Forestluv

Dang, that's a deep investment of oneself, betrayal and wound. It looks like you won't be getting any amends, opportunity to speak directly and no resolution. You sound like a genuine good guy and I would try to protect myself from letting the situation make me a cynical, jaded and resentful. Yet I also wouldn't repress emotions. Perhaps see a councilor or join a support group. In terms of releasing stored anger and resentment, writing and talking about it can be helpful. Yet I've found actual expressing it helpful. Yet the deep stuff can be hard to express. My deepest anger / resentment was against my father. I forgave him and tried to move on, yet so much was stored in me and I was never able to let it out with friends or therapists. People suggested I pretend a pillow was my father and punch it while screaming, yet I was never able to do it. The only thing that released stored anger for my was shamanic / holotropic breathing.

@Chimera Seems like too much thinking and complex variables. I would simplify it down. Perhaps start with getting in touch with detached witnessing and contemplating something more straightforward like "everything" or nonduality. "God" is a super loaded concept with a lot of prior conditioning.

Actions have consequences, yet I also try to be mindful that I don't know the driving force underlying the behavior. I spent most of my adult life insecure about my intelligence. I wasn't aware of it at the time, yet it's been revealed to me I had a deep insecurity of not being smart enough. Quite often I would get in debates as winning a debate would relieve the insecurity. I also tried to get approval from people I deemed intelligent and put others down so I could feel more intelligent. I over-achieved to prove to myself and others I was smart enough and good enough. I was often called arrogant and that I was condescending to others. I came across as an ass sometimes and felt bad at times, yet didn't know why. Poor behavior has consequences, yet I also try to keep in mind that we are all human and humans have frailties that drive poor behavior at times.

These are creative stories and there are a lot of creative stories we can create about "spirit talents", "awakening", and the mechanics of how it works. These can be useful and practical at the human level. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm saying there are other stories and creations. In the story I'm creating, I say there are various awakenings and degree of awakenings. We could also call these awakenings "realizations". We could call the a tuna sandwich, I don't care about the word - the words are just pointers. So one form of tuna sandwich, errr I mean awakening, would be revealing of "the witness". The detached awareness witnessing of thoughts, sensations and perceptions. When I was in a buddhist sanghas, I never had this awakening. I was often discussed at the sangha and I meditated my ass of trying to realize it. I tried to figure it out. Never got it. I watched newbies come in and realize this within months and all the sangha members nodding there heads in approval "yes, yes Stacey. That's it. You got it". I watched newbies come in and have all sorts of realizations that I never had. . . So they question becomes, what would you attribute my failure to? Was I unlucky? Did I not try hard enough? Did I try too hard? Did prior conditioning prevent me? I think it's fair to say that I wasn't spiritually talented. For some reason, it just didn't happen in my mind. It was like I studied and practiced, yet could never realize and speak the language. This is a construct of "awakening" and "spiritual talent". We could create many other constructs as well.

Spiritual awakening is a form of healing. Contraction in ego mind is very unhealthy to the mind and body. Psychedelics can expand the mind and increase awareness. I would consider that a form of consciousness "production". Yet it is context-dependent on the person. Psychedelics will have different effects depending on one's baseline level of consciousness and prior conditioning.

Then why remove a variable that can influence how things can carry from one over to the next? For example, aspects of PTSD have been shown to carry over from one generation to the next. Why spend five generations to dissolve the PTSD when it can be dissolved in a month with two sessions of MDMA?

There are literally thousands of things. Just one example: I spent thousands of hours contemplating ego and sitting in Dharma talks about ego. I'd get really frustrated when people at the Shangha talked gibberish . . . and they all nodded as if the gibberish made sense. . . . During the comedown of my first trip, there was the realization "Oh, so that's ego". In that one trip, I literally become conscious of that which I could not access in 20+ years of seeking. And there was no need to confirm it online or through Sangha members. It was simply revealed.

It's not about "rush", it's about moving on to higher explorations. Imagine being trapped in a cave and someone enters and shows us the exit. Then you say "What's the rush? Let's just stay trapped in the cave!". It's not about rushing, it's about leaving the cave trap, exploring outside the cave and moving on in life.

I spent over 20 years sitting with Buddhist groups - frustrated on the cushion and confused during the Dharma talks. And I was still scratching the surface. No mystical experiences, no awakenings. Then there arrives a substance that can gift me mystical experiences and awakenings . . . and you are telling me I should say no? That I should sit in vain the rest of my life? That maybe there is reincarnation and maybe in some future life I will get a mystical experience and awakening? C'mon.

@Arzola Genetics is not a huge factor at intermediate levels, yet genetics becomes a big factor at the highest levels. The top 0.001% in anything have a genetic background that enables them to reach that very high level (when combined with hard work). Kobe Bryant needed good genetics AND a hard work to become a master. Very few people can get anywhere near Kobe Bryant levels, regardless of how hard they worked.

Please keep in mind that when dosing animals, size does matter. A 50ug/kg LSD dose is a light trip for a mouse, yet 30X the dosage for humans. And this dose is enough to kill an elephant. R.I.P. Tusko.

I know a lot of intellectuals that are miserable. I doubt there is a positive correlation between intellect and personal wellness.

