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Should Statements From Leo’s video on shoulds as well as the second chapter of You Can Heal Your Life I Should… Be less anxious* Be carefree Not care what other people think* Be socially confident Be able to hold a conversation Be able to focus Be more productive* Not be lazy Be happy Get rid of my ego Read more books Take my time in life Be more trusting Not worry so much Pack all of my things and move to another country to start anew Finish school Do well in school* Be a good worker Be a good citizen Do my chores Focus on getting really good at one thing Stop wasting time Exercise more Practice art/guitar more Be a better person* Have better habits Let go of certain relationships Top 3 Shoulds I should be less anxious “If I really wanted to, I could be less anxious” so why haven’t I? The feeling of being anxious almost feels like a motivator for me. I fear not being anxious will create more problems because I won’t get anything done or I won’t be prepared for something that will hurt me. I should not care what other people think “If I really wanted to, I could not care what other people think” so why haven’t I? It seems almost impossible to completely stop caring what other people think. I think it’s part of being humans a social species. I worry if I stop caring what others think, I will be labeled as a freak or just plain annoying for acting authentically. If I were to stop caring what other people think, I’m worried about what others would think of it, basically. I should be more productive “If I really wanted to, I could be more productive” so why haven’t I? I want to be more productive but I let my anxiety run my life. My anxiety starts because I’m worried about failing. I think everyone will be disappointed with me if I fail to do something I said that I would (including myself).

@Outer interesting article, I feel I had symptoms of both the mystical and psychotic. I actually wrote an entry in my journal on here not too long ago about how my grandfather was diagnosed with schizophrenia and had gone catatonic twice. There is probably a connection with my genetics and this experience, I suspect.

@Brimstone Thank you for sharing your story as well! Similarly, my friend quoted, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” (– Anaïs Nin) in regards to my experience. The suffering I went through is similar, many years of depression, but I never thought of myself as particularly saintly or obligated to do "God's work". In my journey right now I'm really trying to use my insight for good and start tapping around some of my residual anxiety. I now feel more familiar with the root of my pain so now I'm trying to resolve it in different areas of my life at a time. Right now I'm working on my social anxiety and absolving issues that come with many years of low self-esteem/self-love.

I did the exact same thing the last time I meditated. I started rolling my head in circles, like stretching. I don't know what it means. I'm interested to the response to this as well!

@Brimstone the main thing that landed me in the hospital was that I was not sleeping, it wasn't because of me running my mouth about my non-dual experience, I actually didn't do that. I was in a state of panic because I felt I would actually die if I fell asleep and asked my mother to take me to the hospital for that reason. All of the synchronicities I was experiencing felt too much for me at the time, and I became overwhelmed/suicidal all over again. There was a voice in my head telling me that I would do the right thing, tell the truth, and I would die because of it. The inner voice was also telling me that I was a reincarnation of Jesus Christ and my name in this life has the same initials for that reason (J.C.). Then I started realizing the biblical names of people in my life were synching up. I felt I was the true creator of this reality that I'm living in, down to every last detail, and it was absolutely beautiful and terrifying. Anyway, it was all very intense and seemed too much to handle alone. Possibly like a bad LSD trip (even though I've never taken psychedelics).

Hello everyone! I was wondering if anyone here has experience starting a blog as a form of income. I want to start one that documents my path from major depression to becoming the best version of myself. The main purpose of the blog would center health of the mind and body, and how it ties into spirituality. I'm currently on my way to becoming a business owner and a pilates instructor, and I want to document my progress on that, too. What should my first steps consist of in starting a blog? Is there a certain platform that is preferred? What are the pros and cons you have encountered? Thank you in advance

