Waves

@Leo Gura Thanks! You have no idea of how precious and relevant to my current situation your two latest videos are ? Or maybe you do ?

@ivory Thank you very much for your insights! I will keep these in mind as I go through the next days. The hope is to get out some authentic truths about myself, anything will be considered a success. Then I'll continue my travels and exploration process.

Nothing? Not even a tiny question?

I think Leo's latest video is really relevant to your current situation, especially the first 25 minutes: Life Unfolds in Chapters & Phases

Yeah, I know what it feels like. I'm in the same situation right now and I've been digging into this for some time. My situation comes from not having a father figure growing up (he passed away when I was 4) and being brought up by a deeply emotional wounded woman, who I sense didn't go through the sorrow in a healthy way. She closed her heart to love, she turned defensive and protective, with the only subconscious goal of shielding her children from hurt. But after all, how can I blame her? She went through an immense pain I can't even imagine, and she didn't have the tools or resourcefulness to cope with it. I, as a vulnerable child, grew up absorbing this defensive behavior. Vulnerability meant pain and getting hurt, so better not to be open to the world and not to risk, better to play it safe. As you can see, with this kind of deep, repetitive conditioning, it's pretty hard to remove the layers of this toxic shield. Being vulnerable can be an attitude, you can push yourself to share more of yourself with others, but I'm still inhibited in multiple ways, especially in social situations and with women. I can think of all the good reasons (logical and emotional) to socialize and talk to women, which can help to some extent to get you out there, but as you say, as soon as I see I can connect with people, I feel resistance, I perceive a block, a bomb of bullshit explodes and I don't end up expressing my authentic desire of connection, of intimacy. This is fear, and its role seems to protect us from hurt, and that's why we try not to be vulnerable. That's what I understood so far, but I have a lot more work to do. I now know what I have to do and I managed to push myself in certain situations. You can overcome this. These are some books that helped me shine awareness on the problem: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem - N. Branden <-- The foundation No More Mr. Nice Guy - R. Glover <-- Emotional maturity Models - M. Manson <-- Dating, where the word "Vulnerability" struck me for the first time Good luck man! You've already made the first step to solve this.

It was one of the first self-help books I read, and I think it's really valuable, especially if you don't have a model close to you that shows you what a healthy and grounded self-esteem looks like. It describes what it's like to be a happy and healthy human being and tells you that there's a higher ideal you have the potential to aspire to and become. I finished the book and waited some months before doing the exercises (I know, poor execution), until an event made me realize that I should work on my self-esteem. So I began completing the sentences every morning for 10 minutes, for 31 weeks I believe. I feel it worked as some kind of journaling therapy. It pushes you to come out with your true motives about life. It makes you think about the person you would like to become, about your blocks and fears, about things you repressed, about your desires, and ways you can improve. It's an empowering exercise that gives you trust and some insights about yourself. But, in my experience, it's only an uncovering process, a launching pad. You still have to go out and take the necessary steps to make change happen.

Glad you found it useful You should check out other videos of him, he gives practical ways of studying efficiently. If you want to push yourself even more you could already type notes in your own words, which is what people who hand-write tend to do because they have a slower writing speed, so they have to choose carefully what to record and cannot just write all the speaker says. If you can do that while typing I think you make most of the gains possible, and yeah, it then comes down to how you play with the information and how well you can concretely apply it. In general I find that I remember stuff I hear just once only when it's really relevant to my situation, according to the good old principle of "good shit sticks" (heard it from Tim Ferriss).

In class, I take notes on lecture slides, hand-writing on the iPad, which is pretty convenient. Then I formulate questions and answers in a google sheet document (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIyDJK_SAjs) and when it comes to study I test myself on those. I found this works well with subjects like biology and physiology, but I have no experience with humanistic subjects. If you were thinking more about self-help books, I personally re-type what I underlined in books. I don't think it makes a difference whether I type or write, because I'm just copying and not formulating my own sentences. I'll then bold the key expression in my notes, for when I look at them again. By typing them I have a digital version, which is much more accessible and practical. The mental process and cognitive effort when you're taking notes and reviewing them (eg recalling information using your own words) is more important for retention than the way you record information.

I was initially reluctant to try them out, especially because you have to pay for the audible subscription, and because I listened to podcasts during commutes. Then I decided to give them a go and I was surprised by their convenience and delivery of information, but this might have to do with my preference to listening. They're a good and practical way of being exposed to knaawledge. Concerning retention of information I don't feel there is much of a difference from reading. It just takes more effort to register quotes or information, that's why I often download the ebook version and take the important stuff out of there, especially action steps.

@Leo Gura What do you suggest is a good balance to strike between handling basic needs and cultivating a spiritual sense? Or, put in other words, what amount/what kind of spiritual work do you feel is to be prioritized to slowly set the foundations for pursuing awakening later in life while the focus is on working on life purpose, developing a business, improving social and dating skills, ecc.? I know I want to handle the basics first, but I also don't want to abandon and forget about spirituality.

