zenjen

Major Changes and Finding Happiness

@Manjushri I'm not sure exactly what wage slavery means. I know Leo has an episode about it though, so I'll give it a watch.

@aurum This is a great insight! I feel like I should get clearer on my intention to make more money now and start looking up about how much I'll need in order to get the things that I desire, that way I have some sort of goal instead of just thinking "I want more money". I notice the more clear I am about my vision, the more likely it is to happen. I'll look this up now, thank you

Action "There's nothing as unstoppable as a freight train full of fuck-yeah" — Jen Sincero Here we go, about to plan some shit and hope I can stick with it. 1. Health Start using my diet tracking app again By January 2nd Start exercising using PIIT By January 2nd Choose 3 days per week (probably saturday, monday, tuesday) Enroll in Zumba with my roommate Starting December 9th Every Sunday Slowly taper down nicotine Cut back on smoking for next 2 weeks Go to smoke shop and buy vape juice with less nicotine 2. Improve AfterEffects skills Enroll in School of Motion By December 11th Enroll at Community College By December 11th 3. Get back into setting goals and making action plans Sit down every week and make to-do lists/add to existing ones Starting now 4. Spend time reflecting/contemplating each week I plan to do this either before or after I do my goals/to-do's each week Here's the plan: Pick cards from my Universe Has Your Back deck Contemplate the past, present, and future Light my favorite candle Either free-write in this online journal or my notebook (I'd prefer to stay away from the computer but sometimes typing out my thoughts is just easier) Starting tomorrow 5. Keep my room clean Pick up a few things around my room each day Put my laundry on hangers in my closet Starting tomorrow

Start with Why “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson I think the why is just as important to think about as the how when we make goals. I don't want to strive after something for weak reasons that won't stick when the going gets rough. So today I am contemplating why my top goals are important to me. My action plan is going to come soon after. 1. Health Why this goal? Health is going to be very important as a approach 30. Around that age I suspect my health habits to solidify and I want to start implementing in small steps now because it's going to become a bigger deal the older I get. This is something I've put off for a long time, I've been using my normal BMI and lack of symptoms as an excuse not to change anything health-wise. I did start working out every single day and carefully watching what I ate back in October, but the changes didn't stick after I went on a week-long vacation and I saw my habits crash and burn. I want to quit smoking and vaping for obvious reasons, like cancer and wrinkles and having a voice that sounds like a dying goat. An added bonus is I just feel so much better and more energetic when I'm working out and eating right. 2. Improve AfterEffects skills Why this goal? I want to have a solid foundation in AfterEffects because I have a strong feeling that I won't be able to make it as easily in the future as a graphic designer without this knowledge. So I suppose this is partly driven by fear, but not completely. I have a fantasy where I'm working as an animator/director at Disney/Pixar or Cartoon Network. In order to get my foot in the door at these companies, I think learning motion graphics and animation in AfterEffects is a good place to start. I got a substantial raise and a job offer this year based on my new ability to create video ads, and want to secure my future at my current company because I have a feeling that I will be there for at least another year. I like to make videos more than I like to create static designs as I'm currently finding out. Maybe one day that will change again but I'm going to ride this wave and see where it takes me. 3. Get back into setting goals and making action plans Why this goal? I really just gotta get more organized. Since I've been out of the hospital, I've just been taking the days as they come, not even thinking about life more than a week in advance. This actually works fine for me, but I feel like I want to get as much juice out of life as I can, and I think the way to do that is to start getting clearer about where I want to go and how I want to get there. I'm not looking at my goals as if they all need to be done. I'm not even looking at them with a sense of urgency, really. My goals are just like putting icing on the cake that is my life right now. I just want be more strategic about the way I'm spending my time this year in hopes that I can become an even better version of myself. 4. Spend time reflecting/contemplating each week Why this goal? This is something that just feels good. I feel just by writing this, in a way I am reflecting and contemplating right now. I can put aside the theory and the learning for awhile and just focus on myself, relax, and think about whatever arises. There are so many distractions that we use to run away from our thoughts. I'd just like to sit with them for awhile each week (preferably away from technology) and work through things on my own. 5. Keep my room clean Why this goal? I've just been letting my room get messy lately and I don't like it. It makes me feel frazzled. I feel like if my room is cleaner, it will reflect in cleaning up other areas of my life. I can organize things and get myself together easier. I like the idea of coming home after a long day of work and seeing a room that doesn't need to be completely cleaned. I have a particularly habit of throwing my laundry on the floor that I need to get out of.

