Forestluv

Yeppers. Everything simply “IS”. Yet, my ego finds that extremely threatening and unpalatable and will do anything to distract. . . It’s just so boring. . . But when my mind is allowed to add to “IS”, things get nice and juicy, sometimes hot and spicey. That “IS” becomes “beautiful clouds”. That “IS” becomes some jackass allowing his dog to run free in the nature center. And let’s not forget all that “ISing” in my head! That “IS” becomes the reason our society is fucked up. Oh, and that “IS” becomes the answer to why I procrastinate!!! He shoots, he scores!!!!!! Sometimes I enjoy the feeling of just being. Yet, I generally find it boring as hell. I’ve sat on many a cushion with a quiet mind, then thought “I’ve got 20 more minutes of this? Fuck that. I’m telling stories!!! “. And boy can my mind create stories. It’s like a free movie! The only thing I actually like about psychedelics is when my ego dissolves and just being becomes filled with fascination and awe. Hopefully I can bring that in my sober life, but my ego often gets in the way.

Wait a minute. . . Does this mean I need to let go of my model of the absolute truth of infantile transcendent nondual consciousness??!! I’ve been thinking all day about it. . .

@Joseph Maynor I appreciate your high level of conceptualization. My brain seems to be programmed to conceptualize. It’s great for the sciences, not so great for existential reality

Find the one cocept that includes all concepts then you are good to go

The concept of an ego is the cocept of an ego. The concept the ego is an illusion is a concept the ego is an illusion. Illusionary ego thoughts are illusionary ego thoughts. When do illusionary ego thoughts begin?

Does enlightenment necessitate the absence of an ego? As far as nondual and dual perspectives, I think I’ve read a sense of self starts developing around 1 year old. When can a child recognize themself as self in a mirror?

That is such a vague target there is no way to hit it. You post is filled with vague ideas. You have no way of knowing if you are making progress. I would first come up with criteria of what “awesome” means to you. Detailed, measurable criteria. For example - awesome is having the physical health to run a 10k. Then, sign up for a 10k and start training. If you complete the 10k, you are an aspect of awesomeness. - awesome is being adventurous. Then plan an adventure. Perhaps a weekend trip in nature. Perhaps a wilderness training class. Complete the adventure and you are an aspect of awesomeness. As you progress, new ideas will pop up. E.g. Awesomeness is NOT bragging about all my recent awesome accomplishments. Then, you can measure your amount of bragging, Vague, unmeasurable goals are unachievable. It’s like me saying I want to be “successful” or “gazibraful” what does that soecifically mean? How do you know you hit the target?

I find the long detailed posts to be philosophical discussions and a distraction. Those that have experienced Truth seem to write short messages.

@SukhpaalHow "crazy" can things get?. . . How about being upstairs from mom and dad and you find yourself in a reality within a reality within a reality. Your current reality seems like a computer simulation and you don't know the rules of the simulation. Your parents are aliens that are part of some game. Anxiety spikes and you want to return to the "real" reality but don't know how. (This is not creative fantasy in your head. It is REAL.). You feel you are going insane and might never return to sanity. You wish you hadn't eaten the shrooms. You want to make it stop, but can't. You realize you can't make it stop and feel panic coming on. You realize you are insane and don't know what is real anymore. You need help, this has to stop. You want to call 911, they can help you - maybe make it stop. Yet in this reality calling 911 could get you locked you up in an asylum. You check the time. . . "Only 10 minutes have passed??!! I've got another 3 hours of this??!! There's no way I can survive another 3 hours". I can't stay in this room. I'm afraid to go outside. If this is a computer simulation, maybe I could fly. Oh my god, I can't control my body. What if I try to fly? What if I run downstairs screaming? Please, make this stop!!. . . Or, you may watch Rick and Morty videos and laugh your ass off for three hours. . .

Hmmm, not sure if that is a insecurity-based fear or an odd phobia. Occasionally when I am in an audience, I have a fear of yelling an obscenity. It can cause me anxiety.

@Marinus Ahhh, I did the same thing as a student. Now I do the same thing as a professor. Working long hours studying, learning and creating lessons. When I take it easy, it feels good. Maybe because we are learning something new that we view as meaningful? That we accomplished something? I always feel better after learning new principles of art / science vs. conceptual debates over politics and reality - they leave me feeling hollow afterwards.

Fun stuff. I did notice that Leo always starts off with a "hey". Similarly, I always start off a public talk / video with a short quick breath and "OK". I also do a short quick breath and a smile any time someone takes my picture. I never noticed until someone pointed it out to me.

@Visionary Concepts and thoughts are concepts and thoughts. It aint "it". I spent 25 years believing "it" could be conceptualized and understood. Now, thoughts and concepts about reality, truth, the ego etc. interest me just like thoughts and concepts about last week's football game interest me.

