Forestluv

It's been 15 months since my last journal post. It's so interesting to read the "old" journal posts. There is a sense of looking back in the timeline of where I was during those contemplations of my direct experience. Yet, there is also a sense of "ISness" that is eternally present. Today I came to this journal with a desire to express some thoughts about the mind's tendency to get attached and identified with thoughts and ideas. It seems like a continuous process of attachment/identification, recognition/labeling, letting go and being. The deeper one goes, the more subtle and nuanced the attachment/identification becomes. It's like there is a "stretch zone" of self awareness. It seems like the zone keeps expanding, yet there always seems to be an egoic stretch zone. This has appeared in many different ways, for example subtle forms of arrogance. Currently, I notice subtle attachments to spiritual ideas and experiences. Some of it seems super duper true and it seems clear "this is how it is". It's as if the mind sets up boundaries of what an ego is and likes to think I am aware outside of this ego. Yet over and over, it's revealed that thoughts and images that arise from the zone outside of the ego is also ego. When it goes really deep, it appears that any word is ego. It's kind of crazy. I'm realizing that dynamics of the personality can be really alluring and once immersed into it, it's difficult to observe it. I think this is why intellectualizing with one's own ego and other egos about "how it is" is a contracted space. Yet, part of the trap is thinking it's the other personality. If he or she can see my point of view and agree, then all is well. Yet, this would only provide temporary relief. It is not true peace. It's much more difficult to let go of my own ideas. In particular, sometimes ideas arise that seem so spiritual and deep, yet upon closer observation, it's all simply appearances in what is now. As I discover more of this in myself, it becomes so obvious in others. When I point it out in others, the same defense mechanisms arise in their mind that arise in my mind. When my mind lets go of it all, it seems like there is only One mind.

I would be mindful of setting expectations prior to a trip. Consider shifting the energy toward an "intention", or just being open to whatever insights may arise. The problem I've found with having expectation energy is that it may desire to steer the trip toward that expectation. This can set up internal struggle as the ego dissolves. I would recommend starting out with a low to moderate dose. Low enough that you can talk yourself down if things get uncomfortable, yet high enough that you break through the surface level of mental activity. As well, if you want to use psychedelics for personal growth, I would suggest stay with low to moderate doses. Ime, high doses was the opposite of personal development. It eliminates the person. Ime, frequency is dependent on the intensity of the trip and how well integration goes. I've gone too frequent before and things can turn into a jumbled mess. I would say a significant trip once a month, with time devoted to integration, is sustainable. Keep in mind, the higher the dose, the more difficult it will be to integrate. I've found occasional mini doses can help integration because they bring me half way there, so to speak. For setting, I would recommend a peaceful setting you are familiar with. Your room is fine. Yet, I would try to avoid potential disturbances like people in the house asking you "What's it feel like?". I would also have several activities planned. Music is great. I would have a few other activities available as well. Sometimes things can get uncomfortable and something as simple as going into a different room or doing a different activity can shift the energy. So, have a variety of music available, perhaps some that is ethereal, electronic, some tribal, whatever. You could also have a video handy, a journal, ,meditation, some creative activity.

That is some nice engagement during trips. Are those on low/moderate doses? And would you say meditation helped to be aware within that mind space? Psychedelics can be an unwieldy tool and it sounds like you have learned to use the tool well.

I’m just sharing observations.

I’d say it has a double edge. Getting immersed into an enlightenment story can be a distraction and counter-productive.

@now is forever To me, your description of the german quote had an underlying suggestion. I spent many years working within alcohol and drug addiction. I find it to be a complex and nuanced area. I’d consider psychedelics to have relatively low addiction potential.

An enlightenment story can generate a seeking energy that can be helpful in early stages. Yet it also creates separation: there is me and there is enlightenment that is separate from me. Eventually this dynamic dissolves away. Yet, it can take a long time - depending on the mind-body

This assumes an egoic sober mind state is more real than a psychedelic mind state.

Categorizing personality dynamics into “fakers” and “makers” is itself a dynamic of the psychological self. Observe that dynamic without attachment or identification.

@Marc Schinkel Different approaches and environments resonate differently among people.

@Arhattobe There is a dynamic going on in your mind-body that you are unaware of.

