Viking

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Everything posted by Viking

  1. From my perspective, one cant reach enlightenment through the ego's desire to reach it. He can reach it only through the inevitability of reaching it when he truly desires truth. It's like a byproduct. Enlightenment, I intuit, happens naturally. When someone tries to reach enlightenment, how exactly does he do that? meditation? self inquiry? Those are just techniques, without a real desire for truth they will be done mechanically and therefore with no result. Why even would one want to reach enlightenment? Because he was convinced by Leo or some other guru that he can only be happy being enlightened? The problem is when one tries to reach enlightenment because he just wants to be happy he probably won't achieve it, because he will have the intention in his mind to "reach enlightenment", yet enlightenment is when all intentions disappear. When one desires truth on the other hand, what he will do is observe the world around him, naturally, he will observe himself, he will try to get to the bottom of how he and the world work, and at some point inevitably he will stumble upon self inquiry, he will start to observe his awareness, etc etc. From that point, when one just looks, clearly, with no agenda, with no intentions, just open to find and figure out what's out there, he will have glimpses of enlightenment. To your question, when you ask "can't I just kill myself and be enlightened?", I feel like that comes from a desire to "be enlightened"(being happy) and not from a desire to find truth, because If the true desire was truth, you would want to keep living and find out more truth, not only what enlightenment is, but what love is, what reality is, how stuff works, etc. You wouldn't dare to risk missing all of that for an off chance that you will get all the answers when you physically die. You would then just want to die and "be enlightened" and not to find truth. *not talking specifically about you, im just addressing the question.
  2. idk man, im not enlightened but spiritual practices and self improvement made me happier.
  3. what's with all the black pill fanatics lately btw? stage orange gone wild?
  4. @Mikael89 yea tbh you're pretty hot dude
  5. From the philosophical perspective do stuff that will be the best thing long term. is your relationships with that person important? how much will the choice you make affect your relationship? will you be content with giving up your needs? how will that affect the relationship? will the other person get offended if you prioritize your needs? it's a matter of mind, not spirituality i feel. From the spiritual perspective whatever you do doesn't matter, you can do whatever you like. You're trying to "do the right thing" which is also contributing to the ego, so you're being selfish either way. Think which decision will be best, there might be more than one answer. Also I think no matter the decision you make it will be always selfish, because you're either doing something that aligns with your needs, or you do something to feel like you did the right thing, which is selfish, because you being someone who does the "right thing" is ego. you understand that i see, so the best thing to do i think is to think in these terms: "what will be the action that would provide best final outcome?"
  6. I'm lonely -> I want a girlfriend -> i want a girlfriend too much -> it's harder to get a girlfriend because i want one too much -> I dont have a girlfriend -> i'm lonely I tried to deal with the loneliness alone for the last 3 years but it just gets worse and worse. The fact is that i'm a human and i need companionship. My current friendships don't satisfy my needs. As much as I don't want it to be that way, I need a woman. Another thing which makes it hard for me to find a woman is my geographical location, so all I have are dating apps. I've been on them a few months but I didn't get a 'yes' to go on a date yet. I have been close, but I feel like the women just get turned off because of me wanting it too much. What makes it worse is that I felt like I connected with a few women and got a little taste of what it's like to be with a woman, even though it has been only over text, and the emotions I felt were incredibly strong, which made me desire a woman even more. And not to mention how strong my emotions were when things didn't work out. I never feel such excitement over anything in my daily life, which only downgrades my satisfaction from daily activities. I'm pretty much bored by everything in my life, which increases even further my longing for a woman. I feel like im digging my own grave, how do i get out?
