Forestluv

In consciousness work, we often just use personal pronouns for convenience. There is a knowing that "me", doesn't exist - yet using personal pronouns can allow for more efficient communication. . . Sometimes personal pronouns are used for convenience, other times there is attachment/identification to "me". These observations come from my experience - perhaps they may shed some insight, perhaps I'm way off. Feel free to integrate them or throw them in the trash. I common stage I see is a "good ego" vs "bad ego" structure. I would also call it "my higher self" and "my lower self". Here they psychological self tries to partition itself into a "higher me" and a "lower ego". The "higher me" are things that the self aspires to: self esteem, being a kind person, being a person that contributes to society etc. and the "lower ego" would be things like self-centerdness, greed, anger, laziness etc. - stuff we want to get rid of. I think this can have value in a certain context, yet a meta view sees that this "higher self" and "lower ego" is all personal self/ego. There is a transcendence to all of it. I would try to transcend it all rather than continuing with a "higher self", "lower ego" construct and creating stories about how the ego helps me conduct my daily life. <-- That "ego" and "me" are the same thing. . . The entire story of "me" is the self/ego. That includes the good parts of the story and the bad parts of the story. It's all part of the "me" story and all of it can be transcended. If this route resonates with you, I would recommend observing all appearances of the "me story" without categorizing them into "me over here" and "the ego over there". It is tempting to identify with the "good me" on the spiritual path. If this route doesn't resonate with you, I would recommend working on personal development, including some aspects you refer to as "ego". Yet rather than identifying as the "good me", I would see it all as aspects of my personality structure. For example, rather saying that my competitiveness is "my ego" that helps "me" survive - I would probably look at it like "aspects of my personality, such as competitiveness, manifest at times to help me survive and excel at life. Yet at times, the same personality aspects can become too intense and harm others. For example, I got so competitive with someone that I sabotaged their project. This was unfair and I felt bad after I did it. Why did I behave this way and why did I feel bad afterwards? Hmmm, it seems like I was feeling fear of failure before I sabotaged him. That could have motivated me. And afterwards, I felt guilty - perhaps the guilty feeling was a signal I need to introspect my internal dynamics". For me, this open observation of my personality works a lot better than partitioning me into "my good self" and "my ego self". The above paragraph is a semi-meta view. There is an awareness observing all of the personality traits appearing. If I added in "my good self" and "my ego self", there would be identification to the "my good self" and this would distort the image. There wouldn't be detached, objective observation of all the personality traits appearing and disappearing.

@Austin Actualizing Are you referring to self love or Self Love? Both have merits, yet have different approaches, imo.

Two threads by the same user on Kundalini awakening have been merged. Please keep posts on this personal topic within this thread, rather than starting new threads.

@Bno Notice rigidity in the mind, black and white thinking and attachment to ideas. This can create a lens that distorts perception. Quite often, there are nuances and partial truths. For example, Richard Dawkins and Jordan Peterson are a mess when it comes to existentialism. Yet Dawkins has done some very nice work on evolutionary genetics and Peterson has made nice contributions to clinical psychology. It would be best if they stayed within their area of expertise. If they stayed in their areas of expertise (genetics and clinical psychology) they could make great contributions at an Orange level. For example, Dawkins would be great at helping Blue people transitioning from a hyper-moralistic views to rational views. The problem comes when Dawkins and Peterson demonize Green and come off as Yellow/Turquoise wanna be's. Ben Shapiro is waaaay down in Blue. Of course he won't carry much weight. If we were living in the 1600s, Shapiro would be highly progressive and help Red to advance to Blue. Yet in the US in 2020, Shapiro is regressive. Could he help red transition to blue? Sure. Yet there isn't that much red in the US and Shapiro doesn't have much value in terms of helping to raise the collective consciousness because he is below the the average consicousness of Orange in the U.S. Shapiro is dragging people down. If we sent Shapiro off to a red-centered middle-eastern culture, Shapiro's value would increase. Sam Seder is solid green and two conscious levels higher than Shapiro. Seder is a full conscious level higher than the average Orange in the U.S. Seder's value in raising the collective conscious is much higher that Shapiro's. Is Seder 100% clean of Orange? No. We are all combinations of stages, including me. If you gave me a test for 100% purity of Turquoise, Yellow or Green I would fail. I still have aspects of Orange shadow that pop up. As well, you seem to be attached to a rigid definition of "progressive". There are different expressions of progressive. MSNBC is Orange-centered and would carry intermediate value between Shapiro (low) and Seder (high). MSNBC is corporate-dominated, yet they are the average Orange conscious level in the US. That means they can expose a lot of red / blue and pull a lot of people up to Orange. The problem with MSNBC is that they are also pulling Green down to Orange. Look at how they cover Bernie Sanders. Yet that doesn't mean they are 100% evil. For example, Rachel Maddow has done some really nice investigating reporting showing red/blue corruption. She often sweeps Orange level corporate corruption under the rug because her network is Orange level corporate. Yet that does not mean they have no value. They have an important role to play in the evolution of consciousness - yet they are both raising red/blue up and pulling green down. Yet we can't expect MSNBC to regulate themselves, this is where Green comes in. People like Seder and TYT are solid green progressives and are a full conscious level higher than the average in the US. They are very important for the evolution of consciousness. Yes, they have sprinklings of Orange toxicity, yet there strongest energy is pulling up Orange - by far. They play a critical role. As well, they are not trying to pull down yellow. . . Each green progressive can have certain skills and specialties. For example, Seder is very good at describing the importance of governance from a green perspective. He is very good at revealing the fallacies of Orange libertarianism and corporatism. Other green progressives are more skilled at revealing gender and racial inequalities - others are good at revealing corporate corruption. It also seems like you are highly contracted in some very narrow narratives that are distorting perception. For example, you keep coming back to "Russiagate" and judging people on where they stand on "Russiagate" - yet your Russiagate ideology seems hyper contracted and distorted to me. . . Did some democrats overblow the story about Trump's links to Russia? Yes. Did some democrats embelish stories and use them to harm Trump's image for their own gain? Yes. Did this effort backfire? Partially yes. . . However, there is some truth within these stories. Don't hold views so tightly. There is some connection between Trump, his personnel and Putin/Trump that is unhealthy. This isn't a black or white issue that "Russiagate" is a 100% hoax or "Russiagate" is 100% true. This mindset will discredit and dismiss anyone that sees nuggests of truth in the Trump - Russia relationship. In doing so, one may blow off Seder as a "Russiagate" hack and fail to see any insights Seder may have of Trump-Russia as well as non-Russian issues. For example, Seder is very good at explaining the positive roles in government and why we need to expand government, which he did in this video. He also highlighted corporate corruption (such as Amazon) and why we need larger government to stand up to corporate corruption. This is very important for high Orange to hear.

