T1r1on
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Everything posted by T1r1on
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I really didn't do anything today. I've been talking with my family all day. It's nice to just sit down mow over thoughts with a group of people. I did meditate this morning. And, I'm going to meditate after this. Oh, we had a couple Mormons show up at around 3:30.
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I just finished the next part of the LPC, and it took a while. You write a hundred directed questions. I was fun though. It's not something that I get to do often. Ask questions, good ones, that is. Now I want to answer them all, and make another list. I frequently get thoughts about how society could improve. It would require everyone's participation to do. And, that is quite the feet to acomplish. It's not something that I could see in my lifetime probably. But, the foundation could be laid in our generation. I have something that I need to reaserch so I'm going to cut this short.
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I feel way better today. I crashed while I was meditating and felt pretty good in the morning. I still have some congestion, but it's normal. I put in an application for a different job today. I'm quite fed up this one. I'm hoping that the next one won't leave me so drained. Also I'll be in familiar surroundings doing something I'll be good at. I've been seeing things for what they are. Not labeling them. It opens up my head for other stuff. I have been having a hard time conveying an objects lable though. So, when I'm talking to someone I have to stop and remember what it's called. I've always done this, but now it's getting a little worse. It happens about 2 or 3 times a day. I'm not really worried about it though. It's all semantics to me. I can just point and say "that" usually (lol). I got through the second life purpose video today. Or the third if you count down the list (not including the intro). I'm pretty sure I had it figured out already. I just needed to refine it. And, getting it all wrote down and worked through really helps. Plus it was worth just the concepts alone. I've been pondering on something Joe Rogan said in one of his podcasts. Live life like your the hero in a movie, and now is the beginning where your life is a giant mess. And, just decide to go in a better direction. It makes me think about how at a moments notice I cab change anything. Then I think of what Allan Watts said. Life is just one giant present moment. So, that refines it to right now I can change anything, and only now can I change anything. I had a cool thought earlier. It really doesn't have to do with PD, but it's fun to mow over. What if at any 1 present moment that is 1 persons present moment in the illusion of time. So, like I am the only person who is in the present moment for my time. And we are all taking turns at different "times". And, the people we see in our time are only afer images of their time that have been woven into existence because all that ever exists is the present moment. And it jumps all over the place. So, now is my present moment, but after I die it changes to a Pharoah or one of your distant disendants. It's really hard to explain. It would be kind of like focusing on one individual at a time in the blanket of consciousness. Like the universe, or god has 1 focal point at a time, but time is irrelevant. So, everyone and everything gets to be the main character. Like I said, it was a fun thought.
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I'm still working on it, but soon.
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I got laid-off at my last job. I practically danced off the property. Then I spent the next few months doing a lot of personal development and finished college. Now I'm back at a job, but in my free time I've been building up an idea I've had for a while. Soon I'll be able to quit and not have to worry about finding another job.:)
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I'm not sure if I'm sick or my alergies are going nuts. And it sucks. I've taken both alergie and cold medicine abd neither are doing anything. All of my energy is gone. Nothing interesting happened today, and I'm not really coherent. I'm going to meditate and go to bed.
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I worked on my youtube channel all day. It was fun. Other than that not much happened. I drew a little bit. It's really hard doing 100% responsibility when you always get blamed for other people's failures. I still manage, but it sucks. Hopefully, this situation will change soon. I've been doing the LPC. I'm on the life purpose section. It's taking a while. But, I've already gotten a lot of it. I'm starting to see forest through the bushes, so to speak. It gets me all excited to see what's next.
