This was my first psychadelic experience ever. Im writing this ~4 months after the trip.
Setting:
Big, bright, warm room with gas streaming sounds by a heater. Also nature sounds from the outside. No music.
Laying on a yoga matt on the floor with a blanket over my body.
Took place in the afternoon with a tripsitter. Had a bucket and tripblocker ready as safety measures.
Set:
Had 1 "real" Intention - my curiosity to experience a mystical experience. But i didn't really know if that Intention is good enough so i came up with 3 other minor intentions that were about minor personal problems in my life.
Before the trip i tried to go over all worst case scenarios that could happen to me. I tried to be as honest to myself and find any possible trauma or other negative emotion that might come up in the trip but i could not think of anything major.
Long-term preparation: Basically studied the content of Leo and some other spiritual teachings. Without that im pretty sure that i would not be able to navigate through, experience and understand the trip as i did. Irregular meditation practices, for simplification lets say i started meditating 1 year prior to the trip for 20 minutes and did that for 20% of all days. The two weeks prior to the trip i did not meditate at all.
Dose:
15gram of Psilocybe Mexicana Truffles on an empty stomach. According to my calculation that amounts to 11,25mg of Psilocybin which is the equivalent of 1,85g of dried magic mushrooms.
The Come on (0 - 1 Hour after ingestion)
Started with 10 Minutes of Wim Hof Method breathing. Then sat around a bit and later started to lay on the yoga mat and started meditating. I don't recommend doing the wim hof method on a first trip, because i couldnt differentiate if the sensations came by the breathing or by the substance. Lay down on the floor, started meditating.
Entering the Spirit world (1 - 2 Hour)
At some point the trip started and with closed eyes i started to see psychadelic patterns. It felt like i was walking or guided through different rooms in my mind, all looking unique and a bit spooky. For example a chinese grocery store that was totally yellow. I also came to some rather disgusting rooms. The rooms were changing very fast and it felt like someone is showing me this. It was fast and overwhelming.
I worried a bit because i was sure that i could not escape the experience, even if i tried. It was like seeing a movie that you cannot look away from. Your attention is fully attached to it. Felt like someone is forcefully holding my head against a picture that i can't look away from. Is this total being, direct experience? My breathing got deeper and slower and my heart was pumping.
To calm down i was opening my eyes to interrupt the trip by seeing the room. This was something i did multiple times during the trip and it gave me a safety anchor. The ceiling of the room was full of geometrical patterns and it was like a living organism, moving and breathing. But i knew that i was still in the room and everything seemed fine.
Two insights through this:
How does it feel to be totally immersed in the present?
How would a bad trip feel?
Then i closed my eyes again and the trip continued. New patterns, new "rooms" opening up. In some rooms i saw entities, like amphibians. Half fish, half frog. Something like that.
They seemed to communicate with me. But not over language. It felt like i understood them but my mind could not comprehend it. They did not teach me a new concept or an idea but rather they gave me a feeling or experience to show me what was there.
For example: the fish-guy showed me how to breathe with my body. I was feeling like a fish that could breathe through it's fins. Then my body morphed into the room, then to a jungle and other weird stuff.
Beyond Thinking
During the whole trip my mind tried to make sense of everything. My mindset was like a scientist. I wanted to see what was true about what Leo was talking about. I also wanted to share the experience as best as i can with other people so i tried to "save" it. So that i can remember it later.
But during the trip i realized it just didn't work. It felt impossible. And the attempt was so hopeless, that it made me laugh. It just seemed absurd to try and make sense of it or to "get it in my head". Then i remembered Leo talking about that there is something "above" thinking. Maybe he meant that what i experienced right there.
This experience of not being able to get it in my head made me see my life from a birds-eye-view perspective. It started a train of thought. It showed me that in the greater scheme of things my life is unimportant. It was a joke compared to what was going on right there in this moment.
It made me realize that there is this different, magical, spooky realm and really my life is just a game.
The insight is still present in my everyday life. It helps me to detach from things. I just use this magical world to compare it to a problem that i face and remind myself of the unimportance. Im less afraid of death because of it and i feel like i have "seen" "it".
Little sidenote: i compared that which i was experiencing there to the best moment a materialistic person could have. Money and everything. Im sure that the fulfillment of this spiritual realm is on another level.
The Peak
After having my eyes open to calm down, i closed them again. It's hard to describe for me what made me feel it, how i got there. But i suddenly felt this presence. Like a sacred place, that is vibrant of the source of life.