I feel we're in a similar situation. When I'm in a club I'm also practically sober and try do dance and feel the music, because it's fun and helps me loosen up and open to positive vibes. It's already an accomplishment to be able to reach this state without alcohol. Then, I start telling myself it's time to approach (which shouldn't come so late) and I suddenly become extremely picky: I come up with all sorts of excuses not to approach (classic) and end up talking maybe to a bunch of girls without concluding anything. I'm talking about something like this: and this: I wonder if in this situation we should lower our standards for girls to at least create a channel where a potential intimate connection can happen. But the underlying emotion is, at least in my case, fear of intimacy/commitment. This is exactly the opposite of Proactivity, which I believe is one of the most important principles to follow in life (1st habit of S. Covey's 7 Habits). I am as well guilty of falling in the trap of avoiding responsibility, and it sucks, because you give away all your power. But this is all overthinking, whereas what we need to do is just act and make shit happen. I hope I gave you some ideas

This documentary exposes very well the red/orange values and the insane drive and dedication of McGregor. You can find it on Netflix.

What are you doing in particular? I'm thinking about starting a journaling habit and would like to discover various ways to do it.

Man I'm so excited! +1 for Vancouver 2019 for sure (workshop as well)

Yeah they're both great methods to remember better the lessons, since they make you recall the information in your own words.

@Equanimitize So if I understand correctly you use audiobooks as a broad exposure to good concepts that you can eventually delve deeper into later if they offer great value. Do you feel/think that you can apply what you listen just as much as what you read? The principle of "good shit sticks" (I heard it from Tim Ferris) means that if you hear something wise that resonates with you at that moment you will remember it even though you don't take notes on it. What a sweet service! Unfortunately I don't live in the US. I'm considering signing up to Audible since I'm going to travel for some time next year and I won't be able to carry around physical books.

How do you guys retain information from audiobooks? Do you go by the principle "good shit sticks"? Do you use audiobooks as a complement to the physical books, as repetition?

@moon777light I am confused as well, you are not alone hehe. As @Strikr wrote, Leo made some points concerning this issue in the blog video "All understanding is metaphoric - part 2" around 18.30 (and maybe further).

It might seem like a detail, but I think that this is one of the things that prevent me from going out more often. We all know that a consistent sleep schedule (going to sleep and waking up at around the same time throughout the week) is important to feel well and rested, and we all know that going out to bars and clubs mess things up a little. So how do you keep a regular sleep routine or how can you feel rested and active when going out, let's say, twice a week? In my situation a hot night would be on Thursday, but on Friday I wake up at 6.45 to attend a class. If it goes well I sleep 3-4 hours. I also add that I don't drink when I go out, I exercise regularly and I'd say I eat rather healthy. I would love to read your strategies! PS: I was not sure where to post this, since it includes both domains of dating and health

Bump! I made it last May. Already printed and right in front of my desk

I use Evernote on the phone to write quick, temporary notes, which I'll transfer later on the main digital journal (OneNote). I find the digital version to be more practical because I can write faster, brainstorm and better organize notes from different topics and purposes. However sometimes I like to draw mindmaps and outlines on paper, so that I can visualize things better and modify them. I also find that physical journals gain a certain affective connotation, especially if you use them while traveling. It is as if the object recalls the good memories and emotional states you were in. To me it adds value to the experience.

Sorry to disappoint you, but this isn't a video request. Since the blog now contains 20+ pages of insights I thought it would be nice to have a little search feature. Sometimes an insight I read weeks or months before becomes interesting and more relevant to what's going on in my life, and it would be nice to find it and dive deeper into the topic. Maybe I'm just lazy, but if it doesn't take too much to program, I think it will improve a tiny bit the blog. Just an idea

Difficult to find a blog post of Leo on google. What I meant is to have a search feature for blog posts like the one that there is for videos on the website. I know I can CTRL+F all the pages of the blog to find what I'm looking for, but for example on the phone it doesn't work. It's just a minutiae but it could be helpful as the blog grows.

Wow that was powerful, even though I watched the video I forgot about the power of that perspective. @Viking Maybe it is just a lazy period. It happens. You've got to accept the fact and allow yourself to be completely lazy for some days, and then rise up rejuvenated. But I don't feel it's the case here. One thing that I'd like to add to what has been said and that helped me is the realization of the fact that life is short and that we're going to die pretty soon. Get in touch with that, really feel it, see it as something concrete that will happen, and remind yourself of it every morning. Also be grateful that you can breath, that your heart beats, that you have legs (I suppose), that you don't have some mutation that compromises your health or prevents you from doing what you like. Once you realize and remind yourself of the opportunity you have to experience the magic of life, you will start moving towards challenges and playing this game hard, because you'll be aware of the waste that would be not doing so. Some helpful old videos of Leo (sometimes it helps to refresh our memory):

Jokes aside I wish you good luck! I think it's a great idea and it will prepare you for a possible future retreat