Recursoinominado

As a heterosexual male, i have recurring intrusive thoughts about: -Being gay, although i THINK i am not attracted to men, which is confusing as hell, i hope i am not just repressing the shit out of this and in denial. -Being a pedophile, although i am NOT attracted to children and wouldn't do such a thing, i still have anxiety about it and avoid kids in general. -Something horrible happening to me like a huge disfigurement, losing a limb, getting paralyzed, raped or something. -Losing my mind, getting crazy (lots of family history + deep spiritual path + weed addiction and occasional use of psychedelics + self-imposed social isolation). -Having some kind of autism, Asperger or something due to the fact that i don't see things as normal people do, especially in a social context (i don't "get" most things and had to learn by studying and experimenting), probably started because of my self-diagnosed Complex - PTSD and social isolation most of my life (until 17 when i decided to do something about it). Also: -People pleaser, codependent, tendencies of narcissism, manipulation and anger issues.

You could have some good amount of trauma energy stored in your body thus making consciousness primarily focused on your head and thoughts as a means to escape and distract yourself from the pain (tensions, blocks). Most of our traumas are relationship related, we often shut down and get overly cautious and anxious when dealing with people in order to protect ourself from an imaginary, almost expected attack. People with a history of abuse tend to develop lots of strategies to "read and feel" people (an empath is born) and escape from possible abuse, this makes you ungrounded, always on alert, trying to manipulate your way into being liked by other people. When i learned about social dynamics and body language it became like crack to my trauma-oriented mind, i developed a quite good skill in reading people and manipulate my way into making them like me, this made me anxious as i paid too much attention to all the details and often get distracted by their reactions instead of grounding myself on what i was saying. One possible solution to this is to just make the conversation about the other person, this also can be quite manipulative, but just be aware of it at first. Shut up and pay attention to what they are saying, try to be genuinely interested in their story, resist the urge to talk about yourself and how you are being perceived. Also, avoid casting judgment on what they are saying, try not to create debates or correct them on your mind. Treat it as a meditation practice.

I feel you completely, just going through this "leaving" phase. I had an experience where i was one month away from all the toxic people in my life and it was BLISSFULL. Hope you feel the same.

I agree with you, did a 10-day vipassana retreat when i was a beginner and it was 80% hellish, so much physical and emotional pain almost all the time. Had some cool blissful moments but it was rare and when i came out of there i suffered a huge ego backlash that made me anxious, depressed and i couldn't meditate for months.

Get the fuck out of there, it is very common that people close to you are holding you back, don't hate them, just get away from them and find some people that inspire you.

I just give them what I can. Most of the time I give them something, sometimes I have some snacks in my car just for them. If I have more, I give more. I don't care about anything besides the fact that there is suffering in front of me, a human being like me in a shitty situation and I can do something to ease their pain for a moment.

Fasting can show you how attached you are to food to stuff emotions down and numb yourself all the time. When you strip this mechanism, all that stuff will surface, this will be brutal at first but a GREAT spiritual exercise. Much humility comes from doing it, you realize how fragile you really are and how little is needed for you to get unstable. I mean, it is not a survival thing, most people can do a 40-day water fast without dying, why would you lose your shit with fasting for one or two days? It's an addiction. A good way to transition is to eat only raw fruits and vegetables, then you go for only fruits, then monomeals, then juices (without the pulp), then grape and lemon juices, then water fast, then dry fast. This will start a strong detoxification process, physically, mentally and emotionally/spiritually.