Social Anxiety Card of the day: True healing occurs when I give myself permission to feel whatever feelings live below the triggers. It was my first day back at work for nearly 3 weeks and I felt a lot of anxiety bubbling up to the surface. I have been trying to remain aware of the anxious feelings in my body, but even that was difficult today because I was also trying to focus on getting work done. Even as I try to write about social anxiety I’m starting to get anxiety. This isn’t normal for me and it feels kind of extreme. Hopefully, this is a case of things getting worse before they get better. I tend to enjoy one on one conversations, but when it comes to a group setting I start getting freaked out and nervous. My coworkers were so sweet toward me today, one even bought me a sketchbook and markers and put it on my desk while I was away. Despite all of the love, I was still nervous just being around so many different people. I think it’s time to really start tapping around my memories and beliefs for some release regarding this issue. I listened to a podcast from “Social Anxiety Solutions” today that prompted me to write these lists: What would be the downside of losing social anxiety? I would talk to people that I don’t really care to talk to. My time would be more in demand from people trying to have conversations. I wouldn't have that socially anxious part of myself, which has stayed constant to my own image throughout my life. What would be the upside of staying stuck in it? I think before I speak. I wouldn’t have to deal with energy vampires. I wouldn’t have to worry about changing my behaviors and getting to the root of my past. No social expectations that can get crushed. Don’t have to talk to people openly, which leads to not getting hurt by them (hopefully).

@phoenix666 Thank you, love! I was listening to one of his speeches the other night and noticed he does a really amazing job of explaining these concepts. I will be sure to listen to this one at work tomorrow. I definitely need more practice in the self-love and acceptance category.

@Klayne @Leo Gura @Shiva thank you for your input! I'm glad I started this topic, I'm finding it very helpful. This morning I watched the video on "The Psychology Of Small Business Success" per Leo's suggestion. Very useful information and very eye-opening. I took notes (something I rarely do with videos) on some of the main points that I found relevant to myself moving forward: Research the market, become a master. Learn more about the consumers and marketplace than your competitors. Find a Niche: Unique life experience, style, how the product is defined. Look for things of practical value to the consumer. Strategy > Product Test out multiple business plans/strategies. Be open to hundreds of ideas. Prove cash flow. Can you test out the idea in a week / can you generate a sale or two? Take Action: Rapid speed of implementation. Get to work immediately. Don't make it an option to fail -- full commitment. Self Governance: Emotional resilience in the long term. Prepare to be demoralized. Deal with people who don't understand the vision. Treat the marketplace seriously and don't be pie in the sky fantasy hippie child (oops). There are many people in the world who treat their business as life and death that you must compete with. Don't get lost in materialism. Believe in your cause (There's a book I'm reading called Start With Why that relates to this point).

@Coraline Maybe it would help to start planning for small breaks in your routine. Take a different route to university, study or meditate in a place you've never been before, cook something new for dinner, take a break each week to do something you've never done. This might seem difficult at first, but I think it helps keep the wonder of living in an otherwise tired routine. This might also help ease the stress when your normal routine is interfered with. I would suggest keeping your bedtime the same though, there are a lot of benefits to that. Hope this helps.

Shadow Worksheet I said a prayer for guidance before picking my card to contemplate this morning and got the perfect one! I was thinking a lot about shadow work yesterday night and the potential benefits of it. I watched a video by @Emerald a few days ago that sparked my interest in getting to the bottom of my limiting beliefs through shadow work (watch here: https://youtu.be/SZ90jN2R9n8) So, today I decided to make a shadow worksheet for myself that could potentially help others too. I just like having the structure of the questions, I think it helps me a lot to stay organized and to not get lost in other thoughts. Here it is: Pick a situation or person, past or present, that you have felt strong negative emotions towards, then answer the questions below: What judgments arise when you think of this situation/person? How do you judge yourself based on the feelings this situation/person brings up? How have these types of judgments affected your life in other areas? How can you learn to accept or let go of these judgments?

