Gavalanche

Thanks for all the info and feedback! @Azrael Cheers for the new resources, I'll definitely look into those. Also, I was a bit ambiguous there sorry regarding legality; I actually have no real qualms with legality (other than fear), it was more to do with how legality affects availability - for instance Salvia and DIY mushrooms seem a lot more plausible and accessible in certain parts of the world - although I just need time to research them properly. Similarly on the "programmer in 21st century" recommendation - I figured that network would probably be the best route but I don't know shit about it yet and my current tech knowledge is rather limited to C++ and working on shit games at the moment, but again, time and research @Leo Gura Thanks, yeah SF / the Bay Area definitely makes no sense without the software engineer's salary or equivalent to back it up. The area does seem to be good in terms of proximity to potential retreats though, so I'm going to see if I can attend some in the coming months perhaps, before I eventually depart. I guess the other question I had for everyone is: how realistic do you think it is to really make any meaningful progress on the path, for those in the rat race, 9-5 type routine? Working part time seems slightly more amenable, but even that still seems limiting considering the amount of research and hours required. Also, pretty much any visions I have of bootstrapping and living an outwardly directed Life Purpose / career and being successful at it, would seem to leave little or no time at all for deep consciousness work. Is it all a matter of priorities and timing, do you think? Kind of touching on other topics there, apologies. Thanks

@Mitch I feel you on the neurobiology and psychology interest. I've had similar inclinations, thinking that knowledge in these areas would dovetail nicely with coaching and understanding the bigger picture in general. Perhaps there are shorter routes to gathering the money you'll need to pursue coaching initially. It also sounds like you might have an idea in your head that being coach equates to a life of poverty or frugality? Not being in life coaching "for the money" sounds to me like you'll make a very passionate coach, possibly leading you to make more money than the people who are "only in it for the money"? I struggle with big decisions like this a lot too. I guess all we can really do is try to be as honest with ourselves as possible. Leo's recent video about intuition might also be helpful. Best of luck!

@Elton Yeah I have found it difficult to connect my current passion to a true desire to help others (as much as I wanted to have that desire). It seems to be growing slowly but surely for me as I start get more examples in my life of how fulfilling it is to help others. You sound like you're taking the right approach in just focusing on pursuing your passion in its current form for now, learning and practicing and growing. I guess the next stage of really making it real or making a business out of our pursuits will come along, when the time is right. Best of luck!

@Mitch I'm halfway through the IPEC coach training program and am enjoying it a lot, although it is hard to shift gears and get into the right headspace sometimes, when also working a 9-5. I couldn't really be arsed explaining my reasoning for wanting to pursue coaching, (similar to yours I imagine) but one thing I've learned which is crucial, is the motivation and your own reasoning for doing the things you want to do. It sounds very much like you want to be a life coach and that you're only loosely interested in neuropsychology. To embark upon an arduous PhD journey in a field you don't ultimately want to be in, sounds like a rough ride to me. Have you considered just pursuing life coaching immediately? One benefit of that approach is that you could become a qualified life coach in a much shorter period than gaining a PhD in Neuropsychology - so in half a year you might be a lot clearer on whether coaching is right for you, whereas it might take you 6 or so years to realise Neuropsychology is not right for you. Although there are no mistakes. I think just taking action in one direction will eventually lead you to where you want to be.

@Elton Having gone through the life purpose course myself, I landed at a similar place, where what I deemed most meaningful and important was this path that we all seem to be on. I even came to similar conclusion about pursuing music! I am currently experimenting where possible and delving further into this whole field in general. As you say, it is very broad, so I'm thinking there's bound to be a multitude of ways to help people grow. Video and Youtube is just Leo's preferred medium of helping people, what might yours be?

@Aamir King I actually had the opposite problem. Games were a huge passion and actually lead me to become a programmer in the (albeit mobile) games industry. A couple of years ago I started to get a bit down when I realised I didn't really want to play most games anymore, like I was losing my passion. Part of this was probably healthy in that I was realising I was wasting time. It seems like if you are seeing it as a problem, then that might be enough of a seed to chip away at your desire to play games all the time, at the expense of all the more fulfilling stuff you could be doing. As you get more interested in personal development topics, you might realise one day that games don't really have the same hold over you as they once did. I think @Chew211 makes a good point too, not to demonise playing games. It was only after I got over the "I'm wasting my life with these" idea - (although helpful initially) that I started to enjoy games again in a more measured manner. Maybe you have to experience an extreme negative point of view initially, to trigger you into taking the action you need to combat the addiction. Once you're over the worst of it, you can start to accept what the issue was and enjoy in moderation? I'm actually happy that I seem to have regained some of my passion for playing some games as I authentically appreciate the art-form, think there is something magical about games and they can be a source of good. I don't find time to play that much anymore, but when I do, I tend to stick to more interesting short indie titles or else short-bursts of intense reflex-action games that help me blow off some steam after lengthy study & practice of personal development material and programming work. Almost like a palate cleanser for the mind.

