Forestluv

For any of image to be held in the mind, there is a not that image. For example, one can imagine all white because they know not to imagine black, pink, turkey sandwiches or dancing bears high on cocaine. For the mind to imagine a thing, there must be a not that thing to not imagine. If one was asked to imagine all “sfexqe”, they couldn’t do it because there is no reference of what is “sfexqe” and what is not “sfexqe”.

Yes, both at bot personal and human levels. In respect to mathematical knowledge and skill, a calculus teacher is above an algebra student. Yet this isn’t upsetting to “I” if there is no “I” personally identifying as the calculus teacher or algebra student.

“Above” and “below” needs an “I” to be personally upsetting. Calculus is above algebra, yet it is not upsetting because “I” does not identify as being Calculus or algebra. A monkey is intellectually above a mouse, yet this is not upsetting since “I” does not identify as being a monkey or mouse. As well, the survival of “I” is not dependent on the aboveness of calculus vs. algebra or monkeys vs mice. Therefore, it isn’t personally upsetting. A personal “I” needs to enter for personal upset to arise.

@Lento All constructs are sandcastles, including everything I construct.

@Lento It appears you have it figured out and said how it is. There is nothing for me to say. Enjoy the sandcastle while it lasts.

Psychedelics have a low addiction profile. They are sometimes used to help cure addictions. I would use a standard psychedelic like lsd or shrooms. I would be more concerned about dosage, setting and mindset than addiction.

@Lento Nice projection. If its working for you, thats great.

Of course attachment/identification is contraction. That's not what is being pointed to. There is transcendence to all of those "paradigms". There is awareness that these paradigms are appearances that have no more relevance than the appearances of bird chirps. As well, "direct experience" is an ineffable pointer, distinct from personal "experience". An "experience" is a contextualization that never happened, yet is held in the mind as a memory, as an experience. There is an infinite number of contextualizations to create an experience. That is not direct experience, yet is included within direct experience. Direct experience is not beholden to any idea, concept or belief. Similar to thought stories, there can be attachment/identification to experience, in which the experience is a form of belief - as you stated. Yet direct experience has no experiencer. It is not beholden to any belief. Another way to point is that "experience" involves a timeline. For example, I had an experience yesterday. Direct experience has no timeline. It is not confined to a linear timeline or contextualization. Most of the time people use the term "direct experience", they are referring to a contextualized experience within a timeline. There can be attachment/identification to thought stories / experience. For example, I had an experience tripping on shrooms in Guatemala. A nondual essence of Oneness was revealed and there was empathic connection to trees and humans. There was an awakening of singularity. These memories and images are a contextualized experience that is appearing Now. It never happened within a linear timeline. There can be attachment/identification that the experience happened and is part of "me". There can be a belief in the experience. This is part of humanness, yet is not what is being pointed to with "direct experience". There is something *prior* to the contextualization of "experience". One can point to this by adding in the term "direct", yet experience and direct experience are commonly conflated, just as relative and absolute are conflated. If you take construction to it's terminal end, there is One construction and all separation collapses such that Full deconstruction = Full construction. . . Nothing = Everything.

That involves attachment/identification to a belief. There is transcendence to that in which there is no "they" attached/identified to the belief. Transcendence is not beholden to any belief, phenomena, object, image, appearance, sensation, perception etc.

Notice how everything you wrote is oriented toward “me”. You are imagining “me”.

