Forestluv

For me, a nice strong trip demolishes these types of beliefs and being right / wrong. Yet is also terrifying when struggling to hold on.

@Ryan_047 This insight was very difficult for my self to accept. I rationalized for years trying to find some way to integrate meaning into life. The concept of meaning is constructed by my mind. Yet, my direct experience includes what feels like “meaning”. Why not be aware of this and experience it?

@egolessI'm no expert, yet my sense is there is no "it". For me, I easily get distracted and conceptualization of enlightenment is a distraction. That is one reason psychedelics are an effective tool for me.

I don't know. To me, there seems to be a concept of an "it", "there" or "event" going on here. My mind loves to conceptualize or search for "it", travel "there" and hopes to have the "event". Yet there is no separation of an "it" or another place of a "there" or no experience of an "event".

@egoless I've only had some glimpses of "it". Yet, "it's" not a "something" I find or become aware of. My sense from these glimpses is that there is nothing to look for. There is no thing. There is no event. There is no revelation. There is no "Ah-Ha!" moment. I've likely experienced "it" before and never even knew it.

There is no lightening. To me, this seems like a perspective in which there is "something" that one "gets".

Last Saturday, I went on a date. I arrived at her house and we sat on her couch chatting for about 20min (before heading out to a Halloween party). I experienced a mild feeling of discomfort. There was a touch of first date jitters and much of the conversation involved learning about "who we are". In addition to the uncertainty of a first date, she was the first woman of an ethnicity that I have dated. I've felt this type of uneasiness in other types of situations. I lived in South America for two months last summer and immersed myself deeply into latin-american culture - several times I experienced a sense of feeling out of place and uncomfortable. Yet, these spaces are good for me because they can reveal old beliefs as being bullshit, break down barriers and open my mind for expansion and deeper connection with others. I told her that I was at the edge of my comfort zone, yet it was good because that is where I grow. She asked if "this was ok", motioning to the two of us. I said yes, and reinforced that this is a good place that I seek to experience. She was pretty much like "cool" and off we went. We went out to a couple Halloween parties and then back to her place. I'm not a "player" and have no "game". I just tried to let go, just be and allow events to happen. During conversation, my mindset included being curious and intrigued, having opinions and wanting to tell stories. (I generally feel comfortable in my head). There seemed to be some rich areas of conversation. We have some overlap, yet much of our experience is different. I'm curious how her experience has shaped her. As well, there were aspects of a cultural vibe that was unique to that which I have been exposed to most of my life. I found that very appealing. It was similar to what I experience in South America, yet another flavor. During conversation and physical moments, I didn't experience a strong sense of separation, it was generally at a basal level. Over the last year, I've noticed my separate sense of self has been reduced and at times I have felt "one" with my environment. For me, this seems much more likely solo in nature than during social interactions. Language and conversation are inherently dualistic. That's fine and I like that perspective and experience. . . Yet, there were physical moments we shared where the dualism seemed low. There wasn't a strong sense of "me" and "her". There seemed to be a shared energy that just flowed and moved and I didn't have a sense of where I stopped and she began. Those moments were discontinuous "glimpses" since thoughts and talking arose intermittently. I've only had a few glimpses into nonduality over the last five months. I can't explain it, yet it seems in the same realm as what others along the path have conveyed. Sometimes this path has moments of "oneness". Yet ironically, there are also moments of "aloneness". Could these both be of the same consciousness? Similar to how "It" is both nothing and everything?

Yep, I can conceptualize all day in my office. Yet like you, I also have a desire for meaningful connection. In terms of science, one of my challenges is connecting to students and conveying concepts. I'm also very disorganized which makes it more challenging. I started off as a business major and changed. In hindsight, very much due to my introverted nature. Lately, I am becoming aware of my thoughts and behavior during conversation. When it's someone that seems surface, I often just do the standard "small talk". I get bored and I'm not too engaged. When it seems like someone who has depth, I tend to talk a lot. She may share an experience and I jumped in about how I experienced something similar, the insight, and start sharing one of my "deeper" experiences. Then lots of concepts. It's like part of me gets excited to connect at a deeper level and I go overboard. I often leave feeling like I did a lot of expressing and very little connecting.

