Igor82

This one is really beautiful and powerful. First time I ever had a moment of ultimate beauty in a song, where its just perfect

It was very humbling to realize that my worries were there just to make me miserable. It was even more humbling to realize that I was the guy who has his finger firmly pressed on the misery button - Gay hendricks

When I lay on my deathbed, reflecting and being satisfied with my profound life and accomplishments, I will never forget my heroes journey that started with Leo. Leo, you are the sole reason that im able to take this journey, you are the sole driving force of all my goals and productivity, of all my actions and intuitions. If it were not for you, I would be playing video games and planning to kill myself at age 27, after my mom has kicked me out, and I failed to make money from gaming. You are my Jesus, but I still take it for granted, you have made me make sense of the world in such a profound way, made me take action towards a better life like never before. You are like god, the foundation of a profound life, so much so, that one takes you for granted. I am a seed, and you are my sun, my actions is the water and my circumstances the earth. If you shine long enough, you will see a garden of gratitude in return. Thank you, Leo Gura.

@Your place at Heart Thanks for trying @sgn @Caterpillar Really funny Thanks for making memes out of the blue!

Meme this

My new wallpaper

@bejapuskas I cant say that, I dont know myself. I dont eat broccoli every day per say... I usually dont worry about eating too much of a thing. I feel perfectly fine after eating 5000% of vitamin A, so I dont worry about it so much. There is also a matter is assimilation and absorption of nutrients in the intentines, which is why its much smarter to take 40000% of Vitaminb12 than 100% in one pill. Its hard to get all the calories you need from fruit. One banana is around 100 calories, you need to eat a kilogram to reach 800calories. For a day you need about 25 bananas, but that is alot of volume... Just practise eating a bit more than your "fullness level" and you will expand your belly size until you can eat enough calories from fruit in one sitting.

@bejapuskas Nutrients becoming dangerous is a complicated thing, yes you can overdose on certain vitamins and minerals such as iron or K2(I think). A rule of thumb is that If you are eating fruits or the best roots/tubers then the nutrients in ratio of the calories you also get is never gonna lead to overdose. I do follow this guy almost on point, as I live here in Sweden, its the best choise, but I eat Swedish Sweet peas for lunch/dinner sometimes. I had a couple of blood tests and the doctor said that It was all fine. I feel great following his diet, I really do. So far, Ive had no problems with defiecencies or any bad sympthoms whatsoever. If I eat optimally, I usually am very capable of hard work (feeling motivated more). Many thing pays in to this, but following his advice has not proven to be causing problems for me atm. Here is another important video closely related to your question: What I eat is: Breakfast: Banana smoothie (around 12-14 bananas) Sometimes I add frozen berries for flavour (and nutrients), I usually add some oil to the smoothie according to the advices in the video. Lunch: Banana smoothie same as breakfast (Sometimes I dont eat lunch, sometimes I eat sweet peas for lunch, it varies) Dinner: Sweet potatoes or regular potatoes + Vegetables (Cucumber, broccoli or spinach) Or; Huge bowl of Sweet peas. Some additives are sometime Ajvar or Hummus, salt (common), soy sauce (rarely), sweet chilli sauce (rarely) and dried basil (commonly) I eat until im satisfied, and if im moderately active, then my calorie intake would average out at 3000 calories or something, I have not counted it though. If I eat breakfast and lunch, I would feel full when calories are met at dinner, even if I could eat much more with stomach volume.