“How will you choose to play the game, once you’ve realized that it is just a game?” My intuition called me to watch Leo's video on "the dangers of half-assing enlightenment," and I’m glad I did. One non-dual experience did not remove all of my negative thinking patterns, and that is normal because of my psychological conditioning. I was reminded again that compassion and being aware that everyone is suffering in their own way is important, and I should not be thinking that I'm better (or worse) than anyone else. My situation isn’t an Eckhart Tolle situation; I didn’t become totally enlightened beyond a reasonable doubt after a single deep insight. Right now, I simply have a good idea of how I need to move forward in life. That is a gift in itself. I could sit on my ass and eat banana toast, ignore people, not go back to school, and never have another relationship again. That would be fine, sure, because it’s all an illusion anyway. I thought about that already. But, would that really fulfill me after this insight? No, not according to how I experienced it. I realized that being fulfilled will be quite hard for me as long as I’m working for someone else in a low-consciousness industry and my relationships are tainted because they are built on dishonesty. But that doesn't mean I should never work again or have relationships. That kind of thinking is just silly. On my journey, I feel I’ve merely defeated some mini-bosses and now I need to slay the dragon once and for all. Chances are I’m going to get my ass kicked multiple times before I can finally reach nirvana. Happiness is my goal, and for someone like me who is genetically pre-disposed to depression/anxiety, it’s hard-earned even after an enlightenment experience.

Happy Mistakes In my life, I feel like I have tried nearly everything to ease my depression. In fact, my experience on earth started to a become a trial and error experiment in finding a cure for my depression after a while. I became a master of making mistakes. This path led to a lot of agony: relationships, cheating, lying, stealing, alcohol, drugs, sex, nihilism, religion, diet & exercise, vacationing, being a homebody, laziness, perfectionism, succeeding, following my dreams, becoming a workaholic, forcing myself to socialize and more. Damn, I tried it all in an attempt to find an answer (see video above). I ended up causing myself a lot of suffering. Only when I started listening to what those experiences were telling me did I get to my Truth. And the Truth I experienced was a realization that, unfortunately, none of these external experiences had made me any more happy as a person. Only turning inward and reflecting ever helped me. Now I need to learn to put all the external junk behind me. When I was putting a gun to my head, I asked God to show himself. I was sobbing asking "where are you?" over and over. I was met by complete stillness and silence. Nothing. Little did I know, that was the answer I was looking for all along and couldn't see it. It's all nothingness, but it all means something at the same time. You must apply your own meaning to everything. A popular choice of new spirituals seems to be seeing everything as love or a cry for love. I would say this is a good way to go, but to get to this point you must travel inward and face your darkest fear, which is yourself in the end. The difficult part is that fear manifests in different ways for different people, so you must search through your own limiting beliefs to find the Truth for yourself. I was listening to Leo's video on setting proper expectations and was reminded of this aspect of my journey toward enlightenment.

@Girzo I've since watched Leo's video on setting realistic expectations and I now realize that this goal will be FAR into the future. For now, I like doing my journaling. I think I will focus on slowly starting my business and doing my Pilates certification, which is already an ambitious enough plan for me for the next 3-5 years, considering I'm still going to college and currently have another job. I still probably would want to do a blog in the future, but it won't be soon. Thank you for your honesty, by the way. I appreciate it.

Overcoming Major Depression – My Personal Metaphor Do you want to know how it feels to overcome depression? This. This is exactly how it feels. It's funny, it doesn't seem to make sense, and that's just how life is. I kept thinking about this scene and the parallels of it in my own life while I was in the hospital. Choosing to go to the psych ward was my turning point. I was so tired. All of the suffering I created for myself was as pointless as Forrest running for 3 years straight, and just stopping dead in my tracks and turning around was the only thing I could do once I realized the truth. This incident was part of my heroes journey all along, yet it's far from over. It's only just begun because now I'm finding my way back home. I keep looking out the window and contemplating each morning, "it's the first day of the rest of my life." and it's exciting and a little scary all at once, but I'm totally in-the-moment and it feels good.

@herghly thank you for including the guide, I tried to create a wordpress site by myself before but got confused. That's why I was considering squarespace, even though I know Wordpress is basically the industry standard. I guess I like the idea of writing out my thoughts because I think I've always been better at it than speaking. In the future YouTube could be a good idea to showcase my own workouts, though.

