severedfred

@QandC @Robert @MonikaBcn @Argue @Driven Question to you ENTJ's. I am interested in how you handled this: Me myself can relate to this a bit too much for my own taste.. This problem have made me bouncing from job to job because I feel deeply unmotivated. The feeling of being manage is so energy draining for me that I can't stand it most of the time, and have had a hard time keeping a job most of my life because of it. Sometimes i just refuse to go to work like: "I rather die, for real, die right now, than go and be somebody els's hands". So, do you relate? Did you overcome it, if so, how?

ENTJ-T 65-75% accurate.

Hi, you fine group of wise people. I've spent some time now (9 month) trying to map out the things in my life that is not working as well as I would like them to. I've done various personality tests (the enneagram for example, wich i defently find to be the most accurate for my purposes), I've done strength tests and been writing journal a long time to see where my biggest areas of suffering is. This is my list of the 14 areas I would like to give attention, to find the habits that most effectively treat as many areas as possible. What has become clear to me so far is: Regular Meditation & Physical Exercise would benefit almost all of these areas, especially me since my personality type and history give me a tendency to be very neurotic, stuck in my imagination and "missing life". Its safe to say that I probably would feel 92% better in my life if i just had a routine of doing meditation and exercise every day. (well, meditation every day, not skip a day no matter what, as Leo suggest in his meditation video), and try to work out everyday while being mindful of the homeostasis, and be willing to do serious negotiation). Since, if you as me, truly try to listen to what Leo say, Self-discipline and Routine is where the rubber meets the road in personal development. With that logic, finding out the areas that most keep me from getting anywhere -to find out 1-3 things that give me the biggest results and putting them in to a daily routine, would make me grow the fastest. Since my past misstakes have been to try to do to much, and develop to many areas at the same time which left me with a routine to hard to follow with to many things to do, I now try to narrow it down to its fundamentals. To me, it truly looks like Meditation and physical exercise is the two things that gives the widest spread of development to me of all of the 14 areas of development. BUT, I might have overlooked something. This is important, since the conclusion of this list, will be deeply involved in the next 5-10 years of my life. I will soon make the commitment, to follow the results of this with a 100% focus, no matter how it might feel, or how much I doubt myself, I will follow threw. What do I ask for with this Post? I am a clear type 5 (the investigator) on the enneagram test, so I figured there might be others who are the same type that might have valuable insight to my areas of development, and want to share his/hers experiences and knowledge on the concrete activities/habits that works for you. People on this forum might not be as close to the problem as I am, and might see a bigger picture and a "clear path" that would benefit me and my areas of development. (something tells me that meditation and enlightenment is going to be the number one suggestion, which it already is for me in some degree). For that reason, this needs to be said: I meditate every day (not missing a single day) i am close to 3 month with 20 minutes focus on breath so far. I been on and off with meditation since I been having a problem with routines. But whats more important, is that I truly believe in meditation. I am very intrigued by enlightenment work, even tho it still may be from a distance. I am by nature, interested in the search for truth. I long for the day when I, more in depth, can dive into enlightenment work with more time and effort. I have already seen enormous tremendous amounts of benefits with meditation, even tho I don't have that much experience. So far I reached a state of "out of the body experience, and a deep connection with something I never felt before, something unexplainable, like a little nudge och something I would describe as true happiness. I have never tried any psychedelic what so ever, and look forward to a time somewhere in the distant future when I've reached a certain discipline and experience with meditation to accurately use them for deepening my understanding of life, myself and the humanity. So, if you truly think I should leave every other thing and just pursue enlightenment work, please, suggest it, but please don't try to "sell me on it". Maybe someone have more of a "narrow" expertise and experience with one of these topics, with biofeedback for example, as i gotten suggested from the enneagram test as a way of development. I am very interested in hearing your successful, concrete advice that I can apply into these areas of my life, both as a whole based on this information, and individual areas. GROWTH AREA 1 -The downside is that my capacity for concentration enables me to get deeply engrossed in my complex inner worlds, sometimes to the extent that i forget their surroundings or even to take care of myself. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 2 -Learn to notice when your thinking and speculating takes you out of the immediacy of your experience. Your mental capacities can be an extraordinary gift, but can also be a trap when you use them to retreat from contact with yourself and others. Stay connected with your physicality. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 3 -You tend to be extremely intense and so high-strung that you find it difficult to relax and unwind. Make an effort to learn to calm down in a healthy way, without drugs or alcohol. Exercising or using biofeedback techniques will help channel some of your tremendous nervous energy. Meditation, jogging, yoga, and dancing are especially helpful for your type. