sohila

i used to have religous and sexual thoughts OCD from 2013 to early 2017 with ups and dawns , by accident while i'm searching for some vedios on youtube about the word " neurosis " which my director told me it is the problem of a charachter i was acting in collage theatre 2 months ago , it was really a very hard time to me , i was drawn into depression , fear , anexity , , stress , bad health and very very negative thoughts and i think theatre was trying to help me , while i was doing this research i found my graetest shock ever , like some one has come with an axe and hit me on my head to be concious of what was going around me , oh yes it was leo with his super super super important vedio " 40 signs that you are neurotic " and it was the first time to me know the meaning of this word and my reality of being neurotic so i started to watch actualized.org from this time till now and really i can't even describe how much grawn i became in this very short time and i'm watching my self everyday trying to learn new skills , only being a good abserver to my self helps me a lot by the way i visited a psychiatrist in the beginings of my OCD and the last time was nearly 5 months ago since my last attack , he brescribed antidepressants but they did nothing to me and finally after years i realized that being busy is the best cure for my case , in the same time self actualization inquires not to be busy so what am i supposed to do ? now i want to know ; how can self actualization help me to not come back to my OCD ? is conciousness alone is curative in my case ? how to know about my insecurities which absolutely o of them are my relation to god and sex ! is there any books . courses to help me understand OCD more ? thank you