@John Iverson As someone who is spiritual and diagnosed with a mental disorder, I can understand a bit of what you are going through. The key is acceptance of your situation. This could mean learning to feel different in school and accepting it; knowing that you are okay despite others opinions. Or, leaving school if you can't accept the situation as it is. Whatever choice you make is not technically "wrong", just different paths. Another humble warning: if you truly feel as though you have a developing mental disorder, stay away from any psychedelics, please. They can potentially do harm in this state of confusion. I wish someone would have told me this earlier.

@Aimblack I think of the ego as a small, sad child who is wearing a frightening mask. The ego is trying to scare you into compliance, but it is also covering up the love that the true self needs.

@Max_V Thank you for sharing!

I'm not sure if it's cheesy, but I really like this one. All about acceptance and forgiveness.

I Got Energy, Got a lot of Energy I’ve had a lot of off and on energy as my mood has been stabilizing. This is a good thing because I work out every day to get the extra energy out. On the less good side, I feel like I’m not able to focus very well, even though I have been getting quite a bit done each day. I’m trying not to judge these feelings too harshly, though. I’ve been thinking much more now about entrepreneurship on my path. When I was in the mental hospital, this opportunity basically fell into my lap. I met a man who had taught as a professor for communications, personality courses, and trained leaders/management at a large company in my area. He will soon be my new business partner as I help him design a web-based consulting service, blog, and podcast. I am so excited to get this business project started I barely care about the money right now. This just feels so right as my purpose. I already started on the logo and was working with some website templates today. I think I should look into some books on starting a business. I asked him if he would teach me how to public speak properly. I took a speech class earlier this year that put me through some intense mental stress, but I didn’t get much out of it. He said yes, he has also taught public speaking as a professor. He likes me because I’m basically the opposite of him, yet somehow the same. I know there's a lot of growth for me to be had in the area of face-to-face communication with others. I think he has a lot of potential in spirituality and he’s overcoming his depression marvelously. We compliment each other's paths in this way. Anyway, I’m trying to read a lot of books right now that have significance to the new service. I really want my own focus to be a little more spiritual, though. I’m finishing “The Power of Now” and “The Four Agreements” right now and have a lot more on the way. I looked at my family’s book collection and found these, which I want to read next: I also want to start drawing a card from “the universe has your back” set each day and contemplate it for a while. Today I drew: Instead of praying for an outcome, I pray for the highest good of all. This could pertain to the success of my new business. I was led to this opportunity for the greater good, not my own selfish motives. Therefore, I know already that its success will be granted if I serve my purpose without expecting anything in return.

@Joseph Maynor That's why I pointed out that the mindset is -collectively- masculine. I'm not talking in terms of actual gender here, women are just as guilty in perpetuating this mindset; that is 100% true. Everyone is both masculine and feminine minded to some degree, regardless of actual gender. This is what I meant To degrade either side was not my intention, they are both equally important. A balance of the masculine/feminine maintains peacefulness.

Graphic design

@heisenburger interesting, I will need to watch that and see how close it is to what I have in mind. I don't watch/read much fiction anymore, so that's why I was wondering. Thank you!

I was watching Leo's video on the heroes journey and came up with an idea for a book. A timid boy (or girl) and their best friend (opposite gender) develop close relationship, the best friend is very daring and he’s known her all of his life from his earliest memories. She has always made him feel safe, despite her crazy nature. Then comes along an awful villain that they both meet and they get into a crazy downward spiral that ends with all 3 of them dying after the villain has been stabbed in the heart. The boy awakens in a hospital room and discovers he’s in a ward after a psychotic episode, and he discovers he has scars that look exactly like the stretch marks his best friend had. The nurse said he had been scratching himself in his sleep. He digs around to find proof that his friend exists but can’t find any physical evidence. The week at the psych ward is then explained to him from 3 different accounts and parallels the exact story of the hero, best friend, and villain, except it’s all him. That’s all I have so far! Let me know what you think. Is there already a book close to this?