Do you think a 4 day solo retreat is worthwhile? I suppose it's better than nothing, yet I'm curious if it is sufficient to get enter a space beyond my conditioned external reality and perspective.

I am a solid INTP and a science educator. Like you predicted I am not a leader. I do some things in the classroom and lab very well, yet leading/managing is not one of them. And I can relate with the challenge of deep introspection and forming deep connections with others.

@beaucoup I haven't done 5-meo-dmt, yet I had similar concerns before traveling to Peru for an Ayahuasca retreat. For me, I think it helped to have experienced "ego-death" prior with psychedelics. Also, I went early to get know some of the guides and participants - to build trust. As well, being comfortable with mediation and just being. Anything that allows for letting go probably helps, yet if I'm not willing to let go and surrender during the moment, it turns out to be a rough trip. Preparation is great, yet for me - it comes down to that moment of surrender. I'd much rather have no prep with a shitty attitude and be able to surrender during the trip than prepare perfectly with a wonderful mindset, yet struggle for control during the trip (which happened during my 2nd Aya ceremony).

I recently did a 90min. sensory deprivation float. This was my second float (the first time was sober). Here I took 300mg Al-lad 1.5hrs before the float. I have a low sensitivity to Al-lad. 300ug is a moderate smooth trip for me with few visuals or "mindfuck". I doubt it's a weak supply, since a friend had a strong trip on 150ug. I had neck and shoulder pain from the start. The first 5 minutes or so, I thought about whether I should get out of the tank and stretch my neck or talk with a manager what I could do. I went back and forth in my head whether to get out - would this disrupt the experience? would I still get 90min.? could I reschedule? . . . Then, there were thoughts about how I often respond to external stimuli in an attempt to make myself more comfortable. If I can't completely relax here, where could I? So, I surrendered and felt deeper levels of letting go. The external world dissolved and only internal remained. At about 10minutes, I was at a level similar to after a weekend mediation retreat (similar level, but different space). The pain became sensations like I have never felt. Some burning, some linear like a tight string, there was a type of color or music associated with it. It swirled and pulsated at times. I layed there and was aware. The sensations were not part of my body or part of the tank. There was an openness it existed. There were times the pain went away then returned. I'm not sure if I just wasn't aware of it at times, or it left. The interesting thing is that the pain wasn't good or bad, painful or enjoyable. It wasn't "my" pain. I just was. I wasn't suffering or trying to avoid the pain. I've never experienced anything like it. Overall, there was detachment with my body. Leo sometimes encourages the idea "I am not the body or mind". I can think this, yet I still experience identity association with my body. Here, there was a disconnect during the float. In addition to what I mentioned above, there was a time a sharp pain happened in my foot and it cramped up and released. It was not "my" foot. There was an event at the end of the tank. A sensation "separate" from "me". Similar to as if there was a sound at the other end of the tank, yet instead of interpreting an external signal as sound, my brain interpreted an external signal as pain. I was unsure if I could do anything about it. It was like I would have to telepathically turn down the signal. . . I've never felt separated from my body like this. I lost all track of time of time and about 90% of my connection to external reality. I was not in a room in a tank. It was like a semi-lucid space. A couple times a thought of work floated by and it literally felt like that life was a dream I had last night. . . The mindspace was not like "clear thinking" and insight into my life. It was not a common meditative space where thinking enters, I try to be aware, let it go then emptiness. Here there was no trying. Nothing was "supposed" to happen. There was no goal or intention. During one period, there was a awareness of different places of my mind - problem solving, emotions, creativity. Yet, it wasn't from an analytical concept perspective of "hmmm isn't that interesting". "I" was floating with it, but there was no "I". It was sort of like a dream, but without visuals or a central character. Again, 300ug Al-lad has relatively mild effects for me - and that's why I chose this RC. I can experience some anxiety on moderate-high doses of LSD or psilocybin. I sometimes feel like I am losing control of reality or that I am trapped. Yet during the float, there was ZERO anxiety and there was a sense of deep relaxation and freedom. There was not a single disturbing thought or feeling. As well, there was never a sense of boredom or "what happens next". I also did not experience any OEVs or CEVs. I was kinda hoping for them, yet I could see how visuals may have been distracting. When the lights flicked on, there was a sense of waking up, yet not from a sleep. I had to reorient myself and it was awkward controlling my body. I couldn't drive, so I spent about three hours in a cafe and walking around an outdoor mall. it was like I was in a new dream state that I had to readjust to. Cars going by, interacting with the waitress, other people in the cafe, the taste of food. It was likely a combination of the float and coming down off the Al-lad. I was very relaxed and comfortable in the setting. I was present and aware of the surroundings. They seemed new, yet not "altered". It felt like a more authentic reality than when I am sober. This experience was unique because the external "world" was dissolved, yet I wasn't really sleeping. There was very little input from external environment and there were only a few thoughts in the 90min. that an external world actually exists - and that world seemed like a dream. Also, the internal world dissolved and expanded into something else. This is different than my meditations when lots of thoughts reminding me of a *real* world surface. So, this seemed like a unique meditative state. . . Overall, there was nothing I really "learned". There was nothing "out there" that "I found" and could now apply to my life. It was simply a unique state of being.