@Capital I do meditate partially because its practical for me, yes it improves some aspects of my life, such as focus, emotional mastery, confidence etc. This leads to improvement in certain aspects of life. I can with confidence say that my awareness is increasing due to meditation. Maybe my goas is wrong. I used to be very chill meditating before and enjoying it, and I didn't care how long it would take for me to enlighten, 20 years seemed just fine... now it don't. There is something rushing me, maybe it is Leo, maybe im afraid that he will outgrow me, he keeps saying that I need to implement all these stuff, but its hard man. Fuck, if I know that I would enlighten after 20 years of this 50min meditation daily, then I would not hurry for shit. I can find the balance between the implementation of spiritual practices and spiritual ambition, vs the implementation of personal development and life purpose, if one gets too much, the other one is threatened. Why am I rushing? Why am I rushing the process when I really shouldn't? I know that I will implement kriya, I have the intention to do so in the future. I know I will taste truth somehow, I will get my hands on 5-Meo in the future. I will have an epiphany, and then find motivation through that. Maybe my suffering comes from trying to speed up the process... I only have 18 months left, and I feel guilty if I rob myself too much time from doing the lp. What makes me feel guilty if I dont speed up my spiritual path... Its Leo, it must be Leo, if he wouldn't be whispering in my ear that if I dont do this and that, he will outgrow me and im gonna get fucked. I misinterpret his words to think that this is a sprint! @Mu_ Maybe the path that im taking is fast enough already, and if I try to make it faster I will suffer for it, like reading a book slowly (soaking it all in) vs reading a book really fast (skipping through). Thanks for the replies guys, that made my oxytocin flow for sure!

Context: I am trying to find my life purpose though the lp course, bit I am also pursuing enlightenment. I percieve these two to be clashing in my lifestyle, Im striving to constantly improve my spiritual practises (started meditation a year ago, and now I meditate 50minutes daily + StrongDS), I want to implement kriya, and the more I meditate the more I feel like doing it, but here is the catch: The sole reason I have this free time in the first place is by dropping out of school to prepair myself for the future (earning money with LP at best, trying hard to build a buisness (passive income) at worst. The sprituality suck alot of energy, like striving for more knowledge, ego backlashes, and the practises, and in this way I feel like its hindering me, and on top of that is that I have a belief that LP build up the ego, and if I integrate my LP then It would be much harder for me to chose to pursue enlightenment over my life purpose (I dont have a vision to die for yet). The point: Ego is all about the negative emotions, truth hold the positive ones. Positive emotions comes from LP, by this logic it must be a milestone on the path!? Question: Should my main struggle be the LP, enlightenment or both? Is it possible that one is on the road of the other or can I make it so?

@bejapuskas Yes! Here is a video that would explain what I would try to explain here in words: I must admit, this guy is all you need The best staple foods are fruits, you could really survive on tropical mangoes for your whole life ^

If you want to get enough calories, just drink oil every day! Jk, but staying satiated is complicated, really! I mean, you have a lot of kinds of satiation: You are satiated because of fiber (you are still hungry but you feel full) You are satiated because of indigestion (You won't crave any more food, because that would mess up the digestion even more, this is a more unpleasant satiation) You are satiated because of sugar (This is what the body needs, but cannot be satiated without certain volume, the body needs sugar, thats why you crave dessert after nonsugar tasting meals) Tricky one: You are satiated with time, as the body has time to identify how many calories you have eaten. (Its easy to chug a soup, but you will still be hungry afterward, but if you consume the soup over a long time, you will feel more satiated then the one chugging it at the end, this is because that you chew more) You get satiated with volume (Water-rich foods rather than dried foods) You get satiated when you have consumed enough nutrients (if you are deficient in a certain nutrient, no matter how much you eat, if you are still deficient, you will still crave food) I satisfy my hunger with Volume, fiber and sugar, and enough vitamins, and in my opinion, that is the best kind of satiation, and I have experienced about all the different satiations that are listed above. The next best thing is indigestion + All you need (Sugar, vitamins, protein)+ volume (Fiber+Water). Its about as pleasant as the most pleasant satiation, but you can feel the difficulty of digestion, like gas, bloating, minor fatigue, etc. The important difference between getting all you need through hard digested meals (like combining beans and rice) vs easily digested meals (Monomeal fruits), is the digestion time. The digestion process is the most calorie taxing process the body goes through, and if you eat meals with the same nutrients and calories, but one is more digestible than the other, then technically, you have more calories to use on another activity when your food is more digestible. This is the final secret source of energy. I try to eat mono meals (one thing at a time), but if I combine, I do it according to food combination rules, good example: http://www.raw-food-health.net/Raw-Food-Combining.html Banana smoothie on morning and lunch (sometimes mixed with berries and a little bit of oil (for nutritional purposes)), unfrozen Sweet peas or steamed potatoes/sweet potatoes+vegetables (Steamed broccoli, cucumber, spinach). I also like to add alot of dried basil to my dinner, to add fiber, nutrients, and taste. I supplement with D3, Omega3, Vitamin E, Iodine, B12, and sometimes Zinc. I feel great! Edit: @bejapuskas @RabbitHole

