Santiago

Heeeeey this is Santiago, and in this post I will be writing how I feel and what I think about my mom... I will just throw whatever goes through my mind instantaneously even if it is horrible, this way I will be able to identify some of my own problems, as well as get a better feedback from you guys on what should I do with her. I also think that writing this could be cathartic. A little bit of background: I'm from uruguay, 24 years old, my mom is 56 and my brother 29. We both(me and my bro) dislike our mother, we find her toxic and hard to deal with. She is going bankrupt soon and we will probably have to support her otherwise she is fucked up, but neither of us feels like she deserves support so this is a huge problem for us right now not only economically but also she is very negative in our lives, she just takes and takes from us in every aspect. So here it goes: My mom is a hypocrite, she says a lot of stuff but then doesn't act on it, she says she is strong, positive, brave but then she is weak, negative and coward. She says she is spiritual and elevated compared with other but she is actually full of horrible and toxic defects, she is manipulative, liar, depressive, judgmental, full of hatred. What bothers me the most about my mom is that she is brainless, she gets in rough situations where she needs help to get out and it's all drama, for example when she divorced my dad some years ago she had his pension which was a good one by the way, she could live well with that money, but then she met a man a few months later and she accepted marrying him in the 1st date! Of course it was only words, but she did marry him 1 year later after only 6 months of living together (when all her life she told us that you have to live at least 4 years with a person before marrying because otherwise you won't really know them). Of course when marrying this man (who had a not very good income) she lost my dad's pension and depended completely on him(...). But then he resulted to be alcoholic and violent, so all the drama came along and this was the most stressful period of my life. She was living with him and me and my brother with my dad, but anyway the drama hit us hard when we found out about the situation, a couple times my mother called me and my brother, crying and asking for help because she had fear he would beat her up(I was 19 at this time). Of course she was also afraid to leave him because she depended finantially on him, she gave up her future for this man that she dated only 1 year and now he had her by the balls. Long story short, she managed to divorce after almost 4 painful years, luckly she had the house where they were living since she bought it with her divorce money. She then moved to a new house because she had debts to pay so she sold and bought a cheaper house and until now she has been eating her money because she doesn't work, she only rents a room she has next to the house and get a little income from there. So yeah she is pretty fucked up right now and her money will run out sometime this year and she will probably need finantial support because she doesn't work and she expends a lot, if she won the lottery now she would be bankrupt again in 2 years.. Regarding work she has the excuse that she is too old to work now and that where she lives there are not a lot of options. When she was jobless a few years back, just when she divorced my dad, her sister got her a job and she rejected it with some invalid excuses, the real excuse I think that was because she couldn't smoke for long periods of time. Yeah she is highly addicted to smoking, she smokes 3 boxes a day (60+ cigarettes?) and they are very expensive here in Uruguay. This limits her working chances since she will not take a job where she can't smoke, she will find all kinds of excuses to reject this jobs. She doesn't want to stop smoking, she says that she is very stressed right now to do so, and when she is more relaxed she will try. The truth is that she won't ever be relaxed, specially if she doesn't even try to stop... When she travels she uses taxi which is also very expensive in Uruguay, she doesn't take the bus and she always has an invalid excuse why not to take the bus. A couple years ago the state owed my mother more than a thousand dollars, all she had to do was traveling like 2 hours and getting the money but she was lazy and never did. It's as if she didn't care about the money, as if she thought "anyway somebody will maintain me later so who cares...", very selfish. She has a huge