Sine

@iTommy Thank you, I will give the book at try! @improvementedward I have suffered from social anxiety when I was a child and young teenager, but not anymore. But it is a good question, I haven't really asked myself why. I will think about it. Maybe it has something to do with my childhood, where I saw my mother with no friends but social relations only to do with sex or/and partnership. Now I'm ending up the same way..I really need to change that!

I am looking for books that can help me build a stronger social circle. I find it very difficult getting close to people, when the thing is not about sex. Therefore my only truly close friends are people I have been dating, and even though it can sometimes be fine, I would like to be able to make friend with people just for the friendship. I am going through a breakup right now, while also getting declined at every education I have applied for.. It feels like I have lost my whole life and I'm am struggeling alot not falling into depression and suicidal thoughts. I have been meditating for years and I'm planning to go on a vipassana retreat in the summer. I have used alot of this week contemplating. I see that it's me who is struggeling more with the breakup than my ex-partner, and I think the reason for it is that I came into his home and life, where there is friends and love, but now when the relationship is gone, I am the one standing with nothing. I really much want to build a strong, good life of my own. But it is so difficult when everything seems to fall apart. If anyone have read any good books on making friends or social skills I would like to know - or if anyone have some other advice, maybe have been in the same life situation.

Hit me with your best books about coucsious relationships - or just books you think could be good to read before starting a relationship with someone. Thanks!

Just tell her that you would like to take her out for a green smoothie og maybe a beer or something. And tell her How you feel about asking her - like “Hey.. okay I feel so wierd right now but I have thought about this some time and I decided it would be best if I just ask you.. Sooo would you like to go out some time? Maybe this friday? “ And she would say “omg you are so awesome for being honest I will birth your children” or she would say “no, I like to play games and only dates guys that act like they dont want me” if its the last one you should go with someone else I think.. good luck!

28-04-18 DAY 28! Woooooooow day 28!!! So cool - I know I actually first really started at day 2, so the 28-days cleanse will only be fully complete tomorrow evening, but still its so crazy to see the date is the 28th! I remember day one, where this day felt so far away but I actually did it! The rest of my family also made it more or less. My brother who is 16 has definitely been eating more fruit and veggies, for example he now eats a smoothie on most mornings instead of his oatmeal, and in the evenings he has eaten the same as me and my mother, at least what I have seen when I have been here, where my mother has made special/"normal" food for my youngest brother and sometimes some cooked vegetables for her husband, who has followed the cleanse in the day but eaten cooked meals at dinner-time for most days. When I look back I think I have overall felt happier and stronger this month, compared to before. My emotional state tend to be a rollercoaster ride, and it is common for me to have periods of really heavy sadness after periods where I have been more positive, but this month, even though I have some lows at week two, and things have happened that have been challenging, I don't see that same pattern and "black holes" - So for my inner state, I can definitely see a difference, and that alone makes me want to stick with this way of eating for longer than just this month, and make it a choice of lifestyle. I really think it's important for your ability to develop, do self-injury and awaken to awareness, that you take care of your body, so you can be in your best possible state to handle whatever you need to handle in your life. My meals of today: Early morning: My mother made some juice of celery and apple - actually the cleanse suggest that you start everyday of the 28 days with celery juice, since it should have very cleansing abilities, but I don't have a juicer, and live on a boat so it would be a bit difficult to install one, so I have got my celeries in the smoothies, and then as juice when I have been visiting my family. After the juice I did some yoga and went to take a shower. Then this strange things happened! All my back started hurting, from my shoulders, down my arms. It didn't last for long, but it really hurt and then my nose started bleeding. My mother said she had some similar symptoms. She told me that when she was a child her father had broken her arm, and throughout the cleanse she had occasionally felt pain in that arm, even though she hadn't felt that for years. So maybe what I felt was some symptoms of cleansing? I know some people would say that it could have been my yoga, but it was a veeeery easy program, and I have never felt that kind of pain before, not even from more difficult yoga sessions or running. Morning: Bananas and apples Early Lunch: Smoothie Lunch: A pear Afternoon: More smoothie and a salad Dinner: Even more smoothie! I think my mother is tired of cooking, she only makes smoothie! But it tasted good! Actually I also had a bit of baked sweet potato since I don't want to give my body a shock when I start eating cooked food again, so I will start slowly now to take it more in my diet. Through the day I know I ate a lot of bananas, apples and dades, but I can't remember exactly how many. Before bed: A banana and more juice of apple and celery Hugs, Sine

