Fredrik Andersson

Im from Sweden, I'm curious if there is anyone els who lives here? Would be cool to talk about your PD journey, what you working on right now etc. I live in Västmanland, Sala (near Västerås). Hola /Fred

I don't want my name to be my name here on the forum. I just joined and though I could choose one at a later state. I never use my name on internet, so I don't feel like myself. I need to be my internet alterego. Its and OCD thing i guess, I just don't like it. Also: Everybody have such a cool name, I'm jealous at everybody, haha, ye ye I know please no deep insights on this matter... Do anybody know? Is there any way to change it? Or do I need to create a new account? If thats even possible? Which would suck since I got mails transactions and following a lot on this account. Maybe @Leo Gura know what to do? Peace

You need to cut all ties to your family. Manipulative relationships always find a way to trying controlling you. Until you are completely free, completely on your own, your not going to be able to understand how trapped you really are right now. If you really take your PD seriously, and value your life, I suggest you get into the mindset @ajasatya trying to drive home for you. I've done a similar journey, Im standing on the other side of it. When your completely free, you can decide if- and how you want your relationships to be, on your own terms. Your so worth better people in your life. I don't believe this will suffice. You need to be completely cleansed from your old believes forced on you by your family. Its pretty clear to me you have a limiting belief about your ability to survive on your own. Thats often one of the things a manipulative person is drilling in to your head, and that is, or at least was for me, the reason I felt "trapped". Your not trapped at all. Thats what your parents want you to think, to maintain control over you. This would be trying to control someone els. And that is a waste of time in my experience. The only thing you should focus on is what you can do for you. First course of action is to understand the gravity of the situation. And that you have done: "I have also gotten serious stress problems".. "and so that is literally destroying my teeth" .. "I feel hopeless, trapped and very sad."... Really listen to what your saying here. Thats very tragic, and not a way to spend one more second trying to hold on to, you can see that, right? Second, your very scared, scared of being on you own, scared of cutting the ties to the things you gotten attached to. I believe that to move forward, you need to come to a deep understanding about your choices here. The true choices. When and IF you can see, that you only really have one when it comes to dealing with toxic relationships. When that is clear to you, your ready to do whats necessary. Stay strong brother, I been where you are. A very similar situation. You will get out somehow, the fact that you posted here on this forum seeking the advice from the people listed above proves your a fighter, and that you want real answers and truth. You need to read the advice more carefully, and really try to understand what these people trying to say. Don't be so quick answering, take a day to just think about the advice, and how it would look in your life. Then reply with the next question. Thats what I try to do. Otherwise its you "trapped mind" coming up with reasons "why you can't" or "they don't really understand my situation" etc etc. Try to see the solution they try to give, and apply that to your specific situation. Much love to you!

Sweden, Sala. 1h from Stockholm.

@Spiral @deadforever @art @Siv Hey! If you're up for it, post your information about you and your journey. Maybe you find some likeminded friends a long the way that lives close by. Fredrik Andersson Age: 28 Gender: Male Location: Sweden (born) Marital status: Single Kids : No (and don't want kids) Occupation : recently quit my job (carpenter). Hobbies : personal development, positive psychology, writing (poetry, rap, speeches etc), movies, women, marketing, projects, motivation and making music. Challenges i've overcome so far. Hard addiction: Drugs, mostly marijuana, valium and pain pills (5 years addiction) Quitted aug 5 2015 (two years free). Sorting out toxic relationships. Be able to cry, both from happiness and grief. Trying to be like someone else rather than working to discover YOUR authentic self. (Leo's trap list) Assuming that successful people, like your favorite role-models, celebrities, professors, CEOs, etc are happy (Leo's trap list) Working a job/career just for the money (Leo's trap list) Consuming mainstream media. Not realizing how toxic modern media and entertainment is. (Leo's trap list) Expecting people close to you to understand and support your efforts to grow. (Leo's trap list) Personal challenges I'm trying to overcome (more long term). Stress (trying to change too much too fast. Lack of focus) Prioritize How to deal with emotions (Distracting myrself from facing emptiness, negative emotions, loneliness, and ego backlashes). Procrastination Chasing quick-fixes. Not wanting to explore issues deeply or solve problems at their root. (Leo's trap list) Balance: Money-Follow dreams. (trying to find a way to pay ends meat with out selling my soul until I find out whats true for me) Not having a big vision for my life. Quitting when emotional upheaval surfaces. (Leo's trap list) Letting yourself get lulled back to sleep by our toxic and indifferent culture. (Leo's trap list) What Im working on now: Life Purpose Course + Books (Right now on So good they can't ignore you By Cal Newport) Follow my bliss and see where it leads me Stress (using/learning to implement baby-stepping strategy) + KBT sessions about the roots of my stress. Actualized.org/start Introduction part Not reading, not learning, not doing enough research. (Leo's trap list) Dealing with sorting out low consciousness/egotistical choices from my life (mostly girls) Limiting believes (mostly about quitting bad habits, hard addictions like nicotine and porn, and soft ones like external affirmations)

