Hardkill

Second of week resuming journaling Monday - I got up before 7:30 am to go workout at the gym. I started working out at 8:50 am and finished at around 10:45 am. I felt good about getting it done early in the day. After I got home, I showered, ate, and then got ready for my online meeting with my Placement Academic Review counselor. The meeting was to some extent disappointing due to how it was conducted. She seemed quite rigid with the way that she asked the questions and how I had to answer them. I didn't get the chance to tell how I thought or felt about my time as a student teacher. After the meeting, I talked with my parents for about an hour about the meeting. Then, I took a long break and stressed out about how I am gonna make it anywhere in life. Then, I meditated until my girlfriend got home. Afterwards, I helped her rake the leaves on her back patio. Later on, when I told my girlfriend that I decided to agree with my parents's advice on going back up on the dosage for an anti-depressant the pill that I've been taking, she got very upset with me for the rest of the night, even as we watched the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars. Overall, I felt very stressed out about my life. Tuesday - I woke up feeling a little sick with a stuffy nose so I slept in somewhat late. I then had a talk with my parents over the phone discussing my future. I finished my job application for a seasonal position of being a Sales Associate at Party City for Halloween. I didn't really do much work or studying. I did some laundry including cleaning my clothes and our bed sheets. I have been continuing to take the increased dosage of the anti-depressant, but so far no change in mood yet. I brought in mailed packages for my girlfriend. I helped my girlfriend make dinner and we watched some TV. I felt so lost and hopeless about my life. I also felt very ashamed of how much I've accomplished. Wednesday - I went to the gym early in the morning again. However, I stayed there for at least 4 hours. I felt bad for staying that long. After getting back home, I showered, ate, and then talked with my parents on the phone for a while. Over the phone, I found out that my sister was being sent to the hospital to get induced by the medical staff for the delivery of her newborn baby. One of the things we talked about on the phone was whether or not I should come back home this weekend and if my girlfriend would be willing to drive me to my parents' home. My girlfriend said that she like she would too tired to drive with me to their place. So, I discussed with my parents about train transportation options; however, after we tried to figure out the best schedule for me to ride home on the train, we decided that it was too much trouble to figure it out and that I should just stay with my girlfriend over the weekend. I took a long break including doing some PNF stretching for my hamstrings. Holly and her friends/coworkers invited me to have dinner with them at an Asian tea restaurant right after they finished working at their job. She told me over the phone to not be late with getting ready to pick me up and go with her. However, I ended up being ready a few minutes late, and she got pissed about that. She said that she couldn't take it anymore and that maybe I should go back to my parents' place tomorrow. On our way to the dinner meetup I felt very bad about being late and the number of times I messed up with my timing. When we arrived at the restaurant, we got there only a couple minutes later than her friends/coworkers did. So, I didn't have to feel bad about making them wait for a bit. During the meetup, we enjoyed ourselves and I think that my girlfriend cooled down over me being late with getting ready for them. After we got home, we watched one of our favorite shows, Supernatural, on Netflix until we got ready for bed. I felt relieved that she was no longer upset with me, but I still felt really down and stressed about my life overall up through the middle of the night. Thursday - I woke a little late, but not as late as I did on Tuesday. My parents called me and told me that after deliberating more on what I should do, they felt that it would be best if I took a year off from school and get ready for the placement next time by having a job for a year to get enough work experience and skills for myself. I freaked out about that because I didn't want to have to take off another year from school. I didn't do much during the morning, but around Noon and up through the afternoon, I spent a lot of time vacuuming much of her bedroom floor, ceiling, and walls. It was a pain to move her clothes and shoes out of the way for vacuuming and then having to put all of it back to where they were before (as best as I could remember). However, I was proud of myself for having accomplished that both for overall neatness and our health. My girlfriend seemed a bit surprised, but appreciative of me having done it for her. Later on, when she came back home, I helped get rid of some old shoes she no longer liked or needed. Then, I did my long distance running training. After my run, I showered and got ready to go grocery shopping with my girlfriend. As we went shopping, I got a phone call from my mom and she was telling how very stressed she is about my sister's delivery of her newborn child within the hospital and about me possibility doing something regrettable for my school/career like trying to approach the teacher, staff, and school where my placement was cancelled at, even though I was told not to contact the school at all. However, I reassured her that I promise I wouldn't do anything stupid or crazy and she calmed down. I told my girlfriend about that and she felt that my mom was overreacting as usual. After we got the food, we made dinner and watched more Supernatural on Netflix. During the rest of the night, I felt somewhat nervous about my sister and her baby. I took a Benadryl to help me sleep at night, which I think helped to some extent. Overall, I felt I had a more productive day than my previous days. Friday - I woke up a bit late again. I talked to my parents on the phone again about what to do with my life. I did calisthenics training outside on my girlfriend's property. I am