victim mentality(She has an excuse for every negative aspect of her life, and it's always other people's fault), she is super negative and does nothing for her life. She is racist and constantly judges other people, however she thinks she is an spiritually elevated and evolutioned being as if she was the big deal. As you might have noticed by what I said before she believes in weird stuff like for example that we come to earth to evolution and we acomplish this by living multiple lives and working on our defect. She also believes some weird stuff regarding magic, tarot, energies, the power of the word, she believes she creates her life with the words she says so for example if I said "I will die tomorrow" jokingly she would freak out haha. Many times this beliefs that she has sink her even more, because she ends up buying a house or deciding what to do based on some tarot cards that she threw over the table. And don't even try to argue with her about this stuff, it's IMPOSSIBLE to change her mind. She is a very manipulative person, I've seen her manipulating her ex just to get more money, the excuse was that he was alcoholic and neurotic so she deserved it anyway.. I've seen her manipulating me and my brother, she is the kind of person that tries to make you feel bad if you don't do what she wants. I'm also starting to believe that she gets sick on purpose just to get attention, she always plays the victim role to get things. Just as an example: when it's my birthday I normally do lunch with my mom and her family and dinner with my dad and his family, but now she is threatening me with not going to my next birthday if I don't invite her to come with my dad and his family, she says that they got divorced but she doesn't deserve to be cut off from the rest of the family, but I don't want her to come because my dad doesn't like her and I think that the rest of the family neither do. If it's my birthday isn't it my right to chose what to do? she is selfish. And she can't pretend to force my dad's family to like her. Another example: many times(even when I was little) when she wanted something from me she used to say "I cleaned your ass when you were a baby, now the least you can do for me is...", so she manipulates us with the fact that she took responsibility for us and raised us, but the thing is that I didn't even ask to exist, she decided it for me, and it's her responsibility. I don't even feel responsible for my parents, I didn't chose to have them, they should be independent from me. With that being said, I'd totally help my dad if he had any problems, because I admire him, he is a great man and I'd totally help him, but I don't feel this towards my mom. Another thing that she did that hurted me really bad was that after the breakup she hated my dad to death and so she would tell me and my brother all the time about all kind of horrible things my dad supposedly did to her, I would argue with her that this was not correct, that she shouldn't be telling me this stuff, they were problems between them and not us. But she kept doing it and still does. She tries her best to brainwash us to hate our dad, this would be her perfect revenge against him, but unfortunately for her all she did was making us hate her even more. I could go on with this, but nobody will read this huge post, specially if I keep adding stuff. Anyway I think I got over the main spots, and I want feedback from you guys, what do you think about me from this post and specially what should I do with my mother? If I cut her off like Leo suggested in his "dealing with toxic people" video, I'm afraid she will end up homeless and all alone(has no friends) and I don't want this for her. Here is a list of the defects I know that I share/shared with my mother, because obviously when you can't stand somebody it's to some degree because you can't stand what they do since you do it too and it's a constant reminder of your own defects: *Victim mentality: (totally overcame this one, I now know and feel it's all me and nobody else's fault) *Judging: Need to work a lot on this one, as you can clearly see from this post. *Negativity: To a much less extent than my mother but I've noticed that in some situations I am negative and think the worst possible outcome. *Mental masturbation/Procrastination: I didn't really address this but both me and my mother search up on lots of self-help stuff and then struggle to actually act on it. *Seeking approval / low self-steem Feel free to add more to this list as you read this post.

