Fuse

@smd I appreciate your response, since it is done with a more real world approach in mind. When you say find what drives me, what exactly do you mean though? I have passion, and a fairly concrete idea of where I want to be in life, which is taking me time to develop as I explore myself. The problem for me is mainly stuff like what I said in my first post distracting me, robbing me of my energy and time, ruining my mind and making me feel like a loser. I am certainly not aspiring to be a monk at 19 years old, not even sure where to begin with that.

@Truth Seekah Thank you showing me those great videos, really helped me understand this stuff. I don't know if this is attached to guilt or anything, but I have this thought always with me that I'm basically screwed. Like, I believe that I'm not allowed to be successful, become great or live a happy life due to all of this stuff I've been doing. I obsess over this, but I tell myself it's just victim mentality or a limiting belief. I almost feel 'tainted' and that any work on myself is a waste of time. It sounds crazy, and I don't honestly think I believe it for real otherwise I wouldn't be here but it makes me feel very depressed and hopeless.

@Richard Alpert I don't even know for sure whether I am addicted to masturbation in general or porn. It's weird because I have always had strong sexual thoughts as far back as I can remember, masturbating compulsively long before I discovered porn.

@ajasatya Will finding my core values help with my addiction or is that something I should be doing regardless?

@Nahm Oh. Are you saying that I need to create an illusion or something? Like, something to base my life around?

@Nahm You're right. What am I supposed to do about the world being in disarray and being handed a broken planet though? I'm struggling to sort myself out let alone the entire world. Is that what you're saying? I'm probably reading it wrong or just not understanding that part.

@Nahm I appreciate your input, not exactly sure what I'm supposed to have been denying bullshitting about though. I'm a bit confused by what you're saying.

Thanks for your input, everyone! @Space I do a lot of walking, (Don't have a car or anything, parents don't either) But no real strenuous exercise. Diet is quite terrible too, mainly consisting of junk food. I think diet is one of the things in my life that I've never thought about up until now. @harisankartj I have had a fairly basic meditation habit since November 2016, at 20-30 minutes a day. (Probably not enough time, I know). Thanks for linking those videos up for me too, never thought about self-acceptance so much before. @ajasatya I would be a complete newbie to yoga, which is fine because I like to try new things. How much of an effect does it have on sexual urges? I don't exactly want to become a celibate monk or anything before I've even lost my virginity. Thanks for the tips.