Alexo45

I don't know how long it has been, but at least 5 years. 5 years without sex, without a female touching me. I'm craving it so bad, it hurts. I can't even hear the word sex without getting angry and wanting to punch someone. I don't know what to do about it. I never learned to approach woman, how to reel them in. All i did was watching porn whenever i felt the need to. In my life i only had 2 serious relationships, which happened out of the blue. I never had to pursue or anything for them to happen. I had tons of sex with my exes, but it has been years now. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to use porn anymore. All that it's doing is making me feel more empty and frustrated inside. God damit. I feel so unworthy for some reason, even though i know i'm good looking because a lot of people tell me. I've had tons of moments were it was obvious the girl was interested in me and were i should have approached. I'm just too much of a pussy and i can't do it. I have so any limiting beliefs about woman and dating.

I'm not watching it anymore. Last time was over 3 weks ago. It's another easy way out. Watching it now would literally ease this pain in 5 seconds, i know it will. I would fall asleep and not care anymore. I'm not doing it. Only the real deal or nothing.

I've visited prostitutes in the past. I liked it, but honestly it left me empty in the end too. I've sworn to myself that i wouldn't take anything but a real woman who i picked up myself anymore. It's pathetic. I have to get one myself. I'm not giving myself the easy way out anymore. I'd rather get castrated. I'm not ugly and decent looking. Shit has to change.

Both.

I hate to say it but Tinder and Bumble is making shit worse. I've installed the app shortly after my post and quickly got over 10 matches. Most of them literally don't even talk to me, say almost close to nothing, or stop responding for no reason at all. One particular girl on Tinder i had a good convo with for several days, and now she's literally not responding anymore when i didn't say anything weird at all. It's making me needy af. Strongly thinking about deleting it again. It's making me doubt myself even more.

I don't see how self esteem issues have anything to do with being sexually frustrated. I want sex and intimacy. I need feminine energy in my life. Not because i have trauma, but because i'm a healthy man and i crave it.

Honestly you should stop allowing yourself to watch porn and see what happens. You too crave actual intimacy instead of stupid pixels on a screen. I can go until i die without sex by watching porn. It's so easy and my brain loves it. It believes it had actual sex. Consequence is that i will feel like a mindless zombie all the time. My emotions will be numbed 24/7.

I bet u watch porn.

Lately my life is becoming amazing. I’m starting to be authentic, doing the things i’ve always wanted to do etc. I’ve changed a lot as an individual, but this is affecting the relationships i’m having with my family. My sister is basically just laughing at me for doing the things i’m doing ( eating healthy, meditation etc). My mom is projecting all her fears onto me, when i tell her what i want out of life. It’s becoming so annoying that i’m starting to hate them and that i don’t want to visit them anymore. What do i do?

Hello, As i was sitting at a family meeting, it struck me that “the other” is not there. “The other” is just an idea in my head, and when that idea is not there, there is no such thing as “the other” and this also effects in the absence of “me” at the same time. Very weird... Was this a glimpse of the absolute truth?

Very weird xD. I’m also feeling a little bit down. It’s like i’m in a period of mourning. Feels like the end of something.

Hi, I'm kind of getting clueless about my whole journey, and it's literally driving me insane. I've been seeking enlightenment for the past five years, some moments more intense than others, but lately it's getting really crazy, and i can't seem to stop it. I'm reading books, watching video's etc about Nonduality non-stop and it's taking all my free time. I want it to stop, but i know that's not in my control. I've had moments of total frustration ( like now ) where i would throw in the towel and tell myself i'm done with it, only to wake up the next day, wanting to start again. People are telling me that i must be grateful to have fallen on this path, but i can't honestly say that i am, and sometimes i wish it never happened at all. If there was a pill i could take to end this obsessive seeking, i would definitely take it and be done with it. I'm probably not the only one that is having this inner conflict. Any advice?

Hello, it's been a year and a half since i had real friends where i used to spend a lot of time with ( movies, partying,...). A lot of stuff happened, and i basically started going out with them less and less until i couldn't be bothered hanging out with them anymore. It was a hard decision to make back then, since it left me all by myself. Looking back at it now, it was the best decision i've ever made, because it led me into self-development. The first months were really hard, and i felt very lonely,miserable and depressed. As the months went by and my inner work continued, i started to accustom being by myself. It's been 2 years, and at this point i'm very confident being by myself, not needing anyone around me. I'm enjoying the time alone and i prefer it over socializing, doing whatever i want without having to rely on anyone. My days are filled with reading, meditating, exercising, looking for a job ( unemployed atm ),... The only real social activities that i have going for me at the moment is going to the gym, grocery, library and i don't really have long conversations with people over there. Of course i have some small talk, but besides that i don't hangout with anyone. The reason i decided to write this down, is because somehow i feel a pressure that i have to find friends/girlfriend, but i don't even know why, i think it's socially conditioned. The thought of pushing myself out there with the goal of finding friends i something that i don't really like, since i want stuff like this to happen spontaneously. I don't want to pressure myself just for the sake of it. I also feel that friendships or relationships are going to rob too much of my time, which i can spent better on other stuff. I'm also writing this down because i've had some occasions where i could have talked to girls at my gym, but simply didn't do it because i didn't care. They were obvious occasions, where they would smile at me and stare me down as i continued my workout. Looking back at it now, it's kind of crazy how far a girl goes to grab some of your attention if you show her you don't care. 2 years ago i would have gone mad about situations like this, because the only thing on my mind would have been sex, but then again i wouldn't get these kind of occasions. I'm wondering if someone has the same thing going on for them, after having started to self-actualize?

