Igor82

Because Leo told me so, I wanted though to find that ultimate bliss of truth. I really wanted to higher my baseline of happiness, and this was my motivation. I neurotically made it a habit in the beginning, but I quickly fell in love with it. I'm not gonna quit meditation, ever, why would I.. I love meditating even if I won't get enlightened in 20 years

Stare at this long enough, have a laugh.

Here are my notes copy-pasted right from my commonplacebook: 2018-07-22 I just experienced the craziest profound thing. I took a fourth of a tab of AL-LAD (37.5ug) before the meditation session, and so I went to do SDS. Now as im writing this, after the incident, im experiencing shaky hands, a bit of fear in my belly (I really dont know from what), but no noticable effects from the AL-LAD. I was sitting, in my regular strong determination sit, enduring the pain (30 minutes in), a few minutes prior of the pain, I conceputally realised that I am everything that I see, feel, hear, and such, that I was it, but it was constructed in such a way to show that I was outside of it. This was conceptual, not experiental, the only thing that I "saw" was like a shape of a face, pulsing as i tensed my eyes, the only thing I felt was that my leg was numb. Suddenly I saw some of the classic CEV patterns of the al-lad take form, and just after that, my heart started bulting (went from 40 to 140), I got a little bit of fear (that precice ammount of fear lasted trough the whole incident), but my heart started bulting faster and faster, and I automatically started breathing faster and faster! I did everything I could to surrender (I though this was enlightenment), I could say I did well, like surrendering to a cold shower, or to the pain, it was nothing special, I didnt feel like I was "dying", no huge terror so to speak. I also was capable to form thoughts, such as me running away from his experience (moving around, standing up or such), but I just totally surrendered. This went on for a while, I kept breathing, I was in a uncertain state, it didnt change though, it stayed the same, and I certainly didnt feel like I was dissolving or something, I was in this unshifting state for a while longer, but then a little shift happend, and I stopped breathing (Like total letting-go), although my heartrate stayed the same, and I observed my CEV, and the whole visual filed was yellowish felt total, (but small), and very close, like as I would be absobed into it trough a quantum leap in any moment. This feeling lasted for a couple of seconds, but then it felt normal, I could think up a picture of "myself" sitting in a room, so I didnt have an ego death really. My heart just began racing and my breath aswell. As soon as I stopped breathing, my heartrate calmed down aswell, and so I went to write this down. I feel like I could surrender into a 5-MEO trip, or a DMT trip, or AL-Lad, or anything ego-death like. This experience was not very hard and difficult to surrender into, and I have confidence that I would do it with a substance. The fear that I had writing this didnt come from anything, it didnt come from something I was afraid of, I really totally surrenderad all my fears in that moment! (The only fear that appeared was fear of losing sanity and control) I didnt see a scary monster, so I really didnt know where it came from. If this is what 5-MEO is like, then I have more confidence that I can hande it. What was this experience!?

Oh bois, 14 days going strong! I have fapped and watched porn with awareness, and now I can see the damage it causes, in contrast of the benefits that await me. The funny thing is, that if I think of masturbating I just cannot do it, I see through it all It used to be as if I would think about porn, I could not see through it, the mystery of its hidden pleasure always seemed to make me relapse into it, now its not the case, now I can also see how porn is limited in its pleasure, and how it affects me!! This is wonderful, I feel like this one is gonna shoot through the moon!