getting used to doing them on the pavement. I then did my PNF stretching for the front splits. I felt bad about not doing them earlier yesterday, but I was glad that I at least got one of those PNF stretching sessions for the week in. Then, I ate my breakfast and lunch late. Afterwards, I had another long talk with my parents on the phone about my career and they said that they still prefer me to find a part-time for a year. I told that I haven't gotten any acceptances for the bunch of jobs I applied to and that I am really worried about finding any kind of job at all. They told me that I have to keep applying for more jobs, including maybe ones that might fit someone like me with my qualifications. They also said that they sincerely doubt that I wouldn't find some kind of decent job given how good the job market in this country is out there. However, I still believe in the possibility of never finding any kind of fair job, or perhaps any of any kind. One reason, I feel this way due to having already been rejected from a few basic part-time positions at a hotel I applied to and still haven't received any good news from any of the businesses I applied to for jobs they seem to have available. Another reason, is that I've already heard stories of people who like me are young and able and willing to work seriously at any job, but have applied to hundreds of jobs for at least a year and still couldn't even get one job, despite being in a period of a good job economy for their county, and even with the improvements they consistently made to their resume overtime and being in a good job economy. The only thing good that really happened today was when I was told the news of my sister having finally given birth successfully to her newborn daughter. I was relieved and happy for my sister of course. Later at night, we had dinner and watched a dumb comedy movie. Overall today, I felt doomed and so incredibly frustrated with my life. Saturday - I woke up at little after 9 am today, ate breakfast, washed my face, and got ready to go to Hapkido in the morning. I went there until the afternoon. My groove with teaching the beginners class seemed to be coming back. Right before class when I had to cut my nails, I accidentally broke the nail clipper I took with me to the studio, which made me frustrated. I didn't get to cut all of my finger nails before the clipper broke and it was about that time I had to teach the beginners class, so I got worried about what people were going to think about my nails when I teach class and afterwards. Yet, I figured I had no choice and it wasn't really that big of a deal. I got through the class fine and then finished clipping the rest of my fingernails as best as I could with the broken clipper, which I successfully did with some brute force. As for the blackbelt class, it was actually relatively easy, which was nice. Before I left the studio, I told some of the people I knew well including Master Kim about my newborn niece, which they congratulated me for. That felt nice. When I got home, I worked for a few hours on catching up on all of these personal journal entries for this week and did a little work on my experimentation plan for my PAR process. I felt stressed about how much work I had to catch up on and I had trouble concentrating on doing the tasks. Afterwards, I had to help my girlfriend clean the kitchen. During that time, I felt very depressed and angry with my life. I even had some suicidal thoughts. These negative thoughts and feelings lingered for hours longer into the evening as we went to the Good Will store and then to the Whole Foods grocery store. When we got home and had dinner we watch some old Eddie Murphy comedy, which was not really great, imo. So, we turned it off and played with each other for a bit before she decided to go have her shower. As she start getting her shower ready, I called my mom and we spoke on FaceTime showing me an update on her garage issue and discussing with me about what more that needs to be done with it. I showed her a small part of my gf's apartment and her cat and my mom got curious about all of it. My girlfriend came out of the bathroom and asked me what I was doing, so we ended the phone conversation with my mom saying hi and goodnight to her and then my mom and I saying good night to each other. My girlfriend didn't like that I showed my mom any of her place. She then walked off to check her phone and decided to call her best friend up to see how things were going with her. Meanwhile, I decided to finish the rest of my daily journal entries. I believe that I am now all caught up with all of my daily journal entries, which is a significant relief for me. Sunday - I woke up late with my girlfriend and we had some physical intimacy. Then, we got up and I had breakfast, washed my face, and got ready to help her clean up the kitchen. When we were cleaning the kitchen, I felt so down and angry about my life. I thought about not being able to take anymore pain of rejection and loss of anything else in life. I contemplated suicide again. After we got done cleaning up the kitchen, we took a bit of a break and then she decided to go shopping with her best friend while I decided to stay home and work on my PAR process plan and ways to improve my student teaching experience. After searching through much of the internet, I couldn't really find any solutions or ideas that seemed helpful for my particular situation. I also looked up the student teaching placement handbook sent by one of my academic advisors, and I felt disheartened when I noticed that one part of it mentioned that being dismissed from a placement again could result in dismissal from the entire teaching program. Consequently, I got even more stressed out about it. I felt more anxious about my capabilities and scared about how ruthless life can be. After she got back home and finished my lunch meal, we continued cleaning up the place including me cleaning the bathroom sink, mirror, and toiletry placed on the sink. After, I finished all of that, I sat on the couch looking very sad which my girlfriend noticed. She asked me how I can be happier to which I said "finding a way to ensure a career for my future." We talked about it until I went to the gym.

