RickyFitts

I need to remember this, I need to keep it in mind. Whenever I'm feeling abandoned, whenever I feel like the whole world has left me alone with my aching, broken heart. If I'm alone, it's because I wanted to be. Maybe I felt lonely, but the truth was that I just couldn't handle other people, I had to be by myself in order to come to terms with all the turmoil churning away inside me. The best thing other people did for me was to give me space, because that's what I needed most. Ah, but that feeling of abandonment, it isn't so easy to shake... sometimes I feel like the baby in its cot, crying for a mother who never seems to come. Sometimes I just want to be held, but I don't know if it would really help - I need to be autonomous, I need to face the upset and the angst that's inside me with a tender, open heart. And I'm getting there, I really am. Well, I said it isn't all about me, and then proceeded to make it all about me, hehe! But I need to remember that other people have their own battle to face, too, and I shouldn't expect them to sacrifice their own well-being for my sake - I would hate that. The one I love truly, I would hate for her to suffer on my account. My love for her is so pure now that I would honestly be happy for her if she found love and happiness with another man. Well, I think so, anyway - easy to say that in theory, who knows how I'd feel if it actually happened. God knows I've felt like my heart was being crushed in a vice made of jealousy and possessiveness in the past whenever she talked about dating other guys (or, heck, even if she talked to other guys - ugh, that's just not healthy, is it?), but I feel like I've moved past that now. Maybe I'm just kidding myself, I don't know. I just hate those feelings, I hate how they distort and obscure the love you feel for the special ones in your life. I love her, but she isn't my possession, she's her own woman with her own desires and needs, and oh, how I'd love for her to feel true peace and contentment. ? She so deserves that, I can't think of anyone more deserving.

@Gianna You're so welcome, and thank you too.

@Tristan12 Yeah he's great, love him.

A Rumi quote came to mind the other day when I was reading your thread, funnily enough: 'Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.' He's got a big heart, has that Rumi fella. You might even say - oh dear, am I really about to say this? - that he has a very rumi heart. I'll get me coat.

Yes, this is a very important point. If you're finding yourself feeling very judgmental or resentful around certain people, that might simply be a sign that you shouldn't be spending time in their company because they're too low-consciousness and their values don't align with yours. Best to not spend time around people who drag you down, though it can be unavoidable at times which is when you do need to practice mindfulness.

@Tristan12

Oh wow, Tristan, this is so beautiful. Just keep surrendering to love.

I think what probably helped the most for me was simply recognising that I wasn't the person I'd imagined myself to be, which came as a huge relief (mind you, it was very disorienting,too, because then it was like, 'Okay, if I'm not that, what am I?' I still haven't figured that one out, ten years later ). Low self-esteem was something I suffered with for most of my llife, I'd come to believe a lot of very negative things about myself: 'I'm stupid', 'I'm ugly', 'I can't do anything right', 'I'm useless'. This was mostly due to a combination of me just being a very sensitive, troubled kid anyway (stress and depression run in my family, largely on my mum's side), and my relationship with my dad, who could be incredibly insensitive and tactless, and it left me with the following core belief, which was what really ultimately broke my heart: 'I am inherently unworthy of love'. Because I think the thing we humans long for the most, when you get right down to it, is love, and acceptance, and so to feel yourself fundamentally unworthy of these things is so painful that it feels utterly, unfaceably painful. So you end up doing everything in your power to not feel that pain. But the cure for the poison is IN the poison, as they say; you really have to allow yourself to feel that pain in order to heal it. But that's easier said than done, mostly because we build up so much unconscious resistance against it, and so you have to become conscious of that inner resistance first, and allow it to release. Then everything you'd been repressing can surface, which is good, ultimately, but it can be a very challenging, very painful process. Developing presence in my body has been most helpful for me personally, because it's in our bodies that we store these traumas and emotional wounds - this is where practices like yoga and meditation are so important I think.

Love this perspective.?

Thought and feeling are intertwined, they're two sides of the same coin. So maybe try inquiring into what's driving your thoughts on an emotional level, and just allow those emotions to fully emerge and be felt.

Oh you should definitely do this, I only wish I could be there to see it because I'd absolutely piss my sides at their puzzled expressions! ? Oh I'm mean sometimes...

Shadows settle on the place that you left Our minds are troubled by the emptiness Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time From the perfect start to the finish line And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones 'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs Setting fire to our insides for fun Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong The lovers that went wrong We are the reckless, we are the wild youth Chasing visions of our futures One day we'll reveal the truth That one will die before he gets there And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones 'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone We're setting fire to our insides for fun Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home It was a flood that wrecked this And you caused it And you caused it And you caused it Well, I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette I'm a lifeless face that you'll soon forget My eyes are damp from the words you left Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone Setting fire to our insides for fun To distract our hearts from ever missing them But I'm forever missing him And you caused it And you caused it And you caused it

I've posted this one before, but oh, I just love it so much...

@Batman Absolutely, great post.

@Preety_India Ahh, makes sense, Pisces is a highly passionate sign.

Gemini, what's yours?

Anything that dulls the senses and hardens the heart, I'd say. Ideally you want to be engaging in things that make you feel more enlivened and conscious. But there aren't hard-and-fast rules about these things, I don't think - follow your passion, that's all.

Hehehe, I love ya Preets! You just need a man who matches your passion!

Any time, Preets ?

Whether you've had a lot of sex or you're still a virgin, the ultimate truth is these things don't define what you are - 'slut' and 'virgin', they're just empty labels ultimately. It doesn't matter how much sex you've had, you're equally worthy of love either way. Nothing will ever change that. ?

I used to be rather dubious about the notion, but I've since experienced deep connections with women and I'm now in no doubt that yeah, soulmates really do exist - they just stand out from the crowd when you cross paths with them, you can't help but be drawn to them. And you can't help but love them, too, it's like it's just in your nature to, you couldn't not love them.

I love your passion, Preets. Unfettered female sexuality's a wonderful thing.