I recommend you the most healthy fast food in the universe: Fruits, but if you are tired of this suggestion, then I have another one for you. I live up in Sweden, and in southern Sweden, a food company named Findus grows perfect sweet green peas, super sweet, super tasty, rich in all the minerals and vitamins, really tasty by themselves, I usually add spices to potatoes, rice or such, but spice ruins the taste of this. If you get a hold of peas, make sure that the majority of the carbohydrates from the peas are from sugars, and not from starch. Of course, they are frozen, so do like this: Boil up water that is 3 times the weight of your portion of peas. Drop the frozen peas into the water and wait. The more you wait, the hotter the peas will become... If you wait too long, the peas will cook, become wrinkly, not that crispy... (destroyed) When you have waited enough, pour the whole thing through a pasta filter, so that you only have the peas left. Enjoy This takes like 5 minutes. If you are lazy, then pour the frozen peas into the pasta filter, and pour a lot of warm water from the tap to unfreeze the peas. This is a GREAT option for a protein-based lunch, it digests well, has a lot of fibers and nutrients, and is crispy and overall delicious! The peas are like the bubbles in bubble tea, that just explodes with flavor. 25% of the calories from protein. The taste of this varies of what peas you have bought. The more sugar (instead of starch) in the peas, the better! 1kg of frozen (Findus) peas costs about 2.5dollars in the cheapest shop here in Sweden.

@Nahm Well, I guess it was just another idea in my head then... but it made sense!! It fit so perfectly in with everything Leo has said about enlightenment and all that mumbo. The highest thing that conceptual thinking has brought me to was being, as I came to the thought that concepts can never be the infinity, so whats better than thinking is just sitting and being.

I used to drink milk a lot! I used to value milk as to be better than water, and Im young enough to not feel any side-effects. I stopped drinking milk when I really wanted to thrive... there is some bad stuff in the milk that I found out was there only when I studied the topic, but why I really stopped was because of food combining rules. Milk will screw up the digestion of anything that is not protein-based. If you would eat potatoes and drink water aside, you would have a much better digestion than with drinking milk. Consider healthy options to milk such as soymilk, or oat milk, almond, coconut, cashew, the vegans will name it. If you ever get digestion problems, I think its the milk.

Leo, how did you install windows on your macbook?