@art haha what the fuck a Norwegian self actualizer. Who would have thought!? Lived in Norway, love that Country. So I have nothing but respects to pay to its people!

@Siv Hey! Nice, so where are you originally from? haha don't even try to learn it, it's so hard and complicated. Im born here and still like to talk more english than Swedish. Also, almost everyone talk good english here, so really no desperate need to learn the language, unless you just think its fun and like to learn. What are you doing here in Sweden? And tell us a little about your journey. I'll post a little about me below.

I struggle with my life purpose, I've reached an impasse on my motivation for doing something. I should do something based on what I really care about right, my higher values, but the problem is: because Im deeply dissatisfied with my sexual life it clouds my judgement. Clouds the reason WHY I do something. I know girls and sex is a lower self motivation, but my needs and desires for human contact continues to overlap my higher values. I can't seam to shake this. Please help me navigate to the right Leo video, or with personal experience. I want to believe that meeting women not is the solution here, but could it be? Could this "girl thing" be a treshold guardian? A lot of my deepest fears lay in the girl category, which make me wonder on the right course of action.. Actually I kind of looking forward to start dealing with this issue of my life. But the time just doesn't feel right logically.. Since I need to get my life on track properly and feel that I am the person I want to be before Im ready for a relationship. My career and income is a mess right now, the job I had stopped my PD. It sucked all my energy and took my full attention, so I was stuck. I quitted the job to continue my journey. Which was a journey itself, with doubt and fears, but had to be done in order to keep going. I need to find out whether, I should put this constant need aside to find my true values even tho Im longing for human connection, or end up living as a hobo trying to meet women.. Well, you see how this have a tendency to just spin around.. (Im Swedish, I'm trying to spell and wright everything as correct I can).

