Karla

Day 22/365 Today my toastmasters meeting and talk got moved til next Wednesday. I have a John Maxwell meeting tomorrow so, I'll revamp the talk, utilize a john maxwell learning concept and do it then. Kinda want to ditch those meetings. So bored sometimes... Need to find a good balance for my speaking/ learning projects. I dug into my hesitation around yesterdays reflection andddd I think I just haven't fully jumped the broom yet. Letting myself express without a plan tonight felt more aligned ahhh ha ha. It's taken me so long to be okay with not being polished in allllll the things even though I love when other people are kinda unpolished he he. Gotta have a little awkward allowance or fugliness or flowy flow (????), hot messiness to feel expressed sometimes. Feels like yogaa. Like non-judgement in real life.

Hey @Zigzag Idiot! Cool share as usual. Interesting to see enneagram in there too. Hmmm more spiral awareness might help me with my self esteem/ consciousness work. In order to step back to see the forest and take things less personally more often lol. Appreciated?. Always your input is good stuff.

21/365 It's Rumi Tuesday and I found a perfect Rumi quote for that doubt that is normal life. Sooo I realized today how much my mom lives in fear and how easy it's passed on as a way of life. As soon as she is done worrying and the coast is clear, about one thing-- she finds another. How are some people able to be still kinda healthy in a very fearful life? While others are just worn down into illness. She is so different from me and my sister with what she deems important that sometimes it's hard to talk about anything for real, for real. I also felt like something was missing tonight after I did the video. I think I know what it is but I'll have to free write it out to get clear.

@Leo Gura yay! Hey thanks. Just as fall off and get bk on ha ha. @herghly are you keeping a journal?? You can tag me... The benefits are crazy amazing he he.

20/365 Sentence Completion Re-Activateddd So, I kinda fell off. I am 90% moved into my new place though yay. I love it so far but I need to get everything situated, it's bananas up in here. Back the fuck on my sentence completion too yayy. Read some good articles today! One on depression and life purpose. Sooo good. http://theconversation.com/smiling-depression-its-possible-to-be-depressed-while-appearing-happy-heres-why-thats-particularly-dangerous-110928 I feel like Leo eludes to a very similar point (if not the same) in the video today tooo. Sooo good. Oh and one more goodie... On my way to class I saw the birds making some really cool patterns in the sky... As the sun was setting and I just felt so fortunate to see them playing their play and enjoying their wings. Gorgeous.

Thyroid issues can cause weight issues-- gain or loss. This is more rare than you'd think though, however not to be belittled. Could be what they were referring to...

What if depression is not a bad thing? Maybe this is an opportunity to face something that has gone under the radar-- you obviously realize something is off. Over eating and binge eating are very common numbing behaviors many people use to avoid pain. Get curious about yourself and your depression and what's really going on inside. Acceptance can be powerful-- we cannot do anything to really help ourselves without first accepting where we are. Exchange judgement for curiosity. Hope this helps.

@Alexpractice being fully engaged in whatever you are doing as your best version. Give no thought to later while working. This concept has been helpful for me because even when you are doing work you love, sometimes you might still have to do stuff that isn't your favorite thing to do. I also enjoy this concept of *work as play*. Someone kinda hinted at it already but it's ingenius.

@Hardkill something else is going on-- there's a deeper issue that maybe you're not seeing... Have you researched the roots of your ADD? This chaos and looking at youtube maybe keeping you "safe" from facing something. Some self inquiry would be good. Or at least attempting to look at some of the things causing you to continuously doubt yourself or the ADD. As long as you keep focusing and stressing about these external things, your issues will unfortunately persist. Ask yourself the questions you are wanting others to answer-- you are capable, even if your past has caused you to doubt yourself. Seems like the borage of answers from others might actually be a hindrance.

@Recursoinominado I agree with Emerald in that you want to fully work through anything you are still accepting about your past. Based on your post, something makes me feel like you are focusing a lot on yourself. When I have this hang up, it's helpful to remember the why. You may want to remember the reasons WHY you want to contribute your life lessons, then your contribution automatically becomes less about you and more about who you are helping. This can be quite liberating...

19/365 Fuck. I am kinda bored with my journal lol. I fell of my sentence completion and I am super excited to be moving. Contemplating some other changes to do a full on pattern interuption... And pseudo reinvent myself. All the things. This has worked in the past here and there and I am over due. Today was weird-- I was journaling a bunch when I should've been packing the rest of my kitchen stuff up. I have soo many ideas on days like today that I feel overwhelmed. Ugh. Tomorrow I will try to do some grounding. And just get back to some aligned clarity.