01-04-2018 DAY ONE! I have been vegetarian since the age of 13. At that time, it was more a matter of developing my personality, and defining my individual-self as a teenager. But through the years I have got a lot more interested in health, nutrition, animal rights, the environment and so on. It is so clear to me, that a plant-based diet is the best way we can take care of our planet, and on the same time develop a more compassionate consciousness. At the age of 17 I got my meat-eating, milk-loving brother on the plant-vaggon by showing him an article about how milk is really bad for you, expectably f you have acne and problem with your lungs (witch he had at that moment) My brother was 15 at the time, and very determent. He turned around 100% and became even more plant-based than me - he became a full-shitass vegan! So for a while it was just me and my brother. He inspired me a lot to quit even more animal based product, and as I started to get more into self development work, I started noticing all these things that I was addicted to. Stuff like cheese, and ice-cream. Normal addiction that is accepted in society, but addictions they are, and for me (growing up in a family full of people with alcohol, drug, sex, and gambling addictions) it became very important to get rid of all the kinds of addictions I may had ( I have also worked a lot on mental issues, and relationships addiction. Everything got a lot better with hard work, meditation and Leo, but this journal will be more about health/nutrition) And now to the important stuff! For about two years ago, my father started to eat nothing but fruit. He is a but weird, so I never thought much about it, but he was always bringing a large bottle of homemade smoothie with him, and one day he told me he ate a whole bag of apples through one work day. I started to worry about him, because at that time I thought that fruit equals sugar, and that he might get a stroke or something. I started to talk with him about it, and he lended me this book by Anthony Williams called 'The medical medium. Anthony Williams claims in this book, that fruit and veggies can heal almost every disease, and that he knows all of that because of a spirit that has talked to him since he was a child. At the time my father lended me the book, wasn't as open-minded as I am now, and I wasn't even meditating every day, and overall not as serious about self development as I am now. So I didn't read the book, but told my mother briefly about it, when I visited her, and I think I left the book at her place or something. Next thing I know - My mother is all about fruits as well! By this time I heard that my grandfather read the book too, and said the died had changed his life. When I visited him he looked 20 years younger, and both him and my mother has a bit more of 'saneness' about them than my father, so I started to get a little bit more interested in the book. Soon my mother was suddenly able to go up the stairs without pain, and she also lost a lot of weight - but even more important, she was happy in a way she hadn't been for years. Shortly after Leos video about open-mindedness came out. I was convinced, I had to read it. So I brought it with me on a vacation with my boyfriend at that time, and read the whole thing In two weeks. Through the chapters that talks about the spirit, I thought about Leos video, and kept my mind open. When I came to chapters that explain the healing powers of fruit and vegetables, it wasn't hard to be convinced. As soon as I had read and understood that the sugar in fruit is very different than the sugar you put on your cereal, and how this is a big misunderstanding in society, it all made more sense. Since I stopped eating meat at 13, I had struggled a lot with what other thing I should eat. I thought that eating a banana was just as bad as eating a bag of candy. So I ate very little, and a lot of corn, bread and pasta. Today, I feel like - how couldn't I know better! Vegetables and fruits are so beautiful, fresh and tasty. It is so natural that this is the food for us. Today I can't imagine that the base of my diet should be anything else. I would really recomment for everyone to read the book. It changed my life and the life of my whole family. Through my life (I am now 23) have struggled with shingles, vulvodynia, candida and Hashimoto's (like Leo, omg fan-girl screaming* just kidding'...But seriously) mental issues - like bordeline, anorexia, depression, cronic-loneliness. Things that I can now see are getting better. In the book Anthony Williams explanes the specific fruits and vegetables, and also vitamins, that are good for different diseases, so I won't go more into that here. This journal will be more focused on the part of the book that directs a 28-days cleanse, witch I have finally decided to try. Starting today at April the 1st! Today I am visiting my family, and starting the cleanse together with my mom, and one of my brothers who is 16. My youngest brother who is 11, will also go a long, but only as much as he wants to/enjoy. The plan is that we will have one last easter dinner with these new vegan eggs we all have been exited to try (a last easter supper like Jesus, my mother just joked about) And then we will start. If you had already read the book I will encourage you to go along with me! But if you hadn't read the book and are just interested in following along, on how this will affect my mind and body you can do so here on this journal. I will write down what I eat, how I feel, my thoughts and so on - of course through these 28 days I will keep meditating for 20-30 minutes everyday as always, and keeping my run-training. So I will also write about things related to my all-around personal-development. I want to state from the beginning that I have followed Leo for a long time, and is very serious about mediation and enlightenment work. I have also done LSD for this purpose and plan to do a mushroom trip some time after the cleanse. It will may sound in my writing, like I don't know about non duality and that everything just is, but I really do. I just want to tell you all about this cleanse, and have to write about it, and use the terms that I am used to in my everyday language, to describe it to you. Therefore I will use for example the term "My body" and "my mind" though I know that it Is a very simple way to look at things. - just wanted to let you know, so we are all on the same page here. The bottom line for the cleanse is: Eat only raw fruits and vegetables for four weeks. Aim for 100% organic if possible, limit salt intake,drink plenty of water, non-caffeinated herb teas, or coconut water. If you are taking necessary supplements or medication, take them as well. This is the example from the book for what you could eat through one day: Early AM: A cleansing beverage consisting of: celery juice, cucumber juice, lemon water, coconut water with Hawaiian spirulina, herbal tea, or barley grass juice powder with water. If time is limited, skip this and drink a 12oz glass of water. Breakfast: Make a fruit smoothie. Consider 3 bananas, 2 dates, and 1 cup of berries with enough water to desired consistency. Papayas and mangoes may also be used. If you’re still not full, have more fruit. Stay fed! Other smoothie ingredients can include a handful of spinach or cilantro, a couple stalks of celery, or barley grass juice powder. Fruit still needs to be the main ingredient. Any high-speed blender will work, such as a Vitamix, Nutribullet, Ninja, or anything similar. Standard blenders can be OK for bananas and berries, but are typically not sufficient to liquefy foods like vegetables or dates. Mid-morning: Make another fruit smoothie, as described above. If you are short on time, make enough for 2 large servings earlier in the morning, and have the second serving now. Lunch: A salad with spinach, lettuce, and cucumbers, plus add fruits of your choice. Options include berries, grapes, orange or grapefruit wedges, or sliced mangoes. Make this a LARGE salad, so eat enough to be full. Other additions might include sprouts, chopped cabbage, celery, and scallions. Dressing: blend ½ avocado, a handful of cilantro, and juice from 2 oranges (you may add fresh garlic or ginger for extra taste if desired). Optional dressing: mash up 1 avocado and sprinkle the whole thing with lime juice. Mid-afternoon: If you get hungry during the afternoon, snack on fruits. Examples include dates, apple or pear slices, grapes, and oranges. You may also add in celery sticks with the fruit if you want. Dinner: Spinach soup. Use 2 bunches of spinach, 3 medium-to-large tomatoes (or same amount of cherry tomatoes), the juice from 1 orange, 1 stalk of celery, a handful of cilantro, and 1 clove of garlic (optional) in a high-speed blender. Add other fresh herbs if desired. Try blending tomatoes and orange juice first, then add other ingredients. Garnish with sprouts, herbs, chopped dulse, or scallions. Consider serving the soup over fresh cucumber noodles, which you can make with a julienne slicer or similar kitchen slicer unit. It’s fun to make raw veggies into these type ‘noodles’. During the cleanse, only use cucumber for this type of noodle. Late Evening: If you get hungry after dinner, snack on an apple and a date. You’re not limited to this specific menu. Options include changing lunch for dinner, or eat 2 salads each day instead of one, or even a smoothie for dinner. Change up the types of salad and soup greens if you want. And don’t worry about the so-called concern with lots of raw greens, this is just misinformation (unless you’re taking a prescription blood thinning drug, in which case this cleanse is not suited for you). It’s also OK to eat one meal entirely from one fruit if you choose. If you experience blood sugar problems, it means you’re not snacking enough. Aim for every 1-2 hours if this is an issue for you. So, I will keep you guys updated! Now I will go and enjoy my final "real" supper, haha, and the it will be all about fruit and veggies!! Lots of hugs, Sine