@Erixoon50 If available, you might want to try a spiritual retreat - they often contain yoga and meditation. For some, having an instructor and participating within a group can relax the mind and allow Now to reveal itself. I would choose an event that is not dogmatic to an ideology. Also, solo retreats can be helpful. Getting away from conditioning of society can allow space for insights to arise. I like solo time in nature. Also, I would let go of ideas about what a mystical experience *should* be like. This can be a distraction to more subtle mystical experiences. For example, if I’ sitting in nature thinking “Ok, here I am in nature waiting for a mystical experience to happen. What’s supposed to happen next? Maybe I’m not doing it right. I should read more spiritual stuff to find out how to do it”. Those types of thought stories are a distraction to the actual beingness of now. For me, it would be better to simply observe and to pay attention to the small gaps between the thoughts. Also to be in tune with subtleties. Mystical experiences aren’t just razzle dazzle stuff like astral projection, OBEs, collective consciousness, other realms, glopping around on a forest floor etc. For example, while sitting in nature a crow may fly near me and squawk at me. If I was immersed in a thought story I may miss it. In presence, there can be an energy. A connection with that bird. A communication. A knowing. An essence. It is a subtle glimpse. The mind may start a new thought story of “Was that it? Was that mystical? Maybe that was my spirit guide and it’s trying to tell me something. How do I know if its a mystical spirit guide and what it means?” . . .Those thought stories are fun to contemplate, yet they are a distraction to that subtle mystical glimpse of Now. It doesn’t need to be dramatic. It can be as common and subtle as watching a falling leaf float down to the ground and making a perfect landing. To resonate with that moment and “see” the perfection in it. Yet the mind will often re-enter with thoughts trying to figure stuff out - ehich can ruin the connection, because there is an “it” that comes prior to thoughts. Also, exploring lucid states can help relax a mind allowing space for those “what just happened?” moments. You’ve already had glimpses of mysticism, it is all around us. It is around you right now. It’s about relaxing into it, observing, sensing and being - without getting swept away by thought stories. Yet, if the thought stories are exploring what’s happening Now, thats better than personal thought stories not now. For example, being curious and thinking about of the essence of a crow squawking in front of me Now is much closer to Now than a thought story about my ex-gf. For me, nature is one of my favorite settings for mysticism because nature has no judgement, expectation or agenda. It is simply Aliveness freely expressing itself Now. For me, it’s easy to relax into and let go.

Realize relative (dual) and absolute (nondual) and all questions are answered. Relative permanence vs relative impermanence involves creation a timeline of past, present and future. As well, we need to create a thing separate from other things. Thus, past is not present is not future. And voila, no thing is past, present and future due to separation within a relative/dualistic time-space construct. Thus each thing is relatively impermanent. Absolute permanence is unconditional. It is not dependent on conditions such as past, present, future and perceptions of separate things. “It” is unchanging because there is no separate “it” and there is no timeline in which to change. As well, we can create a thing called “enlightenment” as a relative separate thing and as an unconditional absolute. The mind likes to perceive separation and opposition. The mind will set up a conflict between relative and absolute. The mind will want to decide which is true: relative or absolute. They appear as opposites, thus one must be true and the other false. When one attempts to transcend the duality, conflation and confusion may arise. Nearly every human mind is conditioned to perceive dualistically. Thus, the mind does not need to realize dualism. It already has that part down. It doesn’t need to read philosophical dualistic theory to transcend dualism. The human mind is already an Olympic gold medalist at creating dualistic constructs. The realization is that of nondualusm. . . . In this case, the mind can easily perceive impermanence of a separate thing in a timeline. Last night there was a moon present. Now, there is no moon present. The mind perceives relative impermanence effortlessly. It is much harder for the mind to realize absolute permanence. . . . Realizing absolute permanence is a profound breakthrough, yet the mind will want to grasp at absolute permanence and reject relative permanence. This is also a trap since both absolute and relative are true and both have value.

@actualizing25 The snag with this orientation is pursuing unconditional under certain conditions.

The plot thickens ? ?

Maybe there are “meetup” groups for singles in your area? I’m introverted as well. Dating involves at least a basic level of crawling out from one’s turtle shell. Online seems easy for an introvert. I just setup a date and meet. Extroverted women are generally to outgoing and intense for me. I prefer women that are toward the introverted side and immersing ourselves together. And if women flirt with you, you might want to take a deep breath and put yourself out there. If there is some anxiety about rejection and getting hurt, I would have some healthy personal boundaries and keep an eye out for kindness and caring.