Second of week resuming journaling Monday - I got up before 7:30 am to go workout at the gym. I started working out at 8:50 am and finished at around 10:45 am. I felt good about

I believe that I fixed practically all of the reasons for being rejected, except during the beginning of this calendar year when that dating coach Layan Bubbly blocked me from her instagram account, facebook account, her facebook group page. She didn't answer my emails to her. She didn't even have the decency or honor to explain to her why she did that. I tried taking psych meds of different kinds with different dosages for several years for dealing with depression and they never worked well enough. In fact, I've recently become much less inclined to take anymore psych meds or try different ones due to the fact that I recently suffered a seizure, whereby the doctors strongly believe was accidentally caused by at least one of if not a combination of the medically prescribed psychotropic drugs I took regularly. I really don't know how much longer I can't take this pain.

Hi everyone, so things in my life have been improving overall since about the past year. However, I've lately been feeling down about all of the rejections I've ever had in my academic/career life, social life, sex/romance life. I was a social reject for most of my childhood and teenage years. I got kicked out of the LA Fitness gym and probably can never go back to any LA Fitness throughout the entire continent of North America ever again. Got kicked out of a couple of bars and a mall. I got banned from a fitness/bodybuilding/strength training/conditioning site called TNation over a couple of years ago because they said that they got sick and tired of me asking so many "useless" questions and wasting their time by "refusing to accept help being offered and wasting the time of forum members and coaches." They also said that I must have some kind of strange social disorder or something. I got banned from another self-help improvement site called GLL for constantly complaining as well as for reasons similar to that of the Tnation forum moderators. Also, I was terminated from the program due to a few counts of sexual harassment. I've been banned by a British dating coach named Hayley Quinn from her services and from another female dating coach named Layan Bubbly who I actually got some free advice from a number of times from each of them. I got banned from the dating sites POF and OkCupid. On top of all of that, I was terminated from an OT grad school program I was doing at a University due to a few counts of sexual harassment. I thought the negative feelings over them would eventually go away completely; however, they keep resurfacing everyday whenever I am at work or school, working out, or can't fall asleep. I know I have to keeping moving forward, but I don't get why time hasn't been healing enough of all of this emotional pain. I almost can't take it anymore and ever since I moved to a new home with my parents in a new county I can't find an affordable psychologist right now. I really need help.

New County or region within the same state I am in.