And then it hit me - This what im experiencing right now - this is spiritual, holy, divine, godly, magical. All those words that i knew before suddenly got a different meaning. Or in other words: I finally understood what those words really mean. What jesus and all those other spiritual teachers experienced and what they talk about. I understand it now. The realization made me cry tears of joy.
And right after that insight i got another insight.
How do you get insights during trips? They just jump at you. You just get them. Suddenly it hits you and it's there. Very cool.
Mindgasm
I can't really explain what happend then, but some entity guided me to a different place. i was just in awe. I was trying to comprehend what was going on and all those insights were coming to me. It was just too much and it was all so beautiful and interesting. I felt such strong wonder and curiosity. My mind was overclocking. I was fully in this experience and amazed by it.
Then a loop started - My Amazement lead to more Amazement and that lead to more amazement - a feedback loop that became stronger and stronger and at one point it was just like a MINDGASM.
You can compare it to seeing something that shocks you so much that your mouth falls open and your breath stops… and then you get shocked again while you are still processing the first shock. And then you get shocked again and again and again. Shocked and speechless. Until at some point it's so much that you have a mindgasm.
The perfect moment
Then i opened my eyes again to "come back" into the room and i felt so much appreciation and joy for what i experienced and i was very happy to be alive and that the trip went so well. I cried of joy. Full of gratitude. What a rollercoaster ride.
I was laying on my stomach and my hand was in front of my eyes and i looked at it. It was the most beautiful thing i have seen in my entire life. It was just perfect. And the moment was perfect. So i just thought to myself what if i could just freeze the time and stay in this moment…
And it worked. The time stopped. In my experience the time really stopped. Nothing moved. Everything went silent. The world stood still. I had to cry again.
Love
Then I relaxed for some time looking at the different patterns that i saw in the room and just enjoyed all the sensations that i felt in my body. It was beautiful and the words "Full of joy, Full of life" came to my mind repeatedly.
I noticed that i was feeling very strong love. It was the strongest love that i ever felt. I wanted to measure how strong this love was. It felt unquantifiable. To compare it to something, i tried to remeber the strongest love that i ever felt in my life, the love to my mother. I don't really know if it's comparable. But i was certain that it's atleast 100x as strong. It made me cry, it was just too beautiful.
I lay on my stomach again, with my ear to the ground and with my arms hugging the ground. I felt so much gratitude. I was thankful for all of this. The past, the present, the future. I felt like i was merging with the earth. It felt a bit like becoming the center of the whole universe. I could feel and hear all the steps that all the different creatures on the planet were making at that moment. My breathing was very calm and felt like the heartbeat of earth. This felt totally real.
The come down (3 - 5 Hour)
After that the trip slowly came to an end. No mindbending stuff happend after that. I just immersed myself in all the sensations and feelings that i experienced right there. Tried some thought experiments. Felt gratitude. Felt the desire to share it with the whole world. Love towards everyone and everything. Looked at my body and surroundings. Everything was "more real".
At some point i stood up and went in my private room and ate something. Completly exhausted physically, my mind was working and processing everything that just happend.
I was sooooooooo happy that it was over and that i was back in this "normal" world. Everything here seems so fucking easy compared to this. This is probably why psychadelics are anti-addictive. Because the experience had this weird, foreign, otherworldy, ego-killing vibe to it.
I spent the next 2 hours just sitting on my bed looking around the room while shaking my head in disbelief. I just could not believe what happend.
Life after the trip
Everything went back to "normal". I didn't experience any negative consequences. No brain damage or anything like that. No improvement either.
Besides the insights that the trip gave me, i feel more satisfied with my life, because "i have seen it". I now know that there is more than ordinary life. Ofcourse i also know that this was just the tip of the iceberg and there is a lot more to see. But for now i feel fed up with spirituality. I feel like i should focus on other areas of my life first before i continue my spirituality journey. That's why i don't plan on tripping in the near future.
I also did the trip, to see if it could help my family or friends with their problems. I understand now that it's not for everybody. Without the theoretical foundation or a negative set or setting this could have gone in a very negative direction. So i advice nobody to do it, until you did your research and got a recommendation from experts if a trip is the right thing for you.
In conclusion i am very happy with how the trip went. It was the most beautiful and interesting experience of my life. I thank Leo and the spiritual community for leading me to this point