This is a common orientation. The key terms are "escape", "inner shit" and "outside Truth". There are many different ways to escape inner shit. A person may escape through alcohol, drugs, sex, video games, sleeping etc. Another form of escape that is often overlooked is by theorizing, by getting "lost" in theory. There is nothing wrong with theorizing, it is the energetic orientation that is the problem. In this case, the orientation is to seek theory as an escape from inner shit. Theorizing can be a form of addiction and avoidance, similar to how alcohol can be an addiction and avoidance. . . . I was at a weekend meditation retreat, sitting on the cushion when some inner "shit" appeared. I thought "No way. Screw that. I'm going into thinking mode". Then the rest of the mediation, I went off into thinking and imagination. After that mediation, I realized thinking was a form of addiction I had to avoid "inner shit". There is another orientation in which someone is fully engaged in what they are doing - and that can be creating beautiful theories. Yet here the orientation is to enter realms of creative magnificence, not to "escape inner shit". I also notice his use of "external truth". This is a justification to quiet an inner voice. Zlizlek did not say "I enjoy recreational theorizing. It allows me to avoid facing inner shit". Deeper down, there can be a still soft voice that knows this is BS and may send some impulses of "we need to work on some inner shit". To repress and quiet that voice, the mind often adds justifications. "I'm engaging in theorizing to find external truth". What a lovely justification to avoid dealing with one's own issues. I did this for years with science. . . It's also similar to someone addicted to alcohol or drugs as an escape saying "I drink to be creative".

I would be mindful of your orientation and intentions. This is a very big statement. Entering "death" zones with 5-meo can be extremely intense and difficult to work through. From my experience, I have an immense respect for the power of 5-meo. The theme of death goes very deep and I would be cautious in how deep you go in the beginning. Especially since you wrote the below: If you were ready to die, it doesn't matter if you end up "worse off" - there would be no "you" to be better or worse off. It wouldn't matter if your shit got blown way out of whack and you went insane. This is death. Everything is surrendered and one has no control over the outcome. To me, your orientation is more toward gaining insights and realizations that can help your person, mind and body to heal, transform and gain wellness. It seems you want the old fearful self to die and to create a new and improved healthy self. Imo, that is a totally legit use of 5-meo. That is a very loving intention for the mind and body. However, that intention is not for the full monty and I would be cautious with your dosages. I would highly recommend starting with a low dose and working your way up to moderate doses. Low/moderate doses can give meta views and allow you to see things like you've never seen before. They can be transformative and healing. I would also have a positive attitude, that this will be a positive loving experience of insight, transformation and healing. Ask the Universe to bring that into your life. . . Higher doses of 5-meo can be a very different experience and intensity. I would say prior experience, transformations and purifications are really important. Ime, at higher doses everything is on the table. For me, it is also important to have respect for the power of 5-meo and enter the trip with a sense of humility and surrender. I have entered trips with a sense of cockiness and got my ass kicked.