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 4 -You tend to find it difficult to trust people, to open up to them emotionally, or to make themselves accessible in various ways. Their awareness of potential problems in relationships may tend to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is important to remember that having conflicts with others is not unusual and that the healthy thing is to work them out rather than reject attachments with people by withdrawing into isolation. NOTE: Some of this fear of conflict is based in the fear of physical confrontation developed in early years from bad parenting. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 5 -Behind Fives’ relentless pursuit of knowledge are deep insecurities about their ability to function successfully in the world. Fives feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. But rather than engage directly with activities that might bolster their confidence, Fives “take a step back” into their minds where they feel more capable. Their belief is that from the safety of their minds they will eventually figure out how to do things—and one day rejoin the world. Fives spend a lot of time observing and contemplating. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 6 -The intense focus of Fives can thus lead to remarkable discoveries and innovations, but when the personality is more fixated, it can also create self-defeating problems. This is because their focus of attention unwittingly serves to distract them from their most pressing practical problems. Whatever the sources of their anxieties may be—relationships, lack of physical strength, inability to gain employment, and so forth—average Fives tend not to deal with these issues. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 7 -Notice when you are getting intensely involved in projects that do not necessarily support your self-esteem, confidence, or life situation. It is possible to follow many different fascinating subjects, games, and pastimes, but they can become huge distractions from what you know really need to do. Decisive action will bring more confidence than learning more facts or acquiring more unrelated skills. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 8 -Fear of being useless, helpless, or incapable. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 9 - Addiction -Poor eating and sleeping habits due to minimizing needs. Neglecting hygiene and nutrition. Lack of physical activity. Psychotropic drugs for mental stimulation and escape, narcotics for anxiety. I sometimes fall into a habit of using sleeping pils as a form of control. This because of a) fear of being sick, and b) fear of pain and suffering. When the fear becomes to strong, like if I can't sleep and I start to feel nauseous to the point that I feel like "i might going to be sick and puke" I feel the need to have control, to take a pill, and control the situation. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 10 -Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: "From our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes you make is to equate yourself with your feelings. The fallacy is that to understand yourself you must understand your feelings, particularly your negative ones, before acting. You do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves". Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 11 -Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working—that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect—and stay connected—with the real world. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 12 -Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good. You may never feel that you are ready to take on a challenge of some sort, that you always need more time. (Your type typically never feel that they are sufficiently "together," but they must nevertheless have the courage to stop putting off their lives.) Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will bring out the best in you. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 13 -A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline is not contrary to your freedom or individuality. On the other hand, sensuality, excessive sexual experiences, alcohol, drugs, sleep, or fantasizing have a debilitating effect on you, as you already know. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? GROWTH AREA 14 -Impatience and stress - “Where am I headed?” you ask yourself. You ask this question every day. Guided by this theme of Focus, you need a clear destination. Lacking one, your life and your work can quickly become frustrating. And so each year, each month, and even each week you set goals. These goals then serve as your compass, helping you determine priorities and make the necessary corrections to get back on course. Your Focus is powerful because it forces you to filter; you instinctively evaluate whether or not a particular action will help you move toward your goal. Those that don’t are ignored. In the end, then, your Focus forces you to be efficient. Naturally, the flip side of this is that it causes you to become impatient with delays, obstacles, and even tangents, no matter how intriguing they appear to be. WHAT ADVICE, EXPERIENCE OR RECOMMENDATION FOR HABBIT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND AS A SOLUTION FOR ME ON THIS TOPIC? Thank you for reading and for any advice or comment you may have. Peace /Fred

@Leo Gura You might not have the time, but if you do (since your guidance led me to this point into my life) I would truly value your expertise. My question is this: While just reading thru my 14 areas of development, can you imagine something other than meditation and exercise that would benefit more- or as many of these individual problems of mine?