27-04-18 DAY 27! I forgot to write about yesterday omg! (Wouldn't it be funny if instead of oh my God we would start pronouncing it as oh my Gura?) - To be honest, I am so tired right now I can't remember what I exactly ate yesterday, but probably a lot of fruit and veggies, maybe a smoothie with blueberries and stuff. I went to the theater with a friend in the evening, it was a bit hard to drink tea instead of beer. Not because I really like beer that much, but it's just .. Yea you know. I am maybe a bit tired of telling people that I am on a cleanse. I look forward to keep my healthy habits, but once in a while among friends eat a piece of cake or drink a beer or take some coke. Just occasionally. It's so cool that day 28 is almost here! One of my friends pointed out to me that he noticed some kind of new 'glow' on me, and I took that as a compliment - actually I feel kind of 'glowy'. It's nice. To the meals of today! Early morning: Woke up too late! Had a lot of weird dreams. Ate a banana, went to a cleaning job I have. Cleaned the house, ate another banana, went home to my boat. Morning: Made a DELICIOUS smoothie of frozen raspberry, banana, celery and hand protein powder. (Also took all my pills) Lunch: I was in a hurry, because I had an appointment with someone who can help me with my theater-projects, so I didn't get to eat anything Afternoon: After the meeting I bought some pears and a organic bottle of juice, then off to the train to visit my family Dinner: My mom made a salad, mostly with leafs, but also onions and tomato - then she also made a smoothie with mango. Actually I also had a smoothie in the late afternoon with blueberries and bananas. Food taste some much better when other people make it for you! I guess I will eat a banana now before I sleep. I am aware that I have been eating too little for the last couple of days. My body has been more cold, and just before I had an extreme shift from feeling soooo cold to felling really hot. My mother said that the onions have a strong cleansing effect, but I don't know. I'm so tired! GOODNIGHT! Hugs, Sine

26-04-18 It’s already day 26 but I’ll write about yesterday - DAY 25! - first! Morning: I had a great morning with First a glass of lemon-wather, then a morning- interval run with 2 minutes jog, 2 minutes tempo run and 2 minutes sprints for about 26 minutes. Imo running is one og the greatest tool if you struggle with feelings like sadness, loneliness ect. That and of course also meditation. I have thought about How running and meditation actually fits really good together, and I think that my progress in one of them makes it easier to progress in another. Both things is about the practess of being in the now, and sticking to it, even though some part of you wants to stop and go eat Ice cream.. Hmm.. maybe it’s comparrable to the cleance also! Second breakfast: Smoothie with bluberries, my last banana and some celery and spinach (also all of the freaking pills) Lunch: This day I meditated in silence for 20 min. Then ate avocado with tomatos and orange and kiwi, also som salad leafs Afternoon: Bought some bananas and a melon! Ate three bananas Dinner: the lemon, and a fourth banana Before bed: some dades It’s so Strange to think about the cleance will be over soon. In some way I think the time has gone by fast. But I remember week two where I really found it difficult. It’s easier now, and I don’t think I will even be able to go completely back to ‘normal’ - I guess I will keep having meals with the only content of fruits and vegetables. I think a lot of the times I have felt pain in my stomach had something to do with the mixing of fruit and for example corn in one meal. I think it will be better to seperate them in the future and overall eat more meals like the ones I have eaten for the past weeks, and less corn, and hopefully never again milk products, it’s hurtfull for the cows anyway and hurtfull to me in another sense.. So what would be the point. They have great vegan icecream and I know an awesome place with vegan pizza... I’ll be fine - Also I can teach myself to make brie cheese (which I love) from nuts - its true you can do that! I saw it on youtube ;-) Hugs, Sine