Concepts and thoughts are not the truth. Why we prefer to entertain concepts and thoughts rather than experience truth.

I concur with others that letting go and surrendering is key. I did not realize how strong my ego's desire for control is - until that control was stripped away. Some people seem to let go easier, they are curious and go with the flow. Sometimes, I struggle to maintain control and become filled with anxiety and fear. For example, I cannot steer the experience into a blissful place or I can't stop the experience. This can lead to a feeling of being powerless and trapped. I when I was a novice, I asked a lot of questions related to maintaining control: "How long will the effects last? What if I experience a lot of anxiety? What should I do? How can I make this a positive experience? What are the chances of me freaking out? Doing something harmful?" and on and on. . . Lower dosages are easier to handle, because I still feel in touch with reality and that I can steer the experience in a positive direction. That's lost on higher dosages. It seems like you have had some anxiety and trauma in the past. Perhaps consider starting with a low dose and getting a feel for the experience. I have had insightful moments on low doses. Here a few things that have helped me: 1. Be humble and open to the experience. When I head in with an attitude there is something beyond my ego, I'm not in charge, and a sincere desire to let go and learn - things generally go smoother. When I head in with the attitude that "I'm right", my beliefs are true and I can win a debate - things don't go smoothly. 2. Have trust that it's ok and things will return to normal. Occasionally I enter the "insanity zone". It can be tempting to freak out - not knowing what is real or if I will be permanently insane. Yet, there is often awareness that this is just a temporary state and in a couple of hours things will be "back to normal". I just need to "ride it out". Some of the most wonderful experiences have been in the "after glow" of the insanity zone. 3. Have a relaxed, comfortable, familiar setting. Environmental input and sensations can become highly amplified. For me, peaking in a crowed area like a restaurant or train station probably isn't a good idea. Although some people love to trip at festivals, the crowds would put an added pressure on me. During my early trips, I only tripped at home. In the house I set up various microenvironments in case I felt the need to change setting. I set up a meditation room, I had a music playlist ready (both "fun" music and "spiritual" music"). I had a movie and video clips ready to go. I had a notebook ready for journaling. . . . After becoming more comfortable with psychedelics, I started taking walks through nature. 4. If you have a "trip sitter" make sure it is someone you trust. For me, I would want someone positive and chill that has experience tripping. Not a nervous Nelly that freaks out at the first sign of trouble "Omg, are you OK? Should I call 911? Don't freak out!!!". This would make things worse for me. 5. Consider having a benzo or etizolam handy. This can kill a trip if it gets out of hand. I have never taken one during a trip, yet have felt more relaxed and confident knowing I could kill the trip if needed. If I get anxious about losing control, I realize I have a choice. I'm actually NOT powerless. I can kill this trip if I want. So if thoughts arise "Omg, this is weird - maybe I took too much, maybe the LSD was laced. I don't know what is going to happen". That anxiety and panic gets reduced when I realize I can press the "Off" button anytime I want. Yet, every single time I have decided not to. "No, I want to walk through this and experience this". This has reduced my anxiety because there is a sense that I am choosing to experience this. 6. When I experience anxiety I can try to relax and let go. Yet, I also have a mantra that "this is temporary. this is temporary. in a few hours things will feel normal again". 7. A slight tweak can have a big influence on a trip. One time I felt like I was in a reality within a reality within a reality. I didn't know which one was the "real" reality. I didn't know how to return and I felt trapped. I wanted it to stop. The anxiety and panic came on and I felt trapped. Then there was the thought "Actually, this is like the coolest thing ever!! This is like being in the movie Inception! This is fucking awesome!!". Then I was like a curious kid totally fascinated. Music sounds felt like a gel entering my cells. Rather than freaking out about whats happening to my body, I was like "I've never experienced music like this before. This is the most beautiful thing ever".