Update: haven't talked with her for almost 2 months, and I feel so good about it! It's liberating. No regrets so far! Thank you all for the support!

Update: Still dating her and I am enjoying it, I like her and she likes me, we have sex but also enjoy talking and kissing. I've managed to stop overthinking and enjoy the present moment when I am with her, this was KEY. I started going to a gestalt psychologist a month ago too, it has helped me with the overthinking problem. She has been very supportive with my "don't know what I feel problem", I made her understand what was going on and how it happened in all the aspects of my life and not only with her(I am starting to feel things anyway, i think..). I also am very supportive with her insecurities (and she has some deep problems too). So yeah problem solved so far! Thank you all for the help!

Hi.. I am 27 years old, male, virgin. I never had a girlfriend, I went out with maybe 8 girls in a date, kissed many of them and didn't feel anything, I just kissed them to see what if felt like not because I liked them. And I dated them just because I wanted to see if I liked them afterwards, and I never did. Then I stopped caring altogether, just kept masturbating until now, 27 years old, and I never had sexual desires during this period, because I was satisfied by the daily masturbation. I know I have severe psychological issues regarding relationships in general, friendships, family, girls, etc. I only have 1 friend now and I am not even sure how much I love him.. and I am not sure if I love my family.. It's like I have this huge armor separating me from everybody, I am disconnected from attachment and fearful of connecting with people and depending on others. Then there is this girl from my workplace, a week ago I went out with her and a friend of mine who also works there, we went to dance, and I made out with this girl, and liked it. I mean I didn't LOVE IT, but it felt good, I had a boner and it got interesting. This was a first timer for me, actually enjoying kissing a girl.. This was 1 week ago and since that moment she has come to my house 3 times to sleep, I mean we meet somewhere and then I mention if she wants to come and she does.. I didn't have sex with her, just touching, and giving her oral, but the majority of the time I don't really enjoy it.. So, let's put it briefly: *Only a few moments I manage to really like touching her, her butt, her tits, etc. The majority of time I don't, and I can't connect with her. *I don't know if I like her, I suppose I do since I had been thinking about her for some time now, but not THAT MUCH, always saw her like she could be a potential GF, but I was never crazy about her (or any other woman whatsoever). I also sometimes enjoy making out with her and touching her, but the majority of the time it feels like I don't connect with her and I am insecure, nervous, thinking, not relaxed, etc. *She asked me if I like her and I told her I do but I am not actually sure about this, and this girl is 100% invested in me, she has told me many things like she always liked me and I am cute, and she loves touching me, etc... So she is 100% invested. And I don't want to hurt her!! What should I do? I am not sure if I like her or not, I know I have this issues(and she knows I am virgin and I had issues liking girls before), but I am not sure if I like her and just can't overcome this fears, or if I don't like her and that's it... So I don't know what to do? should I tell her? I am afraid that I like her but just can't connect because of all this fears and insecurities I have.. But then I have doubts if I actually like her or not, because It could also be that I just don't like her that much... But then again, what If I do?? Yesterday, after not masturbating for 5 days I managed to orgasm with her, while rubbing my penis to her leg.... but after that I couldn't get it really hard the rest of the night.. Suggestions? I don't want to hurt her, and I also don't want her to leave me if I tell her that I doubt if I actually like her... because maybe I like her and I just need some time to open myself up...

Went out with her on friday night, had a good time, didn't have sex because of logistics, we just went out to talk, have drinks and dance. I talked to her about my fear of commitment, that there was a part of me that liked her and another part of me that was terrified and was offering resistance, just like it has happened to me all my life. Also told her that from all the girls I have dated she is the only one I could manage to enjoy kissing, and also talking to, which is true. Also talked about my other relationships and how I have this armor separating me from every intimate relationship, be it friends or family, or girls... Told her about the performance anxiety in bed, and that I was thinking too much. At one point she brought up conversation about how she always fantasized with me (we work at the same place), and asked me about my fantasies... and the reality is that I never fantasized that much with her, I did, but not as much, and I got nervous and didn't tell her this... I just told her what I fantasized about when I was fantasizing with her, but didn't tell her how much I fantasized with her.. She also told me things about her family, some heavy shit, her family is completely disfunctional, and also told me about her home, how it is not very well taken care of, the walls have holes, etc. etc.. probably things that make her insecure. The rest of the night we had a great time together, had drinks, danced, made out a lot. I still think there is something wrong with me, with how I feel people, it's like I feel disconnected or I am not fully there.. for example when we are making out and touching each other some times I open my eyes and I see her with her eyes closed and a big smile, like she is really really into it, or when we were at the dance ground, against the wall, kissing and rubbing against each other.. she looked like she was feeling super super good, and I was enjoying it but not as much as she was.. I don't know.. I also sometimes feel like I could go far away and stop talking to my family and I wouldn't miss them or feel the necessity to talk to them... like there is something missing from me.. On the other hand I have no libido.. this has been the case for some years now. I thought it was for fapping everyday, and it could be, since the 2 times I could go over 2 weeks on nofap my libido was back(but it disappeared as soon as I went back to fapping). But now I am with a real girl in front of me, touching her and kissing her and I am not super aroused.. I get a boner from the rubbing yeah, or sometimes just talking with her, but I don't know, it's a low quality boner, not like I am super turned on... I feel I should be more aroused. I also noticed how I am super obsessed with this, and always am checking if I get aroused around her or not. I still am having doubts about liking her or not. Because of how I see her enjoying A LOT when she is with me and I am not on the same level I guess, and the libido problem also brings doubts..