@Dominik Drums Thx man, thats always nice to hear! I don't spend that much time here either, that would make me derail from my goal and purpose; to find my life's purpose. I find it easy to get stuck here sometimes just socialising, reading stuff that doesn't really bring me closer to my goal. But I truly find some of the people here really insightful in specific areas. I try to use this forum in the way I imagine Leo intended, to get help when you get stuck, and maybe find likeminded people when you feel alone on the self-development journey. Thank you for acknowledging my hard work and effort, and of course I will take whatever advice or feedback you find relevant to share.

No worries bro I just like to know the fact that there always people to learn from. Do you only choose one path for life? Or how does that work. And why would you recommend the servant for me? I think the path of transcendental knowledge sound suitable for me as well. Since a value learning highly. but I don't know. Oh I do understand you, but enlightenment is more implementation right.. to do the work. I guess thats why its hard to explain.

@ajasatya okey, so from where I'm sitting, this metafor explains what I just experienced: Ruth 87 have a computer problem and ask Steve Jobs for help, whereupon he tells her to begin with removing the motherboard from the computer. I often stop and read your answers in the middle of threads since you give the sense of knowing your shit. I try to learn from people like you. Problem is, either enlightened people like you are a bit tired of us sheep, trying to understand whats on the other side of the fence, to many give up, to many still seek the shortcuts and quick fixes, so the advice seem unappreciated. And you been telling 200 sheep to just take a chance and jump to the other side, in a nutshell. Or, some is not ment for teachings, the part where you put yourself in someone els's shoes, trying to understand there situation and look for an opening to make them understand what there is they missing. How to get them to understand. Either way, this is not it, this is me not understanding your point. I will live the rest of my life trying, being open, loving, seeking truth. Seeking what I imagine you trying to teach me in your post. But I can't say anything els but this to what you wrote: I don't understand what you trying to tell me. And that sucks.

@ajasatya oh damn, you talking in riddles.. But I'll play The thing.. what is the thing.. I don't see something other can see, I don't know the truth of things, of "me". What is keeping me from seeing the truth. FEAR? is that the answer?

@ajasatya Well, both. I do believe in what you say, but I also kind of feel that I'm drowning in my own suffering in a way. Like, I just know facing this shit inside is what I need to do, it scares me, hold me back, controls my actions.. It really scares me to think about facing it. It gotta be something important my ego is hiding behind all that fear right? Something I never seen, or can understand until I've seen it. Thats what I want to do. See, feel, understand.

@ajasatya @Leo Gura @vibrate Shit, this post scares the shit out of me! Is this how meditation is suppose to be done? I mean, what the fuck have I been doing then? *hard swallow* I mean, for you who have a little more experience, what would you recommend a newbie? I can take suffering, but is there some more strategic way to go about this? Or is this like: stop feeling temp with your toes and just jump in the damn water kind of thing?

Im no expert in this area, but I suggest you take a look at some of Leo's videos. There is one about braking bad habits, that strike me as a good video for this type of problem. Have you watch that one? If thats the case, why didn't it help?

In the book So Good They Can't Ignore You, Cal Newport talks about Mission: "A good career mission is similar to scientific breakthrough-it's an innovation waiting to be discovered in the adjacent possible of your field." This make me curious about the life purpose course which purpose is to make you find your purpose, mission in life. Cal Newport argues that it's few people that come up with there missions beforehand, that it gets built over time while creating career capital in their field. It seam a little two-faced if you take the purpose of the life purpose course, and what Cal argues in his book, and put it together. This may also be one of the reasons why many people who take the course, end up having a life purpose surrounding personal development. Since Cal argues that you grow to love what you get good at. And by spending so many hours learning all about life purpose, thats what you feel you want to do. I believe that the book (so far) is a little short on combining values and intrinsic motivations etc into creating a life purpose. Which I'm sure is why Leo's course is more complete in a sense. Still, this is noteworthy, and might be a trap for some people who haven't pursued something in a long time, and get eccentric because they getting to know something on a deeper level for the first time in a while. Thoughts?