I had a sense that all of this was happening behind my back, but i never had something to prove it to myself, until yesterday my sis told me this. My mom is basically waiting for me to leave the house, so she can live together with her boyfriend. The problem is that i'm unemployed, and i don't have good hopes for getting a job in the near future. I also am not 100% sure of my Life Purpose, so i don't really know what i want to do for a living. I was hoping that i could work out my Life Purpose while still living with my mom, and look for a job in the meantime. Also because my Life Purpose that i currently have ( becoming a psychotherapist ), i would have gone to university next year, but all of that is basically not possible anymore, because i have to move out and live on my own. At least that's how i feel right now. I don't really know what to do, and i feel kind of messed up at the moment. Just the idea of living here, when i know my mom actually wants me to leave is also something i hate. I'm very scared that i now get forced to quickly look for a shitty job, and even if i would find one, it's probably not going to get me enough money to rent a house for myself and everything, maybe a full-time night job, but then again no time to self actualize. I'm so fucking scared that i'm going to end up in a rut, working in a shitty job without any time to do self-devlopment or work my Life Purpose. I could go to the local center for social welfare in my city, but i don't really want to do that, because i'm ashamed and scared that this is going to follow me for the rest of my life if i do this. I also don't want to do this, because i would end up in a ghetto. I've been to the place where all those houses are that you get for free if you sign up for social welfare, and it's kind of crappy, full of people that have done crazy shit in their lives and have no ambition at all. I can't see myself landing in a house over there, when people would throw a stone through my window while i'm meditating or something like that. I'm at a loss, seriously don't know what to do.

Somewhat true, especially in the beginning i've been mentally masturbating a ton without taking actual action. It was something that became more obvious to me over time.

I'm already 25 and college costs about 10k a year. My sister doesn't live with us anymore. My mom never wanted me to leave the house before, and she knew about my plans. Now she has a new boyfriend and this guy wants a new house because he doesn't like ours ( we currently are renting ), so i have to move.

Bump. No one has any advice? I know i shouldn't play the victim, but this is not easy.

Exactly what i've been thinking.

If i ever want to become a psychotherapist, i don't have another choice but go to university. There simply is no way that i would get hired somewhere in my country ( Belgium ) without a masters degree in psychology.

Hello, It's been about 2 months since i lastly did anything resolving around my life purpose. It also has been 2 months since i began to know about non-duality. I don't know why, but since then, my life purpose and plans started to make no sense anymore, and i felt like maybe it wasn't the right choice for me. It also didn't take long for me to "cancel" all my plans to go to university and study psychology,... My life purpose was to become a psychotherapist, and it really felt like a genuine one, taking my past and everything into account. After learning about non-duality, i felt like becoming a psychotherapist was stupid, because i started to feel like it wouldn't give me enough satisfaction anymore. I don't want to become a psychotherapist, with in the back of my mind, the idea that i'm not really helping the person at all. I guess i would feel like i'm cheating, or lying to someone. By typing this out, i'm actually becoming conscious of how shortsighted i was, and how stupid it was to cancel my plans, or maybe not? Anyways, i'm stuck at the moment, and i don't know what to do. I'm thinking about starting the life purpose course over again, but i'm not sure if that would be a good idea right now. What do you think?

Will keep on trying. For the heck that i know, i might be at two weeks again by new years eve :).

Yea i know. I saw all these videos and theories. I'm just wondering if we replace "NoFap" with "drinking 2 bottles of water a day" with the same amount of belief behind it, that we would get the same effect.

But then again, sometimes i wonder if i'm not making my life harder than it should be with this NoFap thing. I mean, getting a long streak going is all good until you relapse and feel like shit again, only to start over. After a relapse, it usually takes 7 days for me to feel somewhat decent again ( if i even get there ). Before i wouldn't blame myself for relapsing and feeling this way, but then again i didn't have anything to blame for because i didn't know about NoFap. Now with NoFap, i have something to blame ( masturbation and especially porn ), but is it really? I wonder if i'm not just fooling myself with this NoFap thing sometimes..

Yea i'm gonna keep trying. I know it's worth it, been there before. I mean i just have no choice. Lately i'm just masturbating out of habit. I'm not even horny. It's so ridiculous lol. Hahahaha that picture tho xD.

Hmm i don't know. After 14 days not so much changed. The only thing that changed was the urges that occurred less and less, and you start to wonder if NoFap is still doing it's job, because you get accustomed to the benefits. This was dangerous for me, because i was way too focused on the benefits, and not so much on just getting rid of an addiction.