It's incredible how insecure I am with all this situation, I can't stop thinking that she will get to know me better and find me boring, or that I won't be able to overcome my fear and ruin it.. My self-steem is seriously wounded... A lot of internal work has to be done here.. In december I will finish college classes, and I will start meditation, go back to the psychologist and rebuild some of the healthy routines I used to do (eating healthier, walking in the park, being thankful, nofap, etc.), as well as looking more into commitment phobia.

Thanks for the words, they help! I need to be in the moment and do whatever the fuck I feel like doing, you are right.

Thanks but I am not willing to do MDMA for now, I did once at a rave and I felt more connected with everybody, so I guess it could help yeah.. But she won't be willing to do MDMA as far as I know, at least for now (we have talked about drugs before). And I don't feel like doing drugs right now. I will just cut masturbation, and maybe get viagra for next time I see her... I will also try to start rubbing my penis to her body like the time I came with her, and then once it's hard having normal sex. I will probably also talk with her and tell her about all this performance anxiety.

Yes I know this. And I am kinda doing it... But today after having talked with her last night and dreaming with her.. I woke up and edged.. I didn't come because I stopped just in time but I was close.. Yeah masturbation is killing me... I have known this for a while now but didn't have enough motivation to stop it, now I do. Will see her in 4 days, I won't touch myself until then.

I already told her that I am virgin(she knew this before we kissed for the 1st time), she already knows that I dated many girls and never liked any of them, so she may have clues about allmy fears, and she knows about my prone masturbation and that I started at 8... and she is still here telling me how much she likes me, that gives me faith she will stay at least for a while to see if I can overcome this anxiety. I can surely orgasm rubbing my penis to her body, just like prone masturbation, but I would like to cut that and start getting used to normal sex... I can also give her oral and touch her and she will be ok. But anyway I want to be able to have normal sex, and enjoy getting oral and being inside her(haven't tried this yet). I can try to do the same, start rubbing myself to her and when I am hard just try doing normal sex and see what happens.

Nope, she gave me oral twice and I didn't enjoy it.. I could barely keep a semi-erection Actually there is something else about my sexuality.. I have been masturbating since I was 8 (my brother taught me), and I do prone masturbation, which is pretty bad... So the normal masturbating motions don't do that much for me and I have weird sensitivity in my penis head.. This worries me a lot too... And makes me wonder how will I feel when I enter inside of her. Note: the only time I orgasmed with her was while rubbing my penis on her, just like prone masturbation... it's lame yeah.. and it worries me. PD: already told her about all this...

Would you recommend taking viagra next time I meet her? Maybe that helps me get a full erection and fuck her, and I start to gain some confidence back, I can do it a couple times and then start lowering the doses. If that helps me get an erection and fuck her then I will be able to get a lot of pressure off myself, and maybe next time I don't need to take pills.