Balance - 2019 "When you want something, all of the universe conspires in helping you achieve it" ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist I've been trying to put some time into quiet contemplation and reflection for the past few days. It's been one hell of a ride this year. I've been needing to take the time to think about where I've been, what I've learned, and where I plan on going next. What better time than the new year to contemplate these things? I decided that I wanted to come up with a theme this year, I guess you could say that my theme for the past 2 years was finding happiness. Now that I finally feel more at peace with the Universe, I want my focus to shift to stability/balance, which is something I definitely need more of in my life. Balance Themes Theory and action Working and relaxation Dreaming and planning Saving and spending (Budgeting) Being healthy and treating myself 2019 Goals (*Top Five) Health* Diet Exercise regularly Quit smoking and vaping Strive to do my absolute best at work Create a demo reel for animation Improve AfterEffects skills* Set up my classes for the next year and finish school Make a new friend Nurture existing friendships Travel to a new place Make more time for writing Write my story, continue outlining and developing characters/plot Spend more time drawing Continue to save money and control spending Get back into setting goals and making action plans* Spend time reflecting/contemplating each week* Spend time reading (away from the computer) each week Put time into visualization for my future goals Define my life purpose in clearer terms Keep my room clean*

Practice, practice, practice! Reread all of your notes, then stand there in your bedroom or wherever and talk for 10 minutes (while you are recording yourself) and see if you can remember all of your points. I had a lot of trouble in my speech class because I wasn't good at bullshitting my way through the speeches. The only thing that helped me was to record myself practicing a bunch of times and writing out exactly what I wanted to say.

"God has no religion" - Mahatma Gandhi Personally, I think it's important to have faith in a type of source energy that connects us all, but is commonly referred to as God in most religions. It doesn't mean you need to subscribe to any religion, just that you need to have faith in something. Call it your "higher self" if you prefer, it's really all referring to the same thing. I also went through two episodes of psychosis and years of depression. I feel for you. Keep staying strong I remember when I was deep in psychosis at the mental hospital I told my nurse, "You do realize I'm the spirit of Jesus Christ and Mother Mary all in one, right?" She nonchalantly said, "Oh, is that so? How is that possible?" I said, "First I put my faith in God, then I put faith in my reality, then I put faith in myself" I was nearly falling onto the table in front of me, trying as hard as I could to verbalize what I was going through. Anyway, I'm not sure if that even makes any sense, but I think the point is to have faith in something, and the rest will come.

@EternalForest "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Dylan Thomas This is a great video that showed up in my feed that showed up in my feed yesterday, definitely worth the watch. I think you might resonate with it.

@Aquarius thank you! Yours inspired me too

I made a vision board on Pinterest https://pin.it/pbz2xvolvpo76s

“Think of the happiest things It's the same as having wings!” I had a similar moment where I was in a dark place, and in stillness tried to conjure up the happiest memory I could. It turned out to be a memory when I was about 4 of my uncle throwing me up in the air at my grandmas house, just for fun. I remember all the laughter and happiness I felt. I started to cry and later told my uncle and started crying then too. Maybe try doing something now that would be just for fun, with no ulterior motive. See if you can access that childlike place in your heart. It can take practice but you can get some of that feeling back. I did this summer when I went to the park and explored and made a mini fortress out of sea shells just for fun. I sent a picture of it to my friend and he thought it was beautiful, that I could just do something like that. Thanks for sharing your memory with us

