Wes Thoughts

I am considering quitting my current career and taking some time off from working to pursue my personal growth and the path to spiritual enlightenment full time. I have been very unsatisfied with my career and have become extremely interested in this path of Truth. I have enough savings to support my current living situation for several months. My questions and concerns I have regarding this decision are: Will this investment in myself outweigh losing money and not gaining "marketable skills"? Will I progress rapidly if I devote this much time to learning/practice? What would be an ideal daily schedule to achieve the most progress? Does anyone else have experience devoting themselves full time to growing themselves? What are the results of going all in on yourself for awhile? I appreciate any and all feedback. Thanks.

Oh yeah it can be extremely scary! like as scary as putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger. You are literally doing a practice that will kill your "self". I get a real terror as if I am going to have a psychotic breakdown or exit this self imagined universe (aka this life) and I can't continue... for now. You might want to check out a post I made on here awhile ago about this:

@Leo Gura your last video on "what is reality" hit me like something I was unprepared to handle. Like a sudden hard DMT trip where fear and panic set in and I felt like I was going insane or about to die. I have had these realizations before on DMT and it's like I start to comprehend on a deep level what you are saying and then the deep terror sets in where I sincerely feel that if I become conscious of the fact that I am imagining everything that, for lack of better term, "the game will be up" and I have a terror of what that will mean for me and my existence. I fight that feeling and I am purposely running from it because I am absolutely terrified of it to my core of existence. I feel like everything will cease to exist including my sense of self and I don't know what will happen then. I really feel as though I will have a psychotic break down or die, aka cease to imagine myself and the world. I guess my question is; Will I die? What will happen? Will this reality as I know it cease to exist for me or will I see things as they truly are and have a more conscious understanding of them? I feel like I may be going too deep without proper understanding? Its like every time I am faced with the absolute truth I get terrified and fight not seeing it to keep my present reality. I don't know if I really want to know how deep the rabbit hole goes because I think it will mean total physical and mental death and I enjoy this life I am in right now... Maybe i have all the understanding I want and need for now? Thank you Leo.

@Leo Gura This is exactly the feeling I get to. I get to the point where I realize that even suicide would be thought that would have never even existed or mattered so its beyond that. It terrifies me. I don't see a way for me to totally accept this type of death without maybe more deeper contemplation or examining this fear more. I am too content and happy with my current reality to surrender into what feels like it will be an actual total death. Is the only way to go deeper to allow this what feels like a total real death to occur or can I somehow learn to dismantle the fear of death to sort of get past the fear itself?

First off, @Leo Gura I have been following your teachings/videos for over 3 years now and I am extremely grateful for all of them! You have literally taken me from searching basic practical self-help topics to contemplating the nature of my mind and the universe! That being said, I am sure a lot of us who follow your work idolize you as a having reached a greater level of true happiness, clarity and understanding, yet you never talk about yourself anymore. I would like to hear an honest reply or maybe even a blog video talking about how all of your work has affected your day to day. Are you truly happier and more fulfilled in life? I think what I am asking for is some kind of inspiration to keep on the path because I can work towards where you are now. Thanks!

I have not been able to find any real testimonials of skeptical people like me discovering the benefits of Chakra healing through meditation, yoga, reiki healing or however. If you have had any experience with Chakra healing, opening or anything of the sorts please share your experience here. Thank you!

I really hope this will be true!

@Sevi I have heard some undesirable side effects and warnings about kundalini awakenings though. From what I have gathered so far it sounds like a gradual awakening is safe and a sudden one can have undesired side effects. Do you know if kundalini yoga will cause awakening or give you any additional physical benefits from stirring this energy?

I don't know if I even believe kundalini is real, or experienceable. Some swear it's real some say its bullshit. I am trying to find out for myself I just hope I don't regret what I find out. If you have had an experience with kundalini will you please advise? Thx

I am sorry but I LOL'd from this for about 20 minutes straight! You gotta admit the mental image of this happening is hilarious. Totally thought you were trolling at first but I guess not.

@Martin123 I recently began Kundalini yoga. Should I be concerned with provoking an awakening that I wouldn't want or enjoy?