Prelude: I was in the bathroom, going to brush my teeth, and I got this mindblowing idea, this perfect strange loop that literally gave me tears when thinking about it. I cried tears. It was a very special experience, and I will tell you the vision I saw here. I think that the tears had something to do with my life purpose. The optimal actualization of this piece of art is through animation. The vision: Minecraft is a game, which the substance of it is certain blocks. Minecraft is infinite, so eventually, a structure will be formed inside Minecraft that would spawn some kind of intelligence. Endermans will spawn in random order, and in some sense, they will put together random blocks, and eventually create a structure that can think. As anything is possible to construct with the blocks that build up Minecraft, then the infinity of Minecraft would allow such a thing existing, as it must. This megastructure of blocks is intelligent, the structure has been spawned from the infinity of Minecraft, and though this, it becomes infinitely intelligent, it is, and becomes the building block of reality. The structure uses the blocks of Minecraft combined with the infinite scale of Minecraft, to design strings, and to build infinite amounts of them, to form quarks which form protons and neutrons, eventually forming atoms, and the intelligence makes them move in a certain constant from and towards each other. The structure of the quarks is made to have no errors, its a quark with the substance of Minecraft blocks. The infinitely intelligent infinite computer will come up with the big bang, and in that instant, create the universe. Billions of years will pass, stars are formed from the protons and neutrons, which from atoms and heavier elements... Eventually, the computer will form a planet called earth, and with another billion years, form a strange being called the human. The human has an intelligence of its own and will proceed to survive in this strange world, having no idea what's going on. Thousands of years will pass, and the humans have managed to survive. And one human, with the name of Markus Persson, has an idea of a game that was to be called Minecraft. He actualized it on his computer, he designed the grass blocks, obsidian, he designed redstone and iron. He designed the creeper and the enderman and Steve, he gave the game X, Y, Z and time dimensions... Evenrually he released the Beta version of Minecraft. Chapter 2: One boy started to play the game, he was excited about his new purchase! He started off his first character in creative mode on his computer, he was spawned in a random place in the classic world or Minecraft, and he started to go through all the blocks and started getting ideas. He could only see a limited amount of blocks that the size of his monitor allowed him to, and his computer could only render (be conscious of) a limited amount of the Minecraft world, which allowed the game to function for the player. The boy became curious, as he could fly, he wanted to see how high he could go, and he wanted to see how the world of Minecraft looked like below him simultaneously. As the boy flew higher and higher, he started to see a certain pattern in the Minecraft world, and as he continued to fly, he began to see a structure, an amazing mindblowing and super advanced structure, which spanned in all directions, and as the Minecraft player flew higher and higher, the boy became more and more conscious of the intelligence at play, until finally, it snapped for him! The boy became something elise. The boy became conscious of the purpose of the structure, he became conscious of how the blocks were making up infinite intelligence, which then figured out a way to use Minecraft to build the universe from scratch, the universe which eventually designed itself, and enabled itself to exist, and as the boy zoomed out, he slowly enabled the rendering of the intelligence of Minecraft to take form, enabling the universe to look at how it created itself, looking at itself, going back in time and creating itself, building itself, rendering itself...! The boy looked at the screen, and he started to cry, he cried, cried and he couldn't stop. He fell in awe of the perfect most delicious strange loop ever. What is the substance of reality? Minecraft blocks. The intelligence is made out of Minecraft blocks, but the infinity of the Minecraft world has given room for intelligence to spawn, which ultimately lead to it designing itself! It designed the substance of itself, alwhile being totally dependent on the substance of itself!