Today I've been thinking about various neuroses and wanted to share a few I have experienced. I know a lot of people on the forum are trying to work through various neuroses at times it can seem unbearable with no hope. When I was working through them, it was helpful to know that I wasn't the only one and that there is hope in moving beyond them. . . Below are three of my major neurosis that I've made a lot of progress on. 1. OCD. I've had acute OCD episodes with locks and leaving electrical items turned on. I have broken more locks by checking than I can count. My front door handle still doesn't work - I've broken it so many times by checking I gave up on fixing it. I just use my side door. I haven't destroyed that lock yet. As well, I broke my lock at work. This is a very strong lock and handle. The repair guy was dumbfounded and asked me what happened to the lock. I played dumb. I was embarrassed to say that I had cranked that handle thousands of times to make sure it was locked. There can be an energetic obsession that the mind and body wants relief from. It's as if checking the lock will relieve the obsession, yet it doesn't and a loop can result. For example, I would leave my home to go to work and the thought would arise "Did I remember to lock the door?". Then a desire to double check. I've often returned and turn the handle 5-6 times to really make sure it's locked. Then I go off to work. As I go down the street, I may think "Is my memory of locking the door just now? Or was that yesterday?" I may sit in my car going back and forth whether to return home to check. If I continue to work, I will have to carry this OCD energy all day - if I return home, I will likely be late to work". It's a bad place. I've also done this with my car. I have been standing in a parking lot, pressing the "lock" button on my car and my car gives a short "beep". Then as I'm walking toward the store I think "Did I remember to lock my car?" or "I know I locked it, yet I may have accidentally pressed the unlock button. I better recheck for sure". There have been times I've been standing in a parking lot obsessively checking the car lock and people are looking at my weird. One time someone approached me and asked me if I was "ok", which was very embarrassing. I would say my OCD frequency and intensity has been reduced by 80%. It is now fairly infrequent and I generally can get through it when it arises. 2. ADD. I have most of the symptoms of ADD, such as a mind jumping all over the place and not being able to stay on task. For most of my life, there was no diagnosis of "ADD" and I wasn't even aware of it. I formed all sorts of coping mechanisms. For example, I was a straight "A" student as an undergrad, yet put in an immense amount of time and effort in due to being unaware of my ADD. For example, I could not maintain my attention in any of my classes. It wasn't that I was bored. It was that my mind would go off on tangents. The professor might say something about bird migrations and my mind would go off on how birds migrate. If birds in Australia migrate differently than in the US. Then I would think about Australia. Koala bears. Then musical groups from Australia. My coping mechanism was to audio record every lecture. I would then listen to the lecture over and over again. Sometimes I could only pay attention for 30 seconds. At times, I would write down every word to force myself to pay attention. Another feature is forgetting. I can't tell you how much time I've search for misplaced items, such as my keys. Yet also bizarre incidents. Like I will set up to brew coffee, yet forget to put the glass pot under the filter. I return 10 minutes later and coffee is all over the place. Another time, I couldn't find a notebook. I looked all over for it and couldn't find it and gave up. Later that day I found it. . . in the refrigerator. Another feature is poor "executive memory". When someone is doing a task and is interrupted, they can shift their attention to the interruption and in the back of their mind executive memory remembers what they were doing. For example, suppose someone enters a laboratory to set up an experiment. Someone else comes in and asks where they can find test tubes. The person gets up and helps them find test tubes. The person then returns to their work space and continues where they left off. Most people have about 10min. of executive memory storage. I have less than 1min. In the above situation, after showing the person where the test tubes are, I would be standing clueless in the lab. I would wonder "why am in the laboratory? What was I doing before this person entered?". I may start looking around the lab for clues what I was doing. Or I may start doing something new. Or I may leave the lab. These features are still part of my life, yet I'd say with coping mechanisms and training, I've reduced the impact by about 60%. The consequences are now much less severe and I'm often able to pay attention for an hour stretch. 3. Anxiety. I've had various forms of anxiety disorders, yet the worst one - by far - is harm anxiety. When this one appears, it is a living hell. Plus, I don't feel comfortable telling anyone about it. It's very rare I discuss it. Yet part of the suffering is the belief that I am the only one and people would think I was crazy and dangerous if I told them. . . One form of harm anxiety that most people have heard of is post-partum syndrome in which the mother has thoughts and impulses to harm her child - even kill her child. Yet the mother also doesn't want to do this, yet feels like she is losing control and may actually do it. There is an intense impulse to actually do it, since this seems like the only way to relieve the terrible energetic impulse. The mother may run out of the house and leave the child behind, so she doesn't harm the child. She thinks she is a monster, yet can't tell anyone she has impulses to kill her child. She can't go to a psychologist for fear that her child will be taken away from her or that she will get locked up. It is terrible terrible suffering. She may hide or get rid of all the knives in her house. She may avoid being around her child. There can be thoughts of "I am eventually going to do it, I might as well do it now and get it over with" and then "Omg, I'm actually going to do it. Omg, I can't stop" I have experienced what I described multiple times. It can be absolutely horrific. Similar to post-partum, it usually involves a person I deeply love and that is vulnerable. . . Similar to how a mother deeply loves her child and the child is vulnerable. For some reason, this intensifies the harm anxiety dynamic. I don't want to describe specific situations because it comes across as very shocking and appalling to most people. Another dynamic is doing something that is very inappropriate. For example, while sitting in a large audience an impulse to stand up and start screaming slurs may arise. It feels like I can't control myself and it's going to happen, that I can't stop it. Another time, I was sitting on a train and a security officer stood beside me. I had an insatiable impulse to grab his gun. For no reason, just to grab it and take it. The impulse was so strong that the only way to relieve the terrible feeling would be to actually grab his gun. A couple things I learned was that harm anxiety is not that rare. There are plenty of people sharing about it online and there have been psychological studies and therapy. Also, people that experience harm anxiety are less likely to actually act on the impulse than the general population. I'd say the frequency and intensity of harm anxiety has decreased by about 80% such that it is no longer an issue in my life. It rarely appears and at low intensity. I think one thing that helped was psychedelics. One of my resistances during a trip was harm anxiety, as I approached "ego death" and lost control, the harm anxiety would be triggered. What if I surrender, lose control and harm someone? A few trips, it was extremely intense. I think I should stop here and not give more details. Yet I think working through that level of harm anxiety intensity, with no harm occurring, helped me deal when it arises in sober life. It's less intense now and I'm more able to think "yea, yea whatever" and let it go before it spirals. Almost like a scary demon that I wanted to avoid because it is so awful. Yet then standing in absolute terror and facing it face-to-face. It takes a lot of intensity out of the demon. If anyone relates - feel free to share experiences, give tips or ask questions.