Well, Leo said it. Just wanted to tell you I started out in the same place. Might help supporting the fact that it's where the Journey starts for many people. Remember that self development is hard, that isn't something "people just say", and most people can't suffer thru the worst parts of it. Most quit where you are now. Its seams impossible, you don't see the way out, you can't possible understand how those little shitty things you try to do will actually change anything right? Well, just go back to what Leo laid out for you: make baby steps and do not quit. That might be something thats good for you to say to yourself every day. Like an affirmation. Here is what I would have said to myself in that part of my journey: Right now, it feels like I'm not growing or going anywhere. That is how resistance feel, and doesn't mean that I'm stuck. Just by thinking about my situation, and what I want to change, i move forward. I am not in a hurry, when I feel stressed or angry it means Im inpatient. It means I'm trying to get to far, to fast. When I feel overwhelmed, it means im not satisfied with my current situation, and I start to think about all the things I want to change, and I do to much at once. That makes me more stressed, and make me hard on myself. That really doesn't help me, at all. Instead, I take a long deep breath and remember that I have a lot of time. I also remember to trust in the ones who done this journey before me, who tell me that the key to where I want to end up, is in taking small steps every day. Small steps, every day! Therefore, I keep calm, and have kind eyes on myself as I mindfully do these small steps. I will end up where Im supposed to, if I just do one small step today. What small step can I do today? That is what I would recommend myself if I could talk to a younger me. My only commitment would be to read this every morning. Thats all. The text going to navigate you on the path, don't worry about that. Just chill out man, be more kind to yourself. You could write your own text, but that is hard in the beginning, to see what to focus on. What you can do, is to change the last mening to: I will watch one video of Leo every day. That is also good, might be even better. This is how it will go: The way from where you are now to a more advanced PD and a better life, is knowledge. You might think is action, but its not. The actions will slowly develop and come naturally from the knowledge you gain. Problem is you trying to implement to much while knowing to little. (I believe). So if you only commit to reading this text every morning, the text will navigate you to watching a Leo video. And Leos videos, no matter which ones you watch, will keep navigate you in the right direction. Just by teachings. Well, Im no guru, but I can really relate to your struggle, and this would have help me a lot, and still do. The overwhelming part is really hard. Just commit to one thing, that leads to another that leads to another, that also remind you to be calm and patient, and remind you of you negative thinking and bad believes, that way, it will always be in your awareness, and in your awareness they will be dissolved, IN TIME. Your a human being, you designed to grow. This text is designed to keep you aware of you problems, and point you in the right direction every morning. Your human nature and need for growth will do the rest. Just relax. I hope this help you in some way, take what you like and throw the rest in the trash brother. Peace

"For billions of years since the outset of time, every single one of your ancestors' survived. Every single person on your mum and dad's side, successfully looked after and passed onto you life. What are the chances of that like? It comes to me once in a while, and everywhere I tell folk it gets the best smile." -a man on the edge of a cliff

@Key Elements Thats powerful!

"We walk through the minefield just to point back on the road" -Organism12

@Voyager haha

"Distans is all it take, to realize how close we are, to be to far away" - SeveredFred

@WaterfallMachine I believe @Marinus has a point. I think you need to take a deeper and more open and honest look at yourself. And contemplate more about why you feel the way you do, instead of trying fixing the "problem". Understand that your ego is trying to tell you that external affirmation will lead you to where you “need to be”, and that if you believe this to be true, you get desperate and needy. This is yet another situation where you lost contact with your higher consciousness. And that the idea of “you needing to have a relationship to be happy” just causing you to feel lonely and desperate. Instead: Strive towards accepting that the idea of life is to not be bound or chained by anything. What you really need, is to sacrifice the comfort of having a relationship in your life entirely. I still believe sex and relationships will contribute happiness to your life, but only when you fully can see/feel and understand how you don't NEED it. Good Luck! This is a really hard one. I still struggle with this.