@lmfao Your name suits your reply +1

I have struggeled with video games for a while aswell. The causes for addicting myself with Dota2 is that I lacked being social and knowing other people, and I guess I wanted to become good at something. There is a fine line between being addicted to something and having that activity play a certain role in your life. For me, it was fulfilling social needs, ”having fun” = ”being social” I was still addicted, but the thing that made me crave the video games even when I didnt play for 90 days was that I didnt fulfill my deficency need of being social, as good as the video games did for me. Now I go with my bike to the nearby part at evenings, and sit to talk with random people... But I have to do this regularly, or elise the craving can overpower me in my weakest state. Another thing is that awareness is curative! If you have found the perfect thing that would healthily replace your addiction, but you still crave the video games, then you still are addicted, physically. I used to limit myself to a couple of hours on the evenings, but after a certain ammount of awareness, I could see how it affected me during my day, the spike of cravings that I got the day after, the more ”addicted” I felt in my present experience (fidgeting, lack of focus). I got aware of the process, and could connect dots to why the video games was not worth it in my present experience. Now everytime I get a craving, this sole reason overpowers the craving, im more aware in a sense. Its really hard to find a balance, so Try to replace the underlying role of the video games with something better Be aware of how the addiction is affecting your life, using direct awareness of the process of playing games

