I agree that the Buddha story is illustrative: He was over-protected from suffering and so did not learn to lean on support from others. He was entitled by his expectations that his experience of life "should" go as he thought (ego). He was mortified by the pain. When he could, he joined in all the suffering of the real world and left the world of action and striving. But, in the end, he finally realized the enlightenment (Nirvana) that is the "joyful participation in the sorrows of the world," not in leaving it. Takes serious bravery, huh?
It is frightening to know you are response-able for your own life. We create what we fear to accept in ourselves -- that we alone have to be brave enough to accept the challenge of our own quest and say, "Yes" to this crazy adventure. Who wants to leave the comfort of the womb and go where it hurts? And why do You have to (pretty much alone)? Can't you have your parents or older friend "accept the challenge" for you? (Um, no.) So we create a concept "outside ourselves" to hold our fears, when the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
(Some put their pain and fear into their "parent concept." Some put it into "the government," "authority," etc. Some into their partner... whatever is "not you" is hurting you, right? It couldn't be coming from within you? Inconceivable!)
(Leo said that ego is only a problem when it's a problem. When you are suffering and can't abide the suffering, look to ego for a root to dig up.)
If you accept the suffering as something life has to teach you (with humility -- the learning mind), you can realize life is pain and still joyfully participate in it.
If you are doing this "self-development," actualization stuff (and I'd caution against using something outside you, your relationships, and readings, b/c that other stuff is dangerously not you), you are curating your identity, after all, just with a growing awareness of interconnectedness, and so less friction and aggression.
I believe there is a reason you are you here (and I am here and each of us is here) with us at this very moment and we couldn't be who we are and evolve without you -- we are all interconnected. So bring your pain, don't be afraid, share it, and receive compassion. And, help someone else.
Adding: Caution on the difference between "what is this suffering teaching me about myself" (healthy and helpful question) and the false assumption that "the universe or god or the matrix is 'out to get me,' 'telling me something.'" It's not. We create our own meaning, our own life.
Replace each sarcastic, unhealthy, self-talk and habit with healthier ones and talk to yourself as you would kindly to a friend. Can't hurt, might help, right?