24-04-18 DAY 24! Wow, only 4 day left! It's so stange tot hink about that I actually haven't eaten a single piece of bread or candy for 24 days. *highfive to myself yay* - But still, I will definitely use this as a beginning for a more healthy lifestyle, but I look forward to the taste of for example roasted vegetables and also chocolate to be honest. Early morning: Banana Morning: Smoothie with bananas, blueberries, spinach, celery and cucumber Lunch: Salad with tomatoes, cucumber, an avocado and a bit of mango and apples Afternoon: Some dates and figs, also an apple and a smoothie with mango and carrot bought from a store Dinner: Salad with tomatoes, cucumber, onion, cabbage, an avocado and a very small artichoke (steamed) Before bed I might eat a banana and an apple The cleanse has been very expensive, and I try to get by with the vegetables I have left, since I kind of ran out of money.. I really look forward to tomorrow where I will get some money for a cleaning job, then I will buy some bananas. I could take money from my savings, but I have done that to many times for the last couple of months, so I really wants to try not to. Also it is good for me to see how little I actually need to survive, and maybe I will be better at managing my budget in the future. Also there isn't so much time until the 1st of May, so I think I can make it. As promised, here is a picture of all my vitamins and supplements - It's not all of them that I will have to take always, but it's a lot.. I'm not sure if I have noticed any effect yet, but it's only been since friday afterall. It makes me a bit nauseous to eat so many pills, and if it continues I'll have to stop taking some of them. But I really trust my friend and Anthony Williams, so I will give it a month I think. Other than these I take Iron-suplement once a month and omega-3 every morning. This is actually against AW but my friend has convinced me that I must continue to take them, so I will hold on to them also, at least for a while. Hugs, Sine

23-04-18 DAY 23! (And the weekend day 20-22) My computer has returned from the dead, so for that I am very happy! Also the weekend was amazing. I love my friend so much, and his school was surrounded by all this beautiful nature. We had some great walks, a meditation in the woods, and a run Saturday morning, where I ran faster than ever before. We did 6km in 35 minutes. It was slow for him of course, but for me it was amazing, and I felt so proud of myself. Food-wise, everything went well, actually better than expected. I ate completely raw Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Also most of Sunday, expect from dinner where I ran out of my own food, and the school didn't serve a salad that day, so I had some of the baked potatoes, a piece of baked eggplant and some cooked cauliflower-salad. But still only vegetables. I had brought with me two bags of vegetables and fruit (only one bag of clothes haha) In the mornings I ate mostly my own fruit, one of the days they served som berries that I ate, and friday morning I had a smoothie I brought from home. My friend had bought some smoothies from the store and the school served salad to most of the meals, so it was easier to get by than I expected. Saturday my friend went to the store and bought some bananas, apples and berries for me, since my bags was almost empty, but overall I think it went great. It was fun to see peoples reactions to my food. The morning I had the watermelon it was a bit weird to sit and eat it in front of his class, because I got the feeling that people thought I was a freak.. But actually most people said it made them happy to see, and I thought about that. Fruit really makes people happy. it's hard to be angry while pealing an orange. Just the smell, the color, and the sweet taste... It lifts your mood. Also I have thought about that this way of eating makes me a bit judgemental. It's not something I'm proud of, but I guess it's better to speak the truth to yourself. While staying at the school, and so clearly eating a lot different than the 'normal'. Just seeing people sit beside me and eating for example cheese, drinking milk, or .. I won't even mention meat. It makes me sad because I know how it hurts them, and how they hurt their bodies. I just want's to shout everything I know out, or throw apples and blueberries at them.. but I also don't wanna be that type of person to put my believes out on everyone else. It's difficult. It's like the time I started meditating, and really began to understand. I couldn't force everyone around me to start meditating, just because I had figured it out. No matter how sure I was that it was the ' right thing to do' - people had to walk their own road. I just wish that society would stop brainwashing people to think it's necessary to eat meat and drink brestmilk from cows. At least.. I talked with one of the students at dinner about living on a raw-food diet, I think it was Friday or Saturday.. I remember he said "Yea but what kind of life would that be" (If you couldn't have macdonalds, , cakes, pizza and so on.. And it's not like - I mean... I will definitely have some vegan pizza and vegan ice cream after the cleance, but it just got me thinking - what kind of life would that be? A life with a body at ease? A life with less physical and maybe even less mental pain? a longer life? a happier life? or would it really be miserable, having to miss out on macdonalds and pizza? Would it be worth it? This day went by okay. I miss my friend a lot, and some shit happened to my project. Actually I just had a steamed artichoke. It was steamed so a bit out side of the ' rules' but It's the last week, and I know a lot of people eat a baked potato in the evenings of the last week to get the stomach used to regular food again, so maybe my potatoes can be artichokes. I don't think its such big of a deal, there isn't much fat in artichokes anyway, and it was only steamed. In the morning I had a smoothie - the regular one with blueberries, celery and so on (Really missed these in the weekend!) for lunch I had some fruit. A pear and an apple I think, later some mango, avocado and tomato. In the evening I made the dish with blended garlic-tomato-dressing on the top of a whole sliced up cucumber with some cabbage. Just now (after the artichoke) I ate a banana and drank some juice my friend bought for me (it's 100% pure fruit) It's cool that I only have a week left. In june I will do it again for only two weeks - I saw a raw-food challenge at facebook, and thought it would be easy after this! Also I got my friend to sign up with me, so it will be cool I have to tell you about my period also! Even though it hurt thursday evening, it didn't get worse, and I didn't really felt anymore pain throughout the weekend. Maybe the cleanse has something to do with it! Or maybe it just helped that I had sex with my friend or that we went out running or that I just relaxed so much and didn't feel stress... I will never know, but it's nice to be painfree, and soon I will also be blood free. Hopefully tomorrow or the day after. Also I got all my vitamins and nutrition-pills. My friend is a huge nerd in that field, and he helped me put together a list of all the things I need to help cure my Hashimoto and the shingles. Hopefully I will help, but it is weird to take so many pills everyday. I will post a picture tomorrow! Hugs, and goodnight Sine