13:15 Almost end of preperation I prepaired a good set and setting, I prepaired my bed, some pillows, my blanket, I checked all the rooms, checked the door, prepaired some food, cleaned the room, prepaired some music on the laptop just in case. Good set and setting now, and ofcourse, I prepaired the 225ug, a big tab, with a thicker half minus a part of the thicker half. Around the wanted product. Im gonna meditate now to get rid of my anxiety, then im gonna take the substance. Contemplate: What am I? 13:37 Starting to meditate, I will take the substance 14:00 13:48 Took and swallowed the tabs of al lad that I prepaired for myself, immediate sublte anxiety. Im gonna sit now, and sit for the whole trip. Im committing to observe it and surrender, not forcing it or trying to controll it, just fully surrendering into it. 14:01 Just took a crap after proceeding to dance. Now I feel really good and ready for this! Now im gonna meditate, im compltly ready! 14:13 Still meditating, feel nothing yet... 14:18 Microdose effects (feeling more playful) 14:28 My teeth are wierd 14:35 No visuals yet, but I feel some wierd stuff going on. I got myself on the couch to meditate in that position, more comfortable 14:50 Pattern recognition I have headphones on (hörskelskydd) and I begin to contemplate. My thoughts are wierd for the moment 15:05 Nothing too big yet, although my thoughts are getting more unnormal, like you would show me the thoughts of I dont know, the substance itself? Wierd stuff is happening though, not gonna lie. 15:14 Im lying in this comfortable position on my couch (the the purpule pillow folded behind my neck) enjoying being the obeserver reality and this substance. I have learned to drop my obligations. Obligations are only things you force yourself to do! But you do not have to do anything, really. The lp course, or reading is just things I do hoping for hapiness, but im so unconcoius of the bigger picture in that case! I can now learn to let go of my obigations, of my tasks and stuff, just being able to surrender into the psychedelic experience no matter what. 15:22 Just played around with that kawaii fläkt for a while, started beating with it, until I questioned "what is waking that sound" It was beating, but I dont know. Im seing black dots on the floor, im recognizing patterns 15:26 Now is where thing will get serious. Im now gonna sit in meditation pose and really absorb the peak, not just the little comeup.15:34 15:34 Now Im gonna contemplate using a journal: This thing will be left and resumed during the whole trip What am I? I feel likeim the senses, the body My arm is part of my body, am I the arm too? Yeah, the arm is one of my parts!! What if I cut it away, will I still exists? I mean, If I ceise to exist, I will die Im not my arm, because I will be me without it. Am I the fläkt? No I dont feel like being it Why am I not the fläkt? What makes me, me? I think that I am this body that is seperate from reality, that is concstucted by limbs and can talk think etc. I am this body. But, I have only seen stuff, what determines that the feeling of a body really IS the body? And forthermore, what determines that the feeling has any connection with the visual perception of a body? I have models construced up by myself that if I see these two thing outside my visual filed, that it must be my "arms", and it does make sense. What determines that my arms are seperate from anything elise that I see? They could look the same, but not be the same, right, so what determines? Well the feeling! I can clearly sense that my arm is there? But what detemines that the feeling of physical touch is the same as the feeling of me being there? 15:46 The world has become really really peculiar. Yes I can see stuff, the world is becoming really diffrent. The "mindload" is like a burden on my brain, just like tiredness is, I think its because im tired, havnt slept enough. I have lost the immediate desire to contemplate with the computer. 16:30 I listened to some music and all, yes it was beautiful, the whole substance is beautiful, but what am I after? Ego death? Some mysical experience? Its not here. My perecpetion of reality is just wierd, but what is the sooo profound obvious truth? Im a little dissapointed because I cant see it, or feel it I couldve gone deeper if I had more of an conceptual understanding, because for now, I have only pictures in my mind of what ego death or infinity would look like, and from here they are quantum leaps apart, I need to die to see that? Yeah, well what is the most efficent way of killing the concept of the ego? Meditation and psychedelics! This is just childsplay. Where is the BLISS? Where is the HAPINESS? Where is the fear and everything, where is it? 16:38 Im gonna try, lets go for 1 hour of SDS, see where thefuck it will take me. I think only BEING calls upon an awakening, it cannot happen trough concepts, because after all, concepts are concepts, they will never be anything greather than that, and no concepts had ever given this sense of ego death, hahaha not concepts at all. Ego death is where all concepts vanish, its where you become..? 17:49 Thisis really profound! I was seing myself in the mirror, and I saw myself with such big eyes and shit 17:50 I cant think for shit! I should just meditate, but I feel like its a waste of time, NO. I should just meditate. 18:23 Things are really getting time disoriented and shit! Why am I doing all this? To find the answer of myself! To find myself! That is why I tool the psychedelic, that is why I do the things I doo really. My life purpose and stuff, that all and well, feelng the progress of that. Do the psychedelic enough times and you will experience ego death! Yeah! That what im after, ego death! Hows does leo know that what I look after will be in a psychedelic or something, how did he know himself? 18:29 Im always striving for something greater than this, and my emotions is the only this that puts a measure on that, pleasure is always greater than pain, right? What if there is no thing greater than this, what if this is the greatest thing? I feel like this is where all the concepts are leading up to! Yes its obvious! Im trying to make myself understand reality so much, that I will trust that enlightenment will come to me. Its a spontaineous happening, thats why no concepts can build up to it! Concepts are pointing at technuiqes right, concepts are limited, and so we must rely on technuiqes to know the true answer to the concepts, but technuiqes only point us to show us that the concepts are false? What is the ultimate concept? And the Ego can only be shown trough rapid realization of it, or trough industrial grade focus of on its excistence. 18:52 If you misuse your body, that will bring you unfulfillment If you use your body in the right way, it can bring upon you very much satisfaction If you trancend your body? ??? How can I do that though! A body has fear of emptyness Because sitting and doing nothing will soon destroy the ego Why will this destroy the ego? Because doing nothing forces the ego to not be itself, and someting not being itself will kill it. So then.. Why do I have a fear of empthyness, and what am I? Ill keep doing my practses, ill implement krya, and maybe, after one year, everything will click, all the concepts would fall to pace, thus fall apart, and the Truth, the real me will be attained. Its a happening, through death, it is a click, like being born and like dying, like an insight. Through a spike of awareness on who I really am, I can know who I am. That awareness will though shine on the ego, and then it will disappear! That is why the ego wants unawareness, and thats why the real me wants truth. The ego is the machiene, the real me, is?? Im the substance of the machine, im the concoiusness in which the machine is dumbing down, and im the machine aswell, and everything, im everything. IM just not concoius of it, and I feel like this psychedelic trip has not made me concoius about it either. If any of this is really gonna be profound, then I will need some 5-MEO, or just a blastoff into the real me, or elise I just cannot fathom (attain) "all that juice". All I hope is for an ego death, right? Yeah. All I hope is for an ego death, but it didnt happen, not this time, even if I meditated. I know, I could have done it better, I know, I couldve gone deeper, You! You! Leo is pointing to you, Allan watts is pointing to you, all the teachings are just fingest poiting at the real YOU! You must do the work yourself, because what more can Leo do than point it out for you? Insanity = not normal = my biggest fear in disguise. To not be me, for the old me to die. The fear of me dying = The fear of being not normal? 