Vitamine Water

Day 50: easy So much has changed since yesterday. The pressure is gone and today it felt like I had 0 sexual thoughts or urges. I probably wasn't aware of them. The subtle energies are still very present. Today during work I felt a few "aha" moments and tingling sensations in my spine. There is a subtle feeling of clarity everytime this happens. Even when I'm typing right now I can feel parts of my spine tingling (third eye area behind my head and heart area on my back side)

Good luck dude. Remember to focus on your long term goals. Everytime when a serious urge to fap comes up, ask yourself: do I really want this? Do I REALLY want this? I tell you - and you know this - you don't fucking want this. You'll feel fucking drained afterwards anyways. Do you want that? Over and over and over? Hell no. Fuck the mind and it's short term highs. The more you train yourself to let go of these thoughts the stronger you feel afterwards. This builds strength and motivation to continue. Once you pass that threshold, you'll fucking fly. And If you Relapse, don't let it take you down. Use it as a learning mechanism.

Yea, totally. I see no reason why I would stop at day 60. I read everywhere online that a reboot is 90+ days. And I feel that this proces has so much potential, even 50 days in. I initially aimed for 60 because I thought I would never ever pass day 30, let alone 2 whole months. And here we are lol

Day 49: difficult My balls are almost exploding. No joke. There is so much pressure there and in my stomach that I have to lie down on the couch and rest. I try to pull the energy upwards through my spine while meditating but it only intensifies the pressure. It's like that stomach feeling you have after not being able to pee for several hours and you finnaly pee but that pressure is still there. But I told myself to trust everything that's happening to me. Don't force anything, just let it be. But damn, if I shoot one out right now, Space X will definitely call me to ask what just happened.

Day 48: easy I had a busy weekend. Lots of work and socializing. I'm graduating in januari so I'm really focused on studying and working. It's causing me to focus less on my goals; I don't do Qi-Gong, I don't read in the evenings, I don't do cold showers, I don't do paintings. At least for the last 2 weeks or so. It doesn't drag me down tho. I know it's a phase I'm going through, and I still stick to my fandamental goals: daily meditation and nofap. Oh and ofcourse, brushing my teeth. This is so fundamental guys. Breath is key to life.

@youngshinzen Thanks, mate!

Day 46: relatively easy Sexual urges and craving are slowing down. I think the peak is over. I did broke my no porn rule, because I've watched it for maybe 5 mins total in the last 3 days. Not the hard-core penentration stuff, but still, I broke it. I didn't touch myself or anything and I didn't feel bad doing it but I felt that my manhood could explode in seconds. Which is not good. I gave in the cravings for watching porn. Next time I'm gonna be really, really mindful when a thought comes up. I know how the mechanism works so I should and must observe it. No energy lost or anything. I feel much more alive and "authentic" and less caught up in thought. Conversations go much smoother and I talk more slowly and with awareness. Last Thursday I had an important presentation and I was able to shut down most of the nervousness and I went in with a big smile and confidence. The presentation itself was pretty boring, but I was in control of myself.

Day 45: relatively easy The urges are not yet decreasing. I still have a lot of sexual thoughts. I think it got accelerated because I was home alone for two days. This morning I'm feeling tired. We'll see what today brings.

I totally feel you man. The mind starts to attract this stuff like a magnet. At first you're like "ahh that's no big deal", but a few moments later you've almost spilled your milk. Traps everywhere, we have to keep our eyes open. You're doing great!

Day 44: difficult Same day as yesterday, but we're hanging in there! I have had a lot of thoughts today about what it would be like not have this nofap challenge (normal mode). But I know that that would only give me short time pleasure. If feel much OK I can't get rid of this YouTube video on the mobile version hahaha I somehow copy pasted it in here, god knows how. Check it out tho, it's a weird but cool vid

The book of not Knowing, by Peter Ralston. I'm taking it very slowly, there are alot of golden nuggets in there.

Day 43: fire I'm writing this because its getting real HOT down there. I might also have glimpsed at some forbidden content. I'm being totally open and honest. The mind is such a tricky thing. But now I have my book in front of me and I'm going to start reading. And I'm trying to pull this energy I got up my spine. Right now as I'm doing it I can feel tingling sensations around the solar plexus/sacral chakra area. Focus focus focus!