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I found that my thoughts when approaching women tend to affect the outcome. For example, I would get super nervous when I tried to talk. But, before I had even walked up I had thoughts like; "what if she doesn't like me," or," what if she laughs at me." This lead my mind to start thinking about that stuff more and find answers to those questions. Generally what I feared happening, happened. So, now I've started interupting those thoughts with what I want. For instance; " what if she likes me," or " what if she's my next girlfriend." This puts a drive in you to approach her, and she can see that your not forcing it. Also, be honest. If your nervous tell her. It shows how mature you are. If you go in nervous, but act confident she will notice. Actually most people notice. I can't remember where I heard it, but true maturity is being able to express your emotions honestly. It takes a certain level of courage to show how you feel. And, it shows that you're comfortable with yourself. An example would be, if your nervous; " I'm really nervous, but the thought not of trying to talk to you makes me want to (incert ending)." Just be you when you're actually talking to her. Lastly, don't take her answer personally. If she's not interested, then she's not interested in the idea of being with you. The key word is the idea. She doesn't know you at all. All she has to go on is a tiny conversation. She could have had a bad day too. Needless to say don't take it to heart and get busted up over it. She is but one woman who said no. There are many more out there. Just learn from the experience and move on. Who knows maybe she'll aproach you in the future.
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I'm a leo, but that's the only one I know.
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Being alive. I've almost died quite a number of times, and I've made it out pretty much unscathed. Nothing makes you apreciate life like almost dying a few times.
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I worked in the oilfield, and a few years ago I was in fraq. There was several times I worked 100+ hours a week. Usually when a job started you didn't sleep for about 48 hours. The rest of it was 12 on 12 off. It wears you out to the point that you have a hard time remembering your own name. But, the job is both physically and mentally demanding. You can see where this leads to injuries and sleep issues. On the flip side, I did gain a lot of muscle and lose some weight. But, I started smoking. It was more to get a break than deal with stress (lol).
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I smashed my finger with another finger today. It was painful and strange. I was wearing gloves to boot. The finger that did the smashing is perfectly fine. I think it's freaking hilarious. It amuses how I can do things perfectly wrong. One time I pinched a nerv in my back by laying down on my bed. I was in the fetal position for 3 hours. I have tomorrow off and I haven't made any plans yet. There are tons of things I want to do, but I picked what I will do. I know I want to draw, so I'll do that for sure. I have to set up an appointment with the dentist. I called like 12 times today, but it didn't go through. So, I'll have to go up there and see if there number changed when I schedule an appointment. After I watched Leo's video on rationality I've been seeing things differently. It's a nice change. I see things for what they are not what I think they are. I also don't have to constantly remind myself do notice it. I live I Oklahoma. And there are a ton of fires around us. The big one that's burning was started by a semi blow out. And there is one that started this morning, and it's burning about 12 miles from my house. You can see the light coming off the fire right now. It's kind of entrancing. They really can't do anything about it though. Where it's at, there is a whole bunch of canyons, and they can't get to the fire. So, people have to put a birm around what they don't want burnt and soak what they can. It really sucks. I think I need someone to bounce ideas and concepts off. Learning is one thing, but talking about and teaching are another. Plus it gives you more perspectives to use. I would post somthing on the forum, but I don't want a whole bunch of enlightenment stuff. I'm working on it like most of us. But, I'm no where near where other people are, or at least I think I'm not. I really don't know. I could very well be on the cusp of enlightenment and not even realize it. It does seem to happen at a moments notice. I'll just have to see what I can do.
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I watched leos video about rationality today. It was a huge eye opener. My problem is that I'm not well versed in my psychology. This leads to me not knowing what I should. As I've said befor I tend to naturally fall into things without knowing what I'm doing. I've been a rational thinket to a degree and not even known it. After I started PD I've been moving away from it, more than I was anyway. I don't like it when I ask a question and someone tells me I'm asking the wrong question. I'm sorry I'm not asking the question that you have pre-planned for me to ask. My mind is not your mind how can you cone to this position? There are too many variables. It's kind of ridiculous. I don't know how much longer I can stay at this job. It sucks the life out of me. In more ways than I'm going to tell. I don't fit. And now I have people trying to make me fit. This is going to backfire on them. That's just how I am. It's time to meditate.
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Yesterday and today were crazy. I got off early and got alot handled. Then a friend asked me to come over and help him with some stuff. I finally left at 1 am and crashed when I got home. Today I had friend show up out of the blue, and we played some table top rpg. That ate up about 3 hours. I worked on my set some then another friend showed up. He finally left at about 8. I decided today was burnt so I watched a show. I got to be creative today. I like coming up with giant stories for these rpgs. I've been drawing all of the characters that the people I play with think up. It's really fun getting into their head and drawing what they imagine. I've been thinking of writing a book or something. Try my hand at it and see where it goes. Now that I think about back in school I really enjoyed the free writing exercises.