Hey guys, So I've been thinking lately about the amount of hours I need to put in order to succeed in all areas of my life. However, I've been noticing some contradicting advice on this matter. For example, Elon Musk has stated that "...nobody ever changed the world on 40 hours a week." However, Leo has mentioned that guys like Elon Musk are workaholics who are not truly happy with their life despite being one of the most successful people in the history of the world. He even stated that he would definitely be better off if he cut down the amount of work time to about 40 hours per week while focusing more on personal self-development. Leo even mentioned a number of times that if you end up working more than about 40-50 hours per week, then you are doing something wrong and in the long-term will end up burning out, which will consequently cause serious negative ramifications to your health in the long run I agree with all of this. However, in one of Leo's responses to someone's personal question in the All Personal Questions for Leo thread, Leo say that he works on average about 50-70 hours per week. If that's true then with all due respect wouldn't that mean that he is contradicting himself? Also, life development coaches like Jon Sonmez, who are successful entrepreneurs and have successfully coached numerous clients and advised countless people on YouTube that in order to live a truly successful and happy life, you need to be able to work at least 12 hours per day every day for at least a few years towards your dream goals in life. So what's the real answer here guys? What am I supposed to do? I don't want to sacrifice my health and well-being for great success and achievement in my life.

I am defining success as becoming at least a millionaire in overall net worth through one's own hard work and becoming either a high ranking professional at your job or becoming a successful entrepreneur. How does one go about taking that journey to such success without paying an unnecessary price of one's own health and well-being?

Guys, people like Leo have said that you should not be working more than about 40-50 hours per week on your career; however, guys like Elon Musk and Jon Sonmez have mentioned have mentioned how if you want to become highly successful at whatever career you pursue, then you will have to work for 12-16 hours a day everyday for at least a few years towards your career goals. However, Leo had said in another thread pertaining to burning out that, "It's definitely possible to burn out, even if you're doing the greatest thing in the world. Life purpose is best achieved with a steady consistent pace, rather than at break-neck pace. Consistency is the key! You gotta pace yourself like for a double-marathon, not a sprint. If you're working more than 40 hours per week, you're probably doing it wrong. And you will be LESS productive in the end. Create downtime to meditate, introspect, read, listen to music, hang with friends, cook, go outdoors, relax, etc. Creativity is maximized when you are relaxed, not frenzied and overwhelmed with work." Yet, Leo said in another thread that he works on average about 50-70 hours per week. I am very confused by all of this and I would greatly appreciated if Leo and the moderators to could help clarify this issue I have here. Thanks.

Yeah, but you gotta play it smart too. I hate having to gamble my life on anything. I don't want to have to look back on my life 20 or more years from now and be like "oh ****! I made a terrible mistake! What have I done?!" I don't want to have other people telling me like "I told you! What were you thinking, man?! We were trying to tell you all this time and yet you were too stubborn to listen to us."

That's true; however, what about knowing how to recover mentally from work? How does one know when to back off or to just keep going despite feeling burned out, while wanting to achieve great success?

Perhaps I am being a too perfectionistic. Yes, it’s true that a great amount of success arises failures. No doubt about that. However, I don’t want to end up being highly successful at the cost of jeopardizing my health and happiness. What if someone who has been an old lifetime smoker said that they believe that despite knowing that smoking cigarettes have been very bad for their health, it still has helped them a lot in dealing with the stress of their life and they are still alive at 80 something years old? You think that’s okay?

None of these responses are answering my question.

Wait, so then what has Leo been talking about? Why has Leo been saying that working more than about 40 hours per week is unhealthy and counterproductive like he said on this thread here?

So, Leo and moderators, if the men out here who have been struggling with women really have been struggling mostly because they have not been putting in enough work then what do you say about this guy who says that he couldn’t even get ONE girl after approaching thousands of women himself in a sexual manner?

Hey guys, I was just wondering recently if all celebrities especially show biz stars are really alpha males and females. Do you guys think that these people actually exude such an alpha presence to the public or not necessarily?