19:21 Life, sweet life, thats all youre after! Life! Life! But, if life is not good enough, you try to make it sweeter! What will make it sweeter, yes, and emotion, now youre chasing emotions, but how will you ever savor life that way? The more concoius you become, the more you will savor life for what it is! Thats why when you become so concoius, you stop chasing stuff, because chasing loses its purpose! Its purpose was to make life sweeter, but now you relise that concoiusness will make it sweeter! Previously you thought that chasing things makes life sweeter Now, trough a realization, you find that stopping and seing life for what it actually is, makes it sweetest. Looking, and looking and looking, until something clicks, and then there you are. Alright, this tips has a body load, now on the comedown, I can really feel it. The comedown is like the comeup, and I cant really remember the peak. Yes, it was all patterns and fun stuff, but what really matters now is my concoius level though out the day. Being concoius of reality will lead me where I want, and where I wanted to go with this trip. But how is concepts intertied with me finding the truth! I mean, I can take 5-MEO, and just get to the truth, but can I handle it? Can I integrate it? But how are concepts such an important role for integration?!!?! Well, I dont know. I feel like I need to read alot more about these stuff. The trip always plays the role as making me an observer of my own life, seing things for what they are my life right now, is miserable compared to the perfect picture, but really, its perfect. I mean, I keep at it! MY meditations become longer, I read more, I really start to see through nofap, and im starting to replace some of my deficency needs with more healther ones! Im fulfilling more and more of my needs, and im getting higher and higher! I keep at it, and I will, and I know that if I will, I will experience the truth of me, the sweetest thing, everything! The sweetest thing, the ultimate hapiness! If I keep at it, I know that enlightenment will come. If I work on my values, I know reap all those rewards that I desire. The purpose is to be human, to be you! All this trip has been literally, was be, trying to meditate, then writing down what came to mind, essencally me getting distracted by the psychedelic, to write down conceptual juice on my commonplace book. And the psychedelic was beautiful, but I still dont know how it can be one of Leos top tools for spiritual growth. Maybe he is reffering to a 5-MEO induced ego-death, or any psychedelic induced ego death, but this, this has not gotten me there, and I dont know how. I need to read more, I need to understand more about psychedelics and enlightenment. I need to boid a stong conceptual understanding of how to achieve higher concoiusness, but also i need to know: Why the methods are so efficent Why they will being me to this and that I need to know why, so I can see what im really chasing! I need to look for more fingers pointing to the moon, to make the moon seem more apparent! Yes:D The more my worlview is pointing at enlightenment, the more I will attract it in the now, If I trip, this is also the case. If I trip, and all my concepts just move in the direction of my concoiusness, then "maybe falls into place initiating some sort of awakening", that is why a strong conceptual understanding will be so important. The concepts will never get you to know the truth itself, but more and more concepts will make it more and more apparent THE ACTIONS STEPS that will lead you to the truth. Concepts will show me where to not go, concepts will and can shine light on the FALSE road, because ultimately concepts are the false road. All concepts show me where to go, by showing me where to not go. All I do in life is to get fulfillment, and I can see how concepts play a role in getting me fulfillment through my prupose, in the same way it shows me fulfillment though enlightenment work: Concepts is great at telling me where to go! Thoughts are great tools for that, to navigate! Concepts are the map, enlightenment work is the territory! But hey, its really good if I have a good enough map for me to see all the pitfalls flags, checkpoints, etc? Fuck yeah! One more point: I feel like I could take a higher dose, at least, I would feel like I would be very much able to endure it, if it means by serrendering and letting go all shit and stuff all in the moment, then yeah, I couldve taken a higher dose. But I dont see that as being too convenient, I mean, I have not yet built such an enjoyable role for psychedelics. Either I need a better map for them to really work, or I need stronger psychedelics that will get me to what I want without the need of a map, like 5-MEO. I dont see this as leading me to where I want, not from the standpoint of this experience, yes, trips increase my concousness, but in a way that makes me Not Normal - The ego feels uncertain For me to implement psychedelics, lets say AL-LAD into a "every other" week basis, as a habit, Then I will need to get more juice out of the experience, by purposly chosing to sit through it all in a stone still position. Which is impossible for me to do; I need to give it more time, I need to give it more more knowledge, I need to give it less deficency needs. I need to expand the map, and I need to be more present in the territory aswell... How? Implement contemplation Implement yoga Read more books Make my sits longer Its time, to give it more time. Its time, to take more action. This trips was not as I expected, but It did give me a juicy look an my reality. Thats essentially what any trip is about, a different look on reality, a different perspective. If that perspective gets too diffrent though, it can kill you! Be careful! This perspective, is what we call the AL-LAD perspective, Leo told me it was gonna be super profound... Eh, it was not so profound as I expected. Haha, my image of Truth, is the feeling of formlessness (the feeling between thoughts) with hapiness under it! That is my image of truth! Yes, chase it, formlessness = fulfillment! No, I should take that "image" out of my head, I have made the mistake to mistake a concept for the truth itself. Maybe a better goal is to increase my awareness! Like when I visualize, instead of visualizing that "enlightenment moment", I visualize myself doing the very things that will get me to what I want, not the thing I want. A visualization can never show the real deal, because or elise you would never visualize it in the first place, for reasons of having it as a goal to be reached. If the goal is already reached so to speak. Never visualize your goals themselves, instead visualize how you get to them (and apply the fulfillness on that instead). I Used to visualize a syringe up my ass, maybe I should keep that... 20:25 The only discomfort that I had during this trip, was the discomfort that originated from me not being able to eat properly, and think properly. I mean, I have needs to fulfill, and I dont want the psychedelic to stand in the way of them. If the psychedelic does, maybe im not ready for it. Maybe I need to take care of all my needs first to then not have them stop me in my psychedelic trip. Right now, I was unclear about the very prupose of the psychedelic trip. Conecpts will certainly help me to make me clear on that, and how to prepair myself and my needs for the next one. I would like to have a shorter one. I dont want recreation at all other than the ego death, thanks. I dont want 8 hours of colcour and shapes, unless I have the foundational awareness to make something good out of it. All I do right now Is to sit and to dig in my mind, I sit, contemplate and strategize! Maybe this has been the role of my psychedelic trips so far. This is how it has been played, expected profound methaphysical insights, but instead I got this. If I would be in the position of living my life purpose, of doing what I love the most, that position would be more suitable for self trancendence, as my life purpose is one of my needs. 21:08 This trip was summarized, and I have some action to take (Visualization and reading more books, contemplating the purpose of my lp, and strategizing!) And I can now go back to daily life, with some new insights and better expectations for the next one. My purpose will have the higher end of priorty in future to come, and then it will lean more to the concoiusness side of things, eventually. This report is completely naked, directly unedited and copy-pasted from my commonplace book. This trip happened 2018-08-08 2pm-9:30pm (+2GMT)