@Emerald My body had a similiar respinse after doung the same

@Outer A strong trip or two would take you beyond this conceptualization. Regarding your coceptualization: t’s over-simplified. Your strongly held-beliefs are limiting you. You have so much more potential. And your link for #2 goes to a grant application. That is inclusion criteria for the proposed study, NOT a conclusion / recommendation from the results of a clinical study. And your #3 is based off the opinion of the admins of the erowid forum. Well, the shamans I met in Peru all recommended to start off with med-high doses. Both groups have extensive experience with psychedelics. How could we determine which advice is best? Or, could they both be good advice depending on the circumstances?

There is less of “my life” and more of just life now. Ayahuasca is related to dmt and on the same intensity level. The 2nd Ayahuasca ceremony was heavy intense. I can’t imagine going harder. That’s why I’m working on developing higher awareness before returning to that place.

The reason I ask is that you use a lot of black and white reasoning. Human personality is highly complex and the effects of psychedelics are multifactorial with significant individual variation. I’ve done over 80 trips. I’ve done Ayahuasca ceremonies with over 100 people that had never used a psychedelic before and spent dozens of hours discussing our varied experiences. They were some of the most humbling experiences in which dearly-held beliefs were stripped away as I struggled through ego death. I can’t imagine giving the type of advice you give to a novice. It seems like we have different experience and perspective. I wish you the best, yet have no desire to continue the conversation.

Just answer one question. Are you giving advice on how to use psychedelics without trying it yourself?

@Outer I am a professor and researcher of genetics and neuroscience. Researchers are not studying psilicybin because the word “LSD” is taboo. They are seeking to identify the most effective drugs and methods. Both are schedule I drugs and have similiar hurdles for clinical studies. Are you giving advice to someone on how to use psychedelics without ever trying them yourself?

Australia has more relaxed drug laws than the US. They are not considered a harsh ant-drug country. Clinical studies are NOT favoring psilicybin because LSD is taboo. This sounds like someone parroting what they have been told. Have you critically thought about this? Do you even have any experience with psychedelics? Psychedelics blast through this type of parroting and dogma

Thus sounds like someone parroting things they read. Have you critically thought about these beliefs and challenge them? Or did you just accept what you were told? And what is YOUR direct experience? This doesn’t sound like it’s coming from someone with a lot of psychedelic experience.

Enough In Australia, the drug laws and culture are not particularly “conservative”. Australia relaxed their drug laws in 2003. Compare them to Japan. . . I’ve traveled and lived in 19 foreign countries around the world. I would put Australia in the lower half in terms of conservative culture. There has been numerous clinical studies with lsd recently, Stop spreading misinformation

What’s with all the rules? One needs to have been “sharp” for “quite some time”? Don’t take a psychedelic within two years of a major life event? Only start off with a low dose? Where did those beliefs come from? Have you questioned if they are actually true?

I’ve done Ayahuasca, yet not straight dmt. Is that your first psychedelic? That’s pretty intense for a newbie. (Your op said lsd) Some people assert it’s key to reach “breakthrough” levels.