Hardkill

Damn. This is really a challenge for me to ask the "right" questions or create an "excellent" topic. How do functional humans do this?

where do I do ctrl+F search?

Oh, what it is called?

Yep. I think we all need various kinds of good role models to look up to for various subjects.

Good question. I ask because if they do have great social skills then maybe we could all learn how to be highly charismatic like them by watching and listening to they way almost any celebrity behaves and sounds around other people.

Legit dating coaches are: James Tusk, Locario, RSD, Gunwitch, Gambler, and Chris from GLL are all good coaches/experts with women. Mystery is not so great and neither are coaches like Adam Lyons. Also, start off focusing developing your masculinity and confidence before you worry about improving your charisma. Developing the strength of the mindset really is the first most important to do before learning how to be socially skilled with women. Otherwise, you will have a very difficult if not impossible time in dealing with rejecting and managing your own self-esteem. Also, you can still get some of the kind of women you want by simply being masculine with out having GREAT skills (as long as your social skills are at least at an average level).

Guys, another thing that's been nagging me lately has been this idea of whether or not men really are better leaders than women. I know that dating and PUA experts and many mental health experts have mentioned a number of times that being masculine means being a leader among men and women, while being feminine means being a follower or being submissive. Also, we know that most of the well-known leaders throughout all of history have been men largely because women have never been given a 100% equal opportunity for leadership. They also say that men are better at leading than women are, even with regard to being on one's purpose, professionally and financially. However, it is actually true that many of the greatest leaders throughout history have been women including Queen Elizabeth, Queen Victoria, Cleopatra, Hatshepsut, Joan of Arc, Mary Wollstonecraft, Indira Ghandi, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Oprah Winfrey, Anna Wintour, Hillary Clinton, etc. Additionally, most of the worst leaders of all time have been men. So, do men really have a greater talent than women for leading people?

Oh yeah, one more thing. Since, I still have relatively poor time management, procrastination issues, and tend to slack off a lot of times on my job work and school work, I know that I need to work harder and longer on my school work, part-time work tasks I do for my parents, while keeping up with all of my hobbies. However, I am afraid of working so hard at the cost of my mental health and perhaps my physical health in the long run. Some studies have already stated that working more than a total about 40 hours a week will eventually cause long-term damage your mental and perhaps physical health. However, I know that if I want to become a very successful worker, good student, continue to work hard on improving my skills in all of my hobbies including martial arts, heavy weight training, cross country running, reading books on various kinds of intellectual material to improve my reading comprehension and vocabulary, etc., then I am gonna have to work much more than 40 hours per week for all of those things. So, I don't know what to do.

Today, I just rewatched one of Leo's actualized.org vids on his Youtube Channel entitled "Successful People Are Not Happy," where he talked about how most people throughout the whole world wish or desire to have the life of a celebrity or some highly successful person out there who seems to "have it all" and is living the "happiest life in the world." So, it goes without saying that yes most famous and successful people are not really happy because they indeed just perpetually chase more and more success and material possessions throughout their entire lives without ever learning how to be truly content with both what they have achieved in their whole lives and what/who they are. Some of these people whom we looked up to as some of the greatest people in the world really have or had miserable lives. Some celebrities and other kinds of successful people really even went so far as to having taken their own lives because they never could or never knew how or never genuinely wanted to make themselves truly happy. Now, I know that Leo did say in the same vid though that he is not saying that we should be lazy losers with everything we do life and that we all still need to learn and internalize the essential principles of success. However, I've thoroughly watched this whole video at least a couple of times now and the one thing about that video that's been bothering for a while and I still can't figure out to this day is that is Leo trying to say no one should ever try to make it big in life regardless of what their ultimate goals are in their lives? Is it really a terrible mistake to go for the glory? Is it actually a bad idea to become rich even if you worked incredibly hard for it?

Alright, I am back now after having been busy dealing with other stuff in life as well as being exhausted. Well, I of course believe that being a good husband, a good father, a good professional and a good friend are all good traits to have as a man. Some of them are perhaps even essential for all men to have. However, I am confused as to how having all of those good qualities as a man would mean that he is doing better than 99.9999999% of men on this planet at the moment. I mean don't most grown men throughout the world especially those within westernized societies have all those characteristics? Yes, immortal values such as justice, patience, courage, willpower, hard work, compassion, tenderness, temperance and purity of heart are undoubtedly good and virtuous not just for all people to have. I don't want to be an average joe who only has or had a mediocre life until the end of his days. I always ask a lot of questions everyday including relevant ones. That's one of the main reasons I know and understand a lot of things that most people don't know. However, one of the things that's always been the hardest for me is knowing what questions are good and useful versus bad and useless ones.