This doesn't help with my performance anxiety to be honest.. You put it as if it was super simple, "just go and fuck her", maybe you never had this issue so you can't understand it. Either way I am giving her oral and touching her, she should be satisfied for the moment.. and also she likes me

Thanks for the advice, If I decide to talk to her I will take this into account. Now I am doubting if I need to talk to her because I am getting more convinced that I do like her :), so maybe there is no need to talk. The sexual part is complicated.. I slept with her 3 times and wasn't aroused enough to fuck her.. Considering all this fear, the fact that I am virgin and 27 years old, the commitment phobia, and the clueless I was about what to do, maybe it's not that weird that I couldn't get a solid boner. Now I am convincing myself more and more that I do like her, yesterday we spent a good ammount of time talking(via internet) and I enjoyed it, at times I wanted to kiss her and touch her, and I had a boner just talking to her. She is always telling me how much she likes me and has liked me for some time now, and this is giving me confidence and letting me invest myself more into the relationship, it's helping me to open this walls around my heart and I am starting to let me like her, because I feel it's safer now to fall in love I guess. Last night I fapped to her... not a good idea, but at least I was very turned on by her in my fantasies... The problem for me is that 1 thing is fantasizing and another different thing is when she is with me, I enjoy much more the masturbation, probably because I am not afraid and I relax. When I am with her I don't know what to do, what position, how to touch her, etc. I also have all this social pressure that I should fuck the shit out of her like an alpha male, and all that BS. And I also fear that I won't perform well and that after a while she will get bored... I hope that now that I am starting to open myself up I will be able to get more comfortable in bed too.

Thank you very much! This is exactly what is going on, I am terrified of commitment. I am terrified of depending on somebody else and giving them so much power over me, and also the possibility of letting them down, I fear they will get to know me better and reject me, because of my low self-steem... and as Teal Swan says, it all boils down to the kind of relationship I had with my parents when I was a kid.. All this time I have been hiding from relationships, not only romantic relationships but also friends and family, I isolated myself and I don't let myself feel anything for anybody, because I am terrified of love. I am really thinking about opening up and telling her all this.. But I am afraid she will stop wanting to see me because she will notice how much of a mess I am, and she might not be up for getting involved with a 27 year old guy that is so emotionally blocked and afraid.. How will she keep wanting to date me after I tell her that I am doubting everything, even that I like her, and that it all boils down to this fear of commitment that I've had all my life, and that I am not 100% sure if I will be able to let go and connect with her and love her. Think of this: I even doubt loving my father and brother, how will I open up with her in a short period of time? I doubt if I will be able to handle this, and overcome this fear fast enough to form a loving relationship with her. She might not be willing to wait for me, even tho she has told me that she has liked me for a long time and she is crazy for me... Thanks for your words guys, and for helping me out to figure what is going on.

Thanks for the feedback! Yeah I thought about being honest, but I don't know how can I tell her that I don't know if I actually like her or not... I might tell her that I am terrified of falling in love or relating with people, and it might be true, but I am not even 100% sure this is the reason I feel like this with her.. (and any other girl I have tried with)... maybe I am gay and I don't even know, after all I have dated many girls now and never really got too aroused with any of them, just a little bit with this one in particular.. it could be fears and disconnectedness, but it could also be something else... like me not actually liking her or being gay, who knows. How do I tell her that I might like her but I am not sure, and that I am even doubting my sexuality at this point, and that maybe I am blocked by fears and I can't let go and enjoy her company, or maybe I just don't like her... I am actually thinking in doing this.. in talking honestly with her and tell her all my insecurities and doubts, and let her decide what she wants to do.. because it's honest, and I don't want to mislead her anymore. But at the same time I am afraid she will leave me and then I will find out that I actually liked her and I just needed a little bit more of time to connect with her.. Yeah I thought about nofap, and I am doing it right now, but it's difficult when you are seeing a girl twice a week and you end up kissing her and rubbing your penis to her body.. it's like edging.. or you end up in bed trying to have sex and getting a boner and pre-ejaculating but not being able to orgasm.. it kills nofap, because it's edging. And suppose that I manage to do 2 weeks nofap without seeing her, what next? I meet her and have sex and then the next day my libido is zero like before..