As an ungifted spiritual seeker that was gifted awakenings through 5-meo, I’ve got to be mindful of assuming it’s now simple for others. I’ve caught myself thinking: “this is simple and obvious, can’t you see it?”. I’ve got to remind myself of the 20+ years I was a garden-variety spiritual seeker scratching the surface. The Dunning-Kruger Effect goes both ways. People that have natural talents often underestimate their abilities. They don’t see themselves as talented and assume it’s just garden-variety stuff. A couple months ago, I watched a video of Richard Feynman creating abstractions. I giggled when I realized that Richard was aware he was speaking genius because to him it’s not genius. It’s totally normal to him.

I read his article and I think he has some potential for integrating science and metaphysics. I’d put his article at a college freshman level. If he is self taught, that would add to his potential. A block to skill development is not being teachable. Having an antagonistic attitude is not conducive to skill development. For example, his experimental design and analysis in his article was crude - exactly how it should be for a beginner with potential. I could have given him some feedback on his work and helped him develop skills in this area. Yet rather than seeing me (and others) as helpers, he saw me as an adversarial threat and went into defensive conflict mode. Perceiving others as unworthy is a block - especially seeing teachers and coaches as threats. Imagine a personality that was fun to be around. Someone that is curious and gets excited about about learning. Someone that collaborates well with others. Someone that people like to have around. Those are the one’s that get good letters of recommendation. The one’s that get apprenticeships. The one’s that others see as being lucky. “Suzy just got an awesome internship to work in a lab in Australia. Things always seem to work out for Suzy”. Well, Suzy isn’t an argumentative egomaniac that tells her fellow students and teachers how stupid they are. She isn’t toxic to group projects. Her coworkers don’t dread seeing her in the lab. People don’t avoid her. Rather, Suzy has a great attitude. She works well with others and has a good attitude. Intellectual potential is not enough to be truly successful. Mindset, attitude and social skills are also important. I routinely turn away 4.0 students with shitty attitudes from joining my lab. It sucks being around them in the lab and trying to mentor them when they are constantly starting fights. And they screw up lab dynamics. It’s a miserable atmosphere and group productivity goes down. I’d much rather have a 2.0 student with a great attitude.

Griftees are getting upset with the Grifters ”A donor who gave $2.5 million to a pro-Trump group looking for election fraud wants his money back after disappointing results” https://www.businessinsider.com/donor-25m-group-trying-find-election-fraud-wants-refund-report-2020-11

There is a saying that “A pen is mightier than a sword”. It doesn’t literally mean a pen is superior in a sword fight. There are different contexts.

As often the case, it’s context dependent. Not being willing and able to see context leads to dismissive categorization. Are there situations in which someone uses “flower power” talk to hide lack of understanding? For sure. I’ve done it myself. Back when I was engaged in a sangha, I wanted to fit in and I would parrot things like “we are all one”. Yet I didn’t have any depth. As well, such talk can be used for spiritual bypassing or avoiding the work of practice, introspection and developing deeper understanding. Pisaq Peru is place were various voyagers and seekers cross paths. I met so many interesting people there. Some people I met had no jobs and were wandering around doing multiple Ayahuasca retreats per week. They would say things like “Time is an illusion”, yet it was clear there was no depth, they were wandering souls in la-la land. Yet it would have been a huge mistake for me to dismissively label anyone who does Aya and says things like “Time is an illusion” as in La-la land. I also met very deep, expansive mystics in Aya communities and ceremonies. As well, the flip side is that logic can also be used to hide lack of real understanding. I’ve used logic to hide my lack of metaphysical understanding. There is also the context of that which is to be understood. We can draw distinctions between an understanding a mathematical equation and an intuitive understanding of immaterial entanglement. Just as we could draw a distinction between an understanding of how to repair a broken refrigerator and how to raise chickens.

The Republican judge McCullough halted the process “to the extent that there remains any further action to perfect the certification of the results of the 2020 General Election” From the perspective of a disgruntled Republican, there will always be further action needed to perfect the certification, until Trump is declared the victor. In this context “perfection” means either declaring Trump victor or convincing the losing side that they lost.

Each mind-body has it’s own relationship the substance. You get to have the relationship you get to have.

I’m not that old! More like FM

Look around your surroundings. Now imagine you are are to describe your surroundings to another, yet you only get to keep one inch of your surroundings. Anything you describe to another is just one tiny inch. Someone might say “Why even bother? Any inch I choose is such a tiny portion and it’s not even my surroundings anymore. Thats kinda like what it was like one day during the second week. There was infinity, yet any contextualization or memory was a tiny dot of that infinity. I’ve considered making videos of insights. I had 20+ years of substance free spiritual work before my first trip, I’ve been trained as a cellular biologist and have done over 100 psychedelic trips. That seems to be a fairly unique combination and perhaps I could offer some unique perspectives. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. ?

Thanks. I hope it clears out. I miss silence and being able to listen to music clearly. . . Yet I’m grateful it doesn’t send me into fight or flight anymore. And it keeping me up through the night. That was awful. Now it’s just annoying at times. And I can still go into deep states of relaxation.

24 days. About 1.5 yrs ago. A few days after, a loud ringing started all of a sudden. I never experienced anything like it. I never heard of tinnitus and didn't know it was a thing. The ENT said he had never seen a case in which intense tinnitus appeared suddenly without some type of ear injury.

That’s one way to look at it. There are many dimensions of infinity. A couple weeks ago I was sitting in a meadow and “saw” how a blade of grass is infinitely connected to everything in the universe. That blade of grass contained everything in existence. It was the Universe. There was a sense of awe and fascination. And a sadness that I was the only one seeing this.