I didn't watch the video because they spelled "civilization" wrong the the thumbnail, lol

It really depends on what your willing to do to please other people. You have these options: A: Learn to accept that you like to question things and that some people will get annoyed with it B: If you feel like you can't accept it, change it. There are many books and youtube channels that can help you learn how to be more charismatic and liked by people. Think carefully about it for awhile then come to a decision of how you'd like to proceed. I tried the path of learning to be a more likeable person, but it didn't really get me anywhere. I watched the youtube videos and read some books but it didn't really help me feel any better. So I decided to work on accepting that I'm kind of socially awkward instead, and that was something that helped me personally. This is just from my experience, hope it helps

@Simke It's okay to read more than 1 book at a time, I usually read two books at a time. If your getting really good results from one book, I'd suggest to continue reading that until completion. If your feeling antsy to read another book that will help you with your personal life, pick up that one and read it as well. However I wouldn't suggest reading more than 2-3 books at a time as it gets hard to implement things with information overload. This is just my suggestion from experience, hope this helps

I've heard talk about babies being enlightened beings, if so then I guess we all became un-enlightened at some point.

During my psychosis I identified heavily with Jesus as well. I thought I was Jesus reincarnated. I've written about my experience of psychosis many times before on the forum if you want to check through my archive. I'm glad to hear you are staying strong

@Martin123 Didn't you write an emotional healing guide of some sort on here? I read it the first time I was manic and it really helped me Edit: ah yes here it is

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and I'm on medication for it. My 2 severe manic episodes were both heavily centered around spirituality. Both times it felt like I was tripping, though I've never taken psychedelics before. It was scary at times, but I also experienced the greatest highs of my life. I truly felt like I had known God and seen the devil in myself. If you truly have this insight into the nature of yourself, it's the most absolutely terrifying and beautiful thing you will ever experience. However, I wouldn't wish this condition upon anyone. It's not exactly like a trip in that you're never sure if it will end or if you will lose your mind permanently and feel as though you're living in a different dimension than others. I also truly believed that I was going to physically die from it. If not by suicide then by sleep deprivation.

This is an interesting topic I found myself getting wrapped up in the past few weeks. Teal Swan talks about how seeking validation starts in childhood as a way to ensure our survival. At the earliest stages in our lives our survival depends completely on our relationship with our parents/caregivers. When we are being "good" we are met with loving actions, when we are "bad" we are punished, or at least not given much compassion/understanding. This puts us in a situation where disapproval is fearful because it could = death, and of course this can get burned into the psyche. Validation feels good to so many because it can temporarily ease our very deep, ever-lingering fear that we aren't "good" enough just the way we are.

@Outer I loooove this one! Such a pure message

Even if it was just one or two teens listening, isn’t that enough for you to go on doing your work? Have more faith and confidence in yourself and that you’re doing the right thing by sharing your story. You’ll eventually find a way to get more engagement, just keep practicing. Keep in mind also that there are some people who simply won’t want your help, and that’s okay!

Consider investing in coding bootcamp for front end development. Detroit has a good one called Grand Circus but you could probably find one near you. There’s also School of Motion which has an online bootcamp for motion graphics, which I believe is where the graphic design industry is heading more and more. If you’re up for it, truck driving involves little training and you can start earning good money right away. I also believe there’s a shortage of welders. HVAC schools are spending good money on recruitment right now.

@brugluiz Have you heard of a website called fiverr? It’s a good site for creatives to start offering their services for income. I’d suggest getting a few of your best paintings together and creating an account. Take a look atwhat others are charging for similar services, but don’t undervalue your work and how long it takes you to produce a good painting. It’s good to have a specific practice, so you can say you’ll only draw cartoon characters for a single gig. I’m a graphic designer by trade but I use fiverr to specifically offer the service of making 15-30 second video advertisements for Facebook and Instagram.