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I learned something interesting. When I listen to the natural ring in my ears I can hear more around me. I noticed birds chirping outside my room, and other subtle sounds that I don't normally hear. It's quite fun to just see how much I miss. I am spent. I have so little energy right now. I've just been going on and on. I think I'm going to bed early tonight. Maybe some extra sleep will help me get back to running on all cylinders. I'm going to try to record tomorrow or Sunday. That'll be fun. I just have a few things I have to do to get everything up and running. I'll record a few episodes and then start posting them after I build a website to go with the chanel. It's going to need one to work how I want it to. I've been listening to a guy named Allan Watts. I like how he explains things. I get what he's saying. He exaggerates, but that's to get the message across. And he's funny which makes his videos easier to listen to.
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I kind of feel like I'm splitting in two. I have one side of me pulling toward PD. And then the other side pulling me tward doing other stuff like playing games or resting. Maybe something isn't right and I'm trying to myself, but I don't realize that I'm telling myself anything. Maybe I'm over worked and more tired than I think. I know my body's wore out, I didn't think it would go to my head. It baffles me how people can be assholes, just for the sake of being an asshole, and it's ok. But, when I'm kind or generous, I'm a fucking wierdo. Where did this mantality come from? Why would anyone think that it's acceptable? I have a slight problem. It's kind of a problem with athority. When someone tells me I'm going to do something or they try to force me into doing something for there own selfish reasons, I get the urge to...... anyway I'm not going into that. It gets bad. I guess my real issue is with someone imposing ther will on me. Trying to make me how they want. It's hard to explain. It's kind of like they treaten me with something that that I don't care about. For example, if someone told me you're going to this or you'll lose your job. I would tell them exactly where they could put that job, and probably scare the ever loving shit out of them. I need to make some changes in my life. I just don't know where to start. I guess that's just part of the battle. I think I need to sit down and take a good hard look at what I need to do, and start systematically knocking things out, kind of like chess.
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Yesterday was hard. I had to cut trees up and load up the logs. I got a pretty mean sunburn. Anyway after I got home and took a shower I sat down to work on the LPC and crashed. I haven't been sleeping to well as of late either. So, that's why I didn't post yesterday, I was asleep.
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I wonder how much PD stuff people really take to heart. I know I don't take it all in. Sometimes I binge watch too. I'm sure we all know to take everything with a grain of salt. But still I wonder how much people really get. I got draw today! I haven't done that in a while. I miss it honestly. I get busy doing other stuff and the things I love doing get put on the back burner. I need to change this, but there's alot that I want to change. I just have to better position myself to do what I want when I want to. I find it a little funny when people say be in the present moment. That's all life really is. One giant now. It puts a whole new meaning to no time like the present. Realy once you wrap your head around it, you change anything at a moments notice. For example, I'm droning on doing the same shit everday, and at one moment I can decided to just ceap driving right past work and go start somthing big. All it really takes is a little push to set forth a giant ripple. Just knowing this gives me some motivation to do something cool, right now, all the time. It's been one of those recurring thoughts lately. It makes me want to just quit my job and go do something amazing, but alas I have put myself in a shitty situation. How hard is it realy to make a hundred dollars a day? It really doesn't seem like too much to aim for. I could help someone do something a few times a day and get that. What if I boil it down even more say 20$ an hour? 5 hours and boom I've got my goal. Surely there is something I can do for that. Maybe, my problem is that I put for the effort to even try. This may be going somewhere. I think I'll mow it over some more and write it down. Now I'm curious, and that's where good things generally start.
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So far as smoking hash goes, as long as your brain is developed you shouldn't have to much to worry about. I like to smoke from time to time, I choose quality over quantity. People also use DMT which I don't think you can readily get in the states. Your brain does secrete it when the pineal gland, or third eye, is active. There are cases of people using chemicals to develope. Listen to some of Joe Rogans stuff about it. He's quite an interesting character. I know Indians like to use paote for Spirit walks, which is kind of self discovery. Srooms are used while in nature to get you more in tune with your existence. It mostly depends on how you enter into it. If your just doing it to get high then you realy won't see any of the benifits. It also depends on who's with you. If you and a yogi are getting high together, you'll probably get more than with a buddy who isn't into PD. Allan Watts has a video on youtube that'll shed some light on your anxiety. It's about instantly enlightening. Or the paradoxes of doing so. It's quite eye opening. Hope I gave you some helpful info friend.