I think this brings up an interesting question of what is "internal" and what is "external". Of course we could say there is no difference and everything is one. Yet part of the fun of being human is observing and creating differences based on our observations. For centuries humans have been curious about the source of content of dreams. Is it random? Is it related to other things? Is there intention?. . . One observation is that dreams often contain content from our waking life. For example, people and places in our waking life. As well, this familiar content is often factors in your recent waking life. One psychological study involves students that played the game Tetris for three hours everyday. This is a simple game in which a variety of differently shaped blocks fall down the screen and the player must organize the blocks. . . After a couple weeks of this, most of the students started having dreams that included Tetris-like blocks and themes of organizing blocks (yet the dream wasn't literally playing Tetris). This would be consistent with you observing a post about PINK packaged armodafinil in waking life and it appearing in dream life. I like how this inter-connects three components that we often see as separate. There is the reality "external" to me in waking life (the post about PINK armodafinil), there is the reality of "internal" to me (noticing the post about PINK armodafinil, imagining it and thinking about it "internally") and there is the dream state (the PINK armodafinil re-appears in the dream). For fun, we could contemplate some new questions. In the dream state, what is "external" and "internal" to "me"? For example, the dream character went to a store that sells PINK packaged armodafinil. Is that PIINK armodafinil "external" or "internal"? . . . It depends on the relative perspective. From the perspective of the dream character, it is external. If awareness identifies as the dream character, the store and PINK armodafinal is "external". To have an experience as this dream character, there needs to be identification as being the dream character. . . Yet from the perpective of the "real me" dreaming, it is all "internal" - it is all occurring in "my" consciousness. The dream character, the store and PINK armodafinil are are internal to "my" mind. This awareness may be realized if a realization that this is all a dream is revealed. There may be identification to the dream character, yet the dream character may awaken that it is all a dream. Then there is a major energetic shift. There is a realization that Everything within this dream is occurring in "my" mind. This can be taken to a higher level in waking life. In waking life, there is identification to a "me" character. Trees, stores, armodafinl, cars, people etc. are all perceived as "external" to me. This is necessary to have an experience as "me". Yet just like the dream character realized it was all a dream and a higher awareness appeared, the waking character can also realize it's all a dream and a higher awareness can be revealed. Remember, the "dream" character thinks it is a real waking character, until it realizes the dream. Similarly, the "waking" character thinks it is a real waking character, until it realizes the dream. . . . When this realization occurs in dreams, we can call it "lucid dreaming" and conscious awareness we are dreaming arises. When this realization occurs in waking life, we can call it "awakening" and conscious awareness we are dreaming arises. To me, the practices to attain lucid dream life awareness is quite similar to the practices to attain awakened wakeful life awareness. For example, one practice to attain lucid dream life awareness is to do "reality checks" during the wakeful day. We may ask "Is this real? Is this imagined? Am I awake or am I dreaming". Then the person does a reality check - such as looking at a clock (if there are numbers on the clock it is awake reality, if there are no numbers on the clock it is a dream). Then while someone is dreaming, hopefully the dream character asks the same question, looks at a clock, notices there are no numbers and then realizes this is a dream. . . This is very similar to the practices to wake up during "wakeful" life. Much of the self inquiry, contemplations, insights are related to "what is reality? what is real? what is imagined? How do I know what is real/true and what is imagined/false?". Similar to lucid dreaming, there can be a glimpse of awakening that "I" am within a hallucination, a dream. Also similar to a dream, the identification to the "me" character dissolves and a new higher meta consciousness that this is all happening within the transcendent "ME". There is realization of "me" the dream character and "ME" the dreamer of the dream character. . . In our "waking" life, there can be an immense amount of attachment / identification to the character and there is an immense amount of resistance to awakening. The character doesn't want to be in the dream, the character wants to be the meta DREAMER. This is one of the hardest things to get over. . . Imagine you are having a dream and the dream character wants to realize itself. Yet the dream character wants to be the meta DREAMER. You will not be able to wake up and enter of meta consciousness of lucid dreaming. The dream character has to let go of its attachment/identification of being the DREAMER. If the dream character is unwilling to do this, there may be a massive struggle. From the perspective of a dream character, entering meta awareness of the dream is death. The dream character still exists, yet the identification as the dream character dies, an energetic shift occurs and a meta awareness that Everything in the dream is within the DREAMER. Now, the dream character is just another thing within the dream. The dream character, other people, trees, houses etc. all have an equivalency in that they are all hallucinations within the meta DREAMER. . . It's a similar dynamic in "waking" life. One of the hardest parts of waking up is that the personal "I" wants to be the meta DREAMER. Waking up can be an amazing process like entering a lucid dream state. Yet, waking up can also feel like death of the character (actually death of identification of the character). From the perspective of the character true waking up may seem like a nightmare - "I" gets nothing out of this. In transitional states, some mind may enter nihilism or solipsism which is a kind of half-way point - yet some minds try to get grounding in this state, can get stuck and spiral into dark places. Other minds seem to let go much easier. My guess is that minds that are curious, flexible, imaginative and like to explore various conscious states, the paranormal and dreams are able to let go and make more efficient progress than minds that are highly analytical and want static, concrete grounding of what reality is.