Really cool, thanks for replying guys! This one really struck me, man! Thanks. @Maarten I can imagine myself doing that practice, yeah! Claiming the big ideas = Questions, and answers, all else that im really trying to savor or remember, is just filler content, its all the stuff that I can ramble about myself, once I had the insight. I see how books will give me insights, and even if I write them down or not, I will not forget them, in the way that I will not forget the penis mechanism. The filler concent will be remembered as much as the insights themselves, like the last meals I have eaten. But when I look upon the world, I will see it with more clarity and greater wisdom, never forgetting the insights in that sense, because they have hande made me.

I have a very slow reading habit: I read a book, ver slowly, reading a sentence repeatedly to squeeze all the juice from it I underline not just the decisive "insight" quotes in the book, but I underline like every important statement there, like an important context that stands in the book. I write down paragraphs f what I've just read, or else I will guilt myself for not writing it. My fundamental belief is that If I don't underline, write or read really "much ", then I will forget all I've learned from the book. Also, like in my commonplace journal, I write stuff down that I don't want to forget, but this is mainly theory rather than insights: Should I JUST wrote down/underline/write in my commonplace book, the insights, rather than all the theory that I "don't want to forget, but will forget anyway". I mean, insights are like shifts, in reality, I got an insight once when I masturbated, like when you tense the penis up, the role of that is actually to give the man (and woman) more pleasure during sex! This was a shift for me, an insight, and I know I will never forget that every time I do the thing. What do I do? Help