Ironically, the dichotomy between life purpose and the concept of no-self is probably the biggest cause of stress in my life at the moment. A life purpose is not to be undertaken lightly it seems, but I feel like my motivation to fully commit to pursuing my life purpose is constantly undermined any time I'm reminded that the self is an illusion; it seems like a life of pain and struggle and striving. It seems like it is the best strategy for life, for those who have no inclination towards enlightenment and may be something that gives you a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment along your path to enlightenment, but I can't help but get the feeling that if you ever do achieve enlightenment, your life purpose is rendered meaningless by default, in your own eyes. My main issue is one of authenticity. I constantly battle with which of my interests, passions and characteristics are "authentically me". As close as I get to nailing these down, I believe I'll never truly know my authentic inclinations until I realise the truth of enlightenment. My quasi-solution in the mean time, is attempting to gain traction on my life purpose of helping people to understand existence, so that maybe my own research and pursuits into the nature of human existence might be of benefit to some others too, at some stage. I don't see how you can learn about and resonate with the idea of enlightenment and then focus all of your time on building up some other arbitrary skill, possibly a business and embarking on some lofty crusade that would require your blood, sweat, tears, heart, soul and the majority of your time and energy. In short, I second your appeal for some more guidance in this area!

Hi, I'm wondering if anyone can help understand how the subconscious relates to the authentic, true self. For a long time I have been in the process of tweaking and refining both my lists of top values and strengths as well as my life purpose statement. Every time I feel something click on the "inside", I feel like I'm making progress. In my head I'm conceptualising this as trying out different thoughts and theories and "checking" them against my subconscious, looking for the "gut reaction" or intuitive understanding I'm on the right track. However, I've also read a lot about how your subconscious seems to be largely constructed from your own life experience and can be re-programmed, through various mind techniques (which I've also been practicing), which makes me wonder, am I "checking" for a gut reaction or intuition against some sort of arbitrary state of thoughts / currently buried in my subconscious? I guess my questions are: 1. Is the subconscious where intuition or that "gut feeling" comes from, or does that come from somewhere deeper, like your "true self" or "highest self"? If the subconscious is constructed on the fly and prone to change, then it does not seem to me like a source of truth. The subconscious also seems likely to harbour as many negative thoughts as positive, if not more so. 2. Does the feeling of knowing your life purpose and your top values ultimately come from being in tune with your subconscious, which just happens to be configured to be a certain way, at a certain point in time? Or, are your values and purpose resonating with you on a more spiritual level, stemming from your authentic self - the true self that is essentially nothingness? Is there a distinction to be made between what's "true" for the body / mind and then a higher level of truth which does not care about life purpose or values? 3. What is the relationship between the subconscious and the true, authentic self? Does anyone have any insight into what kind of role the subconscious mind would play in the life of an enlightened person, or how it might operate? Would it operate in the same manner as it does for an unenlightened person, or would it simply be reduced to purely managing the workings of the body; digestion, heartbeat, breathing etc.? I've been struggling for a while to reconcile these questions, any help would be greatly appreciated!