Hey guys, I've been trying to improve my self-image lately and I've watched some videos on how to do it. People like Leo have mentioned that you always got to visualize success and believe you are good at something in order to succeed at anything even if you don't exactly know how to accomplish your goal or are incapable of doing it. Dating coaches have also said that even if you haven't had any success in dating to believe that you deserve a good partner in your life and that you are good with women or men (depending on your gender and sexual orientation) in order to succeed at dating and have a happy sex and romance life. So, does this mean that it is actually better to be overconfident, cocky, or highly deluded then to not believe that you can succeed at something?

No, I haven't seen one of those. Man, I feel lost and still don't know who I am and why I am here in this society as a man.

I agree with what you guys are saying, but I am wondering if there are certain goals or dreams that cannot be achieved no matter what you do and that you have to accept them as delusional fantasies that are impossible for you to achieve. For example, what if I wanted to become a vigilante who can save innocent lives when the system fails them?

Believe me, I've been trying my best to ask what I truly believe are the best questions to ask. It's very frustrating. I don't know what else to do about it.

Well, I thought that looking back in all of history throughout the world would demonstrate which ones have been the most effective leaders throughout all of time. Also, why do we still associate the word masculinity with a certain set of traits and associate the term femininity with another certain set of traits?

Alright, all of these responses make sense to me. Thanks guys.

Wings can definitely be helpful if they are really committed to helping you and know what good advice to give you on how to pickup women, and if you are seriously willing to commit to consistently practice with them on a weekly basis if not go out with them every 1 to 3 days/nights with them. Otherwise, they won't be of much help to you. I did go out with some wings a number of times before, but I didn't get the chance to go out with them consistently due to other things going on in my life that got in the way along with the fact that most of them weren't really experts who can guide you effectively like a qualified coach can. So, some wings may not help you learn much faster than you would by yourself and other wings can accelerate your learning curve depending on how much work you are willing to put in consistently with them and how good they are at teaching/guiding you with cold/warm approach. Also, it is good to learn how to cold/warm approaching by yourself. Going solo will help build your mental fortitude and confidence in yourself. I got most of my good results with women from all of the times I practiced meeting and talking by myself.

So, there's nothing wrong with having great success as long as you balance it out with fulfilling all of the other important areas of your life including the highest levels of self-actualization. If I am correct, you guys are also saying that success is good when it is truly necessary for your overarching life situation and goals.

I am having a real mental crisis right now. My time management sucks, and event though I just achieved my 3rd degree black belt in Hapkido about two months ago ran a sub 2 hour half marathon over 3 months ago, and have been significantly gaining some of the raw strength I lost from shifting my primary workout focus/goal from gaining strength to gaining more aerobic/anaerobic conditioning for both the half marathon and my black belt test. I also, just finished my last class for this semester for my Masters in teaching program. However, I still waste so much time almost every single day of my life. I usually don’t work or study for more than about 4-5 days on average. I am arguably the worst procrastinator in the world as I constantly wait and do nothing productive from about 15 min. to 2 hours before I do what I am supposed to do or whatever I planned to work on or do. Also, there are so many things that I’ve wanted to become as an adult including: a physiologist, a visual fine artist, a play/film/tv/movie actor, martial arts stage performer, stunt performer, professor, etc. Plus I want to become famous and Rich and own my business. I also want to work on becoming a good public speaking, excellent reader of books and articles of all kinds, improve my charisma and seduction skills dramatically. I still don’t have enough money of my own to buy that Life Purpose course from Leo. As a 31 year old man, I feel like most of not all of my great dreams or wishes are turning into pipe dreams that will be impossible to achieve because don’t have enough youth left to achieve them. Also, I am starting to regret having spend so much of my life on studying and practicing all of my hobbies. None of the achievements I’ve made and the experiences, knowledge, and wisdom I got from doing any of those passions ever really translated to any other aspects of my life. The only possible exception to that would be my social and dating life, which I never gave up on despite all of the painful failures I made in learning and practicing my skills in those areas, not to mention all of the constant whining I made to so many people I made about all of the struggles I went through with socializing with others and dating girls. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention how behind I am with the time that I was suppose to put in for meditation. I am freaking out a lot right now.

True, Leo isn't perfect, just as no one else is. I am not trying to argue with you for the sake it, but I have to say that what Leo and other dating coaches said about being an alpha male has been working for me, when it comes to being a sexually attractive man to women, especially to my girlfriend. Though, I guess it gets different to an extent when you are in a serious relationship. Also, I don't know what deep romance subjects we are supposed to talk about with each other other than asking each other if we want kids, (which we've started talking about), moving into together (which we both agreed that we are not ready for that).