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I've been pondering the state of humans as a whole today. Honestly, it's kind of sad what state we're in. We could be doing so much better, but we're all distracted and mislead. Where's the energy revolution that people were going on about? What happened to philosophers and poets? Why is the only place I go to meet people a crappy bar? What happened to community? I'm getting really tired of doing the same mundane bull shit every day. Go to work, go home, shower, eat, do what I want for a couple hours. Day in and day out, I'm not getting anywhere. It's really getting frustrating. To top it off it seems like everyone wants a piece of the nothing that I get. How did I get to this point? I did the strengths section of the LPC today. It was quick. I've actually the test a few times. Every time it changes a little. But the top 2 always stay the same. I think I'm going to do some hardcore digging to find a something that lets me be creative and curious all the time.
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Lately I've been thinking about the limits of my capabilities. I've come to the conclusion that there are none. The real problem is breaking through mental walls. This lead me to think that perhaps subconsciously I knew this, and that's why I started getting into PD or self help. I've always kind of done PD. But, now it's in overdrive, and I love every moment of doing it. So, I think I'm going to start incorporating it into everything I do. This will help me get more out of PD and make things more enjoyable. As for today, I got some cleaning done, and finished the values part of the LPC. I'm going to do a second pass to refine them. I feel like I could do better. But, it is an ongoing process. I also did some meditating. I am still going to meditate tonight, I like stacking it up. I've come to a wall. I like watching cool movies and playing video games, but it seems to get in the way other things. But, I don't watch them just to watch or play. It gives me cool ideas and inspiration. The draw back is I do it enogh to stop me from making a comic, or anything else. So, I think I'll severely limit how much I do, so I can actually do the things that I want do. That quote about judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree has been stuck in my head for a while now. So, I started thinking about what my ability is. I have many, so what's the key one. I've been boiling it down. I've come to: my ability is, learning at an irregularly fast pace, seeing things from an amazingly huge scope, expressing myself in the things that I create, giving clear advice to people when they need it. The last one kind of hurts though. I can give amazing advice, but most of the time people don't use it. I still need more refining, but these are huge insights into my psychology. If I boil these down into one word I can call them strengths, but I want to go deeper. I want to ring that bell in my soul, so to speak. It's realy quite fun to do. You learn about yourself, and find some cool paths that you could follow. For example, I could take the advice one and become psychologist. I would probably get alot of satisfaction out of that too. But I want the ultimate one. The funny thing is it's probably sitting right in front of my face. Lol
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I like killing a problem with kindness. It's way more satisfying to be the bigger human and not let there petty shit get to you. Plus, it rattles them more than a punch to the face. Now they have to see the after affects of real karma. Watch Leo's video on that if you haven't, it's pretty good.
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You and me both (lol). I tan a little afterward though. But it never stops the burn. To be completely honest, I kind of think the whole issue seems ridiculous. You don't like to tan. That doesn't mean your brain washed. Why let the others get to you? And, to what end are they trying to convince you? It seems to me like they are the brainwashed ones. They even took it to the extreme. Really, not wanting a tan makes you a white elitist. This game of "white power "and "black power" only separates people. In the end we are human, so why do need to be selective about which color of human is better? I'm white, and I'm poor as shit. My skin color has nothing to do with it. These classes are quite stupid. Upper class, lower class, white class, black class, old class, new class, it's all ridiculous labels that only perpetuate separation of people. My advice for you would be simply to be yourself. You are a human and that means that you can literally do anything. Color doesn't matter, it's what's inside that counts. Don't let this petty name calling get to you. Your opinion didn't fit there web, so they attacked. It's a defense mechanism.
