Hintersfjall

This, without a doubt. You have no experience with women. I thought not falling in love after having sex with someone was easy, and people were just too emotionally weak. Then I had sex and fell madly infatuated with the girl I lost my virginity too. I thought I knew everything there was about having a good relationship. Then my girlfriend left me because I was needy and desperate. I thought my game was good because I had sex with over ten women. Then I tried sober cold approach pickup and my balls receded while I stood in the corner of a club. You're armchair theorizing rather than getting off your ass and getting some actual practice. My advice is to make it your intention spend an hour each day for a week with some guys from your cities RSD Inner Circle (just look on facebook, "New York Inner Circle RSD). Don't expect to do anything other than saying hello to a girl for the first couple days. Just get out there and approach someone. Even if you're just asking for the time. Even if you're just saying, "I like your shoes," and walking away. Even if it's an old lady or hell, an old man. Just get out there. That'll get you well enough past the approach anxiety hump that you can start doing it on your own and less often, while still taking consistent action. Go out to clubs on the weekend. Have no other intention besides approaching and staying in for longer and longer. Once you're better at that, making your intention to have fun. In summary, get experience. Once you have more of it under your belt you'll have a better pool of references from which you draw when creating theories about the world and what you want from it.

As others have said, pickup is really just about developing the ability to meet women. How to convey yourself in a way that gets you from cold to warm. After that you require relationship skills that do require some pickup skills, but also a different set of skills that are actually contrary to what pickup advocates. For example, with pickup you need empathy in so far as you need to read the woman and show that you're not a deranged psychopath, but the majority of it is tossing aside her wants and replacing them with your own. Relationships require much more compromise than that. If you're already really good at approaching, what you need to do is cut down on it and start working on longer, higher quality interactions. Mass approaching is to get over the approach anxiety hump. I'd say you're probably making the transition from beginner to intermediate. I'm in the same boat.

I didn't realize this post would get so long, so thank you for anyone who took the time to read this I really appreciate the help! So firstly I want to mention that I know the best thing to do right now is accept that the relationship is over, move on, and focus on myself. I have been doing that more than ever before (a break-up is a hell of a motivator) by focusing on school work, doing daygame twice a week, nightgame twice a week, meditation, gym, etc, etc. I'm doing my best to be conscious of any rumination and not engaging in it. So this isn't coming from a place of obsession, it's more a life decision that I've come to through introspective journalling and meditation. Although I'd be lying if I said this was coming from a wholly, "high-consciousness," place. But I'm only human. Secondly, why I even want her back. We dated for about 10 months, and broke up because I had come to the decision that I didn't want kids after we had a pregnancy scare. We broke up on very good terms, we even sat together for a few hours just talking about our goals, what we could have improved on in the relationship, and just spent some final time with one another. Over the subsequent months I spent more time with my niece and nephew, and slowly realized that I had made a really stupid mistake. Where once I feared that kids would get in the way of my goals, I now realized they'd be the greatest motivator. Where I was annoyed by the constant need for attention I became excited by the prospect of watching them learn and become passionate about something, and have them share that passion with me. Again, I've done a lot of research, journalling, and meditation on this so I could be absolutely sure that I was making the right decision. Anyway, I decided that the best course of action would be to get back with her. Our relationship was far from perfect, but the way I felt about her was very strong and I know that she felt the same way. We are both ambitious people, who love learning and growing. The sex was phenomenal. The only reason we broke up was because I got scared about having kids right this minute. So I contacted her about getting back together. Over the phone I learned that she had a boyfriend, and through tears she said things like, "I thought I'd never hear from you again," "this is just really bad timing," and, "I don't want to hurt you, I just don't know what to do." She ended up having to end the call and thought about it for about half an hour. In the end, she chose him. I understand why. Things are going really good with him, he's a good guy, and I can only be perceived as indecisive, and she's already made efforts to move on from me. She even said that she had already been through this once before. An ex wanted to get back with her while she was dating someone else, she agreed, then a couple weeks later he broke up with her again. The cards were just against us getting back together at that time. Moving on from that, I'm very glad that it happened. It's made me hyper-aware of the mistakes that I made in the relationship. I was acutely aware of the question, "what could I have done differently that would have made getting back with me the more attractive option?" I have made, and am continuing, a list of all the things that I could have done differently. I'm not spending a lot of time working it, because I feel it would decrease my ability to move on, but every time I think of something I just make a note of it. If I feel like working on it I expound upon the points I've already made. Besides that, the rejection has also given me more time to work on my game, to decide if I really do want her back, and if I really do want kids. If we end up getting back together one day, this will certainly be the best thing that happened for us. So my question is, moving forward, how should I interact with her if I want to keep the idea of us getting back together one day alive? I definitely do not want to engage in any manipulative or shady behaviour that would negatively impact her current relationship. Not only would it only be perceived as an attack, creating an us vs. them relationship where they're the us and I'm them, but it's simply against my definition of morality. What I want to do, is to just be a part of her life in such a way that I'm not friend-zoned, but I'm always seen as a potential option. I phoned her in mid-december, and have contacted her since then, both times being very friendly and having no issues. She even said the second time that it was nice hearing form me. Right now I'm doing no-contact until around the end of February, perhaps a week or so before, for myself more than anything else. Just so I can fully move on and not be needy or desperate. I've begun accepting the idea that we will never get back together, she may end up with this guy for the rest of her life, or we may just never be in a situation that would allow us to get back together. I'm focusing on myself, and am open to new relationships, though nothing as serious as that for quite a while. I just want to focus on my social and dating skills. With that being said, it took me 3 years of doing game to find a woman that I wanted to get into something serious with. I know that I can do this again, but I know that it's very hard to do so. As I'm sure everyone here is aware of, high-consciousness people are difficult to come by. So, as I've mentioned, all of this is to just keep her as an option in case things may one day work out that way. Anyway, I hope I've covered everything sufficiently and thank you again for taking the time to read this. I really appreciate any and all advice, whether it's what I want to hear or not. Have an awesome day!