Hey guys, I've been dealing with some personal demons in my life besides ones involving poor time management, ADD distractions, OCD issues, etc. The demons I am talking about have to do with some things that happened in the past that I am not proud of and have consequently affected how I view myself as a person. I about a couple of years ago I got kicked out of a grad school for a few counts of sexual harassment within the University. I also got kicked out of the La Fitness gyms for a few counts of sexual harassment as well. I also, have been banned from multiple forums, sites, and accounts including Tnation (strength/bodybuilding/fitness site), GLL (dating and player's website), two dating coaches instagram accounts, etc. I've also already been rejected countless times from a multitude of women out there. I also used to be marginalized and sometimes betrayed by other kids throughout my whole childhood and adolescent years, and a little bit in college for being a social misfit. A lot of it was my fault, but a lot of it was also there's. These days as an adult, I rarely ever get a second chance with certain people. Now, I know you guys may say "so, what? Those things don't really matter in the grand schemes. Just move on." However, all of these things together hurt me so much and don't know how much more heartache I can take before I seriously consider ending my life. Please don't tell me to go to a therapist or psychiatrist because I've already done that for most of life and I am still on my meds with of course haven't been enough. I even read many self-help psyche books, but of course they still haven't helped me enough. Many therapists and mental health experts say that "you can't always control outcome of a matter outside of yourself. However you can always change the way you react, feel, and think about certain situations." Yet, I've been trying so hard to let go of the past and change the way I feel and think about all of the negative things that happened in my past. I still, feel like shit.

Are you telling me that Leo, who is the creator of this site and the all-around self actualization life coach on all matters of life is either wrong or lying? Are you saying that all dating coaches out there who talk about being an alpha male are wrong too? As for how I feel during those moments: 1. I feel sometimes bored when I walk the dog or sometimes feel anxious to get back home and look on the computer for various info. Sometimes it can be fun to walk the dog when we meet other dogs together. 2. I usually feel so much joy when I am with my girlfriend because of all of the fun we’ve done together including sex, watching tv shows, movies, meals we eat together, desserts and candy we eat together, games, parties we’ve gone to, special hike events, going to family events together, etc. However, about a week and two days ago, she considered breaking up with me because she was not happy about the fact that I didn’t try to meet her more than we did before (which was usually about 1-2 times a week, except during holiday and vacation times where we would see each other more often) and that she’s not getting enough sexual satisfaction from me. She even then said that maybe we could try to just be friends, but she never been friends with her exes ever. I cried in front of when she told me that. She felt bad and after talking through it with her she took back the idea of breaking up because she became very understanding of me. So, fortunately, we resolved it together and I’ve been able to figure out a way to manage enough time to see her about 3-4 times a week every week from now on. Last week, I was with her for a total of 4 nights including Valentine’s Day. I even made sure that we would see each on Valentine’s Day by being the one to orchestrate the whole plan for the day and remembering to get a great present for her. We had a wonderful time on that day. Since then, things have been back to being solid with each other. She even seems to be more affectionate than ever before. when I am not with her I often worry about how she think she of me and her worried over whether I am managing my relationship with her well enough (part of it is because it’s my very first real long-term relationship ever). Overall, it’s been quite an emotional experience I’ve never been through in my life. as for work, I usually feel down about it because I don’t want to have to do it and I get easily distracted by the negative memories and thoughts of my life.