Hey, its midway through my challenge and my update look terrible, but its packed with insights. I relapsed MO several times, and enough awareness of that has made me see through it. But one thing remained, nagging the fuck out of my mind, the P. Disclaimer: I did not relapse with MO during this session, and honestly, my awareness has gotten me to the holy point of me not being able to justify and let myself MO again. This session was all about shining awareness on the P. I read the guidelines, considering that I would paste my notes without the graphic descriptions but as im not going against the guidelines (If I really do, then this is a sweet goodbye), I find that some of you might find this valuable. Im posting this out of lack of compelling reasons not to, here in the NoFap discussion. "Initial, direct:" is graphic, "Aftermath (Insights):" Has most of the insights. You have been warned. 2018-05-12 Read everytime you want to fap/watch porn (If you don't read this before relapsing, you're pathetic). Watched porn with as much awareness as I could (BinarualB to keep me aware). I chose by intuition to watch porn, not by raw desire. I wanted to see trough the porn once and for all, to wipe the slate clean for my decisions to come. Initial, direct: Heart pounding, fatigue in the eyes by keeping them open to not miss out on anything while im scrolling. Nothing does get better than an orgasm, so the porn was not hiding any superior ecstasy (As my mind deceived me into believing) Very low consciousness is required to be able to create this kind of art. It's made to appeal to your natural evolution only. I got addicted to this, and could not snap out of it. It was because of the circumstances, I had nothing better. What was I searching for, ecstasy? MO is all there is, there is nothing more to the pleasure unless you have sex (by contrast) Flatten the illusion in order to see trough any fantasy. Your awareness knows how it feels. Flatten out everything to how it "feels". I see trough the game the mind is playing on me, and what hooks all unconscious people. Even if I see my wildest fantasy on picture, I can see through it. The only thing that remains is lingering dopamine that comes when I keep scrolling. There is no place for porn. I should have sex. If the pleasure of sex is the only true thing, then go shine your awareness on that. It's a good experience, but it won't last forever, it's very low on the list. Out of libido for this, after 25 minutes, im just scrolling, no dopamine, no pleasure. Every time I see something erotic, my heat starts pounding - dopamine for me to fap. I already know what will come after fapping, and I know the side effects and cravings that follow. I see it all trough. Time goes by pretty fast, like playing good video games. Though im not experiencing as much initial dopamine from the video games, though the cravings are revealing that. I deceived myself into preferring futanari over heterosexual, as I painted a picture of a dickgirl always experiencing ungodly pleasure, as opposed to men (my pleasure). This makes it all too hot, as it's not only a female body replacing the man and the role of the man, but she is experiencing much more pleasure aswell. I wanted to pleasure the "girl" (Female body, male genitalia) by stroking her dick (imaging it). That was the problem, by the clever artistry, it looked like the "girl" had an unmeasurably good time. I want to pleasure her! That's a great pleasure for a man, so I feel lots of dopamine is being released when I see (an imaged scenario) of her getting pleasured. (Applies to a static pose-picture, where you commonly fantasize your own scenario out of that one picture). When I look at the hottest porn of women and men playing, I really get turned on, to fap, and it's endless. Futanari is trash, once you see through it. (But I really want to fap to that scenario!) And this is the trap. When you don't see the woman enjoying herself when she should, you release more dopamine to fuck her harder. (That is why it's really hot (for me) to see or fantasize women going trough an orgasm without even flinching.) I like to see the "girl" surrendering to anal pain while simultaneously experiencing dick pleasure. (But how does that feel)? Aftermath (Insights): Your screen gets to be your heroin, and you got no energy for anything else. Find a real girl, anything sexual other than that will lead you nowhere, but depression (considering that you have a decent relationship). I feel very drained, almost like wanting to sleep. Worse than orgasming for sure. I will get cravings and urges. The source of the "bringing enjoyment to the woman (in porn) trap", is thinking that the woman is gonna be experiencing some kind of nondual ecstasy, so your urge (dopamine) to pleasure her becomes greater. Be real, it's exactly like a male orgasm, and so you don't really want to engage her into such an addiction. Now when I think of anything else than porn, there is no pleasure in it! Pleasure, pleasure everywhere (trough sex, nothing else.) My mind is very deceiving. Anytime I try to think of pleasure, sex comes up, the artistry of my fetishes, etc, and if I give in, my penis gets hard (of natural response, cant control it), and so goes the addiction loop. I have seen trough the pleasure part of porn, and I know how it's playing out and going on. I know what the consequences of PMO is, and thus why, I will stop and eliminate it. There is much better stuff out there, much better. My intuition knows that, but my dirty mind tries to deny that, precisely so that it can maintain the porn homeostasis. Giving into fantasies is like watching the porn. I notice the most exquisite of the porn images flashing before me actively, but if I don't give in to the fantasy, nothing happens. Trying to "see trough it" is like visualizing having sex, which gives you blue balls. Just trust your prior awareness that there is nothing to receive from fantasizing thus PMO. Trust that the greatness lies completely beyond that, so don't even analyze it. This was the purpose of fapping with awareness, seeing trough the "secret ecstasy of PMO" so that you can see that it's just completely worthless, thus you will be able to quit cold turkey. It was worth it doing this with awareness. If I would not, then it would be much easier for my mind to deceive me into thinking that porn would be the "holy grail of pleasure", and so I would make it much harder for me to resist for the required period. Now that I have introduces my awareness into the equation, I feel like I much easier can deny the offer (im not missing out on anything). Rewire, higher your baseline, and forget about all this heroin.

@Amilaer--- Sometimes I mix some with the bananas, but just for nutrient purposes. Its a lot of sugar, but sugar is only a problem when its absorbed by the blood to quickly, which makes it have a high glycemic load. We fuel ourselves primarily with carbs, and simple sugars are the best, which is found in bananas. There is no difference of the sugar in bananas as opposed to refined sugar, but the difference is in how much water-soluble fiber is consumed with it. The fiber forms a gel-like substance in the gut, supporting a balanced flow of sugar into the blood as opposed to the "spike" of refined sugar (with no fiber). I take this by believing the research, but my proof lies in my lack of diabetes, fat (and unhealth). Interestingly, ripe bananas carry the precise amount of fiber necessary to give the human body the optimal digestion, and assimilation of the sugar.