I don't like the term "neutral" because it suggests the midpoint between "positive" and "negative", which is a continuum of comparisons. This is two steps removed. We can get a step closer. For me, a better description would be "ISness". Is winning a lottery ISness? Sure it IS. Is losing a million dollars ISness? You betcha. Is bird poop ISness? Yep. How about thoughts on nonduality? More ISness. A bridge, a car accident, calculus, a fart, a toothache, sex, a turkey sandwich, joy, thoughts about unicorns. . . and on and on. All ISness. I like this term better, because it is one step closer to the absolute than "neutral". Notice "add ons". We can say things like "Winning the lottery is neutral". That sunrise is beautiful. That is a dog. . . This is all an extra step from what IS. There is simply IS. When we create thoughts like "That sunrise is beautiful", we separate the One ISness. With separation, we a creating a thing called a "sunrise" that is distinct from all other things not a sunrise. We are also creating a thing call "beautiful" that is distinct from things not beautiful. These are relative is's. A thing is relative to another thing. Yet Absolute IS has no contrast. It has no opposite. It just IS. All dualism needs at least two things. One thing and another not that thing for contrast. If I say "phone", it means not any thing that is "not phone". Yet for communication, it would be inefficient to say"not coffee cup, not sun, not TV, not hand lotion, not the letter Q, not pink, not Texas, not a toe nail. . . ". We would have to say "Not X" for an infinite number of things. This would take eternity. It is much more efficient to simply partition off a thing from the whole and simply say "phone".

I got into it last summer and was remembering 1-3 dreams per night. However, dream recall can be really inconvenient. I was waking up multiple times per night and would have to turn on a light and journal them - or I would forget them. Yet, I wasn't working so could sleep later. My mind also wasn't pre-occupied with work responsibilities. Yet about month ago, I stopped remembering. I do miss it and may want to start putting in some effort again to remember. Yet I need to be careful. I'm a really light sleeper and it can be difficult to fall back asleep. If I wake up at 4am and wake up to write a dream down, I may not be able to get back to sleep. When I have to work in the morning, that's not good. My favorite things about dream recall was a window into my psyche. It was like I was connecting to a deeper part of myself and expanding. As well, I started lucid dreaming during the day. I could spend all day out in nature. I would lay under a tree for hours gazing up and enter lucid dreams. It was super cool. It also gave me realizations about what is real vs. imagined. . . I also had one prophetic dream that connected a dream to waking life. It was super bizarre and had a big impact on me.

Do you want to remember dreams? There are ways to improve dream recall, yet it can take a bit of work and sometimes it isn't convenient for continuous sleeping. I was also only remembering about 1-2 tiny pieces each six months. Yet that was with no effort. With effort, I was able to increase it to remembering dreams nearly every night.

Great journal. I’d love to learn more about lucid dreaming. Thats awesome that you are already remember dreams each night. I go through periods in which there is no dream recall. Regarding lucidity, are you doing reality checks during waking hours?

I’ll assume here that by “awakening” you mean awakening fro sleep. My dream characters feel like manifestations of my primary waking character with different degrees of identification. Usually when I awaken, it sorta feels like it was “me” in the dream to various degrees. Yet I may add in the identification when I awaken. For example, I may dream about people that I worked with in the past and I might act like myself, yet it doesn’t feel like “me” during the dream. Rational thought isn’t operative. Yet when I awaken, it often feels like it was me in the dream. Like I actually had that experience. So in that sense my waking and dream character is the “same”, yet it also seems like a different character. I often find myself in odd places having odd roles in dreams, yet I wouldnt say I was a completely different person. For example, in one dream I was a leader trying to help a poor community survive an onslaught form an army that would arrive in a couple days. This isn’t the type of role I would play in real life. And in the dream, I wasn’t questioning “who am I?” When I awoken, it felt like I had the dream and I was the character. It’s more like different scenes rather than different characters. To answer your question, I would say it feels more like a continuous lucid state that has a core character finding itself in various different settings and situations. This is has some similarities and some differences with my psychedelic trips. The two things I would like to further develop in my dreams is to be able to become a wider diversity of characters that don’t seem like “me”. For example, a female magician. Secondly to increase my conscious awareness during the dream.

I like the point that larger government is beneficial because it can better stand up to corporate corruption.