So then tell me this Ajasatya, why do coaches like Leo and other dating coaches say that being very masculine means being very dominant and aggressive, brave, decisive, rational, and strong? Men should also have or embrace their feminine traits too to some extent in order to be a fully authentic man and human being. However, men must ultimately have mostly masculine traits including the kind that I described above and women must usually be about a half a foot behind men. Believe me, I did not originally chose to lead women when I was a young kid; however, as I was forced to grow up more into a man as I got older and learned increasingly more from the right men about manhood, I eventually realized that the universe had actually design men to really be in charge of others especially women and force our will on them. This is the feminist movement made somewhat of a mistake for women. It’s about time that we men put women back in line, but in a more contemporary manner. Ask Leo himself. I am willing to bet that he would say that I am right, especially when it comes to being an alpha male. I’ve already tried questioning everything that I know and it led me to incredible levels of unproductive mental masturbation. People like experts and coaches of dating, fitness, nutrition, mental health therapists I’ve been to, Leo, and many others in real life had already told me to stop thinking and questioning everything so much and start “doing it.” My daily schedule varies, but here’s one kind of usual schedule of my day with estimated ranges of time during the weekdays: 9:00 - 10:00 am I wake up in the morning, wash my face, and eat breakfast. 10:00 - 10:30 am Text my gf a goodmorning message. Either watch something on tv or walk the dog. 11:00 am - 2:00 pm supposed to work on a job or do my schoolwork the whole time, but I take frequent breaks and pretend to be doing my homework or be on the job. 2:00 pm - 2:30 pm Lunch break 2:30 pm - 5:00 pm supposed to work on a job or do my schoolwork the whole time, but I take frequent breaks and pretend to be doing my homework or be on the job. 5:00 pm - 5:30 pm Look up stuff on the computer like on this site. 5:30 pm - 9:00 pm Workout and comeback home from either the gym, Hapkido practice, or running. 9:00 pm - 9:30pm Take off and put away sweaty clothes in laundry room, shower, eat dinner and watch something on either tv or on the computer. Maybe study some more or do some more homework. 9:30pm - 11:30 pm Either watch more videos on the Intenrrt or TV or read up on more articles and forum posts online like here which are related to my personal interests. Help my mom with cleaning up the house. Maybe do some more homework during this range of time. 11:30 pm - 1:30 am Stay up more to either look up more articles and forum posts or vids online that pertain to my interests, hobbies, favorite tv shows, etc. I go get ready for bed and then sleep until the next morning. *On weekdays where I’ve planned to see my gf instead of working out or practicing Hapkido, I would spend the night with her from about 7:15 pm - 10:45 pm (or spend the night over at her place). Also, I’ve tried controlling my thoughts, but I still have so many thoughts and memories in my head that won’t go away and instead bring me down everyday. This pain that I am still feeling is becoming overwhelming. So many people have already shut me out and I don’t feel like I belong in this world anymore. I want to die in peace without being so afraid of death and without having to worry about devastating my family and gf for taking my own life.

Guys, I've lately been feeling so guilty and disappointed in myself about my poor work ethic overall. Now, don't get me wrong. I've actually have worked very hard if not extremely hard on my hobbies including studying sciences, psychology, fitness/nutrition, doing weight training, running, practicing my martial arts, learning and practicing my social and seduction skills, etc. for several years. I also, graduated with an undergrad degree in Fine Arts from UCLA and I am currently studying for my Master's degree in Teaching. However, when it comes to actually working on studying for school or working on the job, I have perhaps the crappiest work ethic ever. The thing is that I always have gotten a lot of help from my mom with school and still kinda do to this day (I know it's super lame). Also, I've always worked for my dad at home part-time primarily on renovating our house, which we are trying to sell sometime this year. Yet, most of time when I work for him, I take too many breaks and I often procrastinate on a specific task that I've been assigned to work on. My parents, of course, have now been getting really fed up with me being such a lazy slacker. I know this all so lame and pathetic of me and my parents have arguably spoiled me still to this day. However, the reason I often avoid working hard enough is because every time I do put in about a normal 6-8 hours of work on my job and/or schoolwork per day, I end up feeling so down and stressed out about my life and other stuff that's on my mind. For instance, if I am working on sanding a big floor for hours on a given day, I end up feeling so emotionally exhausted over stuff how my life is not going the way I want with my profession, where I live, my social life, my performance in the weight training gym, my running, my flexibility, my martial arts, my life purpose, etc. I also, have been used to watching a lot of vids on youtube on my phone or on the computer during my work hours a lot instead of continuing to do what I am supposed to be doing on my job. Btw, I have been diagnosed with ADD (predominantly inattentive) and mild to moderate clinical depression. I've taken psychiatric meds for these disorders for pretty much half of life, if not a bit longer than that. Obviously, it's still not enough. I really wish I knew how to change my work ethic without getting so stressed out and depressed about my life. I was able to get by with this lack of solid work ethic during my 20s, but I am in my 30s now and I now feel like I've really gotten to a point in my life where I really don't know what I am going to do with the rest of my life if I can't ever get a hold of it. Not to mention, that I am even sure if I ever learn to live completely independent from my parents. Please help me out here. I really feel like a loser.

What are you talking about? I don't want to control women. It's usually the man's job to initiate and lead most situations that happened between men and women; however, that does not mean that men should control every aspect of women's lives including their emotions, if that makes sense. Men have the expected responsibility of not forcing women to do what they want, but instead to inspire women to cooperate and follow them. Even so, most of the women that a man will comes across throughout his entire life won't be sufficiently submissive and compliant with him because of so many factors that inevitably will cause him and her to simply not be compatible with each other. That's why if a woman is too difficult with you or seems to not want to really cooperate with his program overall then he needs to move on to finding someone else who will be cooperate enough with him. I want to control my own emotions and thoughts somehow. On a daily basis I pretend to work as I watch or listening to various things on my phone or table top computer. I want to take action in tweaking it a little, but I don't know if I have the stamina or willpower to do it. The emotional labour required to be even a satisfactorily productive worker and/or student usually overwhelms me.