Forestluv

For the same reason that tree and squirrel don’t end it

I notice many people, including myself at times, practice consciousness work with a purpose. We meditate to gain peace of mind. We attend retreats and seminars for clarity, motivation and goal-setting. We want to grow, find meaning and be productive. We want to become happy. Yet my consciousness work has resulted in some rude awakenings. In which loss of control reveals what "IS". And from the powerless ego surfaces terror, joy, imprisonment and liberation. Simultaneously from the same source. All just "IS". The below passage resonates with me: In 1936, Max Eastman, wrote, by way of introduction to his book on laughter, “I must warn you, reader, that it is not the purpose of this book to make you laugh. As you know, nothing kills the laugh quicker than to explain a joke. I intend to explain all jokes, and the proper and logical outcome will be, not only that you will not laugh now, but that you will never laugh again.” A similar argument could be made for happiness. One way to kill innocent pleasure is to engage in self-conscious reflection, and a course devoted to the study of happiness may not only fail to produce happiness, but may make it forever after unattainable. We shall see. In case, as Eastman warned, prepare for the descending gloom.

And one doesn’t care about giving anymore, which makes it even even more beautiful. Love expressing itself with no filter.

And there is joy and love as intense as that pain and suffering. But that comes and goes too ?

Sounds like surrender ?. Thats when I turned the corner

Three times have been so intense I wanted to kill myself because it was the only way to make it stop. I’ve either struggled like hell for control or surrendered. And the worst part was that I was also powerless to kill myself. Full on insanity. And then it disapoeared and something new arises, which I also don’t have control of.

@Patang The stories in my head are dreamlike. Yet, they seem so darn real!

What metric would you use to determine that 90% enlightenment cannot exist?

And how is that reflective of someone's "bar height"? Would someone who became enlightened while being constantly tortured in prison for 10 or 15 years be at a "higher" or "lower" bar?

I'm a university scientist/researcher that integrates science and metaphysics.

What is. . . is

It seems alive-ness appears and disappears in the moment. I question the idea that I am a self that continues through time.

Some of my work has been identifying what is preventing me from experiencing deep sadness, insecurity, fear and pain. Resolving that has allowed the sense of "being it".

I’d bet the majority of couples in monogamous relationships don’t really want to be monogamous all the time. The frequency of cheating is quite high. As well, some people I’ve met in open relationships have a strong type of commitment. They are often married or have a primary partner. They fully communicate with each other abt their activity

@ValiantSalvatore I’m cosidering going open with her, yet not in the current environment. We would need to build a much stronger foundation. I think most people are immature and unsecure. The exes she mentions are obviously looking for sex and are filled with drama. What I’ve seen so far with the “compartment” idea is inner conflict. There is this sense she is trying to protect something private, hidden from me. She tries to get close to me, then gets unresponsive and distant. She can be very guarded. I’m more into consistently growing together. It’s like she has these blocks to growing deeper with me because this other guy is taking up so much space in her head. I’m not sayin open can’t work. Yet, if a couple wants to develop deep trust and intimacy and walk through uncomfortable personal growth together, I think open would present big hurdles. In the same sense that a long-distance relationship would present hurdles.

My current GF has done open relationships. When she describes the ideal, it sounds a bit intriguing. Her two main points are 1. that no one person can meet all of a persons interests/needs and 2. that she can put lovers in “compartments”. Relations with one man does not threaten or take anthing away fom relations with another man. She can be fully present within each compartment. Yet, when she describes her actual experiences, they sound unhealthy and a mess. Something I don’t want to be a part of. We agreed to be monogamous with platonic opposite-sex friends. Yet, I can tell she yearns for an ex as a secondary partner. They have been volatile in the past and he has hurt her. She says she wants to progress forward together and her ex isn’t worth sacrificing our relationship. Yet I can tell she still yearns/fantasizes about him and I think it’s a barrier for us to develop deeper intimacy.

My meditation teacher went mental after decades full of study and meditation. He’s no longer able to teach and the buddhist center closed down. He worked his whole life to create that center and now he lacks the mental stability to leave his house.

@alyra Go through ego death. A couple times I experienced so much terror I wanted to physically kill myself as that would be the only way to make it stop. I didn't think I feared death until I did an Ayahuasca retreat.

Lately I’ve noticed how dualistic language and human interaction is. Solitary time away from technology, such as in nature, gives a better chance of catching glimpses of insight.

Also try loving someone for who they are - free of the fear of losing a self interest. I'm gaining awareness of a higher love with my gf. Yet it has nothing to do with her per se. It seems that developing this higher love involves being ok with all possibilities, including losing my status as her one and only lover. What a paradox.

At zero ego, what determines the direction of passion? Could that egoless high conscious passion be expressed through staring at a leaf for 8hrs straight? Constructing an elaborate dollhouse with toothpicks? Designing high conscious artificial intelligence?

Wouldn't this also be true for "good" mental stimulation like designing bridges, developing innovative technology and conceptualizing solutions to complex social problems?

Regret lost it's grip with the awareness that there is no "chooser". There is no "me" making choices. Thoughts and actions appear. Past events could not have gone differently because there was no choice.

During an Aya ceremony there was this form of absolute clarity. Everything was understood, yet there was nothing to be understood.

I have those moments. Perhaps moments will become gaps will become stretches.