Another way to look at it: Who/what is this “individual dreamer?”. Is it the mind-body in which the dream occurs? There are many levels to this that eventually collapses into infinity. Starting off with a standard definition of a “dream”, I have a dream at night while sleeping. I wake up and realize it is a dream. I am the individual in which the dream occurs. Let’s add a layer. What if within the dream, the dream character wakes up and realizes he was dreaming (yet the dream is still ongoing). Who is dreaming? From the perspective of the dream character who woke up, he is the dreamer and the dream occurred within his individual. Yet then you wake up and have a meta view and realize there was a dreamer within a dream. Yet this is relative to who gets to define what a “dream” is. If the dream character determines this is real and identifies as the individual character, the dream character will not be able to wake up as “you”. He cannot imagine it or figure it out. Similarly, we could keep going and adding layers. What you call “a dream” is within a dream. If the character you play in life decides this is “real” and is attached and identified he will not be able to be awaken to a “higher” conscious level. A couple years ago, I started training for lucid dreaming. I would do “reality checks” throughout the day while awake. For example, I would look around and think “Is this real or a dream? If this was a dream, how could I tell the difference?”. I then pushed my forefinger into my hand. Since it didn’t go through my hand, it is not a dream. If this happens within the dream, the finger goes through the hand and we realize we are dreaming. In the beginning the reality checks were pretend. Of course I was awake and everything was real, I just pretended like I didn’t know. Yet over time a weird thing started happening. I started lucid dreaming at night, yet also during the daytime. I would be awake and go into states I don’t realize I’m awake or can’t tell the difference between real or dream. The “reality checks” took on more meaning. And sometimes the reality checks didn’t work in the dream, so when I was “awake”, I couldn’t be sure if I was awake. I can get myself grounded in waking life, yet sometimes it takes effort. My sense of dream or not dream has partially dissolved and there are no clear boundaries. This allowed space for a realization that it’s all a dream and all real. My ego mind could no longer maintain a delusional reality that “this is real and that is a dream”. I can sorta do it in real life, yet it can take effort. Now the script is flipped: rather than pretend I don’t know if I’m awake or dreaming, now I really don’t know. I can go either way. Not in a pretend way, in my direct experience. As if it is prior to whether my current reality is a dream or not a dream. One thing that became prominent in the transition was with memories. There were times, I could not determine if my memories and thoughts in my head came from a dream or real life. I would be reflecting on something that happened in my life and then “snap out of it” and I didn’t know if it was daydreaming or if it really happened. Like did I actually date that gal or was that a dream. Not in a playful pretend kind of way, in a very real way. I would look on my phone or through my house for evidence that something happened in real life and it wasn’t a dream. I became really scared that I was going insane. That maybe I have early dementia or did too many psychedelics. I was afraid to tell anybody about it because they would think I’m crazy - I could lose my job or get locked up.

From a nondual perspective, there is One (not two). From the perspective of One, there is no thing to “matter”. For a thing to matter, it must be a separate thing relative to another thing. And we must assign relative meaning to that thing. For example, if everything was blue, does it matter if my pen is blue? Of course not, everything is blue so it doesn’t matter. Similarly, if everything is One, nothing matters. Yet from a relative perspective, things do matter.

@outlandish Thanks for your thoughts. I also like the connection between growing my own cactus and consuming it for trips. I think that would be a cool spiritual relationship. Yet I also like convenience and not much of a planner or caretaker. The best balance might be to start the cacti and try out some synthetic forms while I’m waiting. I love the essence of a San Pedro trip. It’s the only psychedelic that I’m allowed to stop playing. Most of the others have an aspect of possessiveness, which is ok in a certain context. Yet it’s nice to have a completely smooth ride in which I can play or not. Jerry Garcia was asked one time what’s it like to be playing a concert on LSD. He said he won’t do it because he is not allowed to stop playing when he is tripping. I totally get that. I haven’t tried MAL or the 2Cs yet. I’ll probably move in that direction. I’ve read that MAL can have a big nausea body load, yet I rarely experience nausea body load, with psyches so hopefully I’d be ok. Otherwise, I’ve read the experience is quite similar.

@purerogue I’m very emapthically oriented toward seeing and feeling other experiences/perspectives. I‘m very curious about what it’s like to be other people - what it’s like to have their experience. And not just gender and race. I wonder what it’s like to be bi-polar, an Alaskan fisherman, a person in solitary confinement, insane, a genius, speaking Chinese, a pedophile, having multiple personality disorder, being an alien and on and on. I spend a lot of time contemplating it and at times experiencing it. And I have a natural ability to empathically connect. It’s both a curse and a gift. Sometimes I assume others also value this and would want this - yet this isn’t always the case. I think sometimes I may try to “help” someone by leading them to this end. Yet perhaps that isn’t always helpful to them. It seems pretty obvious that what I’m writing doesn’t resonate with you and isn’t something you are attracted toward. So it’s prolly best I step aside.

@purerogue You clearly have the experience and perspective of white, straight males down. You are a fluent expert in this perspective. If we were to have a diversity panel and needed someone to represent the experience and perspective of a white, straight male - you would be highly qualified for this. I am not arguing with what you are saying. It is true from this perspective and you do an excellent job explaining that perspective. What I am saying is that there is a lot being missed. A lot. From my pov, every time I try to show another perspective, you counter that with a white, male, straight perspective. You won’t expand understanding empathically with this mindset. If I was trying to learn Spanish and everytime the Spanish person spoke I replied “Yea but, what about English” and then spoke English, I will not learn Spanish. Similarly, if someone tried to speak an aspect of the female experience and I replied “Yea but, what about men?” and then spoke about men, I will not learn about the female experience and perspective. For example, when I mentioned how women feel unsafe traveling to certain areas that men wouldn’t worry about safety, you responded with a “yea but, what about men” and went back into maleness. There is nothing wrong with this orientation, yet it won’t allow space to expand and connect at deeper levels. Another orientation would be to drop the attachment and identification with maleness and allow insights to arise. A curiosity may arise “I wonder what that would be like. . .”. You may perceive things in new ways. What might it feel like to be afraid to enter an area because there is a chance of being raped? I don’t know. I’m a male and never had to deal with this. To some degree, I can imagine it. Last week while the sun was setting I entered our nature center and realized “If I was a woman, I wouldn’t feel safe right now”. I really imagined what that would be like. I saw a woman with a dog and realized the dog gave a her a higher sense of safety. . . Another way is to talk to women about their experience. You mentioned that men also have safety issues about getting beat up by other men. Perhaps a women’s experience is similar. We could ask a woman “I’m curious what the experience of sexual assault anxiety is like. When I am in a bad part of town at night, I feel anxiety some guy may physically assault me. Is it kinda like that. How is it similar and different?”. I’ve had these types of conversations with women and have gotten really close to actually understanding and experiencing it. The key for me is to let go and really immerse myself into what they are saying. Imagine that you are an actor and will be playing a black man or woman in an upcoming movie. To do it well, you would need to let go of your own identity, surrender and fully immerse yourself into them to become them. Yet this type of empathic understanding might not be important to you. It’s very important to me and it’s my primary orientation. What I’m writing doesn’t seem to resonate with you, so we might have different orientations in this area, which is fine.