I agree. I wish I could be in the present moment more. I think it's just the "curse of being human" like Leo says. It's our damn prefrontal cortex wanting to always think ahead, label, dream, plot, plan, scheme, etc. It's a skill that can be improved though and it's something I want to work on myself.

Here is a great video for anyone who has a tough time leaving the materialist paradigm. It is a fast paced overview of the scientific studies that debunk it. I have found that quantum mechanics are excellent for making "scientific" sense of the non-dual principals we discuss here. Shout out to @Nahm for suggesting: Quantum Mechanics, meditation and mushrooms

I consider this video psychedelic art. I could watch it on repeat while tripping.

@Mathew Pav Awesome trip report man! Do you think all of the spiritual / consciousness work you have done prior to this trip is what caused the godhead or was it the correct psychedelic, setting and dose?

Well I thought I would share my first experience of AL-LAD for those interested. So yesterday I took 150mcg of AL-LAD at 2:15pm. I have previous experience with psychedelics: LSD, mushrooms and from what I had researched I felt confident I could handle 150mcg for first try. So the setting is me alone, solo trip, my roommate is out of town and I have no plans with anyone or anything just how I wanted it. T-0:00 take 150mcg AL-LAD and pop on Leo's video of AL-LAD to refresh myself a bit on what I can expect to expect. His trip report in the video has me excited and feeling confident for what I can hope to expect. I am kind of nervous and anxious so I was just listening to Leo and pacing around my apartment for the next hour. T+0:45 I was beginning to doubt anything real profound at all was going to happen. I kept asking myself and looking for signs of any effects and I felt nothing. T+1:30 I am starting to notice darker shading of things and colors are starting to look more vivid along with slight trailing whenever I move or wave my hand in front of my face. The effects are very subtle and mild at this point and I couldn't help but wonder if I was going to be disappointed. I started to think that this was as hard as I was going to trip. I sat down and really just let reality hit me in the present moment. Just being real with myself and how I felt. I started to think that this is just how reality is and all this psychedelic bullshit, Leo's bullshit, meditation, positive thinking is all just bullshit on top of the same old boring existence I already know so well. But then to my delight as I kept looking for more signs of the effects they began to grow steadily stronger and more enjoyable as they did. I didn't really have much of a plan for what I wanted to do during this time so I just sat in front of my computer listening to music and inquiring within myself with whatever came to mind. T+2:30 The effects are extremely noticeable at this point and probably the strongest they were throughout the whole trip. I am just sort of going with the flow. I feel great! Everything looks absolutely incredible. It looks as though I can see electricity infused within everything I look at. Subtle patterns, similar to when you close your eyes, are cascading across objects occasionally in the most subtle but beautiful way. I feel amazing. I had energy so I was standing in front of my window looking out and just reacting to how my body was feeling. I closed my eyes and started to just allow my body to do whatever it wanted to do. I found myself being drawn toward one side in a kind of playful way, something just felt good. I started to turn my body slowly in circles to pursue this feeling. Eventually I opened my eyes and realized I was spinning pretty fast and just threw myself onto my bed to stop it. I just had a minute or two of traditional dizzy feeling that was pretty intense but I just totally embraced it and it felt awesome. I laid on my bed in deep thought of how it didn't even feel like I was spinning until I had opened my eyes and realized that I was spinning. I was looking at my ceiling and it had just come alive now. Beautiful geometric colors and patterns rippling across ever so elegantly. Very electric looking again. The colors sort of have the "burn" effect to them. I just laid there and stared at my ceiling enjoying the show. T+3:30 The energetic happy playfulness and trip visual intensity has leveled out by this point. I put on a meditation by Rupert Spira titled The Borderless Field of Pure Sensitivity (from the Light of Pure Knowing meditations). Spira then led me through an experience unlike any I have ever had. I clearly saw how my body is just a conceptual projection. It almost felt as if I was if i was a nothingness being learning how to human from Spira. Unfortunately my attention span was very short and I could only do one of his meditations. I then began to notice that I was trembling occasionally. It wasn't like a whole body shake as if something was really wrong with me physically, but more of a fear tension that I was holding in my throat area. I clenched my teeth together slightly and notice by jaw is trembling. I spent a long time trying to identify what this was and trying to accept it, fix it, allow it, ignore it. I have come to think it is some type of repressed sadness within myself that keeps showing itself during my trips. I even allowed myself to become very sad and cry if needed but I don't think that was the issue. I have had this issue with myself feeling shaky and I would really like to solve it. T+5:00 I felt like I had done most of my heavy lifting that I wanted to do for the trip so I decided to try out my VR headset. I allowed myself to become totally immersed in it as though it were actual reality. I spent some time with this thing on my head and then out of no where the screen went totally black. I sat with the VR on my head in total blackness and watched myself as I began to grasp at something because I had become totally disoriented. I had a pretty deep insight as to how nothingness needs this reality to orient and ground itself somehow. These were just a few moments I am recalling throughout my trip. Obviously there was much much more to it than just these moments I am sharing. Summary: - I had a moment where I looked closer at nothingness and it really scared me. Like I always had this picture of this stuff being all sunshine and rainbows but when you look at nothingness its fucking scary, but yet I am strangely fascinated by it. - I can see how nothingness needs reality to orient itself. - I don't think this path is going to be all sunshine and rainbows like I had imagined. - This reality will be here no matter how you look at it. All in all, it was a great trip! I would highly recommend AL-LAD as a first time psychedelic for sure. The head space is very clear minded and controllable. You can let go and go deep and play with it or you can focus on traditional reality if needed. I can't wait to explore further with this substance and hopefully gain further insights into the true nature of reality and consciousness.

