Forestluv

Good point. I try to be mindful if there is attachment and identification to experiences and beliefs. If so, can I let go of my identication with the experience? I’d sprinkle a little neti neti dust on it.

There’s a little rabbit hole there if reality itself is relative.

Beautiful. Those questions are challengeing Green’s delusions

One could go round and round with this type of thing. Like a kid standing on the high dive going back and forth wether to jump. 50-100ug of Al-lad is a great way to get your feet wet. Al-lad is relatively mild.

I've never actually taken one on a trip. Yet, just having a benzo handy and knowing I could sedate the trip helped reduce anxiety and increase confidence. A big part of my anxiety/panic was the sense that I can't make it stop. As I got more experience, I forgot about them. It's an ego "safety net" to maintain some sense of control. I think it was fine in the early stages as I transitioned. Yet, then I needed to let go of the safety net.

That's a great attitude. I remember training for lucid dreaming. In one dream I did a reality check and became conscious that I was in a dream. I got so excited, that I woke myself up . I thought next time, I'm just going to be chill and relax into it.

@Lauritz It is super common for the self to panic and pull back when getting it's first glimpses. It's a good sign that you are onto something deeper than your current consciousness level.

Start small and work your way up. Have a benzo handy in case things get too intense for you.

For a nondual perspective on love, I liked Lisa Cairn's "For the Love of Everything".

The subjective experience appeared like a gradual process of integrating knowledge and direct experience.

@Jack River I understand what you are saying. Thank you for your thoughts. Conceptually, it helped me integrate multiple dimensions. The mind loves to come back to the timeline. Conceptually, the timeline is a really deep and nuanced topic. For me, what you shared helped reveal some ways the sneaky mind returns to the timeline. I think these are super important insights.

There was a door by which peace must be surrendered to continue on.

I think "self-seeking relief" would need to be a broad umbrella. It seems most beginners seek relief from unpleasant things like frustration, depression, anxiety, post-traumatic memories etc. Yet later on, self surrender also includes surrendering love, joy, happiness etc. Complete surrender of every thing, whether "good" or "bad".

In conventional language, the term "seeing" suggests a see-er and a thing being perceived. I.e. subject-object. What I'm referring to has no subject or object. I'm only speaking within the timeline for convenience of communication. I can speak in the present tense if more helpful. There is nothing to move. There is no movement. Stillness. Within the stillness, there is what appears to be movement to a conventional mind.

To "beginners" that sense of striving for liberation is often self-seeking striving for relief of uncomfortable thoughts / feelings. After working through one's psychology and a practice of meditation / inquiry, would you say this striving becomes more mature? In a sense, there is a energetic shift from self-seeking relief to self-transcendent liberation?

Yep. I can tell almost immediately if someone has had direct experience with nonduality, just by the way they try to explain the unexplainable. Those with only intellectual knowledge and no direct experience stick out like a sore thumb.

I've had etizolam handy on some of my trips, yet have never taken it. And I've been on trips without etizolam in which I would have taken it. Just having it on me, increased my confidence and willingness to surrender in the sub ego death zone. From what I've read, it doesn't actually "kill" a trip. It's not like the person snaps back into being sober. It seems like it alters the dynamics such that the trip becomes more subdued, lucid - less anxiety. Yet, one may not get the full effect of the trip.

Not quite. It's not the memory of "It". Yet, to communicate it, I need to describe it within the context of the memory. It's not like, "When that fruit fell, it triggered nondual awareness". It was just being - prior to concepts and thoughts. There were no constructs of past and present. No concept of one thing leading to another thing. It's not like there is an awareness "seeing" a conditioned field. That suggests some type of witness. There is no thing outside of it. There is no movement because there is no thing to move and there is nothing to move through. It is stillness.

225ug of Al-lad is probably the equivalent of 150ug 1P-LSD. I would take 200ug, since you have a benzo as a sedative. I would be cautious about having a breakthrough trip with a friend's family. Is this family experienced trippers? Could they view it as some type of novelty that may peak their curiosity. For me, I wouldn't want curious people who have never tripped around. Yet, if you feel comfortable with them and that they would remain chill, that could be helpful. Sitting someone through a psychedelic insanity zone can take some skill. A lot of people would get anxious themselves which could compound the difficulty. If at home, perhaps having a sitter to deal with an unexpected visitor? Also, you don't need two full days. If you dedicate a full day and start in the morning - you will have plenty of time to integrate late afternoon into evening. Then, set aside some time hear and there during the week for more integration.

Not quite. Awareness is eternally present. It's more like awareness being aware of itself. But that't not quite right either - because there is no separation. Just ISness.

The mind loves to put up defenses and protect itself - it's beliefs, identity etc. An experienced, knowledgeable teacher can help relax the perceiver's mind and resistance. Yet, the mind needs to be open and willing to let go of assumptions and pre-judgement to explore new avenues. To a closed conditioned mind, an enlightened master may look like a woo-woo bullshitter trying to take advantage of people. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. . . Once there is sufficient direct experience integrated with conceptual knowledge, an intuitive resonance will arise between student and teacher.

Hmmm. . . It's not like a NLP conditioning type of thing. And it's not like there are thoughts "I am thinking as a self right now and need to come back to the Now by snapping my fingers". It's like the "I am" just does it. All sorts of stuff can do it. I was hiking and a piece of fruit fell from a tree and landed right in front of me. That triggered nondual awareness. Other times, I drift in and out of it.

Phrased another way, is there anything a seeker may become aware of that is indicative of "getting close"?

That would help integrate direct experience with conceptual knowledge.

@Ecocotton I’d consider such direct experience to be a stage three glimpse of the Ox. E.g. a glimpse of the Ox’s tail.