Simple. Travel through a country as an openly straight male and then travel through the country as an openly gay male. You will have a very different experience and certain straight privileges will be revealed to you. Travel through a country as a white man and then travel through the country as a black man. See the difference. You don’t have the imagination, empathy or direct experience to be aware of this and to understand this. There are different levels of empathic understanding and some get quite radical. Yet one needs to have curiosity, space and openness to explore this. Attachment and immersion into one’s own identity is a major deterrent.

I didn’t have to worry about being sexually harassed. The thought never crossed my mind. I could travel to areas solo as a male that women would not feel safe traveling to solo.

I’ve been to the UK multiple times and I had certain privileges there as soon as I stepped off the plane - because I’m male, white, straight, educated etc. If I was a poor uneducated Guatemalan I would not have had those privileges in the UK. I’m not saying whites don’t have any issues and never face anything that is unfair. I am saying that the majority who have disproportionate power impose injustices on those that lack power. In most western countries, whites have disproportionate power and thus nonwhite minorities are disproportionately affected. Part of the problem in addressing inequality issues is resources. Pregnant black women have much higher rates of infant health complications and death. Part of this problem has to do with racism. Yet addressing this requires resources. Someone white may say “Why are we paying tax dollars to help pregnant black women? Why not invest that money in helping poor unemployed white men?”. Both are important, yet people tend to focus on the group they identify with. Black people tend to focus on black issues because that is their experience in life and there are certain burdens that come with that. White people tend to focus on issues that white people more. The reason I’m trying to highlight the poc perspective is that you already have the white perspective down. You are completely fluent with that perspective. There are times in which I try to offer a white perspective to poc. Not just white: a male perspective, straight perspective etc. As a white, straight male I know that experience well. Sometimes I share that with poc, lgbtq and women - sometimes it’s helpful. Yet I also try to listen to them and understand their experience from their perspective, not mine.

I’m not an expert if social dynamics in the UK, yet I do have some experience. I’ve traveled to dozens of foreign countries, many of which were predominantly white. I currently live in a poor community that is about 50% black and 50% white. The school system has collapsed, unemployment is about 50%. Crime, abuse, alcoholism and drug addiction is high. I’ve volunteered with alcoholics, drug addicts, prison system and psychiatric wards with people of various socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds. At the individual level, I don’t give higher priority to the suffering of one ethnicity over the other. If I’m in a hospital with a woman that just attempted suicide after years of abuse, my empathy and compassion is not influenced by the color of her skin. To me, what you are getting at is wealth inequality that leads to corruption, abuse of power and suffering. I see it everyday in my community. Being penniless is a major stressor, regardless of one’s ethnicity. Poverty and being on the edge of survival can contribute to mental illness and domestic violence. This is something we can all come together on. Economic justice is one of my highest values. And the ultra wealthy billionaires want the current system of economic injustice. Part of that game is to divide people along ethnic lines. Black vs brown vs white. The last thing they want is the poor and working classes to come together. I would place this economic class injustice as a higher priority than racial injustice. If we can move toward economic justice for all, a lot of the racial injustices will begin to survive. One source of racial tension is that so many people are poor and living paycheck to paycheck. In this hyper survival mode, racial differences het leveraged. Economic injustice is a major issue, yet that doesn’t erase cases of injustice that are disproportionate to black and brown people. At a population level, their are injustices that disproportionately affect minorities. Those are not the only issues we should address, yet they are still issues to be addressed. For example, in most western countries, black and brown people have disproportionately less access to healthcare, education and upward mobility. Black and brown people are disproportionately impacted by racism. Does this mean that white people are never affected by low access to health care, education and upward mobility? Does this mean white people never face racism? Of course not. Yet does this mean we should neglect disproportionate power and oppression. We can address both. This is one reason I resonate with Bernie so strongly. He understands both. He understands how wealth inequality and disproportionate wealth power structures negatively impact poor people of all ethnicities. And he understands how racism disproportionately affects people of certain races. And I like how his top priority is to go after wealth inequality. I think doing so will relieve a lot of underlying racial tensions.