Holotropic breathing (aka shamanic breathing) is easily done solo. Leo has made an instructional demo that O followed. You could do it tonight if you want. . . EMDR is simple and straightforward, yet I don’t think I could have done it in my own at first. I probably could now though. Part of the EMDR was to re-visit childhood events. Entering as an adult and speaking to the child was helpful.

In terms of releasing / healing previous conditioning from childhood, I’ve found EMDR and holotropic breathing to be helpful at the level of body memory. At the cognitive level, talk therapy and openly sharing with people that had similar experience. In terms of getting connecting with inner innocence and vulnerability: psychedelics. Ime, there seems to be childhood conditioning that can persist and re-appear in patterns (such as anxiety in certain situations). For me an image of myself as a child arose during EMDR which was helpful to work through feelings and triggers. Yet a thought story about an “inner child” would inevitably lead me to attachment/identification to that thought story - which then becomes yet another thing that needs to be worked through and transcended. After a while, I got tired of perpetually working through stuff and having an “issue of the week”. I just wanted to be free of it. That’s one reason I resonate well with holotropic breathing, EMDR and psychedelics because they dissolve thought stories and go to deeper levels.

That would be a mild trip for most people. I did 75mcg al-lad in a sensory deprivation tank and went into deep meditative states.

I mean the relative intensity of the trip. Dosages and intensity vary among people. For me, Aya is too physically and visually intense for me to mediate. It’s still an insightful trip though

@dyslexicFcuk There is nothing wrong with logic and reason, yet keep in mind that logic and reason are components of greater expansion. If we were talking about the mechanics that power a car, staying within logic and reason is no problem. Yet when you venture into nonduality and ask that everyone constrain themselves to logic and reason, it just won’t go over very well. That is like asking French people to have a discussion about French culture, yet they are not allowed to mention Paris, the Eiffel Tower, the French Alps, French food or the French language. And they are not allowed to mention any event before the year 2009. These restrictions are so extreme, that it becomes impossible to have a discussion about French culture. The discussion would be distorted and way off the mark. . . Similarly, trying to limit a discussion of nonduality to logic and reason creates a distortion of nonduality and will be way off the mark.

I’ve had trips similiar to how you’ve described. It was traumatic to the mind and body such that I needed to walk away for several months. There are places I would dread returning to. One thing that helped me was to try different psychedelics at different dosages and settings. Each mind-body has a particular resonance with different psychedelics. For me, a lot of what you describe about timeless deconstruction if reality is not disturbing (although there can be some resistance of “holding on” at times). At a personal/human level the hardest zones for me are those in which I can’t make it stop and it will go on forever. As well, that there could be harm caused if I let go. That’s where my fight or flight goes into overdrive. For me, mid to high doses of shrooms or lsd can feel very possessive which can be disturbing. In contrast, San Pedro is the opposite. It is not possessive at all and I can “leave and return” as I please. Others like al-lad and 4-ho-met are relatively gentle and 4-ho-met has unbelievable CEVs. To me, what you wrote about your trips (and your posts in general) seem very heavy, intense and serious. Yet you seem to crave a light magical exploration into other realms. There might be something holding you back from the whimsical. . . . This is just what I sense, it could be off. Yet if I’m onto something, I would shift toward using a more easy-going psychedelic with a mindset and setting that allows you to enter other realms that are more majestic and even playful.

This is assuming linear development toward a destination over a timeline. Ime, this has some value - yet is still contracted. There is much more going on that is nonlinear and timeless. Ime, combining psychedelics and meditation can be a great combination. On San Pedro, I did seven straight hours of timeless meditation with singing bowls. It was a deeply mystical experience. In general, I find mid-range psychedelics and nature to go very well together.