It's like all psychedelics are child's play compared to DMT. You actually don't have to be scared of DMT because it takes you in so fast, fully and completely that you don't have to worry about your "self" freaking out.

I think I might just go for 300ug next time. Technically the stuff is safer than caffeine anyway.

@Leo Gura Do you think it could be that I am just not as well educated on this type of material to get the type of insights you describe? I was hoping the psychedelic would just sort of show me the way but I felt like I still had to guide myself looking for insights that did not come effortlessly. Maybe try 225mcg next time?

@Joseph Maynor The Truth of reality! I also want to find my passion/purpose.

I won't be going for broke with this plan. I don't really have it planned out long term. I really am hoping that just a couple of months dedicated to figuring out myself and my consciousness will help me decide where I want to go from there. Maybe I will get such a sweet glimpse of non-duality I will decide to devote myself to it fully or maybe the time I spend contemplating to myself I will discover I want to be a sculptor, I don't know. I am going to double down on the investment in myself for awhile and see what the return is after a few months. Warren Buffet said "The best investment you can make is in yourself." I just hope that means consciousness work too.

@Leo Gura Are you implying that taking a couple of months off of work to get farther down the path won't be worth it if I don't take it all the way? I know I won't gain enlightenment during that time but don't you think I could gain enough insight and possibly glimpses during that time to understand myself better and come up with a plan to redesign my life / lifestyle to better support this kind of path? I really could support myself for over a year if I went for broke.

@ajasatya Thanks for the advice. I don't know if I want to redesign my lifestyle so radically without at least trying a couple of months of it first. @Ilya I am not running away from fears but I am unsatisfied with my career, so I figured a long break to redesign the trajectory of my life could make sense. That is basically what I am proposing here. To look deeply inside of myself for awhile before deciding how I want to shape the next couple years of my life. @Principium Nexus I have really considered traveling a lot! It excites me and lights me up at the thoughts of doing it but I know my savings will go fast and I wouldn't really be sitting down to ask myself the hard questions about what I want from life, what is reality, ect. It seems like that would be more of me chasing the external happiness. On the other hand I totally see how it would help me grow as a person. I just don't know if that is the right direction either. I think I may take the middle road. I want a career change, I want to travel, I want to grow myself. So I might do all of those things! I think if I take some time off from always giving my time to someone else, I can really gather myself and figure out what I truly want from life. It's just so hard to commit to even just that because from our "money is most important" society it feels like I am going backwards.

I think Rupert Spira does an excellent job of tackling this question in this video! I have watched it multiple times and I try to allow it to sink in.

How do we experience the consistency break down? Psychedelics? I could see how that would be a break in consistency. Except my materialist paradigm has a justification for that too: I am just altering the chemicals in my brain that create my experience of consciousness.