No you don’t understand what I mean. I don’t mean finger pointing, one side claiming how easy life is for another, how one side is bad. That is meaning you have created, not me. Those are statements you made not me. If you want to understand what I’m pointing at, you would need to set down your the current paradigm you hold. As I said, I’m not saying you are wrong. From a certain perspective you are right. Yet you will not be able to expand while holding tightly to that perspective. If you could transition into becoming a minority - be it black, female, transgender, gay - you would have a very different relationship with reality and your white, male, straight privileges would be revealed in a way you cannot currently see. One thing you are missing is disproportionate power dynamics. Much of what you say involves a form of “both-side-ism”. You are equalizing hardships on both sides and that each side simply finger points at the other. There is some truth to this, yet it misses the part about disproportionate power and privilege. For me, I needed to go live with people of color in poverty-stricken parts of the world to fully get this. For poc, this is obvious because they have to bear the brunt of the inequality. They have to deal with it everyday. You don’t understand what it’s like to face and absorb racial micro-aggression everyday of your life. You don’t understand what it’s like to not know when the big ugly racist aggression will rear its head at you. This takes a physical and mental toll on the body. Even scientific studies have shown disproportionate mental and physical effects. Racism is the #1 health risk for pregnant women and her child. Not obesity, not lack of education, not poverty: the mental and physical tolls of racism. You don’t know what this is like and a mentality of “Well, there is also reverse racism” or “we all have our own hardships in life” will not help you understand this. Yet you have the privilege of not having to understand what it’s like. You have the privilege of not even having to imagine what it’s like living like this. If you want to get a sense of what it’s like - go live with poc in a poverty-stricken community, go live in a poor foreign village in which you are the only white person. Put yourself in an environment in which you are subjected to racism and racial distress everyday. Date a black woman in a racist area so that you feel the racist brunt and then realize “omg, so that’s what it’s like.” And you look at the person and say “you have to deal with this everyday?”. That type of thing will lead to greater understanding. Not thought stories about how “we all have hardships, it’s no good pointing fingers. That would just tear us apart”. If you want to deepen your understanding go find out what it’s actually like. I have done all the things I wrote above. I walked my talk. From my POV, you are contracted within a perspective and are missing a lot. Again, this is your interpretation that is going through your filter. This is not at all what I am saying or what I mean. Understanding the experience and perspective of another is not hate, it is love. When I sat down with a man in the streets of Honduras, the tears that filled my eyes were not tears of hate, they were tears of love. It was understanding him, not intellectually - emotionally, empathically, lovingly. I understood him holistically and he knew it. That tearful hug was love. . . .when my black gf and I escaped a racist attack and I sat in the car shaking and looked at her and said “this is racism. I understand what you mean now” - that is love. When I became aware of racist micro-agressions that she was subjected to, love arose. Understanding of another is love, not hate. For me, when I understand another and become another - love arises. You are creating this stuff about shaming, not me. You are interpreting my words as shaming. You have no idea what my views on subconscious bias, privilege and shaming are. You have no idea how I speak about subconscious biases, privilege and shaming when I discuss shaming in my classes and on diversity committees. You are making it up and are way off the mark. Regarding subconscious biases, I think shaming is a major deterrent for understanding and growth. We need to allow safe space for someone to acknowledge and work through their subconscious biases. As I became aware of my subconscious biases, safe space was really important. If I became aware of one of my subconscious biases and I was shamed and stigmatized for it, I would have repressed it. Rather, I had a supportive safe environment. There were times, I went to a poc colleague or a poc gf and said “I’m realizing something that was conditioned into me that I want to work through”. For example, I grew up in a predominately white community. My parents would subtly mock the speaking style and mannerisms of poor black people. If I said something liked “Imma gonna go to the movies”. My parents would get very upset. They would sternly correct me and say “you don’t want to sound like them”. They would shame me for speaking like them. As a child, this was conditioned into me. There is something wrong with them. I don’t want to sound like them. Their way of speaking is stupid and I will look bad. Certain speaking mannerisms would go through a subconscious filter in my mind of being less educated, less intelligent, stupid. I did not consciously think this, it was subconscious throughout most of my adult life. When I was learning Spanish, I was obsessed with getting the grammar and pronunciation correct. When I was living in Central America, I was obsessed with speaking correctly because subconsciously I didn’t want to sound like them. However, I was now them. I knew what it was like to be the recipient of this type of judgement. Not intellectually, through direct experience. It changed the way I saw others. This is connection, this is love. No one shamed me for it. Rather, poc helped me through it - again through love. . . . I am not shaming subconscious biases. I know what that feels like and I don’t want to make others feel like that. I would rather empower people to realize, acknowledge, work through and become free of their subconscious racial and gender biases. Life becomes so much richer. And the best way I’ve seen is through immersing one’s self into another that is different and truly understanding what that life experience is like. A white person may say “well what about me and other white people? Why don’t others do the same and understand me/us? We all have hardships”. Yet from the perspective of an individual, this is a block. A white male already understands their experience and perspective as a white male. They have that part down. They are missing the understanding from a poc and woman. It would be like me saying “English is an important language too. People should learn English. Everyone has their own language”. This is true, yet I already speak English. If I want to expand and learn Spanish, I cannot do so by being contracted within English. I have to set aside my English and ask “what’s speaking Spanish like”. Then I can learn from a Spanish-speaker - without calling out their English deficiencies. This is not the mindset of a mind that seriously wants to understand, experience, see, and become the other. This is a mind contracted into their view and wanting to defend and maintain that view through debate and wanting to be right. If this is your goal, great. If your goal is to expand and deepen your understanding beyond your self construct via intellectual, emotional and empathic understanding - then this mindset won’t get you very far.

@RevoCulture Perhaps we are more a like than I originally noticed. You’ve got me curious, which is good space. I can go into a lot of different perceptual states of consciousness.