19-04-18 DAY 19! Can’t believe its already day 19! Early morning: Summer has arrived so I had my cup of boiled wather with lemon on the deck (you know I live on a boat) It was a great way to start the day. I wished I had time to meditate in the morning sun, but because Im still a bit sick I have let myself sleep for longer, and meditated at my work instead. Also I have taken a break from running, but maybe this weekend I will feel good enough to start again. Morning: A bowl of smoothie made from frozen blueberries and strawberries, also celery, bananas and hamp-protein powder. I think I also put an avocado in it but Im not sure. Lunch: Mixed salad with cucumber, radishes, leaf-salad, orange, kiwi and avocado Afternoon: banana, an orange and some Apples Dinner: Im in the train now on my way to visit my friend (I have packed one bag with clothes and two bags with fruit omg haha) so I just drank a green smoothie and some coconut wather I bought at the station and ate som figs I brought from home. Also actually I ate an avocado I brought from home also... I just now realize how many avocados I have actually eaten today, but I think I have thought about that I should eat a bit more fat from avocados and coconut these days because I might have to eat cooked vegetables in the weekend. Hopefully I will still be able to eat nothing but fruit and vegetables even though it won’t be completely raw. Mind. I feel happy and strong. It’s like I am becoming better and treating myself with kindness and respect. Body. Today my period came. I had really hope that the cleance would do some kind of magic and free me from my pain, but it hurts like hell, and if everything is like usual I know that the pain tomorrow will be even worse. At least I won’t have any tasks to do, other than relaxing and being with my friend. If the pain really gets worse, I might have to take painkillers to get through it. I know that isn’t exactly a cleansing thing to do.. But I have really looked forward to this weekend and it will suck so much to just lay on the bathroom floor screaming in pain and soaked in my own blood. (Okay maybe that was over the top but you get it) Hugs, Sine

18-04-18 DAY 18! early morning: hot wather with lemon Morning: An apple and a whole watermelon lunch: salad with rucola, tomatos, onion pepperfruit and oranges. Afternoon: smoothie with mango, banana and selery. Some bananas and apples, also a kiwi Dinner: Smoothie with blueberries, bananas and selery And a few strawberries. before bed: bananas, some coco-nut. And some aspargus. Tomorrow I will visit my friend at his School. I will try to bring a lot of fruit with me, but I expect that I will fall a bit out of the cleance until sunday. Depending on How it goes, I might ad a few extra days on the other side of the 28 days. Hugs, Sine

17-04-18 DAY 17! wow, time goes by fast. Its amazing! Today I’ve mostly had smoothies. My mother made three bottles that I had at work. Also I ate some bananas and Apples. Actually I had two avocados, also some salad made from cabage and pomefranate, with tomatos and garlic. Just now I ate a couple of dades, but I haven’t had so much appetite today. Its been a long day, and Im still not feeling completely well. I did my meditation in the train this morning, and I will try to do it more regular again - starting today. now I will get ready for bed hugs, Sine

16-04-18 DAY 16! I had a lot of smoothies today, some just with bananas and frozen berries, others with more greens. I had to call in sick at work and stay with my family for one more day. My mother made a lot of boiled wather with lemonjuice which should help me get better. Even though I have been sick I haven’t lost my appetite - maybe that says something about fruit and vegetables being our most natural food and really what our bodies need. I have also eaten halfs of watermelons and carrots. For lunch we had a regualar salad. I still feel sick, but will go to work tomorrow, I really need the money.. And overall I feel better than yesterday. To be honest I have found it difficult to meditate while being sick, and I still feel a bit feverish. Tomorrow I will meditate in the train. There is something I want to write about, but I’m still without my computer and really tired.. but. Its my family. My mother has been eating like this for months now, more or less. I thing the food makes her develop in other places too. For example, its like she has new interests and lives for other reasons than just family alone. She isnt so intrested in cooking anymore, and wants to save money for an education in hypnotherapy, that she wants to take. Its really great to see her like this I think, but for my brothers and her husband it had been difficult, because she is like the glue that keeps the family together... Just now my brother cried and was really sad because we didnt sat down to eat dinner as a family but some just ate bananas, some had smoothies and my youngest brother who isnt on the cleanse gets sad because he dont like to eat “normal” food alone. I understand him, and his only 12. And super vegan anyway.. but this “only fruit-thing” had been very hard on him. But I also understand my mother.. She has been a bit old school and never thought my brothers to help in the house, so when I moved out she was only herself to serve her husband, my teenage-brother and my youngest brother. So I think its awesome to see her perception change.. but also wierd. Im too tired now. Will write more about it another day. goodnight, Sine