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Hmm. I seem to always start these the same way. Lets spice it up a little. On this day I rode a dragon to the mountains of Isendor where I slayed a most fowl fiend. The beast reaked of marmalade and elderberries. (Lol) Lately I've noticed that I'm taking shit way too serious. This is an adventure, that means it's long, arduous, full of peril, and supposed to be the most amazing thing that I could ever do. So, why be super serious all the time? I'll miss the good things in life doing that. I do have a small complaint. It has something to do with the seriousness I just mentioned. It could just be in my head, but when people ask for advice here they seem to get blasted with a whole bunch of enlightenment concepts. It gets a little ridiculous. For example, a kid who's like 16 asks how to get up on time and deal with some self esteem issues. He's only 16 how "enlightened" do you think he is? He's just barely starting to see the ball of shit heading his way, and is noticing that no one realy told him the stuff he needed to know. Now he's having people dance around his question and try to indoctrinate him into their ideas. They get so wrapped up in chasing a concept that they can't answer a simple question with a simple answer. It's kind of like watching macho guys fight over who has the biggest muscles, but with people who have no idea what muscles are. Don't get me wrong. I want to become enlightened one day too, but having people beat me over the head with it gets really fucking old. It almost seems like a cult in some cases. That's it, there is my complaint. I doubt anyone really reads anthing I post here anymore anyway, so it's just my little personal feeling. Back to the fun stuff. I have noticed that I'm quite the optimist. I really try to see the best parts of things. I tend to get stuck in crappy situations, but that never really changes my outlook an things. To top it off I'm a pretty laid back dude. I don't let too much shit get to me. Sometimes it may seem that way, but I just tell it the best I can without sugar coating too much. I aproach thing with a neutral additude and let others fill in the gaps themselves. It seems like anyone you talk to has a sob story. I don't. Everything was pretty good for me growing up. I got the education the government requires. My parents never abused me. I haven't been raped. I got to do cool things and see new places and meet tons of people. Sure my parents broke up, but it just showed the best exaples of what not to do. I am a little bit of an outcast in my family though. But, I developed different than the rest of them. Sure most of my family didn't help us when we were at our lowest points, but I gained the greatest leeson yet from those experiences. I learned that no matter how shitty life and the people I trust get, I can always turn a shitty situation into a great one. I seem to have a strange gift. I don't know if there is any reaserch or anything on this, but I get better at some things without practice. For example, the past 3 years I really haven't drawn much. The job I was at was starting to give me carpal tunnel, so when I would draw my hand into my forearm would go painfully numb. After I got laid off, I had some time on unemployment to let it heal. When I finally started to draw again I was alot better than I was when I stopped. I have a theory as to why this happens, but I need to test it somehow.
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Today went good. It was just me in the shop so I listened to alot of motivational and PD stuff. It made the day go by quickly and got me to thinking about things on a fundamental level. First was money. Honestly, I've never really liked the concept. It holds people back and keeps them locked in a loop. So, what else could we use? It kind of seems daunting when you really start to think about it. It's not like we can automate everything, and every one start contributing to society. We could but eveyone would have to agree in unisen. It's more of a lofty idea that probably won't happen in our lifetime. The next one was about earth and how we relate to it. There os a giant whole in the ozone, and many other ridiculous things that we have caused. Now the next generations are going to have to deal with it. Unless we start fixing it now. People say that there is scarcity on energy, but that couldn't be further from the truth. We have way better ways to convert energy than fossil fules and nuclear reactors. But, we seem to be stuck in a capital loop that is preventing us from moving forward. The last thougt is kind of a combination of the two. Capitalism and most other governments are foundationaly flawed. When you put one or a few people in charge it always goes south. This has been shown throughout history. But, it doesn't work. And why are we still using a money system that hasn't realy changed in thousands of years? Fundamentaly it's the exact same as it's always been. To me it seems socialy we aren't near as developed as we should be. We're still woried about how everything affects us. We don't realy see past our fingertips. Almost everyone lives for themselves, and never thinks about how their actions will affect future generations, or even the people around them. This isn't me bitching, or trying to force my opinion onto others, it's mearly an observation. Actualizing is the first step to solving these problems, but there needs to be far more people setting themselves on this path for anything to really change.