This is something I've been struggling to come to grips with for a while (pun intended). Ladies' opinions welcome too, obviously! I feel like there is no real map or plan or role model available in this area. (Although Elliot Hulse seems to have some good ideas) Is there a guide or roadmap somewhere to show single young men how to manage their sexual desires in a physiologically and mentally healthy way? There seems to be so much contradictory material out there and even if you do find something interesting, it is usually only a "New Tab" away from an abundance of stimulation in the form of porn. To me it seems like quite a complex issue. Most advice seems to swing from one extreme to other, not allowing for much nuance. All I really know are my own feelings on the subject, which are as follows: The ideal situation appears to be to have a healthy, respectful sexual relationship. If that's currently not an option, what is the ideal way to behave, from an actualizing point of view? Sex is good, as it's a beautiful (sometimes) innate part of what makes us human. Casual sex is ultimately unfulfilling and often involves a high degree of conscious or unconscious manipulation of other people. Using people for sex is bad. Continuing a sexual relationship with somebody you like, but with whom you don't ultimately see the relationship going anywhere, makes me feel like an asshole so I usually put an end to things. Which leaves you single again. Masturbation is good, because it seems like a good idea to keep all of the plumbing fully functional. Masturbation seems to help me deal with stress and clears my mind to focus on other goals and work. Too much is bad. But how much is too much? Are you essentially acting like an addict if you do it every day? Doesn't seem to align very well with higher consciousness goal of detaching from stimulation. Porn is dangerous because it's so readily accessible and has the propensity to mess up the reward circuitry in your brain. And by "porn" I don't just mean that hyper-unrealistic stuff, but more amateur stuff and webcams with strangers. I really can't figure out if it's morally wrong engaging with porn, if it's healthy or if it's really just a waste of time. I have low energy levels (separate issue I'm working on) and sometimes it seems like lying there watching porn and masturbating is all I can bring myself to do after long stressful days working. Definitely at my weakest when very tired. Masturbating to porn makes me feel devalued afterwards (possible due to slightly unsavoury content), affecting my confidence levels around attractive women, as I feel like a bad person / unworthy for being someone who occasionally sits around masturbating to porn. Consistent masturbation without porn seems to become "not enough" after a time. Maybe the level of stimulation required increases over time. Some masturbation seems to lead to more masturbation, which can easily become too much masturbation, which can sap motivation to go out and meet new potential partners. Abstaining from masturbation and going the NoFap route can make it difficult to get to sleep. Abstaining from masturbation and going the NoFap route actually improved my confidence. Abstaining from masturbation and going the NoFap route increases my drive to go out and meet new people. Abstaining from masturbation and going the NoFap route amped my own sexual desires to point where I engaged in sexual activity with someone I normally wouldn't and regretted it afterwards. Abstaining from masturbation and going the NoFap route can make it difficult to focus on other productive activities / life purpose. I think I'm at the point where I'm once again looking for a meaningful relationship, but in the mean-time, I'm struggling to figure out how I should conduct myself. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any similar struggles or has any general principles that they abide by, which seem to work for them? All with the aim of actualization / higher consciousness in mind. Thanks

Thanks Rodrigo. An update from my original post - I have successfully given up porn for the last two months (masturbation for one month) and used the time I'd often waste on it to join a Kung Fu class and also went on a few dates and met some cool people. I'm sort of seeing one girl now, casually. I think the advice of "stop thinking" is probably wise. I may have been making big problems for myself where there weren't really any in reality.

@Consept Yeah man, I feel the exact same way about pretty much everything you said. You'd imagine a f*ckbuddy / friends with benefits idea would be ideal, but from experience I haven't come across many people who are interested in such an arrangement; after having sex pretty much every girl I've been with starts to get attached (and I do too - although to a lesser extent). Maybe I need to meet more people and honestly enquire how they would feel about such a sex-only based relationship. @appleaurorae I'm actually 28 days in on NoFap reboot at the moment. The NoFapAcademy has probably contributed greatly to my ability to last this long. The pros have been that I have way more motivation to go out and meet people and I've been dating a lot more. I haven't had sex with any of the new potential partners yet though and suffice to say, my urges have only intensified since. Really starting to experience how damn powerful sexual desire is. I'm still very confused as to it's relationship to enlightenment / actualization work. Sex is all I can bloody think about for the last couple of weeks. I definitely do not see abstinence as a viable route for the future, but chasing after sexual gratification does not seem like the wisest path either. I'm still all ears for resources or other advice about how to best manage sexual desire and it's relationship to acualization and enlightenment.

@reez Oh yeah, I mean I get distracted because I'm trying so hard not to masturbate / the sexual urges seem to intensify. Hopefully it gets better after the first couple of weeks, as you say! Thanks!

Thanks! I have started on a 90-day porn free challenge, not masturbating either, but still actively looking for a sexual relationship as it would be counter-productive to my goals to not have sex with women I'm dating.

Should the two be practiced separately? Does self-inquiry bring about any of the physiological benefits attributed to meditation?

I would be very interested in this also. I'm under the impression that our dreams are a way for our subconscious to bring things to our conscious attention or perhaps even to work through subconscious issues whilst asleep. I've been on this site recently: http://www.dreammoods.com/ trying to make sense of some of my dreams of late. I'm not sure of the validity of the meanings, but some of them definitely seem to makes sense, in that counter-intuitive kind of way. For example, I had a dream last night about moving furniture around with my parents for some reason, which I've interpreted to mean something along the lines of: trying to fit them into my life more, which has been an issue since I emigrated from Ireland.