15-04-18 DAY 15! Morning: banana and a smoothie with blueberries, bananas and celery and spinach Lunch: a lot of blended bananas with strawberries, also I had half a wathermelon and honney melon during the afternoon. I also ate some dates. Dinner: we had salad and my eldest younger brother was here, so we also had some normal food but the only thing I had that was slightly against the cleanse was a tiny baked potato, but some people eat potatos during the cleanse if they have too many symptoms and want to slow down, so I guess it was altigh. Also next weekend I will have to eat a bit outside of the cleanse ruels, because I’ll visit my friend at his school and won’t have acces to special food (still I will bring a back of fruit) before bed I had a banana. ..... today I had some cleansing symptoms. This is maybe a bit disgusting but lets say during these 14 days I have been going a lot to the bathroom, like maybe 4-5 times at day. This has come down to a more normal number. Most of the days it has been easy to go - but today it was hard and my stomach hurt a lot. I thought it was wierd because I didn’t eat anything that was difficult to digest, so I thought maybe it was my body cleansing all the old bad things out.... maybe sorry to tell you too much... but its very intresting to see the changes! hugs, Sine

14-04-18 DAY 14! tomorrow we are halfway through! (Yay) I think maybe today has been the most difficult day, at least when it comes to cravings. I really want toasted bread with butter and cinnamon-sugar (wierd right?) maybe tomorrow I can eat apples with cinnamon.. Things are better with my mom now, but Im still sick, and feel kind of low emotionally. In the morning I had two bananas and a blueberry smothie with celery, spinach, cucumber and bananas. At lunch I had some salad with cucumber, onions, tomatos and a slice of boiled potato we had because we had guests over. later I ate another smoothie because my brother couldn’t finish it. It was the same as above. For dinner we made a cold tomato soup that I remembered to have eaten on a vacation in Mallorca. It tasted really good. Throughout the day I have eaten a lot of fruit like bananas and pears, and my mother also made orange-juice, and boiled water with lemon. body: still sick with a small fever. Also I noticed that I have lost weight. It was never a goal for me, so Im not sure what I weighted when we started but I think around 61-62 kg and now it was 57,5 before I ate in the morning. I can see that my belly is thinner, even though I have been skinny all the time, I have always had this soft stomach. Its still soft.. but a bit thinner still. Mind: Getting annoyed easely, and angry with myself for small matters. I hope some of it will leave when I get better from my sickness. I try to control my thoughts, and started to read the book of Byron Kathy about “the work” that Leo suggest if you have trouble with your emotions. meditation: because I have felt so bad, I have done yoga nidra meditation so I could Lie down. Run: nothing.. too sick. It annoys me, because I will visit my friend next weekend and I want to be in my best shape so I can run just as fast as him! Hugs, Sine

13-04-18 DAY 13! Everything is really really terrible. I’m really sick, i feel so bad. Also my nervous system and emotions are freaking out. I’m visiting my family but i wished I stayed in the boat. My mom is mad at me and I can hear her talking to her husband downstairs about how I don’t put an effort to be part of the family and build a relationship with mu siblings. Earlier today she said she was looking forward to when I would grow up, and then blamed me for starting negativeness when I said that what she said makes me sad. I know that I could just pack my stuff and leave for the train, but all my emotions are mixed up, and its hard just to leave because I missed my family and my mother and hope things will be better. I really feel like she loves me less and less as the years go by. I think Im sick partly because of the cold boat and partly because of the baby I take care of at work was sick, but maybe there is also some cleansing going on. I feel really much pain in my throat, and also in my stomach. All my body hurts when something touch my skin and i am cold all the time. It could also be that I became sick because I have been so stressed out with a full time job, three cleaning jobs and two projects, one with film another with theater. I really feel my mother has so many expectations that I cant live up to. In the day summed up I have eaten: -two smoothies with blueberries, bananas and different kinds of greens. -Four bananas, one peach, two apples, two oranges, one pear. - Salad with pesto made from spinach, garlic and tomatos. Also I had one slightly heaten mushroom and one onion that my family heated on the grill with no oils or so (my mothers husband need something slightly heaten to eat for dinner because his vleansing symptoms was too strong) I also ate a lot of raw onions because it could cleance me from my cold or flu or what it is. i have been drinking boiled water with Lemon and herbal-tea. hugs, Sine (sobs)

12-04-18 DAY 12 I’m happy to see that I get through more and more days. 12 days.. thats something. Today has been a bit harder than the rest of the week. I had a lot of work today and is getting a bit sick. Just a cold, but still. It makes me dream of warm dinner, Like... roasted mushrooms In vegan butter with salt and pebber or indian dahl.. or .. pizza.. shit just writing about it. I feel sorry for myself (teatsrops fall down in my smoothie) I Woke up a bit late so only had water and a banana early lunch. A smoothie. The same old with blueberries, celery, cabage, kiwi, bananas and hamp protein lunch. The worlds largest salad with cabage, peas, avocado, orange, pear and tomatoes afternoon: three bananas, strawberries, a pear, a red smoothie that i bought from a store, some dades dinner: a carrot, some peas, some celery sticks, an orange. Then I had something to remind me of icecream.. it was blended strawberries and bananas (frozen before) with liqurice powder on the top. mediation: did it at work to the Sound of monks chanting oooooohhmmmm on youtube body. Im getting a cold. But its because I live on a boat and thought it was warm enough outside to turn off the heat at Night. I was mistaken. mind. Not the best. Has a lot of selfdoubt thought and Im scared because I get to direct this play that I wrote and all the actors and people think that I am in control of the shit but really Im not. I find it hard not to think about theater, and I need peace in my mind to live. hugs, Sine