Wake up early (optimally 5 am, im usually failing on that) Roll up my floor bed, brush teeth, splash face with cold water. Drink loads of water Sit down and do concentration (5 mins) Proceed to do meditate (40 mins) Visualization (10 mins) Go out and jog while listening to Leo's audio files Come home and take a cold shower Eat breakfast (100% banana smoothie).

Boys. Saw an image on the internet. It was deliberately searched for. I experimented, I forgot how it even looked like, so I searched for porn trough google SafeSearch. After a while, I saw an image. I was aware through the whole process, and I felt the chemicals surge my brain, overflowing! Now I see why people can sit for 8 hours straight. I just felt the addiction just building on itself, how my patterns of browsing so quickly adapted to find an erotic picture, because that gave me a "high". At one point I pinched myself, and could not feel significant pain (apart from what I normally would feel), and I could not look away from the screen. I got an urge to fap to the porn (which was nostalgic). I sat there for 15 minutes before snapping out of it. I yet don't feel the side effects, because of im sleepy (I was sleepy before browsing), so the morning will tell. I feel like Im relapsing into oblivion, boys. I will officially make a 30-day challenge right here and now. I will not be deliberately searching for porn on the internet. I will not touch my genitalia unless im washing it. I will let go of any fantasies, and never dream into them. I surrender to all cravings. All of this for 30 days starting from now, 2018-04-29, and ending 2018-05-29 (one month). If Leo has a strong enough vision to sit and meditate for 30 days straight, then so shall I not relapse for 30 days as well. Because im tormented by this addiction, and my vision is to have freedom from this negative spiral, and my vision is to be a grown-up fucking man, resisting the cries of the ego, and using the absence of porn and fapping to fuel something greater. I want to go out and find my hot witch girlfriend. My vision is that I can build my life around the fact that im not gonna fap for the next 30 days, and that I will rewire my brain a bit to get acclimated to the environment im setting for myself. I essentially trying to fill my "hole" with something else. Sexual energy can be used for so many other stuff. If im gonna relapse, it's not gonna be in my fucking hand, its gonna be in the 10/10 vagina. Im gonna keep track of the days and actions in my notebook. I will write an update halfway in, and also if I relapse or if I succeed. Wish me luck. #nonutmay

@John Iverson Hey, don't beat yourself up. From day 30 to day 160, nothing really happened to me. I could push through. The first 30 days are the hardest, and if you completely don't do anything sexually related, it will become much easier after a month. I guess my mistake was giving in to the craving, which made a little snowball effect. I lost touch with the values and goals I set for myself at day 0. I think if I would resist that craving at day 160 and forth, I would not have relapsed. The cravings will come, but they will fade. Benefits will come, be sure of that! Btw, relapsing once at day 160, won't turn you into that version that you were on day 0. Never. All matters what you do every day, not once every year. If you binge on hamburgers one time, even though you always eat healthily, then it will have no physical significance at all (in the long/medium run). And of course, if you even got to day 160, you won't really want to self-destruct, and regress to your old you, like binging porn and all. I consider this relapse as a reason to keep on and try again, much much stronger this time. Although resisting cravings is hard! Btw: Hate to break it to ya... You gotta eliminate the porn first! Porn is what gives you almost all the symptoms. Try to fap without porn for a while. Try to do it as a ritual, like spiritual masturbation. But you have to eliminate porn first or else it's very hard to quit cold turkey. Go for a no-porn journey, you will have good benefits there as well. So that, when you relapse, at least you are not watching porn, because that is dangerous, its like heroin.

