Charlotte

@Autumn wow well done! @moon777light ?? @Nahm fingers and toes crossed Nahmy'bobs ? @Hsinav ♥️

@bejapuskas oh shit I haven't offended you have I? I was joking. ❤️

@pluto ❤️❤️

@TheExplorer Absolutely massive well done for taking responsibility of your life. You've/you're doing amazing, don't stop. I'm going to echo what @DrewNows touched upon and ask if you truly and deeply have accepted? Acceptance I personally feel can happen on different levels. When you accept on the deepest level, you just know. Your journey is beautiful, that's exactly what it is, a journey, embrace and rejoice in each and every new part of it. If you haven't reached to a certain part of journey yet which you feel you should have already, glance back and make sure you learned each and every lesson along the way. Did you definitely clear each 'obstacle?' And most importantly, enjoy friend. ❤️

@bejapuskas go suck a coin ??

@VictorB02 long story short I was trying to point to the fact I think you're doing this to yourself. You ((maybe)) have placed yourself ((correct me if I'm wrong)) in a self actualisation pedestal thus thinking/projecting that whoever you're sat in company with is uncomfortable because you are so 'awake' and they're not. You also said you're not a 'shoot the breeze' type of person meaning you don't engage in what you perceive as small talk, so what are your judgements about others that do? Read back your OP and try and see what I've seen. I also could be talking shit loads of bullshit but... Only you know.

'Shoot the breeze??' Sorry that's not a term I'm familiar with. You being awake? As opposed to them not?

What makes them a 'doubt?' Be comfortable in being uncomfortable. ❤️

@VictorB02 sure you're not reflecting yourself? How can you 'tell'? Is thought telling you?

@Seed exactly! ? Plus money taste like shhiiiittttttt

@pluto Absolutely fair point, I see what you mean and whilst I agree I still feel the responsibility does fundamentally come to down to our choice in whether we use or not. The social media platforms can be anyway they want, they are the way they are. It's our choices that will impact us ?

@bejapuskas They could chip there teeth thus being even more unhappy... ? Zero logic ?

Why though?

*Sits and waits patiently for @Michael569 to show up with his vast amount of knowledge*

The social media platforms aren't the issue. It's the user. Maybe look within to find what you are avoiding by creating an addiction. I find blaming anything external such as this takes the internal reflection away that may be needed.

This week has been difficult with hormones everywhere. I have been 'riding the wave's' so to speak but at time they have definitely caught me. They arise in the form of anxiety and neediness. I've been going to the gym for almost 2 hours every night following this rehabilitation programme and I'm absolutely amazed at how much it helps towards hormonal imbalances. Not only that but I've also had the chance to outwardly focus the pent up frustration from the hormonal imbalance at the gym. The gym has also become a place of meditation and of insights to thought. This week I've also been smashing the procrastination list I've had for years so I've been somewhat busy mentally and physically. Been doing a lot of CBT work and work around opening the heart even further. Realising still my delusions and manipulations which so occur every day.

For me personally and insight goes like this... (All without thought) *Realisation* Me: "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" (massive lightbulb moment) I shudder within at the realisation of this truth. And then laugh at how much I had missed it previously.

❤️♥️

It's been a fucking odd week. Anxiety'sville all week. Not felt this for sooooo long. I could tell a lot of it was hormone related though. Other parts of it definitely wasn't. I've just got into a new relationship. Completely fucking different this time. He's 'aware' if you want to put it like that. Hate labels though. So yeah obviously very new this relationship but I've learnt so much already (about myself) already it's hard to believe. As I'm at this level of awareness in this relationship, it has already mirrored such deep shit within me that I thought had gone. Its literally brought all these behaviours up that I even I was shocked at. So I've been working on these behaviours bit by bit. Any time I felt triggered I knew there was something that needed working on and believe me... I've felt triggered an awful fucking lot. This relationship has already provided me with such depth into my own unconscious shit already. I'm so grateful. So friday, I'm with him and I can just feel this baseline of fear humming away in the background within. This has been so prevalent in the past week but Friday it was so huge it was causing physical symptoms. It was becoming out of control. I was observing thought and how it was being created to create this mess. Friday night I went to sleep next to him thinking about insecure shit. Through the night I had a nightmare about rejection from him. I woke up Saturday morning and this nightmare had left an awful taste in my mouth so to speak. I got up in the same state as I'd gone to bed. I lay there knowing this needed addressed. What was it? Why was it? I'm very good at introspection and facing up to my own behaviours and manipulations so I was ready for it. I lay there and grounded myself into a meditative state. (He was asleep beside me). I was searching for answers as to why this was happening, how I was causing this, looking for the deep thoughts and beliefs around this. I noticed the way the mind even tried to blame him for how I was feeling. There was thoughts of running away, of excuses, all the usual shit. I knew I was creating this so all that was bullshit. I continued contemplation for some time. Then I realised something. As I was observing contemplation I noticed the tone of the internal dialogue around the insecurities (these insecurities have been present for maaaaaaaany years from very early childhood) and how it talks about anything related to insecurities. The way the mind has been demonising this insecure part, heavily for fucking years. This was a huge insight for me because I then realised I had been resisting and creating even gteater suffering by rejecting this aspect of the shadow. I visually then grabbed the young, scared, extremely insecure, fearful side of 'myself' by the hand and walked her into this blindingly, glowing, yellow beam of love, I felt the love throughout my chest so I applied it to this side of myself visually. I let her know it was all okay and that she is deeply loved. I could actively feel the resistance to doing this. It was immensely tough. I did this over and over and as I did it I cried so fucking deeply, weeping so painfully but so freeingly at the same time. This was it. All those years of insecurities and the pain that had come with them where being healed in this exact moment. I could feel the release. He woke up and grabbed me so tightly. I told him vaguely through tears what was happening. I was hiding my vulnerabilities from him and I wasn't even aware of it until this very moment because in this very moment I was the most vulnerable I had ever been. After all that had happened I changed as a person. I felt free, even the relationship felt the changes, I felt I could completely be myself around him, I was no longer holding back, I didn't care anymore I was just flowing, my internal dialogue had even changed, my perspective of myself and of him had changed.. This, I feel is what mushrooms have done for me, slowly but extremely carefully brought me to a space of complete acceptance and love. Wow. ❤️

Love

Not allowed to discuss sourcing of psychedelics unfortunately bud. Refer to user guidelines. @New That question is completely relative to you. I cannot advise because of the safety aspects. In my experience, I did on my own for my first time though.

This is literally what I have been doing. Just observing the ebb and flow of change with acceptance (with work) of everything. It's tough to communicate what I mean. You're absolutely right. Definitely I'm starting to realise this. Yeah this morning has been fucking eye opening and healing with regards to self love. Will update journal later. ?

What is it about hitting your goal your so oriented on?

Hope your feeling okay after your session ❤️ I'm glad it came up for you. Is everything okay now? You managing okay? Love your advice Michael, spoken deeply to me. Thanks so much for the other advice, I honestly never omit the nutrition, it's a way of life. Oh I'll look into the bush flower. Thanks bud

? Your a bloody legend. Made me giggle. Your absolutely right, definitely a time to take a break. I realised this yesterday. Just gonna up the meditation and leave mushys alone. Yeah I'd say I've allowed for integration BUT there is no black and white answer is there with regards to integration. There's no instructions. Am I trying to prove anything to myself or chase something? In my opinion I'd say no. I just become more aware and conscious of my own delusions/ego so I'm able to work 'to the point' if that makes sense? Yeah my body is definitely communicating a strong message to me and I know what it is. Take a break, relax, ground yourself. Oh has it? You gonna act on it?