11-04-18 DAY 11! Still writing on my phone. . . Morning: I tried to make celery-juice in my blender with celery and lemon-juice. It tasted awfull but I guess it works. I also made a smoothie with strawberries, blueberries, celery, cabage and orange that I brought with me to work and drank before noon. lunch. A Big salad with salad-leafs, cabage, cucumber, pineapple, pear, kiwi and orange afternoon, a banana and some strawberries dinner. A smoothie with rasberries and three bananas, hamp protein posede and chlorrella powdee. I also had half a melon, some strawberries, a carrot, some dades and a banana meditation- I did it at work with ten minutes breathing exersice and ten minutes silence. Mood. Good, except for the morning but nothing too bad. It accured to me that I have felt good and stable for a while now Body. I think my face is a bit more red and “unclean” with spots. But other than that everything is normal. My belly looks a bit thinner. heres a picture of my fridge. The butter I dont eat of course

10-04-18 Day 10! I am still writing on my phone - miss my computer so much (sigh). Today has been a really bussy day. Even though I didn’t go to work, because the baby I take care off was sick, I still feel like I have been doing a lot of work! The good thing is I have worked on stuff and project that i love. Theater and acting! I have had a meeting with my friend which I am making a shortmovie with, and this evening I have held auditions for a play that I wrote and now wants to stage. So i feel happy and tired. Just got a message that the baby is better, so tomorrow I will go to work as usual and then more auditions in the evening! Early morning: I woke up late, so only had regular weather and a banana before I went for my run. I could run 7km in 40 minutes which is alot better than ever before. I met a puppy on the way that made me feel felt up with energy, but maybe all the fruit is also to blame.. morning: half a melon and a clementine lunch: to the meeting I had brought with me a large smoothie with blueberries, bananas, selleri, ginger, cabage and strawberries and hamp-protein powder. I also had a kiwi. My friend bought a cake........ it was a bit hard.. Afternoon: A salad with cabage, celery, tomatos, avocado, radishes and a bit of pepperI know I shouldn’t eat so many avocados but my mother gave me so many, so I’ll eat the ones I have. But still no more than one pr day! Also I ate a handfull of dades or so. Dinner: to the auditions I had brought a smoothie with raspberries, bananas, cabage and celery, which I could drink between them. Before bed I ate two strawberries and a pear. Emotions: I woke up really really tired, whitch was alot different than the other mornings i have had recently. Also I felt sad. After and during the run I felt alot better though and it got better and better throughout the day. Body: Recently I have had a lot of pain in my back. Mostly the lower back. Today I had a small sense of pain “down below” and Im afraid that the shingles may come back soon... I am surprised day 10 is already at its end! Soon I’ll be halfway there. I feel happy and even though I think of pizza and chocolate and even warm oatmeal sometimes.. this has not been as difficult as I though it would be! I think after the cleance it will be easier to go full vegan. hugs, Sine

09-04-18 Day 8 and 9! My computer broke down and is about to get fixed, so I’m writing this on my phone. Day 8: morning: I Woke up at my fathers placed and spend the morning doing yoga and meditation and taking a long shower! Therefor I only drank water and had a banana. Lunch: my father made smoothie for both of us. It had blueberries, strawberries, spinach, selleri and ginger-root in it. I will start using more ginger in my smoothies, cause it tasted so great and it’s cheap to buy. We also shared a mango before we went for a walk. Tried to get him to run but walking was also nice. Afternoon and dinner: at these times i was in the train. With me I had two smoothies simmilar to the one above. I only drank one and also ate a box with mango and spinach. I also had carrots but I didnt eat them. night: I had a friend over and I smoked weed which I guess is ‘t excactly good for the cleanse, but better then alcohol I suppose.. before we smoked I ate a salad of spinach, cucumber, tomsto and oranges day 9: morning: orange and melon lunch: smoothie from my father - the same as above + one banana dinner: smoothie with mango, ananas, banana, spinach + salad with cabage, tomatos, avocado and mushrooms. + one kiwi today I felt a bit bad because of the weed yesterday and I forgot to bring enough lunch, so I was so hungry in the afternoon that I felt dizzy. But overall I feel different than before in a positive way.. stronger.. also mentally. It’s wierd.

07-04-18 DAY 7! So I'm actually writing this in the morning of day 8, but I had so many things to attend yesterday, that I didn't got to write (and even meditate, shit.) I had to travel to a different city early in the morning, so I could take this admission test for university. It was lucky that my body has started to wake up so early these pas few days. I had a hard time to go to sleep, but woke up at 5 anyway, and with out the alarm. I am so happy for this, since mornings are very important to me, and I like to have plenty of time. Because of the early time I had to catch my train, I had made two smoothies and a fruit-salad the day before. And only ate a banana and drank lemon water, before I left. In the train I had the biggest smoothie with blueberries, celery, spinach, bananas and hamp-protein powder, also I ate another banana. At the test I drank the other smoothie with raspaberries and bananas, and ate a box of blueberries that I bought. After the test I went to take another train to go visit my father. Here I ate a box filled with cubes of pineapple, mango, celery, kiwi and peach that I had made at home the day before. (I also set two separate whole peaches) Before I ate this I was very hungry, but the kiwis and pineapple made my mouth burn In a very strange way - I guess I had to much fruit and not enough vegetables, and this got me worried a bit about stomach acid mouth-blisters and stuff, actually the whole cleanse. Can it really be healthy to eat so much fruit as I do? But I just stopped eating, and then everything went back to fine. At my fathers place we made a smoothie out of coconut, blueberries, strawberries and bananas. My father didn't like it, but I read about coconuts and got alle hyped about them. I drank the whole thing by myself. (this I would later regret) For dinner I made a salad for us, which had spinach, tomatoes, celery and cucumber in it. On the top I had made guacamole of blended avocados with some garlic. I couldn't eat my whole salad and fell more full than I ever had these days. Then later, the fucked up thing happened! I was sleeping on this lousy guest-bed, peaceful and tired after a long day with test and my crazy dad. But in the middle of the night I wake up and feel so much pain in my stomach - similar to the pain I have felt before this cleanse when I have eaten too much bread or had alcohol. .. I went to the bathroom (lol) but still this morning I can feel a slight pain. Then it occurred to me - the fucking coconut! It's a nut! not fruit or vegetable. Maybe, together with the avocados (witch is allowed on the cleanse, but people say you shouldn't have too much of them because of the fat) - So I think I gave my digestive organs a chock because through this week they have got so used to just relaxing. Maybe... Things I will do: Drink more water (my father pointed out to me that I don't drink enough. I have poor acces to weather where I live, but it is important so I will keep it up. Go talk to some people on the internet who also takes the cleanse. I need to understand the coconut-incident, and the thing that happened in my mouth when I ate the cubes of fruit in the train. Also I have to regain trust in the cleanse and the fruit Meditate more, actually I'll do it right now- Good, fine just meditated 20 minutes it was so nice. Will keep it up for the rest of the days in my life. Hugs, Sine