Ok, i am kind of stuck with this one and it is a BIG one blocking me from following my life purpose. BASICALLY, i want to be some kind of life/spiritual coach/teacher like @Leo Gura giving insights to people to free themselves of their mental prison and unleash their full potential in life. For this, i will have to expose myself massively like he does with social media, sites, programs, YouTube channel and stuff like that, fully putting myself out there and this scares the shit out of me because of "mistakes" i've done in the past, not to get into too many details but let's say i was a huge asshole with lots of people, an abusive boyfriend and i get a giant fear of getting exposed like i see so many great people getting for shit they have done years ago and ruining their career and respect. I regret a LOT of things, maybe i am being too hard on myself for i hadn't the awareness i have now, i am working on self-forgiveness in order to give myself permission to be happy and successful, but right now i feel like a spiritual impostor. That being said, i think that my biggest problem isn't only about self-forgiveness (or is it?) but that if i ever get exposed, most people don't give a fuck about forgiveness and won't think twice at condemning someone for life because of the mistakes one made in the past and i saw great people going down for this. Recently here in Brazil a spiritual guru (probably enlightened for real) got exposed for having sexual relations with his devotees years ago and went from God on earth to scum in a matter of days, losing almost everything he worked on building his entire life and the most loving people turned into vengeful devils in the blink of an eye. This scared the shit out of me. As a side note, my own mother is capable of doing such things as she is mentally ill (hard drug addictions), trapping herself in a rut of self-harm due to her inability to forgive herself for the mistake she made in her life (and they are quite abundant) which led her to an hellish downward spiral, i am talking about extreme low vibrations and capable of the most hideous acts. I am not even mad, she is a quite sad case at this point as she looks like a person that got possessed by the devil BUT she IS capable of trying to bring me down (and she proved this recently). I even kind of fear for my safety living in the same city as hers, i plan to move because of this but she can travel just to fuck with me as i will be exposed in social media. Now the solution i thought about: basically to remedy this i think i need to be painfully honest and authentic with my audience, being upfront about my past mistakes without entering in many details but making clear that i am not some kind of perfect love and light being, or maybe i am but let's say that a lot of my past actions didn't come from this higher-self but now i am aware of it a realized i needed to let that shit go in order to give myself permission to shine and help other people, especially people that are in the place i once was. Maybe i inspire people to forgive themselves but i may be super innocent and idyllic here. Maybe this is a specific case or maybe this is so deep that it is universal as i am sure everyone has something they deeply regret about. Would love some insights on this one

I suffer from this a LOT, it is my biggest bottleneck for the achievement of all my dreams. Just recently i made some progress with diet, meditation and yoga practices and what helped me was to realize: 1. I NEED to develop a compelling vision for my life, actually writing down exactly what i want, my biggest goals and when i did some of it, it was clearer to me how this particular habit would help me to achieve my goals. This connection made a huge difference in my mindset. 2. If i want to be disciplined, i have to develop it, and the way to do it is to apply it all day, in every decision, every moment you are choosing between your higher goals and your need for pleasure, comfort, and distraction at the moment. These decisions build your confidence and discipline, it's like a track record you have of yourself, remember self-esteem is the opinion YOU have of yourself and cannot be bypassed, you need to choose to raise your self-esteem by making the right choices more often than not. 3. Meditation, exercises, diet and proper sleep will raise your willpower and it will be easier to make the right choices.

Thank you for your report, this is a nice thread. I am interested in doing something like a solo retreat (although short on money right now) for building a strong and compelling vision for my life purpose and self-inquiry.

Well, i don't now MUCH about it, i am interested in the answers to that but i do have some strong beliefs (and some strong evidence) in paranormal activities (Leo does have a video about it) and, as far as i know, entities possessions do exist. I don't know the consequences of that but i am interested in knowing it.

This shit is gold right there, one of your best teaching and i am starting to deepen my comprehension of it. This i am having trouble seeing. I guess i formed several conceptualizations of enlightenment, limiting beliefs that are keeping me away from seriously pursuing it.

First of all, when i thought i couldn't get surprised cause i knew it all theoretically, Leo's came with this gem of a video and kicked my ass, having a hard time swallowing it all, this has many consequences. So, congratulations Leo, you are inspiring. 1. What stops some fully enlightened being from fully drop his body dead like how we change a shirt? Why do they keep going after seeing that it's all meaningless, an illusionary survival game? What about some people that DO reportedly left their bodies during/after enlightenment experiences? How about the enlightened masters that decided to just sit, and meditate into bliss until their body dropped dead? 2. How do i escape from it since the ego doesn't want to die and getting enlightened and seeing the illusion means death to the ego? 3. What about affirmations, visualizations, and techniques that make the ego stronger, how can i use them and do self-inquiry at the same time, this isn't contradictory? 4. Does that mean i have to ignore all emotions and thoughts if i want to achieve anything that doesn't make my ego comfortable with like creating a habit like meditation/self-inquiry or trying to fulfill my life purpose?

This seems really cool, I would love to have a superconscious partner. The sex part looks awesome.

Exactly my experience, i feel anxious but it always gives me lots of insights that are hard to get otherwise, when i am feeling courageous, i take with some coffee and no food or distraction and take all of it lessons face on. But most commonly i just ate some fatty and salty food and watch some deep stuff on youtube (including Leo's videos) which is always spot on on giving me deep insights. But i am addicted to it, so....