  7. Yeah, that's exactly why im doing all of this stuff. In the past I tried to go straight to the LP and consciousness work, thinking i dont need relationships but i noticed that i dont have any desire for LP and spiritual work, its just something i did because i knew that would make me happy and in a sense "what i had to do". What i really desired was relationships. now im wiser and im moving up there slowly. That is what i plan to do Ok so until now, i haven't talked to girls much, right. but i also haven't talked to men much either. I didn't know where to find people who are open to talk, they are always either busy or on their phone. The main social life i had is within closed inner social circles in my faculty, and i study physics, so not many girls there, though i did happen to talk to girls sometimes, and i don't have much problem with talking to them actually, it's just that it rarely happens. That social interaction with men was pretty limited too though, my "friends" were mostly busy, and so were I. I actually went out of my way to try and meet new people, like in classes, or in meetup.com, but all pretty futile. In classes you cant talk during the class and people run off to their next plans right after the class ends, and in meetup.com there wasn't much going on. in between lectures sometimes I tried to talk to people which were not from my faculty but they all already had their "group" so i wasnt able to join their conversation because they talked about things i didnt know anything about. I didnt have any consistent way to have conversations with people. most of it was in short bursts, during parties or stuff like that that were once every few weeks or months. All that was until now. In a few weeks im finishing my studies so all that is over. What i do have though, is about 4 months until I move to the bigger city, and I want to spend that time fruitfully, but I have no idea what places I could travel to in order to meet and talk to girls or people in general, because as I said, most people I see are busy or in their phones. Most people i ask just say "just go somewhere, do something" but i have no idea what to do. There seems to be nothing to do. Some suggestions would be very cool.
  8. tbh i dont know how to do that. i work on myself all the time, i journal, meditate, read books, nothing helped with the neediness yet. i dont think it's possible to be happy on my own, unless i distract myself with work or get enlightened or whatever, i think that's a fantasy spiritual people have and that takes decades of work. human contact is a basic human need. i cant wait decades to be happy "on my own" and then find a woman. thanks for the reminder ill check it out, thanks.
  9. im currently doing anapana, so youre saying to change to body scans? also why is it important to do loving meditation? i find it quite annoying and unproductive/forceful.
  10. i think you're right and im just disappointed by my lack of results and start to get desperate. so maybe what i gotta do is keep on going patiently. that is all ive been doing. i even went on a 10 day goenka vipassana retreat. ive also been meditating daily and been aware of my emotions, and sitting down to observe them when they come. the thing is they wont stop coming and i keep suffering. also its not only about the emotions, but also about the lack of excitement and meaning and desire for it in my life. i do have a few months where i can travel, but i dont know where to travel and what activities to do to meet girls. also regarding the dating apps, maybe youre right but i did meet a few women which genuinely seemed to want something beyond attention. thanks for the advice, i think that this is what ive been doing, but unconsciously. ill try to do it while being aware of it.
  11. thanks, i am trying to set it up again
  12. i am moving to the busiest city in my country in half a year
  13. there are no busy streets in my town and the average age is 65. i tried even walking in malls and places like that but they're almost empty and the people there are aged 40+ with little kids
  14. How can people clearly say to each other "i love you"? if someone asks me if i love him/her i have no idea what to answer. i dont know if i love my parents, i dont feel anything for them. i dont know if i love my brother or grandma, i dont feel anything when i think about them or ask myself whether i love them. is love even an emotion? or is it something that doesn't have to be necessarily in my conscious attention? what do people mean when they ask me whether i love them? there are definitely people that if they would die i would cry and be devastated. is that love?
  15. I may not like my dad but I can love him a lot. @bejapuskas I dont think for me it's about insecurity. it's about figuring out what love is for me, i was very confused about the subject but @tsuki helped me in private. I think I understood it. Love is giving a part of yourself to other people. caring about them and giving them. When love is present it doesnt have to come with emotions. The way to know if you love someone is look back and see how much you shared of yourself with that person. For example I love my parents a lot because my whole life is tangled with them. I would imagine if they would pass away I would be pretty devastated. That's another test, to see how you would react if you would lose them in some way (like breakups also). I also understand now how much I love my grandmother for example, because each week I spend time to come and visit her, because I care that she would feel loved.