06-04-18 DAY 6! Early morning Water with lemon A banana Morning A smoothie with mango, spinach, celery and bananas, also a spoon full of hamp-protein powder Lunch A smoothie with blueberries, spinach, celery and bananas A bottle of organic coco-nut water (bought at a café) An apple Afternoon A peach and two bananas Juice from strawberries, elderflower and spinach bought at a café Rest of the pear from the morning Dinner An orange and a kiwi salad of cucurmber slices, red cabage, celery, spinach, asparagus and mushrooms, with a raw tomato sauce made from blended tomatos and garlic. A banana Feelings and body I woke up by myself 5:30 with a lot of energy and happiness. I often experience a heavy sadness in the morning, so this was really great. I went for a run, and I have the feeling I don't run as fast as usual, but I'm not sure, and don't feel I have less energy when I do it, so maybe it's fine. Later today I've been sad, and this has been tricked by very small events. This can have something to do with my cycle, and not the food though.. I am getting more and more use to it, had some cravings in the middle of the day, but when I had the coconut-water they went away. I feel proud of almost reaching a week! Hugs, Sine

05-04-18 DAY 5! Early morning Blended celery and orange-juice half a pear Morning A smoothie with blueberries, spinach, celery and bananas Lunch a whole melon with some cucumber and tomatoes Afternoon An Apple and a kiwi Juice from strawberries, elderflower and spinach bought at a café Rest of the pear from the morning Dinner salad of cucurmber slices, red cabage, celery and mushrooms, with a raw tomato sauce made from blended tomatos and garlic. A smoothie of two bananas and two cups of frozen strawberries A banana Feelings Today I have felt very tired, and low. Maybe a bit sad. I am stresses because of other things and haven’t slept the amount I need the past few days. I will catch up on this tonight, and hopefully feel better tomorrow. I get more and more used to the food and don’t have so many cravings. I feel hungry a lot but it is tolerable, and not as extreme as the last days. Maybe some of the hunger is also just emotional - since I eat alot, and get my vitamins I think. body Tired, but not as much as I thought I would be. My skin was red the other days but its gerting better now. Still goes many times a day to the toilet... and I stink... omg. I thought I would freeze more, but actually I think I feel warmer. Hugs, Sine

04-04-18 DAY 4! Guys.. I might be dying.. Just kidding but it's really hard! I crave nutella and ice-cream and pizza and sex! having sex wouldn't be agains the cleanse, but since the craving feels like it wouldn't matter if I had sex or a piece of cake, I guess it is a sign of addiction... So I won't think more about sex today. Back to the talk about food! Right now I actually feel okay, and warm.. Soft, in some weird kind of way. But other than that - the day have been terrible! I woke up, went for a run where I didn't run as fast as I thought I should have - but it still felt good to run anyway, so that was nice. Before the run I had a glass of water with lemon, after the run I had a smoothie with blueberries, spinach, celery and bananas. - I decided this smoothie into two, so I drank some of it before work, and the rest early at work. At lunch I made a salat similar to the one I had the day before. I skipped the avocado though, because it will be best if I have max. one avocado a day, because of the fat (Now you might think - but, Sineee you eat like fucking 1000 bananas that is so much fat! But no. read the book, it's apparently not the same) Later at work, in the afternoon, I had a mango with an apple, just cut in slices. This was really nice. I love mango. After work I went for some grocery shopping... This cleanse is really expensive! Bought more frozen berries, and (yes) bananas. At this time I was really really hungry, so like yesterday, the first thing I did when I got home was to make a simple smoothie of raspberries, bananas and celery. After this I felt really sad. And lonely. And empty. Then I made a could soup of an avocado, bananas, spinach, asparagus and celery, blended with some lemon juice. Couldn't bare the sight of another salad so I thought this was a smart move. I was wrong. The soup tasted disgusting! I swear it was really bad. But I ate it. Of course I ate it, while feeling more and more sad. I tried to concentrate about feeling the feeling, without escaping from it through interaction with other people or comforting unhealthy food. Right now, as described above, I feel a lot better. Just tired. Also I am hungry. I will eat some kind of fruit, then go to sleep. Hugs, Sine