This topic jumped out at me, because I was actually getting coaching on finding my life purpose and thought I had whittled down my options to Music vs. Psychology. It appears to be a more common dilemma than I would've thought! I considered them almost at two ends of a spectrum - Feeling vs. Thinking; like music would be all heart and with no intellectual pursuit and that to pursue psychology would be too much of a focus on the cerebral, lacking heart perhaps. (As an INTP I always test as being very close to being an INFP). After doing some basic research into actual academic psychological pursuits, it sounded like a very long and hard road for only the truly dedicated. I was more interested in how the subconscious works, personal development, philosophy and helping people directly, perhaps as a counsellor. I took an initial weekend course in Life Coaching as a way to get my feet wet with the field. I feel like that direction would be more appealing now. I have been weighing up my options as coaching courses can be expensive. Perhaps it would be an area to look into if you're into psychology, but maybe aren't up for the mainstream approach. Personally, I'm not sure if coaching is my purpose as I do still feel drawn to more lone-wolf style intellectual avenues, but I am thinking it could be a good way to counter-balance and supplement that work.

I've always been interested in this topic, since it started happening to me randomly when I was a teenager. I would sometimes realise I was dreaming and attempt to control the dream - usually by trying to fly. When I started to research things a little bit, I got a bit scared as came across some information that seemed to link lucid dreaming to sleep paralysis - which correlated with some of my own experience. I stopped looking into trying to actively induce lucid dreams then, as it wasn't worth some of the horrors that I experienced with sleep paralysis. Even now there seems to be a link between the two for me. If I don't get a lot of sleep for a few days and then try to go to sleep when I am ridiculously exhausted, I often find I have very vivid dreams that turn into nightmares and what feels like sleep paralysis. As amazing as lucid dreaming can be, I am slightly fearful that it feels perhaps a bit unnatural and that my body gets confused then between when I'm supposed to be asleep and supposed to be awake; conscious in the dream, then feeling like I can't move when I think I'm awake! Maybe I need to research the topic further and see if I can gain some much better control. I'd love to be able to have a dialogue with my subconscious.

I was struggling with this issue recently, with relation to a girl I have been seeing. I genuinely liked her as a person, so didn't want to stop seeing her, but felt like my time with her was being spent in some quite low consciousness activities. I didn't want to hurt her, but took the somewhat scary step of being open and honest about perhaps not wanting a serious relationship and that I'll be taking a lot of time to myself, to work on myself. It seemed to go down quite well. I have learned over the last few months that trying to discuss many personal development topics with people, can result in nothing more than them staring at you like you have ten heads. So, I like the idea that they are where they need to be and will find their way, in time.

San Francisco, CA - Originally from Dublin, Ireland.

Not nearly as disciplined as many of you guys, as my morning ritual usually consists of running out the door in the morning and reading for an hour on the commute to work. I tend to fit in my 20-25 minute meditation, affirmations, contemplation and journalling in the evening. Would you be able to tell me some of the books that talk about the benefits of waking up early? I keep hearing that it is something people try to incorporate into their life, but I've never been 100% clear on why. Perhaps it's because I've always been more of a night owl. Thanks!

Hi, I've been struggling with a minor but irritating issue of late, where I spend so much time thinking about my life purpose, enlightenment and deep topics like the existence of free will, that I have a tendency to eschew responsibility for some of the more mundane but necessary aspects of life - actively limiting the amount of time I spend cooking, cleaning and putting off getting groceries etc. These minor tasks that I can't seem to embrace, tend to pile up, stress me out and make me feel guilty for not contributing more in my apartment, like my house mates. I'm wondering if anyone can help me re-frame this behaviour, which appears to stem from the belief that these things are not important. It seems silly to me that I spend so much time studying personal development topics, meditating and doing affirmations, that I can't find the time for laundry. I shudder to think how I'd cope if I was actually responsible for more people than myself.

Huh, I had never really thought about how all those temples are so well kept... That's a pretty cool insight! I had been relying on listening to videos / audio books to get through some chores, although it lessened my ability to take notes / process the information fully. I think I'll definitely balance out that approach now by just trying do perform these tasks mindfully. Thanks!

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

First of all, congrats on having the balls to step up and ask the girl out. Many guys don't even get that far. It sounds like you might have been a good match, but were perhaps just at different points in your life - maybe she was feeling about her ex, the way you feel about her now? I agree with the point mentioned above about not talking to her and I'd add that you should delete her from your social networks. Also, Leo has a good video about dealing with strong negative emotions, which I would recommend. I actually used to the technique he describes, to help process some lingering emotions from a previous relationship of mine. Aside from that, I'd just echo the sentiments mentioned elsewhere: continue to work on yourself, meet new girls and you'll probably find someone you like even more. The old girl might even start to try and reconnect once she sees you killin' it. By then, you might not even care. Good luck man

I think there is a distinction between cursing in reaction to something, which may be a sign that you are lost in thought and cursing intentionally and selectively for effect and emphasis. I don't necessarily see it as a huge deal either way, as sometimes people can come across as quite authentic if they are cursing, because they are speaking passionately about a particular subject. Other times I find it can just be a part of someone's sense of humor. If a person takes major offence, it's probably more to do with them.