Hey guys, it’s been a while now and I have another burning question I’d like to ask. So, as you can see it has to do with whether or not virtually all celebrities truly have the ability to be socially charismatic around even if they weren’t famous to begin with or not great performers on stage or on camera. I ask because if having good charisma is about having great people skills and people often attribute celebrities to being the most charismatic people in world then I wonder if that means that almost all celebrities have the greatest people skills in the world. What do u guys think?

Damn. This is really a challenge for me to ask the "right" questions or create an "excellent" topic. How do functional humans do this?

where do I do ctrl+F search?

Oh, what it is called?

Yep. I think we all need various kinds of good role models to look up to for various subjects.

Good question. I ask because if they do have great social skills then maybe we could all learn how to be highly charismatic like them by watching and listening to they way almost any celebrity behaves and sounds around other people.

Legit dating coaches are: James Tusk, Locario, RSD, Gunwitch, Gambler, and Chris from GLL are all good coaches/experts with women. Mystery is not so great and neither are coaches like Adam Lyons. Also, start off focusing developing your masculinity and confidence before you worry about improving your charisma. Developing the strength of the mindset really is the first most important to do before learning how to be socially skilled with women. Otherwise, you will have a very difficult if not impossible time in dealing with rejecting and managing your own self-esteem. Also, you can still get some of the kind of women you want by simply being masculine with out having GREAT skills (as long as your social skills are at least at an average level).

Guys, another thing that's been nagging me lately has been this idea of whether or not men really are better leaders than women. I know that dating and PUA experts and many mental health experts have mentioned a number of times that being masculine means being a leader among men and women, while being feminine means being a follower or being submissive. Also, we know that most of the well-known leaders throughout all of history have been men largely because women have never been given a 100% equal opportunity for leadership. They also say that men are better at leading than women are, even with regard to being on one's purpose, professionally and financially. However, it is actually true that many of the greatest leaders throughout history have been women including Queen Elizabeth, Queen Victoria, Cleopatra, Hatshepsut, Joan of Arc, Mary Wollstonecraft, Indira Ghandi, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Oprah Winfrey, Anna Wintour, Hillary Clinton, etc. Additionally, most of the worst leaders of all time have been men. So, do men really have a greater talent than women for leading people?

Oh yeah, one more thing. Since, I still have relatively poor time management, procrastination issues, and tend to slack off a lot of times on my job work and school work, I know that I need to work harder and longer on my school work, part-time work tasks I do for my parents, while keeping up with all of my hobbies. However, I am afraid of working so hard at the cost of my mental health and perhaps my physical health in the long run. Some studies have already stated that working more than a total about 40 hours a week will eventually cause long-term damage your mental and perhaps physical health. However, I know that if I want to become a very successful worker, good student, continue to work hard on improving my skills in all of my hobbies including martial arts, heavy weight training, cross country running, reading books on various kinds of intellectual material to improve my reading comprehension and vocabulary, etc., then I am gonna have to work much more than 40 hours per week for all of those things. So, I don't know what to do.

Today, I just rewatched one of Leo's actualized.org vids on his Youtube Channel entitled "Successful People Are Not Happy," where he talked about how most people throughout the whole world wish or desire to have the life of a celebrity or some highly successful person out there who seems to "have it all" and is living the "happiest life in the world." So, it goes without saying that yes most famous and successful people are not really happy because they indeed just perpetually chase more and more success and material possessions throughout their entire lives without ever learning how to be truly content with both what they have achieved in their whole lives and what/who they are. Some of these people whom we looked up to as some of the greatest people in the world really have or had miserable lives. Some celebrities and other kinds of successful people really even went so far as to having taken their own lives because they never could or never knew how or never genuinely wanted to make themselves truly happy. Now, I know that Leo did say in the same vid though that he is not saying that we should be lazy losers with everything we do life and that we all still need to learn and internalize the essential principles of success. However, I've thoroughly watched this whole video at least a couple of times now and the one thing about that video that's been bothering for a while and I still can't figure out to this day is that is Leo trying to say no one should ever try to make it big in life regardless of what their ultimate goals are in their lives? Is it really a terrible mistake to go for the glory? Is it actually a bad idea to become rich even if you worked incredibly hard for it?