Alexo45

Definitely. Nisargadatta is pure wisdom immo.

No drugs. Can't really tell. Ego loves methods, pathways and whatever the fuck that goes from A-B to keep itself going. At this point i'm not even sure that anything that i've done up until this point had anything to do with this occurring.

Yea, and at the same time.

Funniest thing so far for me, is seeing cops taking their job deadly serious.

lol.

"I" am no more than a projection screen, where life is projected upon. I can't explain man, impossible.

Hello, i can't masturbate without feeling like shit after the deed. I don't know why, but somehow after masturbating, i feel like shit. I start to get depressing thoughts and memories of the past after an hour or so. I've been having this for quite a long time, and it used to be a lot worse back in the days when i used to do it with porn. I managed to quit the porn, but i'm still masturbating occasionally, which ends up in a depressing day. I'm clueless of why this is happening, and i don't really feel like i'm addicted to it either. What could this be?

Just observe it. Don't identify with thoughts or emotions, needs, anything. See it for what it is: ego. It's fake.

No, it's not. It's never this or that, that i need to be complete and happy. Ego always makes you believe shit like this but it won't work, never. Maybe in short-term but never long-term. Even if you would have a girlfriend and sex right now, your ego will just come up with something else to blame. This is a never ending game if you keep falling into it's trap. Why do you need sex? Why do you need a girlfriend? No rationalizing, dig deep. Why do i feel the need for a girlfriend and sex so bad, that i allow them to have an influence on me emotionally?

I don't have a morning routine, but i'm wondering. What makes you feel like "you" are the one choosing what "you" want to do?

No matter how much "you" seem to be changing, you are not. "You" can't change yourself. It may look like "you" can, but that's only manipulating reality ( the real "you" ) in a way that fits to your ego. Of course that would feel like you are now "authentic", but it's fake. Also, why do you want friends? Why do people HAVE to like you? Do you like yourself enough to be your own best friend? Don't rationalize around the questions, but dig deep into it, search for the underlying reasons. Look inside.

The whole self-development thing is kind of making no sense to me anymore. By making that statement, i'm talking about myself personally, and i don't want to shoot anyone in the foot by saying that self-development in general is bullshit. Not at all is it bullshit, immo it's even necessary, and i feel like it's a period every human being will go through in his life sooner or later. Anyways, These last weeks i've been digging myself into non-duality like a headless chicken, and looking back to my self-development journey i've made so far, it's all good and it changed me as a total in a positive way, but it's kind of weird to go any further with it right now. Thinking about stopping to self-develop myself feels wrong, but with the knowledge i've gained over the past week, continuing it and shaping myself into and ego driven form just doesn't feel right anymore. I know life goes as it go's, and that the universe choose me to do this work to get me to this point at this time, but right now it doesn't make any sense anymore. I've came to a point where i feel like i just have to "let go" and enjoy the ride, wherever it takes me, without trying to manipulate my way into something/someone the universe doesn't want me to become. I'm not sure if this post makes sense, but i had to get this out of my system. Let me know your thoughts.

Compassion and love is the answer.

Something i've been contemplating about today, is about how does one choose a career or life purpose which is not selfishly orientated and at the same time an authentic one, when you are still identified with an "I" or a "self"? In my opinion, if you look at it from the viewpoint of todays society, 99% of the people spend their lifetime doing jobs that are driven by the ego but also by limiting beliefs. If you are enlightened you wouldn't live this way, and go with the "flow" ending up at the most authentic and selfless job.

And that's all "You" really are right now. Right now "You" are commenting on what's happening around "you", and even that is not the real "you". The real "you" arises when the commentator decides to shut his mouth. But "you" can't choose that. Goodluck.

Every practice will take you away from "it".

Hahaha

Also, become more conscious yourself and this won't be a problem anymore. I know this is not much of help right now, but it's the truth. I was once in your place. Props for "dealing" with this at 16.

How can something that doesn't exist go insane? "It" thinks that "it" exists.

"I" don't know what the fuck is going on, but all my anxiety is gone. "I" am feeling happy like a motherfucker and there is nothing that can touch me or get this away. "I" woke up like this, and all my doubts over myself or anything, they are just GONE. What the actual fuck, i don't know what to say, this is fucking insane. Before all of this i had a hard time to even look a human being in the eyes, and now "I" feel a strong purge of energy to talk to everyone and everything. LOL /Deleted the old "me"

How many layers are there? Nah just kidding, don't want to know it. "I" don't want to fall in the trap of getting to the "next layer" or whatever the fuck.

"You" don't think that. "You" have been conditioned to think that, and now you think it's the truth. Why don't "you" just go up to a random women on campus, chat her up, and smile as your inner voice is telling you " oh no don't do this, it's socially unacceptable". It might even work out, and "you" all of a sudden will notice that "the voice" has been telling you bullshit and holding you back all your life.

Yea, i sleep 8 hours a night.

Yea kind of. Thing is, the actions that i'm taking are totally new to me. The old me would have had at least the thought of " why is he looking at me like that " when a person would stare at me. Now i don't give a damn. It's like the commentator that was in my head all the time has gone to sleep.

Exactly the same here. How can people even experience this as terrifying, so much that they get panic attacks? I don't get it lol.