@Loreena hahaha

@Vaishnavi Haha I feel you

@Julie Lee Hi! I have a lot of experience with toxic family members. My mother is an alcoholic, my sister a drug addict with ADD and rage outbursts. Me myself have been addicted to drugs earlier in my life. What you looking for is: how to deal with someone who is sick. Addictions is a really ugly disease that take over your life and actions. While addicted, a person is not him/her self, he/she is the sickness. To find a solution to your problem, you need to understand the disease. I got abused as a kid, both physically and psychically from people with this disease. And gone thru a lot of information, rehabilitation and personal development to fully understand, and find solutions to how to deal with people having this disease. (including myself) Although, the diseise can be more or less severe in different people. This is impossible to explain in depth over a short text, which is needed to get a grasp on the right course of action when suffering from someones effects of being an active drug addict. The problem with the solutions, is that they are really hard to embrace, and even more difficult to implement. Thats why the deep understanding part of both the person with the addiction, and for the codependent person is so important. My recommendation is that you buy some books about codependency and start there. usually what people find when reading about being a sibling, lover or parent to someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, is the feeling of deep recognition, and that is a very important first step. When you can see how many things that is a problem in your life, based on someone els, you start to see solutions. If you been around a person for a long time, its hard to see how much this disease effect you, since people with addictions is very manipulative, and control there environment. If you don't know where to start, or with books you should buy, just ask me and I'll look them up for you. (I'm from Sweden, and have to look up the English title of the books, thats why I didn't just recommended them right away) But you can do some googleing if your serious about solving this problem and move on with your life. Here are some key insights about living in codependency of a drug addict. 1. Drug abuse is a disease, the actions your brother takes, is not he as a person, its him: controlled by addiction. 2. There is nothing you can do, to help him. Thats a fact, and something that takes time to understand. 3. You can't have him in your life, at all. This part can be messy to begin to implement, but its the only healthy respons to this problem. Since addiction creates addiction. Most people who been living with someone who is addicted, become addicted to the person who is addicted, thats called codependency. Generally, Up to 20-25 people/addict get some form of "splash" of a person with the disease of addiction, some form of abuse, less quality in life, or some form of struggle. In a lot of cases, its just as hard for a codependent person to push a drug-addicted person out of there life, as there is for a drug addict to quit drugs. Its exactly the same psychologically experience, happening in the same part of the brain. its tough. So in a way, to change this situation in your life, is going to be a little similar to getting of drugs. You most likely going to fall back a couple of times, "giving him a new chans", and end up heart broken, lied to etc as so many time before. Then you probably going to dislike yourself, having your mind telling you that you doing something wrong, feeling bad as a person for treating someone this cold.. (this is why its important to understand, he is not your brother when addicted, he is the actions of his disease). 4. You should call the cops if he abuse you, thats wrong, and you shouldn't have that in your life (this goes in to the codependency, like, you start to think about him, what will happen to him? Is he going to live on the street? Is he going to end up i jail? See, this is the problem, its not about him, its about you. You need to get on with your own life, both you and your mother. He is sick, you can't control that. To help him continue the way he been acting so far, is not helping anyone. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and you will never, I repeat, never reach that with an addicted person in your life. Well, hopefully you got something out of this, as I said, I have a lot of experience, so don't hesitate to wright me with questions. And there is no "quick-fix" to this problem, it will take somewhere from 1-2 years to end up having him totally out of you life. Its so worth it. The only thing you going to have left, is the hope for him to ask for help some day, that he want to change his own life, and that you might going to be able to see your brother again. Take care /Fred

@Spiral Okey, I can see how that can become a problem. I think I might have to much confidence as well then, in some areas at least. With girls, I don't, but in most regular interactions with people. I just don't really care how they see me for the most part.. interpret me. Sure, I might look like this and that, and might not bend to public opinion etc, but I think thats a good thing. to believe in myself and what I thing is true. On the other hand, people don't see me as "smug and self-satisfied". Which make me a bit confused actually. If to have high confidence is combined with being interpret as smug etc. Maybe I don't have "to much" then, just the right amount. But I defiantly know how it feels to have to little. I mean, my confidence levels with girls is fucked up man haha. How did you do to overcome the girl issue? Would be nice to read about that journey, struggles and insights.