I relapsed. 174 days. Man, the urges are creeping up on me. It first started off as a fantasy, then I started touching my dick more and more, I started experimenting, and then I lost control, and surrendered to the unconscious sexual energy. Relapsed, and learn a lesson. Although I relapsed a couple of days later, and then again, one week after that. What is happening? Why did I get a fantasy at day 160? Its like I gave in because of curiosity, and when I feel down, I turn to my dick... and its hard not to do that nowadays. I need to regain control, resist cravings. If I don't, I will start browsing for porn, and that will destroy me. Yet, I have just stroked for pleasure, but man, It feels hard when you feel like you are regressing. Gimmie some motivation

Hey, fapstronauts! I need some advice. I have not relapsed for 6 months now, and so I don't feel any urges. About 3 weeks ago, a little thing started for me, I was meditating, and a serious fantasy came up out of nowhere, displaying my old fetishes and such. I went along with the ride, ending up with blue balls. Now when meditating, im more prone to fantasies, but I never give in... but they always come like thoughts, out of nowhere, sometimes making me hard as well. I sometimes stumble upon some hot photos on the internet, but now it's starting to get intentional. I have no urges to fap, and If I would happen to relapse, it would probably be out of curiosity. Although I can feel the fantasies and my curiosity release the dopamine and making me sluggish. Does this act like a detox, or will this feed into the old bad habits?

I really love seaweed chips, although you can eat them up really fast without getting filled up. The best snack that I found for longevity (taste) is a good old lollipop. If you want the healthiest alternative look into dried fruits. Personally, I love dates and dried bananas, even dried mangoes!

@BjarkeT Transitions: Easy: Junk food = Perfect tasting food = Juicy crispy texture, excellent aroma, salt, fat, and sugar. How to make junk food healthier? Take all of these components, but make them healthy ingredients. No trans fats, no sweeteners, all plant based stuff. You need a combination of all of these to make it work. You could make pulled pork out of jackfruit! Just replace the "pork" with some canned jackfruit... after all, the spices make the taste. Note that jackfruit has no significant calories. Find recipes online and try them out. If your goal is to transit from junk food to healthier junk food, then a shift has to be made. Medium: If you want to change food choices cold turkey, I recommend a 3-day water fast before transiting. It will empty your bowels from all the previous residue, and it will significantly adjust your taste buds for the better (don't worry, you won't die). To do this, you must plan ahead! At least find a way to replace your current eating habits with sustainable better versions of them! Then after that, you learn through trial and error. ~Ideal: I personally dislike adding anything to food. As I'm raw plant-based, mainly eating monomeals, I would never add something to my plate! Sometimes if I have a dinner of raw sweet peas, they will taste bland after the first kg, so instead of forcing them into me, ill add a teaspoon of soy sauce but being very moderate. If I want to make my sweet peas taste like junk food (in volume), I would (probably) die from excess sodium intake. My taste buds have adjusted to loving the peas just like they are! Im much more sensitive, so it feels like all of the "junk food" components are already included! Once, I ate a cake out of the ordinary, and it tasted like orgasm.

@Ether No, im streaking and trying to brag about it.

Im watching Leo's video about quantum mechanics, I have been taking vigorous notes on it since 4 pm, Its 10 minutes left, but I have to wake up 5 am tomorrow, and why am I writing this post, it's so contradictive, im confused please helppp meee

@sarapr yes, but the pressure will only be on your butt and upper back, resulting in a flattening of your spine, a healthy posture. With a material with much "give," the pressure will not be substantial, resulting in poor posture, pain... etc.

@sarapr In depends on your bed. The healthiest way to sleep on your back is on a flat surface with very little "give". If you sleep on foam, the foam will inherit your body posture, which won't necessarily straighten your spine in any way. I liked sleeping on my side when I had a bed, it's the natural sleep posture many rodents... at least it was comfortable for me.