cata

Enlightenment right now is just a random excuse for me. No matter what purpose/target I have, I usually deactivate the needs for human interaction. I start placing them in the last priorities. And I don't know how to convince myself to upper people interaction higher in my priorities, since the lack of it does so much harm to me. The lack of it starts to be sensed at the end of the week, or when I try to relax in big spare times, etc. When I am at work (the place where I am usually surrounded by a lot of people) my hunch prefers to the following to relax: randomly scroll on facebook and/or random websites, go and look outside the window, or anything else that would give me a quiet moment as opposed to interacting with people which would mean sound and such.

I don't know how to stop being, lets say, nevrotic. I am an introverted person and all my life I have been used to going nuts for 2-3 months on a specific purpose and then meeting 1 day with my friends and then going at it again. The purpose could have been a programming course, losing weight, learning to swim, etc. This method is destroying my life. Right now I'm 26, I've finished college, taken my master degree, I lost weight to the exact point I love my body, I found a way for my other looks (hair, body wear, watches, etc), I have a good salary, a job that I like, I work with people that I like, I have brand new car bought (with a loan), etc. The last point on my TODO list is to make myself way less angry, get less influenced by random shit that happens in my life. I get easily angry with people, even if I am in a situation where I am being helped, even if I know they are good people etc. And I have a plan and I'm getting there. The plan is enlightment, but... But I can't take it anymore. I have already been meditating for a year, and it helped me a lot. I love how I look, I'm not so in love with the material world anymore (like always looking into the future to buying shit, etc). The thing I can't take anymore is being so purpose oriented and enlightment may help me, but as anything else it needs time to get into the mindset, etc. I am still franatically staying on the path of my purpose, while in my daily life refuse to have any human relationship with the people around me. I don't take the time to talk to at least a specific person of my day to day life, or random shit happening to my life and it's eating me apart. Not only that, but my mind refuses to relax in my spare time (except for meditation time). I took some time off and also tried setting nothing for some weekends, but my mind still stays focused on my purpose. And actually I'm doing neither... I franatically scroll over facebook in the hope of finding something interesting and procrastinating to oblivion till I get on studying about enlightment. Could somebody give me an advice? Say something? Anything? I don't even know what to ask for.

I think it's ok to be an introvert as well. The thing that is destroying me is that when I have a purpose/target, some part of me still wants to be human and interact with people, the other part wants to focus blindly on my target. In the end do both wrong. I can't interact with people because I get some spare time my commodity/introvert feeling tells me "let's first do something not related to social crap, because that is boring and also consumes even more of my introvert energy that I also barely have. We'll get to that if we have some time left, or else meh". On the other hand I can't concentrate on my purpose/target because I feel a sense of emptiness, a sense of continuing struggle with no pause/relaxation.

There is a trend in our society to continuously have music in our ears. On our way to work, at work, on our way from work, as background noise at home while doing other activities. Is this activity flooding our minds too much? Is this something someone seeking enlightenment should be engaged in? Does it create a problem? Is it one of those things meant to keep the self occupied?

I am reading through "The book of not knowing" and I have been meditating before that, etc. I have come to a somewhat inner peace, and I am also trying to improve based on books as the one mentioned earlier. One of the improvements I'm trying to understand, perceive, feel, etc is what/how/etc I should be walking down a road. The book mentions some of the things needed in letting go of the self is stop perceiving everything from the point of how it relates to yourself. Enlightened guys, what comes to your mind when you walk down a road? What does your mind say when going trough that scenario? What happens when you see a person of the opposite sex, of the same sex, a rock, a flower, random thrown junk? Does your mind not perceive anymore? I know I should let them "just be", but but, what is your experience? I think the most probable effect might be that I won't make me learn anything until I actually experience it myself, but at least for basic curiosity, do respond.

Most actions that turn into good results also need an important number of hours on multiple days per week (if not daily) in order to have them - healthiness that needs some minutes/hours on multiple days of sport - fit body that needs a more permanent daily dietary plan - piece of mind and concentration that needs daily meditation - etc. It would be interesting to see a video that describes one or more "one hour per week" activities that would benefit your life on the long term. The target is not to have fast results, but to get into activities that would better your life and need not be more than 1 hour per week.