Hi, I am 26 years old male. As the title says, I don't feel anything for anybody, my mom I don't like her, my dad I like him and admire many things about him, but still I don't feel like I love him as I should... My brother we are very good friends, and we get along fine, he lives with me, but I still don't feel that deep connection with him. I just feel like I don't have a soul or something, this has happened to me for years now, I don't remember since when... My friends.. I stopped talking to the majority of them because I didn't really connect with them, not too many things in common... I have just one friend and we talk a lot about intimate stuff, and that is cool, having someone to talk about your things and listen to them, but I still don't think I love him, as one should love a friend.. I also don't have a libido, haven't had it for many years... and this is killing me, I feel dead inside.. These last days I have slept with a girl, I like her as a person, I like her sense of humor, her intelligence, and some physical features, but she doesn't turn me on, and neither does anything/anybody (I didn't have sex with her by the way.. just kissing and touching, and I didn't really enjoy it that much to be honest, didn't come obviously). I can orgasm masturbating, but I mainly masturbate out of boredom and it isn't that good. A couple times I took the nofap challenge and around week 2 or 3 I started having sexual desire, but ended up fapping... I also remember feeling more connection with people and happiness in general during those periods.. but people report that this "superpowers" come and go, so it's not like the ultimate solution even If I managed to nofap for the rest of my life... am I wrong? Any suggestions? I have no clue what is going on.. PD: I also think that I am afraid of getting hurt in a relationship, and depending on others scares me too... Maybe I just massively blocked my feelings?

Thank you for the feedback guys, I appreaciate it a lot! I am feeling very depressed right now... I think I don't accept myself, that's why I get away from people, so they can't see my real self and reject me... that has to be it.. I left my first and only girlfriend a few years ago and I did it because I was so insecure, I thought she was going to leave me... it's ridiculous.. and I probably have been using masturbation as a justification that I don't need to relate to people, because my needs are satisfied, I don't have a libido, so I must be satisfied sexually... it's BS I have also noticed signs of self rejection, I don't live how I think I should live for instance.. I don't do what I know I should do... I hide things about me from people, because I feel insecure about them.. but then everybody does right? I feel like all I have said is completely normal stuff, so is everybody self-rejecting?

Dude the same thing happened to me... at first I used to get off just watching a photo of a girl, then normal videos, then lesbian videos, then domination videos and bdsm, and at the age of 24 I began fapping to gay stuff... the other stuff didn't do it for me anymore.. And I have never liked a guy in my entire life, I don't see men attractive or anything, but it's so exciting to imagine myself in this forbidden and different scenarios and that's why you like it, just because you lost sensitivity to normal stuff... I am starting nofap today, to see if that helps.. you should do the same!

I just posted this: So I am signing up now, let's see if nofap can bring me back to life... PD: I never really had that much of a PORN addiction, but I do have masturbation addiction, and I even masturbate just because.. to avoid pain and distract myself for a moment.. I think this could have ruined my brain chemistry and that's why I feel like an empty robot...

Very good read, haven't finished it yet but it pretty much addresses a lot of disfunctional relationships in my family

