's house and I'm observing the arm and hand open the door. In a detached way... Like I'm actually watching it happening, unfolding in front of me.. I'm sat there last night contemplating what the philosophy teacher is saying and then I suddenly find 'myself' resting in this awareness... I ain't looking at him from my eyes nor from 'my' perspective anymore... As I've realised I give meaning to everything, it's left me feeling shit. Life doesn't have any meaning... I create everything... EVERYTHING. It's been such a turbulent past couple of days. I need to let go. I need to let go and let things be. I'm confused. I will let go. Meditation is getting deeper and deeper with every sitting. To be honest... If I step back... I think what I'm finding is more fear... Fear of the unknown... My reality IS breaking down and I think I'm just going through regular shit. It's actually recontextualizing my entire reality. Am I going too fast? Shall I give myself a break? Shot from today ❤️ .. Last night's philosophy class... P1_H02.pdf

Following for further info.

@Sahil Pandit True! But there's something I'm not a fan of from learning from a book. @Salvijus Thank you!

This piece of music is just.... I can't find the words. How I've been feeling over the past few days... Enjoy. .

@Michael569 Cheers Michael dude ??

https://www.gatewayworkshops.co.uk/spiritual_courses/kriya-yoga-the-lightning-path-to-self-realisation-workshop/ Shall I bother? £220 for 2 days course. She said on the phone I found her so I'm ready. I get what she's saying but this could also be a clever business strategy.

Today - another low in motivation/energy type day. Physio this morning. I don't think I need to go anymore. There's nothing more they can do. I went to feed the ducks and stopped at a local cafe for a quick brew. From the onset I made it clear I'd like plant based milk. I asked what was available and she told me. After giving me a brew with chocolate dusting on top (fair enough) I asked her to check if it was vegan. She confirmed that it wasn't and made me a fresh one. I thanked her she apologised. I took a 3/4 sips of this brew and then another waitress came over and said. "I'm really sorry but she has given you the wrong brew, that's cow's milk." Well you can imagine my reaction. My hands covered my mouth in disbelief. I didn't say a word. Stood up and walked out. As I was walking I saw flashing images of me punching something in anger. I could feel the energy of the emotion through my chest and abdomen. I knew I wasn't angry. I was sad. i went back in and made a formal complaint to the manager. She was unbelievably apologetic and I started feeling sorry for her. Even in that moment empathy was present for this lady. I accepted her apology and left. Later that day someone almost hit me in the car. I noticed my reaction. I called them (in my head). 'A fucking pleb.' I'll work on this. Not long back from philosophy class. I cannot explain this gem I have found on the doorstep. A new guy showed up tonight. Young, around 18. Which is awesome. He mentioned Eckhart and I replied with actualized.org. He said is that the balled guy? I was like YES! It is ? I was buzzing to talk to someone about it. He's definitely on the path this young lad. He's already meditating. Bless him. I've invited him over to the forum for guidance on his journey. The teacher we have is incredibly intriguing. I'm genuinely wondering if he's enlightened. There's something about him. I'll update tomorrow in more depth about tonight's class.

@Aquarius Aaaaaarw girl. I'm sorry you've been repressed in this way. Why are you a psychological mess? From where I'm stood your getting/got your shit handled very well. Your making active steps towards unraveling what has been done... as we all are. Do you know how hard that is? Your absolutely amazing woman! Don't you ever forget that.

@Tal No, sorry... it was steps towards a particular practice.

Why? Why do you feel ashamed? By 'dark' side are you referring to an unstable part of yourself? Sit down and be present for a moment. Breath. Bring up the feeling of love within you. Truly feel it. Whilst the feeling of love is present apply it to your memories. Suffocate them with them love. Aquarius, I'd love to know where these feelings of guilt and shame are truly arising from?

@Nahm certainly is Nahm ❤️

@Nahm Funnily enough a short time after the news about the inflammation I suddenly didn't want carbs anymore (I rarely ate them anyway) but now I have completely cut them out. This wasn't a conscious decision... I just felt like I know longer wanted any. I never ate sugar anyway, only naturally occuring sugars in fruit etc.

@Shroomdoctor oh my goodness! Amazing dude!! Well done ❤️

@DrewNows ❤️❤️ so true. Couldn't update as I lost my reading glasses and couldn't see the phone Yesterday - day of rest. Aching all upper body from the gym. I took the dogs out for a beautiful walk though. This morning I woke up at 04:30am I badly wanted to see the lunar eclipse/blood moon. I searched and waited but the cloud cover was too thick. Gutted. I went back to sleep at 0700-0900 I was cream crackered (knackered). Woke up feeling incredibly lazy and just a bit meh. No idea why. I don't usually. Definitely had a low energy type day. Felt lazy all day. Even though I so didn't want to go to Pilates class I knew I should so I went and I'm glad I did because I got the chance the save a lady bug from death The poor dude was crawling around the floor with a broken shell and wing so I picked him up at the end of class and brought him home to rest in the house plant. Besides saving the insect from imminent death I'm glad I went regardless. About to sit for evening meditation. Then I'm off to bed for an early night. ❤️ Thank you breath ❤️

@TheAvatarState Oh! Highly recommend. Don't think twice. Buy it immediately.

@Leo Gura Cheers Leo. (Sorry about late reply lost my reading glasses ?) Yes a lot to stomach indeed. I've been observing as of yesterday and I've noticed that I actually do create meaning to everything. Hit me when a song was on and I cried... I realised the song wasn't doing anything at all, it's sound... I was. This set off a snowballing pattern of observation to everything. Not gonna lie, I've felt pretty shit today because I've realised nothing has meaning, the self projects it all. Exactly what it felt like. @Vinnie Oh I'll take a look... Thank you! Thank you everyone that replied ❤️

The other night I had a dream. In the dream was a friend's father. He was dying in front of me. He told me to let go and I replied how? He said love. That was it. I've just been sat with said friend and we spontaneously got onto the topic of her past. She can't let go, she can't forgive etc. I explained how much I see her love within. She is pure love... I explained. Half way through saying this it hit me in the face. I threw my hands up lent back and covered my eyes in realisation. I cried deeply in the middle of the coffee shop. I don't know why. It felt like a breakthrough. I honestly believe that this message in the dream was given to me by her father as a guide for her. The thing that's confusing me is the way it's left me feeling. You know if you have a breakthrough say... In counseling and you feel that type of 'raw' feeling. I feel like that and I have absolutely no idea why. It might be deep empathy I'm not sure. I'm quite confused. Shine any light please? ❤️

@TheAvatarState which one dude?