@Paan there is only one you. One time (years ago) I was meeting with a cancer survivor that wanted to join an exercise program at the Y and we got to talking about why she felt uncomfortable on the gym floor. She said, "nobody looks like me, everyone is young and healthy looking"... I told her that maybe somone else is also thinking that but they will feel more comfortable if they see her. She was shocked he he. If you want to do something cool like write a book, I hope you do-- everyone who is doing it, is not you. Perhaps you will inspire someone who can relate more to you than anyone else. What else are you going to do anyways? Spend your whole life wondering if you "should" do what you really wish? So normal and boring to give up before you start. Oh well if nobody cares it will still be an accomplishment. You will never know if you don't at least go for it.

@Zigzag Idiot I like that-- honest body-- yesss. You have all the resources. You know I will have to check out this Red Hawk person he he.

18/365 I kinda missed yesterday but it was yesterday some where when it actually posted lol. Today was kind of a blower for a few reasons but I can't dig in right now because I am not reasy to be THAT conscious around it yet-- mainly the health fair. Everything else was kinda good. I got my keys to the new apartment, yay. I felt kinda exhausted from spending the day doing lots of shallow networking with people who were not very interesting. ? aw man... I really feel like 99% of people are mentally ill so everyone just walks around being really bland as an attempt to conceal it he he he. That kinda sounds like a horror movie he he. I can't say I am exempt, howeverrrrr I just happen to notice it. Anyways, I did a videoooooo. I feel like it kinda went awry though. In the video, I share some insights on a really good quote I stole from someone's toastmasters talk on body language yesterday night. It was kinda good but she should've injected some more insights, ahas or personal experience-- it was kinda dry and then like read straight from her cards. I cannot get down with speeches like this. No emotion but kinda good content had me torn between taking notes and taking a nap! Here's the quote: Konstantin Stanislavski Quote: “The language of the body is the key that can unlock the soul. ” So. Freakin. Good.? This quote deserved a little bit more digging into...

@Strikr interesting! I kinda get some of this logic buttt sounds like you are giving money waay more power than is necessary... Which means it will always have power over you according to those beliefs. It's just a symbol for value exchange. I really enjoy the book list and wonder what books didn't make the cut lol. I also feel as though Leo puts forth waaaaay more value than he has ever "asked" for... $35 is nothing.

These are my faves-- I use the first one in my yoga class a lot he he. However, I think personal preference plays a huge role in this.. So hope you keep sampling away til you find some that suit you. This one for focus: I really like this one for naps: Thanks for sharing the head phones.

@kindayellowWell nobody ever talks about death however we will all experience it at some undisclosed point- so it's not all that different from pondering about life. I would ask why you want to get comfortable with it to begin with. Also-- What exactly are you UNcomfortable about as far is death is concerned? Then read about that specifically or google the crap out of it and see what comes up. This is what I would do and have done to some extent. Perhaps you can share your findings with us. I definitely feel that death of a loved one is an extremely sobering experience, worthwhile exploring. Following nudges has NEVER been a bad thing in my experience.

17/365 Oops forgot to post my journal. My vid didn't post lol. Sooo yesterday I went to toastmasters and got some feedback on my speech so that was cool. Honestly slacked on sentence completion twice this week... Completing that now and some journaling because mannn-- I wanna dig into my own holding back. It feels like a switch into defense when the rebellion I always write about is pure funn. I may come bk to post that vid.

16/365 Doin the damn thing. Today's consciousness completion was bomb ha ha. Sleep typing again sooo... Must... Sleep... Here is the video

15/365 Woke up to a new actualized.org video. My day kinda was crappy though after i talked to my boss. I documented on video... I could say more but I am falling asleep again. Free writing in the morning if I can stay asleep...

Day 14/365 A fool who persists in his folly shall become wise. -William Blake I love that very simple concepts contain so much wisdom ? Anddd that we can't mess up. He he. I did my talking vid on my other channel and felt more natural. I know at some point I will wonder why I ever made a big deal of anything-- mainly speaking on the fitness channel. This vid was fun though... I am realizing that I am making it about me more than I want when I do vids for both channels he he. There is a really good Mohammed Ali quote I wanna use tomorrow... Something about the pebble in our shoe not the mountain that wears us down. So good!

@cle103 I know it's likely not a stroke because you would probably know, however just using the logic from a stroke, in that perhaps it's something effecting the opposite side of your brain.

@Zigzag Idiot It is nice to be understood!! Ha ha but I am practicing letting go of that. I think that’s why one of your posts on that really spoke to me! I feel like I go in a bit of a circle of seeking, realizing that it’s just me I am looking for then doing it all over again. I am a bit obsessed with vulnerability even if it looks quite weak to most people. He he.

Side note: I am noticing how super annoyed I feel when I get lame advice from others. Journaling on that this morning and digging into more living consciously. That should have been the title of this journal. Consciousness dictates self esteem-- this has been drilled in each day BECAUSE of sentence completion. Living consciously to me means... Living more deeply connected & of needing nothing.

Love! I am feelin' this exactly for meee.