One "ah ha" moment for me was awareness everything "IS". The rock "is" a rock. The flock of birds "is" a flock of birds. This thought "is" this thought. We live in a world focused on the items. "The rock is different than the birds which are different than the thought". Any concept that tried to equalize those obviously different items always sounded "foo foo" and was never satisfying to me. "We are all one. I am the rock and the rock is me" was fun chat in Starbucks, but c'mon give me a break. My whole reality was focused on differences among the items. During one of my trips, there was awareness on the "IS". Everything "IS". There were no distinctions. The bridge "IS", Jumping in the river "IS", the sky, tree, dog, concept, memory, feeling . . . all "IS". Any thought, action, feeling all "IS". I couldn't escape it. The thought of individual expression of the infinite IS the thought of individual expression of the infinite. The concept of "You" IS the concept of "You". The concept of "ME" IS the concept of "ME". Anything you think, feel or do is "IS". Anything we see, hear, feel is "IS" Any word to the left or right of "IS" is a thought, concept, image. I LOVE language, thoughts and concepts. I spent the whole day today creating concept presentations and basked in the creativity. Yet, fundamental Truth is that "IS". There is no separation among any thing - all "IS". It's so freakin' simple yet sooooo fundamentally different to how my brain works. This new perspective took me into the insanity zone and felt trapped. . . more "IS". I lost all control over defining things, giving meaning to things. The thought "the sky is beautiful" is the thought "the sky is beautiful". I went into a panic and relieved I didn't freak out.

YOU = ME. But also YOU ≠ ME There is no separation in those statements. There is nothing / everything. As soon as one creates a "something" it becomes separate from nothing / everything. How can there be something separate from Nothing / Everything? 1. YOU = ME = Everything = no separation 2. YOU ≠ ME = Nothing = no separation 3. YOU = something and ME = something different = separation Logically, #1 and #2 excludes #3 (although at a higher level a nondual everything would include #3 since it is a thing within everything).

"Worth" is just another vague label. Just like "meaning", "value", "success" etc. Early on the path, those types of terms and beliefs had a huge impact on me. I spent two decades developing a positive self image. Now that positive self image may be strong enough to be killed off and done with.

I'm pretty sure that one also got killed off during an Ayahuasca ceremony. If that one is truly like the wave of that big ass ocean, is it not the big ass ocean? Why make a distinction? How can the all-encompassing meet something? It is all-encompassing.

1. The law of nothing / everything.

I've experienced many ego deaths. When the self dies it's gone. There is no "lower" or "higher" self. In my experience, absence of self is nonduality.

Routines can be great for progress, yet for me, routines can create habitual ways of thinking and believing. A comfort zone that’s hard to step out of. Last summer I spontaneously took off and lived immersed in South America. Very little planning. Living with native tribes and locals while learning Spanish broke my habits and pryed open my mind. After a few weeks of that I didn’t know who I was anymore. When I returned, I realized how little awareness I had of my local enviroment. So many fascinating things I was unaware of. I realized it’s all perspective and I never needed to travel away in the first place! ?.

I learned more from four hours of my first psychedelic trip than 25 years of meditation. It was the first thing that killed my ego and brought me to a nondual experience. And with that glimpse a crack has been opened and I've had a few mind expanding experiences while sober. Each has involved stepping outside of my habitual comfort zone. For example, I am learning my first foreign language (Spanish), I've entered places in my brain beyond my habitual / familiar use of English. Last summer I lived immerse in South America for two months. I spent weeks with native tribes and locals - far from tourist routes. The environment was outside my comfort zone. They spoke no English and we could only partially communicate with my intermediate level Spanish. I went stretches of days/weeks without seeing anyone that looked like me or had had similar experiences or beliefs as me. There was no news input. My habitual thoughts and beliefs were no longer in the echo chamber. After a period of time, my story and my beliefs no longer seemed real. I thought "who the hell am I"? And I really didn't know. When I returned to the States I felt like a stranger in my hometown, in my own house. I walked into my workplace and felt like an imposter. And “vague” answers used to annoy me. I’d get frustrated in buddhist discussion as they spoke in vague, esoteric riddles. And some would smile and nod as if it made sense! Why wouldn’t the just explain it in plain English?! ??. . . Now, I finally know why. . .

I've contemplated that same question and unsure of "the answer". Yet, my sense is that awareness of the present moment and simply being is "it". Using terms such as "self-inquiry" and "meditation" makes that "it" a something. A something is separate from other somethings. Yet, that "it" is not separate from anything.

Hmmmm, so a solo retreat without talk and thought would be nondual. And. . . using inherently dualistic language to describe my summer trip to Peru is also nondual - because the fundamental nature of nonduality cannot be separate. So, the nondual must be a "nothing" and "everything". Because as soon as I try to classify things as either "nondual" and "dual", I am making "nondual" a something that is separate from a "dual" something.

@Brimstone Accessibility needs two separate entities - one trying to gain access to the other. So yea, it’s inaccessible.

@Joseph Maynor I intellectually acknowledged the ego as an illusion for 20 years. I went through all the letting go and surrender motions. It wasn’t until I went to the ego-death zone with psychedelics that shit got real. Entering the insanity zone and having all control stripped away has at times included struggle, intense anxiety and even terror. My days of meditation and group discussions on letting go of the ego and developing a compassionate heart is like a warm blanket and s’mores compared to facing ego-death head on.