@moon777light Try cold showers They kill the ego efficently They are practical: They replace hot showers The make you feel good They boost recovery of inflammation in muslces They kill ego The only thing between a man turning the handle to cold rather than to hot is his ego being a pussy, being in the way. The cold will never hurt you, just like Strong depermination, it is only your ego that stands in the way I have build up some tolerance to the ego's screems for mercy, and now I can handle emotionally difficult situations quite more nicely, like approacing girls or resisting cravings. HEre is some points: I still fear the cold showers, although its just easier for me to pull the lever at this point I never take hot showers Every time I take them I feel like I have won over my biggest fear, and that I can surrender into anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get naked I prepair water, let it rin on cold for a while I stop the water flowing (primed cold water) I get into the shower, and take the loose hose and put it above me with one hand (holding it) I brace myself, noticing the ego screaming, then I say fuckit Turn on the lever Feel head getting shocked Ego screams for 3 seconds while I surrender into the experience as best as I can (Im using this currently mainly to emotionally handle an ego death when the moment comes) Enjoy the rest, I shiver if I stay too long, with the practise, you can notice when your lips gets blue and shit, if you shiver too much, take shorter shower, or use breating excersizes (Wim Hof Is the greatest idolization of cold exposure) Yhoo, it got all the benefits, and its super practical. I mean, pain endurance in geeral gets you way out of your comfort zone, and gets you to stick in that place aswell, I mean, if I have done some hard excersize, and then I do something wierd infront of all the poeple (that would usually make a really immature person run away), I would just brush it off like nothing happend. This is really practical my duudes, its a nessecity, like brushing teeth. Bottom line: Use disomfort or pain to get you out of your comfort zone to be able to handle difficult situations with more emotional poise, cold showers is a great example. Ps: correct me if im wrong: My ego has been telling me that the cold showers makes me universally emotionally resillient, I mean, If I have so much emotional poise, then maybe this flows into my positive emotions aswell? Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I bought some self-help books from Leo's book list, I have only read one at once, never two at the same time. Currently, Im reading "The Big Leap", and I have enjoyed that book so far, Im doing the life purpose course, so I find it very fitting in that way. But I have gotten a little into infiled aswell, Im struggling with nofap and addictions for a long time, and I find a strong desire to understand the male and female psychology, so I bought the "5 top" sex & relationships books from the book list, and currently I have fallen bound to the first one, as when reading some praises and the introduction, even the Table of Contents, I know that this book will help me tremendously with the problems im facing now. Im halfway into The Big Leap, but I crave to introduce another book into my reading habit... How will it affect my reading habit? Will I learn as much from each one of the books?

@Nahm But how! How can a rich library of a bunch of concepts trigger a deeper awakening? I can see that knowledge plays the role in changing your behavior, but how does the behavior play in when concepts are transcended? Or is it not about behavior at all?

@Nahm If of preparation for an awakening, what kind of theory is worthwhile to prioritize/pursue? *Maybe this is my ego talking... But I wrote down this in my post-mortem of my sisters awakening in my notebook: I became aware that the ego has taken the concept of itself and made it seem harmless in my eyes, but this incident with my sister has radically shifted my expectations. The ego has taken hold of theory, diluted it and made it its own weapon. Well, as I write this, I realize that im afraid that the ego will make me unconscious, I don't want to go to the hell of unconsciousness, but the ego is such a complex thing, it's like trying to fight and kill a god which has you as their biggest enemy... That's why I write "don't try to dissect truth", because I didn't want the ego to change my expectations. But then I realise, my expectations are comprised of the very theory!! I don't want the ego to dilute me, im afraid of that Sorry for this long thing, I wanted to put some context on why I ask these questions

@Nahm How is theory keeping me from falling asleep?

@Nahm Why a bunch of theory? How much is enough?

Three really powerful songs, there are very few songs I would listen to for sprinting, but these are the ones. (I never really listened to "hall of fame" too much recently, but it has such a powerful message)