  16. I want to know because I want to tell people that I love them, in case I actually do. That's important. I'm not sure what I feel. I don't have close friends, I don't have a girlfriend, i'm not communicating enough with people and I don't have meaningful connections in my life. Those are basic needs and I miss them in my life. I'm trying to get a girlfriend on dating apps but it's tough. Regarding friends, it's very challenging for me to meet new people, I dont know how and there are very few social activities in my area and the few that exist have people that i cant connect with. Anger I feel extremely rarely. Fear I feel sometimes. Joy I feel rarely. Gratitude I feel sometimes. I also feel sadness, often feel the need to cry. Mostly I don't feel anything though.
  17. i have seen that video but it wasnt helpful. I guess I could love my family. I guess I also loved videogames and tv shows back in the day but now I stopped. i feel also that my love for those things was momentary, its just things i did and i loved them a lot sometimes, but mostly i didnt. right now i dont feel like i love anything in my life except maybe my family but thats why im asking the question. im not sure, how do i know?
  18. I cant handle the notion of initiating a conversation with a stranger, but if for example someone starts speaking with me, ill be able to go along. If the person who approached me is slightly non normal, i would be immediately wary of him and think he wants to hurt me in some way. I also dont believe in people's goodness. anytime I see people, any kind of person, do anything "good" I would start doubting him as to why did he do it and what are his true intentions. Like all people are hiding something. Basically the uncertainty is fucking me up, i cant handle it, so im staying as far as I can from strangers.
  19. but then theyre not doing something good for someone genuinely, but just to feel good, for them. makes me feel even more alienated from them. there are some people that do good not for the emotions or for their own sake, but from the understanding of their unimportance and of understanding of the struggle of others, being humble. that is very rare in people though. lmao yeah im an NPC, did you mean anything deeper behind that remark?
  20. im not disagreeing with what you said. i think its true that if youre a good person you will notice more good in people. but the good and also the bad exist in people, cant deny that. what i said is true too. i may not see the good because to the human mind negative always overpowers the positive. im always seeing the good i guess when i make myself less conscious, when i dont care.
  21. Are you kidding me, I dont trust myself to do whatever pops into my mind. I would start insulting and offending people left and right. I dont think a person should be in a state of total abandonment, thats how you get all those hippies who run around naked and spit on people. I know personally a few people like that, they're hurting themselves and others, I dont want to be like that. At least not yet, while im so young and lack wisdom. I think even if I'd be mother teresa I would see other people as evil, because they're mostly all devils, all selfish, its obvious. most people I interact with, who I wouldnt consider awful people, in fact very high quality, are completely absorbed in their own devil bubble. dont usually care about what others have to say, they only care what they have to say. they only care about their life, they dont give a shit what happens to other people, even if their "public opinion" is to be a good loving person that cares, thats just devil bullshit. From all the people I know only 1 person truly cares about other people, and that's because he had quite a few enlightenment experiences. even he though, with that quality, has tons of other devilish qualities. i learned some in the past, and i felt like it was a huge waste of time. In order for it to actually be effective you have to attend lessons weekly for decades, otherwise when it comes to real situations you reflexes wont be built well enough. The problem is that i cant skip them, im afraid of them, i dont know what theyre going to do and my emotional reaction to hostility from others is very intense so im even afraid i might cry during a confrontation.
  22. @pluto8 The fact that you took it personally just shows how much of a devil you are
  23. i feel somewhat shallow when i judge girls solely on their physical appearance but a lot of women just disgust me when i think about touching them in a sexual way. what is the high consciousness view on this?
  24. probably because you climbed up maslow's hierarchy and are now in the the self transcendence stage. im pretty low in the hierarchy as i have low self esteem and dont have any good friends/intimate relationship. im not even interested in self actualization at this point, the only real desires i have are for an intimate relationship and good friends.