Charlotte

So where do I start. The trips theme (I don't like to call it a holiday because holiday has so many labels attached to it. It definitely was not a holiday) So the theme was definitely Fear. I was on my own like 95% of the time. So I didn't talk much or communicate at all really. Day 1. Naivety So when I arrived I had to go out and buy organic fruit and veggies for my stay. I asked the lady on reception and she said I would have to travel by metro to another part of the city. For some reason I had a fear of using another countries public transport. I always have done. Scared I was going to get lost or scared of the feeling of anxiety or something. Fuck it. I grabbed my map and head off to the metro station. Following Google maps on my phone to the metro station. Long story short, I did it. But whilst I was doing it I was observing the way the mind comes up with fear thought and literally projects it onto everything. And I mean everything. In the slightest way possible. This observation allows for freedom. So day 1 was a good start. Day 2. Explore Yourself. I wasn't making any friend's, I wasn't talking. Nobody in the hostel was English. I could feel myself creating duality. Surrender Charlotte. Let go. No... Really let it go. Close your eyes and grab hold of this feeling and let it go. Game changer mate. I set off walking. Didn't know where I was going but I planned on exploring the city a little. I walked and walked and walked and the one thing I did notice was the mind likes to have an end goal when going anywhere, likes to know where it is going and what to exactly, for comfort and security (fear of getting lost coming up again). If it didn't have this it would go ballistic. So I just walked without anywhere in mind. I spent the majority of the day just walking and observing the place. I eventually landed at the beach and I plonked myself down and just bathed. An Asian lady was going around offering shoulder massages for €5 so I totally got one Sat on the beach having a shoulder massage under the sun. Wow That night the hostel took us for a trip up to a place called the bunker where you can see all of Barcelona. I used this time to meditate here. Day 3. Unbelievable'ness I didn't have long here so I wanted to do as much as possible. On this day I really fancied a hike. I was looking and asking around the hostel for recommended hikes. They recommended this mountain called Montserrat. I started looking for day tours again because I really wanted to do this but then I realised I could go and do this by myself. I didn't need a tour or tour guide. Again, this was the comfort fear monster at play. So I got up really early and set off. I made my way to Barcelona central station, found the train to Montserrat. Bought a cable car and train ticket and set off on the train. I arrived and cued up for the cable car that takes you to the top. Again, observing comfort zone monster. Once at the top (4055 ft) my plan was to hike back down. ...

@zambize thank you ❤️❤️

I'm baaaaaaaaack. Will catch up with everything this evening. So so good to be back ❤️

@now is forever Thank you sweet! I know! I definitely have put around 7lb on since quitting nicotine but I'm honestly not that bothered. I'll lose it again. Plus I do have a bit of wiggle room with regards to weight.

Beautiful accurate metaphor there Michael. I'm going to use that in my creative writing if you don't mind? It is certainly amazing yeah. Upon opening my eyes I was shocked at how many people where staring at me.

I've quit nicotine completely out of the eliquid I vape (planning to knock it all the head) I've suddenly found myself constantly thinking about food. I go to sleep, food, I wake up, food, I walk the dogs... You guessed it food. Food food food food fooooooood!! ? I've never been like this. Only since quitting nicotine. Please tell me this in a natural side effect from nicotine withdrawal and I'm not just a greedy bitch?

This morning whilst getting ready for the airport I said to the universe (myself) 'Help me remain conscious and present throughout my journeys.' I put it out there and left it. In the airport and I was walking through WHSMITH. Upon leaving I looked to my left and on the magazine rack was a magazine that read. 'MINDFULLNESS'. That was the only sign I needed. I honoured this and went and sat in a meditative posture and meditated for 17:00 minutes in the middle of the airport terminal around hundreds of people. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done but I already feel growth from just that one sitting. Wow.

? There is many many appreciative /grateful moments like this daily but if I was to post them all you'd get fed up of them

There has been a robin singing out the front of my window literally all night. I couldn't be more grateful if I tried. It's just so beautiful ❤️

You've been watching too much transcendence (jk)

@Shin

All done, packed and done. Meditation then up at 4am

Open up your heart. You have a choice ❤️

❤️???? Was able to enjoy English class today due to not becoming overwhelmed due to me putting in extra effort at home. These nootropics I got are well sorting out the food cravings, starting to feel normalish again. Wether that's the nicotine leaving the system or the nootropics I don't know. Either way I am grateful to the up most of fucks. Get the dogs out now in this beautiful spring sunshine then finish packing for tomorrow.

@zambize

Album of the past 2 months ❤️

Flying out at 9am tomorrow morning. It's weird this time because I've not over thought it, I've been mindful of creating something from nothing and because I've let things be just as they actually are you feel you've forgotten something because you haven't over thought it ? Previous trip I was ruminating for a few days prior, building something up mentally but this time I've remained more present and it's actually fucking mental the difference ? there is no stress in anything. It's all created. People say. "Oh it's stressful doing this and doing that." No, that's a projection. You're creating the stress. There's nothing actually there. It just is.

Last philosophy class of this term (quotes are amazing) P1_H09.pdf Won't be able to attend last class of this term as I'll be away but definitely going onto the next term in April.

@zambize I'm totally joking. Winding him up. I'll pass him his balls back when the time is right

@Nahm Beautiful! ❤️ This is exactly what I've been saying to Shin nahm. Too much knowledge (thinking) will create what you are thinking. It will become your reality. (Self fulfilling prophecy) @zambize yeah because he won't stop whining and get on with it because he can't help it @Shin ???

@Shin this on the point comment made me think of you.

?????????

@flowboy Thanks for replying. Really great idea writing things on the wall ❤️ I think I'll do the same. Totally get what you mean with the out of control'ness. Thanks for making me feel better and less like a greedy cow ? @Odysseus Stage chocolate bar Thanks for replying! My sweet tooth is being hit with fruit and rice cakes so I'm not doing too bad. I get it now yeah, I'm with ya. To be completely honest Nahm the reason I wanted to give it a little whirl was because this is where the fear initially started. After being spiked with CBD oil that's when then the panics came. I don't see my self getting addicted at all to weed. I've never been a massive fan plus my brother is a very fine example of what can happen with addiction and that's enough to put anybody off believe me.

https://tripsafe.org/how-to-take-shrooms/