Sorry for the empty post above, I tried to post in this thread and that empty quote would pop up in my writing box and didn't let me write anything or delete it, so I had to post it. -------------------------------------------------------------- These last days I had some difficulties with my mother and I haven't answered her in 5 days, I am thinking in cutting off communication for good but it's not easy and so I decided to come back to this post... I was just writing a huge post explaining how she barely visits her 90 year old mother because she thinks her's was a bad mother, and how she is now with a boyfriend because she is interested in his money and nothing else, but now he owes her some money and she wants to break up but she can't, and all this drama. But it is pointless since we haven't communicated that much anyway, so it's all her problems, we just message via whatsapp mainly and it's mundane stuff like "what are you doing", "working and studying and you", etc. The thing is, the relationship I have with my mother is so fake... I just write her because I do, it's not like I want to. Since I found out all the stuff she was doing when I was a kid, how she used me and my brother to fight against my dad starting drama when I was around her so that she could victimize herself and use me as a weapon to attack my dad... How after the break up she always used to tell me all this horrible things about my dad even tho I told her repeatedly that she was hurting me.. How she manages her relationships seemingly out of interest, or that's how I see it at least... How she victimizes herself bringing up all kinds of problems whenever she wants you to do something for her. It makes me think that she only wants to use me, that she only raised me so that I would take care of her when she is old or she needs money.. She always used to tell me how I owe her because she cleaned my ass when I was a kid or how she did all this things for me so she is a good mother and we should do X for her because of that.. I can't see her in a good way now... I can't.. I just feel like if I trust her she will use me, and when she gets older she will get sick on purpose to manipulate me just like her aunt did or like her sister does. She has used illness before to get away with things... I don't know, the relationship now wasn't too bad since we don't see each other so much, but now christmas and new year's eve are coming and we just had conflicts regarding who is going to visit who(she wants us to go with her and her disfunctional relationship boyfriend, and me and my bother told her to come here with us and the rest of the family, including her 90 year old granma, but she found many excuses not to come) and I haven't answered her messages for 5 days now.. she is asking me why I don't answer her and the reason is I don't feel like doing it anymore... And I don't know what to tell her, how to explain this to her, because in her mind she was a very good mother to us. I also think that maybe she was bad but it was not 100% of the time, she also had good things, we are all imperfect, but at the same time I am afraid that If I don't put up limits she will then feel entitled to abuse me. At the same time I don't think I can tell her all I wrote in this thread, since she won't be able to process it, she is so immature, she will never accept all this. It's so hard to distinguish if I am being too judgmental of her and only looking at the bad things and being too harsh, or if I am right... all kinds of thoughts go through my mind.. Sorry to be posting again about this, I think I just need to write this down and this is the place to do so ... Probably the same answers I received 2 years ago still apply, and nothing new will come up, but yeah I wanted to write this down anyway.

I agree with self-acceptance, I am 100% sure this is the cure for our problem, but I will correct the order of your statement: first you must accept yourself and gain confidence, and then as a consequence you will stop caring about what people think of you. In my case for example I believe 100% I should be meditating daily, eating healthy, doing introspection more often, stop masturbating(porn addiction), stop drinking coffee, stop watching so many stupid videos online, etc. And I am not doing any of this, as a consequence my self-steem is very low and many issues arise, including peripheral vision OCD. When you don't honor your principles and beliefs you are neglecting yourself, and your confidence shrimps, then all kinds of problems arise. That's what I think from personal experience. Now there are many difficulties in rising self-acceptance... for instance putting in place those healthy habits I mentioned and ending the unhealthy ones is a hell of a task... Also you may have a negative self-image that comes into play whenever you are doing fine in life, this is what happened to me, a couple years ago after a huge effort everything was working fine for me and suddenly I fell deep down again, I believe this was caused by this self-image(I wasn't supposed to be this awesome person, I had always been pathetic, so my new life was contradicting the self-image I had of myself) which caused fear of change, I was afraid to become this awesome person I was becoming so I sabotaged all my healthy routines and came back to zero. You see, when you change there is a lot at risk for your mind, you might believe people you know won't accept the new you, you might be afraid this new person won't be accepted by society, etc. How old are you by the way? I'm 26 and have been dealing with this for 9 years aprox, so yeah we pretty much started at the same age. (still a virgin too, but don't care about it as I used to when I was 18-21)

Thank you very much, but actually I am interested in re-learning to see what I am focusing on and avoid the peripheral view, right now I am more focused on what happens around me than in what I should be focusing on in front of me. I have an overly developed peripheral vision, and I would like to not have that, like I can literally see 180 degrees around me, not clearly but for example if something moves to my right I'd immediately notice it.