Day 42: relatively easy More fantasies and thoughts are building up. But no desire to actually masturbate or watch porn. It's like I'm physically not able to do it because I know it's not worth it, 42 days in. I have absolutely have no reason to relapse (it's called "relapse" for a good reason ) Its kind of the same with when I stopped eating meat (January this year). Sometimes a desire to eat meat comes up (for example when I'm hungry and someone is eating a hamburger) but you don't act on it. You stick to your goals, without excuses. After that, it becomes effortless.

Day 41: easy All knowing is ego. Even this very insight itself is ego. All I have to do is open my eyes and look. Look, but without looking. It's in the way of itself.

I'm very low at budget at the moment so I can't afford it.. I fixed it before for free but now it seems to not work. @Shin yea, that's exactly what I did. I fixed a lot of errors in safe mode but they seem to spawn new ones which is really frustrating. I'm looking for a new video card but I'm tight on budget good idea to post it somewhere on a technical form. Maybe I'll call Microsoft after the weekend. Tnx @youngshinzen hahah fact!!

Day 40 easy I'm having more fantasies compared to yesterday. Maybe because things haven't been going so well today. My pc is broken and I can't get it to run properly (windows is killing me). So I'm a little bit more agitaded. And I think my mind is looking for a sort of "reward" for the hard work (even though I had almost zero result). So it's time for meditation. Silence is in the end always the best reward for the mind. Ow and PS, If someone has any experience with installing a windows system, safe mode, booting, blue screens and errors, please let me know! I'm super duper fucked.

And I also notice that the sexual urges come in phases. Before this, I thought nofap was getting harder and harder each day and that you'll literally expload on day 30. Now you just kind of pass a threshold where nofap becomes effortless. And then it comes back, you struggle, and the cycle repeats. Interesting. Maybe these "plateau" moments are going to last longer, I don't know. We'll see.

Day 39: easy Whoops, I skipped one day. Maybe it's because there isn't much interesting happening atm. SSDD as they say It's a weird phase tho. I don't feel sexually attracted to anything that would normally get me aroused. Like not even slightly. It's just hanging there. Even when I showered this morning (and I was home alone) not even one thought came up. I tried to wake him up but he was just not interested. Lol. What I also notice is that I don't really get looks back from girls, which used to happen on previous no fap attempts. Normally within a week or so I could feel the resonating energy, which some girls seemed to be picking up. But I haven't really had that on this attempt. No desire to watch porn too. More energy to work on my paintings. Still doing the 30 minute reading in the evenings. Qi-Gong still on and off.

Day 37: easy Yesterday evening I started reading the book of not knowing by Peter Ralston, at 11 pm. I went to bed at 12 which felt nice. I had 8 hours of sleep. I've been wanting to read it for quite some time now but I didn't feel ready untill now. 30 minutes a day is the goal. What I didn't do from my list was the one minute cold shower. I was too lazy and felt too comfortable in the warm water, so I only did 10 seconds of cold water.

May the force be with you

"Whats needed is not the addition of a new activity, but a change in the foundation from which all our actions arise." Peter Ralston

Day 36: easy Oh yeah, forgot to mention yesterday. I started doing cold showers again. Slowly increasing the amount of time I spend in ice cold water. For now I can only last 10 seconds I want to get back to 4-5 minutes, because that gave me so much power. Pushing yourself past that initial shock of cold water.. Love it haha. Tomorrow morning I'll aim for one minute. Terminator mode. Fapping or porn isn't even on my mind rn. I'm building more and more awareness, which is really nice.

Day 35 I feel way less urge to PMO for the last few days. I can't recall even one moment of sexual thought or fantasy today. I do notice an increase in social interaction skills, especially talking to people. I saw a YouTube video about interacting with girls last week in which the speaker talked about being genuinely interested in the person you're talking too. Now, I'm not a guy who's always uninterested in the other person. I just have a hard time with small talk and - for the lack of a better word - "lower consciousness" talks (you know what I mean). So I've been working on that lately and I find myself being more comfortable talking and asking questions to people I normally wouldn't ask questions to. It feels good. But there is still a lot of work to do to be completely comfortable in my skin. "Stop identifying with you all the time" as Alan Watts would say.

@youngshinzen thanks a lot mate, welcome I'll check yours out too! @Shin Good to hear u didnt lose anything. When I have a wet dream it's almost always the moment of intercourse that causes the orgasm and I'm too late to hold it back.

I wouldn't dare