That is a great description. That is a good look at a facet and there is more of that “essence” of being. There are other flavors as well. Early in my path the seeking was to find the answer and to figure it out. I read a lot, meditation groups, lots of chats and debates. Then I had 4 or 5 nondual experiences and the energetic seeking completely shifted. The desire and yearning was to BE that nonduality again. It sounds like you are there and it’s really advanced with a form energy that can fuel more development. Ime, I got into a trap of chasing an experience and trying to recreate the experience. One thing I learned is that there are many variations of nondual experiences. If you have an expectation it’s only certain way, you will limit your expansion possibilities. As well, I wanted to re-enter that state and stay there. I saw it as “all or nothing” and I missed lots of subtle nondual experiencies. Rather than expect and crave the “big shebang”, be observant for small glimpses and subtle nondual “teasers”. For me, moments of surprise gratitude and appreciation can open a portal to nonduality. Where I live, we had a major snowstorm today. I worked late. It was cold, dark and snowing as I walked to my car. I was dreading having to brush and scrap the snow/ice off my car. As I walked to the parking lot, lots of thoughts about work were racing through my head. Then, whammo!!! Someone cleared off all the snow and ice off my car. I was so touched and grateful someone did that. It was love. It snapped me back into the Now. I stood there in the blizzard laughing for no reason. For a moment I saw the divine in all that was around me. Being the beauty that surrounded me. Then, it fluttered away like a butterfly to it’s next flower ? One can only surrender ego to a point. Then, grace may reveal something.

I’ve noticed that too. I think there can be a couple ego flavors that do that. There are the strong ego types that drop enlightentment sound bites as it goes off on an ego trip. Then, there are egos that are dissolving and want to hold on to something for grounding. In this case, spiritual snippets. It’s like an unstable, immature start to a higher level of consciousness. It can be awkward. That’s what Carrey looks like to me in that video - like he recently entered a new level of consciousnesd and is unstable and awkward with it.

That’s a really interesting way of looking at it. It threw me for a loop because I’m trying to integrate the material and immaterial. ? I would answer “yes” , in a sense. Animals don’t have the capacity to develop an ego even remotely close to humans. Humans have a highly evolved frontal cortex and DMN. If we agree that an ego is necessary for the subjective experience of being divided, then yes - animals would not have that subjective experience without that input. So any fear that is dependent upon that human-level ego wouldn’t be experienced in animals. However, those ego-related fears that are only experienced in humans are still influenced by the more primitive limbic system. I’d say that humans and animals share some rudimentary fears. And humans also have unique fears - yet those uniquely human fears are dependent, in part, on the redumintary limbic system.

Yes, and the limbic system is within the machine and provides energy to help fuel the process. There is no “instinctual” and “non-instinctual” fear. It’s integrated.

@Jack River ♥️ ?

Posting it twice doesn’t make it true. I’m pointing to something you don’t have an interest learning about and I respect that ?

Be careful about starting a “good ego vs bad ego” dynamic. The entity calling out the “bad ego” is also ego cloaked in goodness. See if you can be a neutral observer. Just observe the psychological dynamic without judgement or criticism. As if you were watching a movie. It gets fascinating. . .

@Jack River It’s integrated, not separate.

Some very deep insights appear on the forum. Some minds won’t “see” it. A mind perceives at it’s current state.

Heehee. Nice. In my experience, it sure does seem that way. Sometimes my ego gets blindsided, and then steps back in to take control. I’d say first order would be getting startled, second order getting embarrassed and third order is a thought story that arises about what happened and what it means.

During meditation, step outside the story of thoughts and observe. Where do thoughts arise from? There is no you writing the thoughts.

A thought-based ego likes to believe it is in control the narrative. The limbic system evolved prior to the ability to think. It is the underlying driver, yet the ego doesn’t like to admit it. We are not the author of our thoughts. Brain scans can now detect thoughts before the person thinks it. The psychological self is one giant smokescreen.

Be mindful about intention. Dynamics of the psychological self get really subtle and nuanced at deeper levels. Rather than seeing beings as “dual” or “nondual”, see what happens when your self dissolves. What is the experience with other beings like? I think you mentioned you are starting to get hints of the paranormal. Well, there is plenty to explore here. Totally drop any agenda (good or bad) and experience the “other” person. There is an awakening of the head and an awakening of the heart. Someone recently posted a link to an Adya talk that explored this realm. It was sooo deep and clear.

Long distance trail running in nature ♥️