@w4read Some of this will work itself out over time. For example, you don’t have to begin a relationship with the gf right now. Maybe that will unfold in the future or maybe you’ll just be acquaintances. If it were me, I would first try to behave in a way that doesn’t contribute to drama, conflict and hurt. Everyone involved is dealing with a lot right now. Emotions and past wounds can run high. It sounds like you are old enough and independent enough not to get pulled in deep (in contrast to a 14y.o. living with their parents). Personally, I don’t like feeling unresolved in limbo. I might reach out to each parent and keep it fairly light. Let them know I care about them and wish them well - and then perhaps talk a bit about whats going on in my life. My parents would try to get me to take sides, which I’d be careful not to do. I tend to feel more for the mom, since her world is likely more groundless and I she is the one left behind without a partner. It sounds like your mom may be internalizing the hurt and isn’t reaching out for support. I would indirectly support and send love to my mom, without it being totally obvious. Subtle things like sending her a nice message - perhaps something positive in your day that reminded you of her that you wanted to share with her. Or perhaps a quick phone call just to let her know you were thinking about her. Feeling loved can help heal. I would open a door and allow space for her to talk with me about the breakup, yet I would allow her to enter or not enter as she wants. I’d also be careful not to put my own issues with the ordeal onto her. She has enough to work through. If I had issues come up, I would try to find support through a friend, a gf or therapist )if it started interfering with my ability to function in life). When I’m uncertain what to do, I would try to move toward loving, caring, healing and move away from contributing to drama, conflict and adding in new stuff people might have to recover from in the future. I’m just trying to imagine if these were my parents and how I might handle it. Your family dynamics have unique aspects and what I’ve written may or may not have value to your personal situation.

There are a variety of approaches depending on one’s orientation and intentions. Your primary motivation is personal healing and development. For this, I would recommend starting with a relatively low dose and working your way up. I would commit to taking three trips. I would recommend starting with a gentle or standard psychedelic. The most gentle psychedelics include al-lad, 4-ho-met and San Pedro. Standard psychedelics include lsd, 4-aco-dmt and shrooms. I would avoid highly visual psychedelics like dmt - the visuals can be distracting and complicate insights and integration.I would also use a psychedelic with a trip duration of 2-6 hrs. There are many variables that impact a trip. The variables lens that you have control over is dosage, setting and mindset. I would use a moderate dose the first time (about 75-100ug lsd) - high enough to perceive with a new lens, yet not so high that it fully dissolves the ego. For some, this can cause anxiety and the insights can be so “out there” hat it is very difficult to integrate. I would create a safe, comfortable setting without any distractions, bells or whistles (e.g. not a concert). A serene space in one’s home or out in nature is good. For mindset, the week heading into the trip, get yourself together as much as possible. Clean your house, eat healthy, read healthy, meditate, yoga, exercise, spend time in nature etc. Do those nagging errands. Don’t head into the trip stressed out with a bunch of worries of things you need to do. Have a sense of lightness, with space to allow insights to arise. This orientation will help create the chance of a positive trip. The week heading into The trip, some people like to set an intention. This might be a inquiry question like “what is love?”. Or something more specific like “What are my blocks?”. Or something like “How can I heal?”. This can set an atmosphere for related insights to arise. Yet do this as humble requests and be open to whatever the trip reveals. Having a mindset of demands, expectations and trying to control the trip is counter-productive. Imagine yourself entering the passenger seat of a car, making a request on the trip, and then letting go and going with the flow of the ride. The most important part is after the trip. Your mind will want to make sense of the trip in terms it understands. Allow yourself space of “What just happened?” and “I don’t know”. Go deeper than thought stories trying to define the trip. Sit still and integrate. Write. Create art. Walk in parks/nature and ponder. Explore. If you work with an advanced therapist, they might be helpful. Yet others are only there to help bring forth what is inside you.

Both can be good. For me, Aya was my most profound personal trip, yet there are complications with Aya regarding preparation and purging. I’ve also had a few releasing trips on shrooms. Yet the vast majority of my trips have nothing to do with “me”. It is transcendent and that “me” is irrelevant. Yet I could see how that transcendence could be partially curative at the personal level, or it could complicate things at first. Psychedelics can be transformative, yet quite often there is a process of work, skill development, integration and embodiment. Or one can get lucky and have a facet of awakening that just happens. You might want to consider a relatively mild psychedelic like Al-lad or San Pedro. As well, Shamanic breathing can be helpful. From what you’ve described, I would start off cautious.