Etherpsychore

Hey everyone ! Calm day, sunny in the morning but stormy in the evening... I joined an initiation class of Wing Chun today, 2 hours in the morning in a park, under a big tree, on fresh grass, next to a duck pond. It was very funny to learn a combat sport surrounding by ducks quacking. I felt my body working, it gave me a lot of energy. From now on my sporty routine will be monday yoga, tuesday running, wednesday yoga, thursday yoga and running, friday wing chun and the week-end, swimming pool or a big bike ride or a pleasant hiking or rollerskate ! I have done some home cleaning and laundry, then a nap and a walk before it started raining. Tonight I'm cooking a quiche with courgette and swiss chard, then a semolina pudding with cinnamon and coconut (yummy) ! Nothing special about this day, I still did not draw... My ex came to talk on facebook. I'm kind of lost and worried about him, but his new start in Australia will surely be a rebirth for him, spiritual and everything else. I wish. Aaah !! I just burn a part of my finger on the quiche dish, I'm so clumsy :'( I remember a bit of my last night dreams. I was in a house playing a board game with few people (unknown in reality but were my friends and family into the dream) and a volcano woke up ! I saw the lava coming by watching through the window and I couldn't do anything. Oddly, no one was afraid, they knew but kept their positions, as if they were jaded. The lava was flowing through the floorboards and then I don't recall. I also had some big erotic dreams with a good friend of mine, I hope they were shared, huhu ! Tadaaaa !!! My vegetable french quiche is ready to eat ! Bon appétit !

Hi, reader, if you're there ! Sorry, this journal will be about my life and my thoughts. This is the first time in my life that I actually post something on a forum... Even if I work on a computer everyday, I'm really not a computer geek, very awkward to do anything in this virtual world, even playing simple fps video games... That doesn't matter. Why am I here ? What a big question. (so boring) As every human being (or almost), I have goals in my life, but I see also a lot of different possibilities from my futures. Which ones should I take, what do I really want ? Does anything matter ? I came early and quickly in here to CREATE, TO CREATE A LOT OF THINGS !!! Since I was a kid I always thought that CREATION was my vocation sooo, I draw, I write, I play music, I knit, I sew, I animate, I imagine, and I have always believed I had no limits ( but not very good in physics and sports... ). My problem, from those last years, I've been used to my comfort and I lost the desire to draw even if I do love challenges ! I have been blased by all we have done (we = Human). Most of the time I have this impression that it doesn't touch my feeling anymore.... aaah what is the point to write that ?! I'm such a big procrastinator. It has been so a long time since I have taken any decisions in my life that I feel anesthetized. My life is just a movie from my eyes, people are actors but I'm not really here. So many stories from books, films, series or from people, my "family", flood my brain. Several time by day this reality rejects me. I need to touch or to be trapped by a situation to feel alive again. My past is already another life, as it wasn't my proper past. I had a vision of one of my future. Be fed up of all, my hair are shaved really short, wearing ample and grey clothes, a large sketchbook under my arm and I jut go all around the world to feel, to learn, to talk, to open my mind and share my visions. I have been afraid of my capacities, and scared to injure anyone. Last week, I was in Paris at the Gare de Lyon. While I was waiting my train, I went to a costa coffee to buy a smoothie and something to eat. A strange duality caught my mind in front of the display of pastries. My instinct told me to buy the cinnamon roll but I wanted so much to eat the cookie or the lemon cake ! Why did my instinct tell me such a thing ! But I was aware of the situation so I wondered, should I change the destiny and order the cookie or should I go with my instinct flow ? This stupid and irrelevant duality gave me an Ogre vision. I visualized it eating everything, wanting more and more and more, more of sex, more of comfort, more of travelling, more of brutality, more of blood, more of love, playing, gaming, knowledge, experiences of everything. It wanted Everything as a tree spreading his insatiable branchs and roots to the worlds up and below. It made me smile. This egregore represented the heart of our desire, a pulsing fire which led us to wanting more of everything in bad and good. It had been excited by our consumerism but permitted us to feel the urge to experiment more as well. I was connected to this Ogre, as it was me. I always loved to eat and discover various and multiple things as I fed my brain with others' imaginary universes. I like to project myself accross the others. I wonder how feel this man, or this child, how do they feel their body what do they think, how it is to see through their eyes, how it is to be us, but also to be this bird, this tree, the heart's pulse, the muscles, the wall and the couch. And at this time, it was like I didn't need to eat or read more... Or the contrary, I needed to eat MORE and do EVERYTHING, to be the ACTOR for once ! My Actor ! I know I have this body, not so bad, even if I never sense it as it is truly me/mine. I should put itself in danger and merge it with this reality. I'd ordered the cinnamon roll, anyway. (such a procrastinator...) Bye and see you next time. Deep sleep.