Yes! It was a pleasant surprise for me either, Hatha yoga works on the energetic level, if you do it mindfully and consistently, your life will be completely transformed in one year. I plan to go to India this year and do a yoga teacher training

Hatha yoga is great for that, there are LOTS of free youtube sessions, pretty easy to follow and effective. I can recommend those two: I am practicing the last 6 months and learning a lot, at first it seems easier than it really is, with practice you will learn what is the most important aspects of yoga. One of those lessons is to breathe deeply, full lungs and belly, stretch all your organs, feel those blocks, focus on them, relax and release one moment at a time. In each asana, is important to inner-focused, pay attention on the painful stuff and the emotions that they will bring it up, any anxiety, impatience, fear, sadness, anger, happiness etc is good. Basically, you are going to do stuff that makes those deep stored feelings to bubble up and deal with them.

This forum needs more posts like this

I have tried all the typical advice (barefoot, nature, physical exercise, eating heavy foods, even crystals etc) but nothing seems to work. This has been a problem for me for far too long, it is a bottleneck in my personal development, if i meditate or contemplate or use psychedelics (for spiritual development), or even read, plan, use the computer/smartphone, clean up my diet (trying to be a fruitarian), i simply get TOO ungrounded, almost like losing touch with reality. The feeling is like seeing life by looking through binoculars, reality seems impersonal, detached, like it isn't even happening to me. At first it was super scary, i thought i was losing my mind (i have lots of mental disorders history in my family), now i got kind of used to it but i feel too disconnected with the world, it is hard to relate with anyone, it is hard to commit to anything, super hard to focus, be disciplined, decide what to do with my life, it feels extremely overwhelming. I live constantly spaced out, "airy", distracted. I have to say that i have a comfortable life, live by myself, unemployed (my family pays for everything), no schedule or obligations, no challenges that i don't impose to myself. I feel that this aggravates the problem, i am in the Limbo phase, trying to develop a vision of my life purpose and follow it. This is my whole focus right now, following my life purpose and make a career out of it, super bold life changes, i am considering to sell everything and travel by my own, put myself in challenging situations in order to ground myself, force myself to keep engaged in life. In the Life Purpose Course Leo talks about how a life purpose can ground oneself to reality and i believe him, i get the concepts but it is all too overwhelming, i am having lots of trouble in planning and being strategic with it, i am too in my head all the time. ps: I have noticed that some of my family members diagnosticated with mental disorders are, in fact, extremely ungrounded, too much in their heads, losing touch with "reality".

Cool! HAve you tried with weed?

How much do you use with dmt? Do you breakthrough? I find really hard to not lay down with dmt, after the first hit my body just drops lol

Just downloaded this book! Matt is currently my favorite teacher of all because i can relate intimately with all of his teachings and often in the exact best moment that i need a specific teaching. It is a shame that they are equally important and difficult for me to apply, that's way i always return to him in order to have deeper and deeper insights until something clicks and i commit to one or more and change my life.

I appreciate your effort but i didn't understand I am trying to not try lol You are absolutely right, my body is screaming for some order, some schedule and some short-term goal. And i need to do some concentration meditation, my thoughts are running wild.

That's great advice, my life purpose is basically the same as Leo's, so i guess i could start with my communication skills because they are the ones that i could profit sooner. Plan: Public speaking, acting classes, practice game, film videos for Instagram every day, talk more, study about the subject.

Holy shit, that was the best answer i could ask for. Seriously, hit the nail right in the head. I came here to share an insight i had right now and you came with the perfect response, this is exactly what's going on. The insight is this one, if someone could share with me your point of view, that would be awesome: I was watching this video: Matt explained perfectly that my conception of enlightenment was false, i was having the impression that if i got enlightened, i was going to lose my sense of self and lost all will to live life, everything would be so flat and i was going to do crazy shit like walking around naked or something because that's kind of the trajectory that i have been walking for a long time and things seems to be worse and i keep getting stuck in life. I was trying to not have an ego so i didn't commit to anything because that, for me, would mean that my ego was strong and more difficult to peel away. It is a limiting belief lol My version of partial enlightenment includes gurus who fucks their followers because they still have an ego and delude themselves. My version of full enlightenment is ramana maharshi and neem karoli baba, two fully realized being that walk around with minimal clothes fully in the present not even caring for their bodies, if there were no followers they would sit and meditate into bliss until their bodies drop death like changing shirts.