Here is where I am on the Journey: I've learned about Actualized 5 month ago. And started my life purpose course. Since then, I've done the introduction, and concepts part of the course. This has taken a lot of time, since I first listened "just listened" to the whole concepts part, then went back from the beginning, and wrote down all the information in every video I found was important for my situation, and to be remembered. Trying to "get it in my core" if you know what I mean. The results of me doing this course and work, slowly got me pulled away from my ordinary life. In fact, the information about the "new journey" and road I was about to start, resonated with me so strongly, that I had a hard time living my "old life". I started to get repulsed by my old habits, the work i did, just to get money, the things that been controlling my life so far, things that really doesn't matter. Like other opinions of me, like trying to make my parents proud or what not. It was like a seed in my mind, who always been nagging at me for attention, got approval (water) from the contact with Actualized. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel weird, wrong etc. (This is a whole other topic, I had a rough childhood with abuse that made me question my own believes all the time), like i was just "wrong" as a human being. well, anyway. I couldn't live in denial and keep doing whatever it was I did, couldn't continue to work with my colleagues since they was on the other side of the fence, trying to hold it up, while I was trying to tare it down. I needed to break free. So thats what I did. Quit my job, and tried to listen to my heart as much as i possibly could (easier said than done). So, I started a 90 day meditation challenge (do nothing), from Leos videos. I did that for 35 days, then things got complicated at work n stuff before I quitted (no excuses i know) but still, It was REALLY fucking hard to keep things up with everything. Stress started to take a hold on me. Since I was living two lives, one where I took my PD and enlightenment as the most serious thing in my life, and juggling work. I listened to Leo during my 12h workdays, read before I fell a sleep. Had a routine of things I learned from Leo. Suddenly things just got to much? I couldn't juggle all the things at once. Renovated my apartment, meditated, did affirmations, wrote visions, journaling, implemented new insights, like spending less time with friends and family, work out, vision walks, more meditation etc.. Had to much pressure on myself. Trying to keep up with Leo. So I got, burnt out, in a way. Took me 4,5 weeks after quitting my job to see a reason to get out of bed. SO HERE I AM, back at it! A little wiser, a little poorer, but yet just as motivated to continue my journey. I am many things, but a quitter of my dreams, is not one of them. Im just now learning about "baby-stepping strategy" here on forum, doing one thing at a time and not get carried away. Some people seam to have so easy to read, haha! (just read this and that and then this and this) Is a common advice. I really struggle with it, reading a lot. But now I'm doing the course, and have homework for 5 books. I have them here on my shelf, and audio, so I get thru them easier. I will now focus on reading them, then go thru my notes about the concepts part, and look at all the videos in order once again, before continuing to the next step of the course. This is why the neediness is such an important issue to deal with for me, since I do the course a 100%, and aiming to be a part of the 5% that actually get a lot out of it, as Leo say. So i guess my answer to "where I am" in my journey, is dealing with an obstacle called neediness to get forward on my course with the best result possible. With that in mind, I still looking forward as hell to start the spirituality part of the journey, but as I recently discovered, I can't do everything at once. Feels like a lot of advice is towards the spirituality an enlightenment, which I understand. That is like next level shit right, and when you get there, you can see that this "other things like pick-up, money, success etc" just is bullshit. haha, at least thats what I imagine. But there is still a journey to be taken, a path to walk on. And my path have lead me to finding out my life purpose, and make a living from it. Here is where my first threshold guardians exists. I can't jump over them, right? Please give me notes on this, took a long time to write, haha! And I am always glad to have you guys give me your input. @Leo Gura @eskwire @youngshinzen @username @Loreena @Erlend K @Arkandeus

@Spiral Cool journey, sounds like you accomplished a lot in a short time. What do you mean by too confident? In what way does that become a problem in you life? Just curious. Peace

Update This is what I've learned, and got reminded of from your responses: Im needy, trapped in a lower self thinking pattern. I believe that sex or a relationship will somehow make me satisfied and give me the feeling of acceptance I desire. This is bullshit. What I should do, is realize that I have some unresolved issues inside myself, that needs my own attention, not somebody else's. If I don't deal with this inner issue, it won't matter what external attention it gets, as @eskwire so elegant explained, I will still have the problem. As both @Loreena and @Arkandeus pointed out, its not that easy to just solv the problem with engaging in black and white thinking, as I have a tendency to do. I believe @Arkandeus have a lot of things that resonate with this individual, particular problem. Since I try to control the outlet, control my feelings and my future by trying to ether escape the feeling by jumping into something different like life purpose, or go towards something motivated by my lower consciousness (sex). And @username pretty much laid out what "going towards the lower self" leads to, not that inspiring, haha. Hopefully he can se I'm defiantly wise enough. Just not informed well enough, until this moment. So what remaining question do I have? What exercise, tips, or experience can you give me about letting a desire be/go, since I want to let this lower self desire to stop controlling my actions. Thank you so much for navigating me in the right direction. And feel free to be blunt about my conclusions, I'm use to Leo, haha. Means a lot, and really do help me. Love /Fred

this resonate with me on a deep level. This is what I need to do. I will make an update now, with some more question based on what I've learned. thx!!

@Loreena Ohhh noooo, the horror: Balance! haha. Well, you're right, of course. Black and white thinking is a trap I fall down in from time to time. And sure is good to get reminded of that. Still, this doesn't feel like the answer to this particularly situation for some reason. @Erlend K You say a lot of things worth having in mind. like focus on the challenge right infront of us, for example. Sure, I value positive, meaningful relationships, Would be cool to have someone to grow with, and that made me feel complete. But as I wright that down I can see thats just not the way.. I've been surrounded by a lot of real friends my whole life. friends that been there for me, always, and I've had girlfriends too. Long relationships. And I never been happy..

