RickyFitts

The universe's timing amazes me sometimes, because as I type this there's a line in the song I'm currently listening to that perfectly sums up my current predicament: 'You broke my chest' (the line's from 'Youth' by the band Daughter). Because fuck - fuck, FUCK - that's exactly what it feels like in my chest right now, and it's a complete drag... Anyway, so yeah, I'm feeling a lot of pressure again in that solar plexus/heart region at the moment, and a lot of upset when I feel into that pressure. I've been experiencing a lot of contractions in the last few days, as the energy tries to push through those blockages - it might sound daft, but I almost feel like I'm in labour sometimes with all the contractions, only the movement through my body is upwards rather than downwards (just got to remember my Lamaze breathing ). Feels like a bit of a catch-22 situation at the moment, because whilst I've absolutely had it with this whole kundalini awakening business, at the same time I'm also scared of what's to come. It brings to mind a line from the film 'Inception': 'Do you want to take a leap of faith, or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone?' Which is a trifle dramatic, but it does feel rather appropriate.

Right, that makes sense

Watching yourself sleep - sounds kinda trippy, but also kinda dull Ooh that's interesting, I've wondered about whether enlightened people dream for that very reason, ie they presumably don't have subconscious material like unawakened people do and so therefore it's not going to manifest in the form of dreams. For myself, I've noticed I've gone through phases the past few years as I'm working through various mental/emotional issues - there are periods when I'm having very unsettling, distressing dreams, and other times where either I'm not dreaming, or I'm just not remembering my dreams upon waking up.

Love, love, love this, so true

How could you listen to that and not smile?

@Preety_India Great advice

Oh wow, very interesting! Feel like I need to get my hands on some psychs, I've never tried them Yes, completely agree! Those blockages can be very dense and stubborn, so it does take require lots of patience and persistence for them to start to break down I think.

It's a fantastic suggestion, but I don't know how I'd get into contact with her - we used to communicate through a forum we both used, but she deactivated her account and I don't know her phone number or email address. I doubt she'd be willing to engage with me anyway, the last few times we talked she was rather cold and aloof, I could feel her keeping me at arm's length which was frustrating (but, I could understand her behaving that way given how badly she'd been hurt by my rejection of her, so I figured we were just going to have to work on our issues independently of one another, for the time being at least).

Because you've been conditioned to repress certain strong emotions. So when those emotions are stirred up in you (by the music, in this instance), they trigger those patterns of emotional resistance in your body and that's what creates the discomfort.

Fantastic, consistency of practice is so important I think - sounds like you're doing really well on that score

Just floating a theory here so don't take my word for it, but maybe it's because your feelings weren't validated by your care-givers when you were a child, and consequently you unconsciously learnt to bottle them up instead - you came to believe that it wasn't all right to feel these feelings, and you acted accordingly to repress them. This is where learning to self-parent is so important I think, we have to give ourselves the loving attention that we didn't get from our care-givers when we were young. (I love you, my darling soul sister )

@Proserpina Definitely going to try those suggestions, thanks so much for sharing

I've been acutely conscious of pressure around the bridge of my nose today, particularly when I was meditating this morning (it reminded me, as I was sat there quietly despairing at this seemingly impenetrable blockage, that my ex had told me a few years back that I had a blockage in my nose). This might seem at first glance to have little to do with the issues in my heart chakra, but actually it appears to be intimately related - I noticed as I felt into this blockage that there appeared to be a corresponding blockage right in the middle of my chest. Again, I think it's just a matter of time, I can fall into frustration and despair at times but the awakened energy is gradually working through those blockages. Smarts like a fucker sometimes though

@Gianna Isn't it? ?

This is brilliant, I don't think I can overstate how important it is to be able to grasp this - because it's how we access true intelligence.

Hope it's useful for you

@Gianna

@Gianna I know, pretty disconcerting right? ? I do think it's a positive sign though, it's usually a symptom of your kundalini energy being activated which is a good thing (and an essential part of spiritual awakening for most people, I believe) - article on the subject here that you might find useful

I don't find autism and difficulty communicating unlikeable qualities - if anything, I think they make you all the more worthy of love and compassion, because it must be so difficult to live with those conditions.? Exactly, beautifully said ???

I'm so sorry to hear that, my love, I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you I do understand about self-hatred, though, that's something I've struggled with for much of my life, too - I think all most of us really want is love, and so to feel fundamentally unworthy of love is painful beyond words. Yes, I completely agree Self-love is complete self-acceptance I think, and that includes all the anger, hatred, sorrow, despair, etc., that may be lurking within us. Easy enough in theory, rather more tricky in practice - we build up so much resistance to these feelings. So we have to make that resistance conscious first, and allow it to release.