@Leo Gura Nothing better than when one of your heroes being a wiseass, haha! Especially since that is why he became a hero in the first place. This was like, i don't know, seeing Arnold say: "Hasta la vista" and blow something up, just typically and awesome at the same time. Thats the goal, and my mind playing trix on me.. bet you know what I'm talking about, although it was a long time since you struggled with things like this. Thank you for helping me change my life Leo, and your comment actually flicked my forehead (as you usually do on the screen of my tv) haha. @eskwire Okey, so this just made things a lot easier.. (not being ironic). Funny how I forget that I actually know this at heart. Sometimes my mind isn't on that level of deep understanding. I mean, the problem is, me sitting down writing a vision, which ends up with me fucking on a hotel balcony. I mean come on! Its not that easy, right? @youngshinzen The latter. But to change a life is something done over a long time right, and made in the right order, strategically. Its a paradox, murphy law, I need to go threw my struggle, find the answers on the way. Until I finally become enlightened, and can understand that the most things I've done to get there was "unnecessary" in a sense. I will probably find out I could have just sat down on the floor and found all the things I was looking for inside me, right. But I can't just read your comment, and like aah, of course, lets sit on the floor and meditate and watch the bank come knocking at my door for not paying rent, or what not. Its a journey, and i am on this topic: Im fighting for my life purpose, and my sexual nature is in the way of that, so this is me looking for a solution right. Thanks for you comment, its defiantly worth having in mind. Need to get going, read and answer the rest later. THANK YOU for your support and wisdom, means a lot, Love /Fred

@Joseph Maynor Haha, jesus! thats some high-quality advice man! Thank you!! I did what I could while reading right away. I wrote down my goal, and then putted the strategy in place. THIS IS SO MY PROBLEM. Thank you for operating in my mind like that. So in conclusion, my problem is "wanting the quick-fix". I've heard this so many times, and Leo talks about this. But I think I didn't put any attention to it since I didn't realized it was this big of a trap, and that I had a problem with it. So nice to realize that now. This stress of trying to move a mountain every time I set my eyes on something is killing me- my energy, and slowly drag me down to passive state. So I can see how big of a deal this is. But it makes me wonder, cuz my mind is so black and white most times. Now I just want to focus on this goal, right? Its a big and compelling goal of getting me forward. So its a good goal (the way Leo talks about in his goal setting video). But I got more things than one goal that is important. And not in a manic way, but life is more than one thing right. Like say, I have this goal, but I sleep in every morning, and have a hard time with procrastination. Thats also a big deal that kind of twine into my big goal. So: 1. Can I have more than one baby-step goal? In that case, how many can I have with out overstepping? 2. And how would you prioritize them? 3. How would you deal with negative time thinking, like "I got to little time". Sorry if I'm kind of badgering you with confusing questions. I know they're kind of personal to my situation (I think), and that it might be hard for you to tell me what to do, but I'm glad for the help I can get! I can be an extremely effective person, but stress is my Achilles heel. And it really sabotage my progress.

Name: Fredrik (Fred) Age: 28 Gender: Male Location: Sweden (born) Marital status: Single Kids : No (and don't want kids) Occupation : recently quit my job (carpenter) Hobbies : personal development, positive psychology, writing (poetry, rap, speeches etc), movies, women, marketing, projects, motivation and making music: Personal challenges I'm trying to overcome: Stress Prioritize How to deal with emotions Procrastination Balance: Money-Follow dreams What Im working on now: Follow my bliss and see where it leads me My PD (Actualized.org- Life Purpose Course) + Books and KBT AFC trying to understand Men+Women (mostly the "how to meet someone out of the blue" part Success Motivation My career

@Joseph Maynor This is helpful! "baby-stepping" is something I really need to get a grip on. I have a tendency to spin out of my own axel. Can you pls give me some advice on how I best prioritize my "baby-stepping"? How do I know where to start? I mean, "always do whats emotionally most difficult" is one thing that I keep in mind, but that changes from day to day, so there is no consistency in that type of strategy..

@Visitor Thank you for this advice, It was hurtfully spot on to my situation. Have you had difficulties with being controlled by the feeling of "to little time"? And if so, what did you think really helped you get out from that? What would your number one, concrete advice for "sorting out my ego, impatience and validation" be?